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Gensokyo is probably most known for being "weeb central," however, they house a number of the World Wonders, and have an excellent community. They organized the Third Olympics in Taozi, to rousing success. Taozi is a modern Japanese city home to huge skyscrapers, stadiums, shops and the residences of most citizens. The other city they hold is Roe Island, built in a traditional Japanese village that hosts a huge bathhouse à la Spirited Away. Connecting the two cities is a majestic Imperial garden. Gensokyo also hosts irregular movie and game nights on their discord and is continuously builidng new structures! Whether you're returning from older Civ iterations or are completely new to Civ servers, Gensokyo is a great place to get started! Read more...
Imperial Truidence is an up and coming nation on the world scene. Although they are a smaller nation than most on this list, they're planning plenty of builds, most notably a large cathedral for their emperor. Like Bloom, they are rebuilding the capital, but even further, from scratch. Right now it's a great time to hop on and get started with them. It's a quieter, humbler, and smaller place to set up and I can guarantee you'll get some form of one-on-one interaction. Despite being very close to the center of the map, they are very accomodating and nice people to hang out with. Imperial Truidence is on the younger side in terms of nations on the server and while they don't participate in global politics quite as much, if you're looking for a relatively drama-free nation, and want to get started quickly and with someone who knows their stuff, IT might be the place for you. Read more...
Icenia one of the more busy yet controversial nations on the server thus far. Led by ChrisChrispie, Icenia's been shown to be in all kinds of antics. It has a very active community and if you're looking for a place that (mostly) has it all, whether you're a builder, politics guy, technician, librarian, Icenia might be the place for you. It can garner a quite a bit of controversy and drama every week or so but on the plus side, something is always happening in Icenia. With weird running jokes about septic tanks and UBI, Icenia has had incarnations since Civcraft 2.0, and although not all of them have gone completely smoothly, you can probably count on Icenia being involved on Civclassic. Read more...
Varkonia is one of the bigger nations on the server but is one of the more welcoming on Civclassics. It reaches from the top of the server down to the center, but its main capital and great city builds are situated right in the Northwest part of the country. Varkonia, however, is more of a military power but in a different sense of what you might think of it. While they are powerful in producing materials and have great pvpers, Varkonia additionally hosts large city builds, and despite their PvP tactics they almost always tend towards foreign policy. Although Varkonia does tend to get involved in drama from time to time, it never turns into violent conflict, and if you're looking for a nation that's a little different than your normal nation, Varkonia might be for you.Read more... Gabon, (-3056, -2309) although already part of Varkonia is also worth looking at. Despite being a very large city, it has a very quaint village feel, and its many international rail connections and many various shops make it one of the most important travel and trade hubs in the region.
Bloom's capital is a massive trade and infrastructure hub in the northwest. It's one of the more prominent members of the UDF, and regularly holds elections. It also takes in newfriends and encourages other countries to construct embassies and form international relations with other prominent nations on the server. They're currently in the process of rebuilding the capital after long dereliction, and is bound to have a resurgence in the coming days and is investing major resources into it's military, and is aiming to become a regional power. For newer people, it's still a great place to get started as more shops are bound to be arriving in Bloom soon. Bloom was rooted in the old Towny server structure however, it has greatly adapted to the Civ playstyle on this server. It is a litte on the young side, however, over the last year they have a good grip on being a Civ server for this new generation. Read more...
Situated in the centre of the southwest quadrant, the Commonwealth is a family of city states and smaller boroughs spanning a large network of islands. This community has twice been voted the world's friendliest; it features a vibrant market, a rich and colourful history, and many magnificent builds across a dozen unique locales. Boroughs include but are not limited to Albion, a British style city on the northernmost peninsula, Taliesin, an up and coming canton colony in the far east, Meditat, a desert oasis with a unique mystical tradition, and Westminster, the cosmopolitan cityscape that connects them all, by rail and by royalty. Come down today, and we'll help you get set up with a free apartment & factories. This version of the Commonwealth was inspired by the iteration from Civcraft 2.0. Many of the same faces return for this version as well. It's had quite a history on the server thus far, and you can read more about it here... Public Perceptions:
Pros: Very welcoming towards new players, relaxing, friendly community, little drama
Mount Augusta is probably the most prominent and recognizable cityscape on the entire server. As a democracy it regularly holds elections for its mayor and judges. It's structured so people can do most whatever they want, building literally the World Trade Center, a five-story mall, several Olympic stadiums (they hosted the Olympics quite recently at that), a University, and a huge library. And there's new developments happening all the time, whether political, building, or anything cultural. If you're looking for a place to do something, Mount Augusta might be the right place for you. This is the fifth iteration of MtA since Civcraft 1.0. It's had quite a history dealing with foreign powers, and that's just this iteration! Read more...
Yoahtl is one hell of a nation in Civ. They're a really closely knit community with a heavy focus on integrating new players into this very chaotic world. For one, they're super fanatical about trains and they command the Great Overland Railroad throughout the server. If you're into the nitty-gritties about city-planning as well, their capital is one of the highest density spots on the entire map and they make it a goal to continuously make it better. Finally, they're one of the most affluent markets on the server, consistently selling pickaxes, armor, and swords. If you want a community who loves trains and coding and other things completely outside of Civ, Yoahtl might be the place for you. Yoahtl has existed in different iterations throughout but this iteration, and has quite a history this iteration. Read more...
Pacem is an autonomous town of Yoahtl but is probably the most visually stunning out of any on this list. The city is a high density urban sprawl based on the cities of the early 1920's. Filled with Art Deco skyscrapers, bars, hotels, shops, and townhouses, the city offers something for everyone. These traditional skyscrapers in the city are some of the most amazing and impressive builds on the server. Previously as an independent country, Pacem has created the most high quality posters and now is actively recruiting people for their massive builds like the new Opera House. If you want to get involved in builds or just sightseeing, this is probably your place. Read more...
Caledonia is a burgeoning nation, on the cusp of developing into a small city from the once tiny village. If you're looking for a chill time to lay back, do a little grinding, building, and maybe have a little action every once in a while, Caledonia might be for you. Much of Caledonia's population are experienced players willing to teach newfriends mechanics quickly and effectively. They specialize mostly in experience production, armor, and swords, although they are actively building, and are excellent in the PvP department. Although far away from the rest of the map, they're a mostly chill, relaxed community where you can just hang out for a while and nothing will be that stressful. Their community is mature, stable and welcoming and there’s plenty of land to go around. Whether you’re a builder, grinder, pvper, etc, Caledonia will welcome you in with open arms. Read more...
Adina is one of the only countries that has been relatively successful despite being in the very deep +,+. To counteract that, Adina is being productive building infrastructure and connecting the quadrant. One of the reasons it's been successful is that they have a clear identity - Adina is spanish-bilingual and has quite a few first language speakers. They are also excellent builders, and Adina itself hosts quite a few cities and one of the only casinos on the server. Because of their tight-knit community, they help newfriends get oriented and some of them are quite worldly people on the server. Additionally, their government is quite active and holds regular elections. Adina is one of the newest countries on the map and hadn't been established when my last guide came up. It has a variety of playstyles, so there's usually something that fits here. Read more...
Nyasaland has built quite a name for itself over the last few months on CivClassic. Nyasaland's theme is one of the weirdest on the server -- If you like anime, or are looking for a socialist nation, or even both, then Nyasaland is certainly the place for you. However, even if that isn't enough, hosts a large, amazing city with hundreds of intricate details. Even if that's not enough, there's a church where you can get married in game (I guess, if you're into that). Still not enough? Their government is one of the best and Nyasaland is one of the most trustworthy nations, and they actively support trans rights. If you're not an idiot, Nyasaland is a unique country that deserves a great look at. I don't have more to say, if you want more reasons to join this awesome nation, just look at the photo album. Read more...
Hopefully all of this information helped you which nation to look at. I strongly urge you not to just join the first one that just sounds good. Visit them, try them out before picking one. Some of these are quite close to each other and most are fun people to hang out in. If you want to see more of those postcards from other world wonders on this list, here's the album. Thanks to u/Neo355 for all his amazing renders. Additionally if you have any questions, don't hesitate to put any questions you have about anything below! I'll try and answer as much as I can! I'll be putting a copy of this on the wiki with more pictures (hopefully) soon, so stay tuned for that. Thank you all for reading, and happy playing!
Going to Vegas in July - I've been doing my research so hope this can help others.
I'm going in July and have done some research. Plenty of this is from the sidebar, but other notes are from many of other sources. The Vegas Degenerate Tour ( . ) ( . ) Things to do:
Drugs
Hookers
Bellagio Fountains (free)
Mirage Volcano Show (free)
The lounge at the top of the Mandarin Oriental - Super Classy with amazing night time views, sexy patrons and great cocktails
Wet Republic - Rent cabana 2 months in advance
Las Vegas Helicopter Night Flight with VIP Transportation £65pp
Grand Canyon Skywalk - Apparently Expensive and not that good - you have to take a bus to get there and it is $30 each. Go to Grand Canyon south instead.
The Strip Gun Club Range
Sapphires pool party - strippers pool party!!!
Fremont Street Experience at night.
Container Park, which is a few blocks east of the Freemont St. Experience, a 2 foot recycled steel praying mantis (acquired from Burning Man) spits giant fireballs to the beat of music A LOT. Lots of half naked men and women. LOTS (free)
Ghost Bar at the Palms has amazing views. Check Groupon for deals. Happy hour 8-10pm
Stratosphere rides
Stratosphere bar at the top. Happy hour 2 hours after open
High Roller observation wheel. Get a car with the open bar.
Monte Carlo minus 5 Ice bar. Everything is made out of ice! Bar, glasses, seating - everything
RiRa Irish bar with live music and good Guinness after 9pm
The Foundation Room at Mandalay Bay, live music and amazing strip views
Strip clubs: Spearmint Rhino, Hustler Club and Crazy Horse--those are our top 3 Rhino and Horse are high end and classy
Top Golf location, just behind MGM. 5 levels of golf driving range, mixed with music, food and drinks. There are also 2 pools, free to use.#
Dig This drive diggers and bulldozers.
Spa in the ARIA is amazing with good treatments.
Alibi show http://alibitheshow.com/ This experience throws the audience into an exciting adventure around the streets, restaurants, bars and other real-life locations on the Las Vegas Strip.
There is so much free stuff going on up and down the strip though that you can just do all the free stuff and not spend a dime. From street dancers, people singing, or pictures with a grown dude wearing a diaper.
Eclipse cinemas downtown for an over 21s only luxury cinema experience with cocktails and good food.
Drinks are ALWAYS cheaper inside the casinos on Fremont than outside
Harrah's has a "Million Dollar Pull" where you just go up and play a slot machine for free with the chance to win $1 million. Even if you don't win a million, you will always win something.
If you want to go to top of the Stratosphere go to the desk to the right of the entrance and say you want to go to the bar. You won't have to pay the $15 to go to the top.
Have the clubs pick you up in their limos because all the cab/ubelyft/limo drivers get a kick back on anyone they drop off to the clubs and same with the VIP card guys! So if you don't use the free limo ... THE CLUB HAS TO CHARGE YOU A COVER!!! If you use the clubs FREE limo service they can sometimes wave that cover charge!! (that's like $20 a person!)
Check for Groupon deals.
Make sure you all download the Uber and Lyft app. Both offer new user signup credits. Free rides.
A $400 Pre-Authorisation charge for resort fees and ‘amenities’ was taken as expected upon check in. I would recommend UK visitors to take a Cash Passport MasterCard (available in Thomas Cook and other travel agents)
é by Jose Andres inside Jaleo inside Cosmo. Only 8 seats, reservations by email only ([email protected]) starting 3 months prior to the res date, 23 courses. $190/person(?) without alcohol pairing
Raku in Chinatown does amazing 8/12 course tastings for $70/100 a person
The tasting, or "seasonal discover menu" at L'Atelier is up to $165 per person
Eiffel Tower restaurant is a Must for dinner!!!!!!!! Fantastic view of the strip
Good steakhouses serve food at the restaurant bar and the bartender has seen some shit. So much more fun for a party up to three and the service is over the top.
Delmonico's in Venetian at the bar. The cocktails and food were amazing.
Mushashi's dirty show (Japanese steak with a naughty show for the girls.) Midnight to 4am happy hour.
Secret Pizza. A secret pizza place. Needs research! Inside the Cosmopolitan
Bachi Burger – also to reunite with a previous memory. I still think this is one of the top 3 burgers I’ve ever had. The oxtail chili cheese fries are recommended by others to be a “must”, but I personally prefer the truffle fries.
Monta Ramen – I’m a huge ramen fan and I understood this was the –best- ramen place in Vegas.
Sweets Raku – in the same complex as Monta Ramen. They have some neat desserts that they make right in front of you, lovely experience.
Wicked Spoon Buffet at the Cosmo. Everything was really good and the deserts were awesome.
Brunch @ Bacchanal Buffet, Caesar’s Palace – This was awesome! We had the groupon deal and it was impressively cheap. Midway through our meal they switched to their lunch menu so we got the best of both worlds there.
Gordon Ramsey’s Burgr – onion rings were incredible. The burger was pretty good as well.
Earl of Sandwich - I could seriously eat these every day.
Studio B Buffet @ M Resort
The "Heart Attack Grill" lets you eat free if you weigh over 350 pounds.
Marriage Can Be Murder - This is a dinner / theater / murder mystery / whodunit show at the D downtown. Includes tasty food, extreme audience participation and likely embarrassment. You may be called upon to dance, or play a character in the murder mystery. Comes with tasty food, cocktails available.
For dinner, I highly recommend BLT Steak House in Ballys Hotel and Red8 in The Wynn - if you are a food lover, BLT’s is particularly worth the extra!
Sex/Swingers Clubs (Or; no, you filthy pervert - what's wrong with you?)
We just spent a week in Vegas split between two hits and three hotels. This is my 6th time in Vegas, my fiancé’s 3rd time, and my friend’s 2nd time. We love the city. It is the only place like it on Earth. I love it, but this massive adult theme-park needs to be treated with respect and best approached with experience. So, I hope this report will help others. We were here last year, and although we had an amazing time, we did make some mistakes. This year’s trip was refined to near perfection. Flights (UK to Vegas). We’re from the UK. We flew direct with Virgin Atlantic. As far as I know VA are the only airline that flies direct from UK to Vegas. We used 80,000 airmiles to upgrade to Premium seats. When you’re sat on your arse for 11 and a half hours, the extra comfort, space, and legroom are well worth it. It also means the actual cost for the flight was super low compared to booking Premium seats without miles (£400 compared to around £1500). As it's a 747, I would recommend getting seats on the upper deck. As it is the top bulge of the plane, it only holds around 70 passengers. It feels exclusive, with faster service from the staff, shorter lines for the bathroom, and far less chance a child or baby will be sat near you. Jetlag. Something I didn’t take into account last time was the effect of jet lag. We paid for it. With the West Coast being 8 hours behind the UK, we tried a different tactic this time around. As soon as asses touched seats on the plane, we adjusted clocks to Vegas time. We respected the need to sleep by front-loading the flight with lots of booze and soon got our heads down. With those few hours of sleep, we were much better adjusted when we landed. ESTA. Immigration into the US can be a pain, but here’s a tip; if you’ve travelled to the US before with the same ESTA, you can use the automated passport scanners and skip the massive line. Food. We’re foodies. We’ve traveled the world and eaten at many Michelin Star restaurants. It’s our thing. It’s our passion. We had high hopes for Vegas food last year, but we came to the quick realisation Vegas can’t do quality. It's not surprising. The sheer volume of people that pound the strip means restaurants don’t really need to try to turn a profit. As I said above, Vegas is a theme-park. It supplies the fake and gaudy like no other, but on the flip side it can’t really do genuine or authentic. Last year we had to pay truly spectacular amounts of money before we got a properly impressive meal at é by José Andrés in the Cosmo. I can’t afford to do that again. So, this year we did things differently. We embraced the brash, the massive, and the crappy and ate like the locals. Finances. Vacations are my opportunity to live large. I look forward to them all year, and save for them with the intention to experience things way beyond my normal life. I want luxury. I want finery. I want to be treated like a rockstar, because these things just don’t exist in my day to day life. I spent a lot on this holiday, but that’s because I saved for it and budgeted hard for it. If you’re doing Vegas, then you have to do it right! Hotel 1: The Vdara. After the flight and immigration we got a cab to our first hotel; the Vdara. What a brilliant hotel. It doesn’t have a casino attached, so is less Vegas and less insane than many strip hotels, but I’ve been there and done that - so this was a beautiful, calm hotel for the start of our trip. We went for a Lake View Suite. Sounds fancy, and it was, but so much cheaper than an equivalent at one of the other big hotels. The room was massive, and modern. It also had a microwave and food preparation area with fridge separate to the mini bar. The Vdara also has a nifty room service robot that can deliver snacks and drinks to you autonomously. It is a novelty now, but it worked well and I can see it being rolled out to other hotels soon. As for location, the Vdara is right behind the Aria and the Bellagio. There’s a sneaky walkway to the Bellagio, or a short walk across the valet to the Aria. From either of these hotels you are straight onto the strip. Adventures. Day 1. First port of call was a walk down the strip to In-n-Out burger next to the High Roller. We don’t have In-n-Out in the UK so its a real treat. We walked the strip until well after dark, visiting Caesars, the Bellagio for coffee, and finally back to the Vice Versa bar at the Vdara. It is a quiet lobby bar with a calm outside section. We had a few drinks there and then off to bed. Day 2. Breakfast at Eggslut at the Cosmo. Expensive, but very tasty. Get the cookie. I has just the right amount of gooey inside and salt crust to make the perfect pud. Back to the Vdara for a workout at their OK gym and then relaxing at the pool. They do a bag check, but we just had water and coke so let us in. I think they were looking for booze. After our fill of the sun (still 30o C + in October) we made our way back to the Cosmo for a late lunch at Block 16. This is their new “street food” area with an excellent selection. We went for the sushi rolls at Tekka. Really good, and bigger than expected. They also have Asahi on draft. Again, a little expensive for the type of food but nice. Hopped in a taxi for a walk around the canals at the Venetian, then over the the Wynn for drinks at Parasol Down. We like drinking outside, and it was really relaxing sipping cocktails by the waterfall. I had a crab cheesy dip thing with breads that was surprisingly tasty. We headed back to the Vdara to get ready for our evening at the Luxor. It started with drinks at an Irish bar I forget the name of. It actually had genuine Irish staff and live music, so the fakery was better than most. A few pints later we went to see the Blue Man Group. Hilarious and a lot of fun. Well recommended. After BMG we wandered to the Mandalay looking for food, but their restaurants were all taken over by a massive convention. We hopped into a cab and made our way back to the Cosmo to Beauty and Essex for food. The restaurant was very cool. You enter through a secret door in a cheesy gift shop. You’re then lead to a dimly lit, intimate table by a pretty server lady. Food was only OK, but definitely not up to scratch for the price. However, the atmosphere was amazing. Day 3. Breakfast was a 15 inch pizza slice from Pin Up Pizza at Planet Hollywood. Horrible, greasy pizza, but the novelty was fun. We checked out and picked up our car from our Turo host, a Tesla Model X for the next leg of our trip; a week in San Diego. Amazing city. Go. Vegas Day 4. Hotel 2: The SLS. It was fight night. Hotels were stupidly expensive because of McGregor vs Khabib, so we stayed for one cheap night at the SLS. When we booked it it was still the W, but the SLS since took it over. The room was a Fabulous King, but I’m not sure that name is relevant anymore. Anyway, the hotel is still in a state of flux. The W side was dead. The bar was closed and the few remaining staff seemed to just be milling around. It was odd. The room was spacious, and had an interesting theme, but seemed a little empty given its square footage. It did have a mirror above the bed, though. Very Vegas. After the long drive from SD, we freshened up and got dinner at Bazaar Meats by José Andrés. This was my favorite meal in Vegas. José Andrés can actually be counted on for a great theme and good food. It wasn’t quite good enough for the price, but it was closer than any other restaurant we visited on this trip. The atmosphere and decor were incredible. A massive industrial fire pit grilling many meats greets you as you enter. The entire room is bordered by the various kitchens and preparation areas, and produce is proudly on show. There were some freakishly huge vegetables and a vast array of meat slabs all around. Of all the Vegas restaurants I’ve visited, the theming here was on point. After dinner, we stayed at the SLS for drinks around the casino watching the fight in the sports bar. Vegas Day 5. Hotel 3: The Cosmopolitan. We checked out of the SLS quickly, glad to be away from its strangeness. As if to confirm our ikky intuition, we passed a crime scene investigation outside, little orange cones all over indicating spent bullet casings. Welcome to America, motherfucker! We headed to our next and final hotel - the Cosmo. What an incredible place. By far and away my fave hotel on the Stip. In addition to the hotels this trip, I’ve stayed at the Stratosphere, Luxor, Aria, and Bellagio. This was better than them all. Even though it was around midday when we hit the check in desk, the concierge sorted us out with a room upgrade to an immediately available room. With three of us sleeping in one room, he wanted to ensure we were comfortable, so booked us into an unlisted suite with two bathrooms, a japanese soaking tub, and a massive balcony on the 55th floor overlooking the Bellagio fountains and the strip. That view was breathtaking, and the room was stunning. Only one minor issue - we found a diaper behind the sofa that housekeeping had missed from the last guest. We complained to the front desk and they sorted it with a $75 credit and resort fees refunded. Score! Lunch was at Secret Pizza. A good slice. Be aware they have more slices available than is on display. We went to Walmart to pick up booze and snacks. And a kettle. I’m English. I need my tea. Vegas hotels don’t have tea and coffee making facilities in the room, so a $15 kettle and some tea was a must. For the cost of three drinks at Starbucks, this is a good move for us Brits. The Cosmo room also had a little bar with additional fridge to the mini bar, so we packed that bitch with booze, mixers and fruit. After Walmart we picked our friend up at the airport and got her showered and dressed ready for dinner. A few drinks at the Chandelier bar in the Cosmo, then over to Jaleo by José Andrés. I’m sure you’re seeing a theme with our booked restaurant choices, but José is consistently good. Jaleo was no exception. The paella was a touch disappointing this time, but the other dishes were amazing. We drank a bit too much sangria, so kept the party going with drinks in Beauty and Essex. It may be a restaurant, but the little bar area also has seating for drinkers to watch the patrons come and go (and the pretty front of house ladies). It proved a great spot to people watch and enjoy their amazing cocktails. After too many drinks, we retired to the room and enjoyed the view with more drinks and snacks on the balcony. That experience was priceless. The twinkling view of the Vegas madness far below our own intimate little party felt very special. We got pretty messy loving that very special moment, and eventually found the bed. After all, our friend had been up for nearly 35 hours. Hardcore! Day 6. To work off the punishment to our livers the night before, we hit the Cosmo gym. It is OK, and actually has a good number of heavy dumbbells. Many hotel gyms I’ve been to stop at around 60lbs but the Cosmo went way up to 100lbs weights. There were only two benches though, so I can see it being a problem when busy. We got brunch at Lardo in the Cosmo Block 16 street food thingy. Great food, but three sandwiches, a coke, and one fries cost nearly $75! Fucking ridiculous. Street food prices these are not. After nursing my abused credit card, we headed to The Range 702. We’d booked the Triple Threat package where you get to pick three guns of your choice with 25 rounds each. I shot a Colt, a P90 and an M4. The girls both opted for two handguns and an AK47. The automatic rifles were quite an experience. Loud and violent. I have shot at The Strip Gun Club before and they were very attentive and let us take our time. Our shooting at 702 felt a little rushed in comparison. They have you shoot all your guns back to back, so for the girls especially they were a little beaten up after their sessions. It would be better to alternate shooters with each gun to give the wrists a rest, but hey, it was a noisy, blasty, shooty good time anyway. After the blasting we went back to the Cosmo to get ready for our evening. This is where we again paid for wanting to wing it and not book too many things. All dressed up, we headed to the Bellagio because we wanted some drinks at Hyde to watch the fountains as the sun went down. It was booked out by a conference party. So we went to try at Spago. Same story. Booked out by conference weenies. We tried back at the Cosmo at the Chinese Mexican called China Poblano, but again the same fucking story! Booked out by conference weenies. We said fuck it, went to the room, threw on our shorts and sneakers, and hit the strip for a dirty night. We walked the craziness with slushy margaritas and ended up at In-n-Out again. We had a burger and then went on a drunk hunt for pudding. Ok. Let me make one thing clear. If you cover a cupcake or doughnut or cookie in enough frosting to choke a donkey, then it will just taste like frosting. And it seems like that’s all you can get at the quick and easy places on the Strip. Our failed pud-hunt brought us to Caesars. I remembered the Gordon Ramsey restaurant did a sticky toffee pudding. Somehow we got seating for three, even though we looked like we’d just been kicked out of a pool party. I say somehow, but when we entered we could see why. Gordon Ramsay’s Pub and Grill is the perfect metaphor for Vegas. I’ve eaten at two of Gordon's Michelin starred restaurants in London and one that didn’t have a star. They are all exquisite. Decor, food, service and the general experience all live up to his reputation for perfection. London is possibly the best place on earth for fine food. Gordon has to be on top of his game to make it there. And he does. Vegas he does not. Vegas is about churning out vaguely thematically relevant crap to the clueless for huge profit. Gordon’s Pub and Grill is hilarious. The theme is old English pub in the middle of a Roman themed casino. With TVs. Lots of TVs. It’s as if someone described a pub down the phone to the designer it’s that bad. We had the corned beef poutine (not an English pub dish) and and the sticky toffee pudding (better). The poutine was terrible. Just fries with pastrami meat (not corned beef) and bad cheese. There was hardly any gravy. The pud was good though, but maybe that was because of a few sunk pints. It hit the spot and the size of it caused comment from the table beside us (who were eating burgers - sigh). Anyway, after done there, back to the room for more balcony drinks and that view. Day 7. A quiet one today. Using the room credit we got a daybed at the Cosmo pool. The cabana bed thing is a $200 minimum spend. The $200 lasted us all day. We managed to eat well, with breakfast, other nibbles, and a few drinks reaching $200. The pool is gorgeous and the attendants were very attentive (hence the name, I suppose). By the time we’d spent our credit, it was nearly dinner o’clock. Dressed up pretty, we headed to New York New York and got Shake Shack burgers. Tasty. Not quite In-n-Out good, but still better than anything in the UK. We played some giant jenga with some random people at one of the outside bars, then went to the Zumanity show. Zumanity was great fun. Very naughty, funny, and the acrobatics were impressive. Well recommended. The boobies on show and the sexy theme got us ready for our next stop - the Palomino Strip Club. My fiance and I had been to the Palomino the year before and we loved it. It is the only club in Vegas that does full nude and booze so it is a no-brainer to be number 1. Our friend had never been to strip club before, so that night was a special treat. We got a bottle service table at the runway with champagne and a stack of ones. It was spectacular pervy fun drinking, watching the girls, and chatting with them as they visited our table. We all got a few sofa dances and had a brilliant night. The girls were super attentive, really looked after my friend as it was her first time, and made us feel very special. We got a drunk burger at In-n-Out (our last - I promise) and somehow made it back to the room alive Day 8. Our last full day. After the craziness of the night before, we slept in. Brunch was at Mon Ami Gabi. Much like Gordon’s Pub, this place was a hilarious parody of a Parisian café. It was nice to sit outside and watch the Strip go by as I munched my lunch, but the food was pretty bad for the price. After brunch we walked up the Strip past the Mirage and then over to the Venetian. The girls did some hard-core shopping while I made stupid comments, made their lives difficult, and generally didn’t help. I don’t like shopping, OK. Because I’m a child, they soon gave up. Back to the room for our last bookings of the trip. Yay. After getting pretty, we hit the Skybar at the Waldorf Astoria (previously the Mandarin Oriental). Gorgeous views and really tasty cocktails. We hit up Lemongrass for dinner without a booking because the Aria was next to the Waldorf. We ordered way too much food, so got most of it boxed up. We dumped it at the room, and then grabbed a cab to the Wynn for our last big destination. We were on the guest list to see Afrojack at Intrigue. Great club. The line wasn’t too bad. About 30 minutes as they checked on everyone. My friend had a bit of an issue with her ID as it is an English driver's license, but she found a picture of her passport on her phone to confirm it was her. The girls both got two free drink vouchers and I got one (am I not pretty enough?). The club was just my thing. It was not massive, but still big. The large outside area around the fire fountains and the waterfall was perfect to escape the heat and craziness of the dance-floor. We stayed for far too long given we had a 9 hour flight to catch the next day, but it was worth it. An amazing last night in an amazing city. Of course when we got back in we ate the rest of the Chinese food on the balcony. Day 9. One last (expensive-ass) Eggslut, and we were on our way home. Thank you Vegas.
So, you wanna go to SHOT show? You think it's all fun and games? Get to play with guns? See Jesse James and R. Lee Ermey? SHOT show is the annual pilgrimage of the unwashed masses to Las Vegas to rub elbows with youtube celebrities, bloggers and overseas businessmen copying US made equipment and share infectious disease. If you love guns, gambling and gonorrhea - SHOT show is for you! It is not my typical idea of a good time. I am not a big fan of Las Vegas. However: I do attend for a few reasons. First, I do enjoy travel and I'm platinum on AA so I can usually score an upgrade. Second, industry people are in there that I do hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars with business with so it's nice to put a face with the name and see what deals are out there. SHOT for me has been a bust for the past few years. Being a value guy, I want to buy at $1000 and sell at $3000 and as of recently the gun business is more like buy for $1 and sell for $1.10 if you get what I mean. We used to do business at SHOT and now it's just checking in on foursquare, instagram and rubbing elbows with bloggers and the like. I want to make money, not spend money so this is very annoying to me. Anyways, onto the play by play. Monday, January 16th. One day before SHOT show. http://imgur.com/a/HoFUm Every time I've been rejected by a woman, I move $1 from checking into savings and I take the bankroll down to the Wynn for some play. Lets do this. The TSA line is a shitshow thanks to, well TSA. I slog my way to the lounge, as shitty as it is to wait for my winged chariot to DFW. I have gone from being in an abusive relationship with Delta to being in an abusive relationship with AA. Although if you really want to experience the battered spouse feeling, UA is a few gates over. This trip's light reading is trying to finish "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Such a good book as well as "Outliers" if you want a good read. I walk up to the podium to find out that my upgrades do not clear, even as an AA Plat thanks to the addition of a FOURTH elite tier. Goddamn fucking W. Doug Parker. Asshole. I gate check my bags to make life easier for me and the rest of the folks. The gate agent calls concierge key and executive platinum passengers. I look down and realize I'm wearing a suit and board with the executive platinum folks because I do not care and I look the part. If you walk with a purpose and are dressed reasonably well, you fit the profile. I settle into my window seat and try to finish outliers. I pass out before takeoff and I'm awoken by the dulcet tones of the flight attendants preparing for landing. We land at Dallas a few minutes early and I hightail it to the Centurion for a quick bite to eat. I grab a plate and help myself to some of the excellent brisket, pecan encrusted chicken and some roasted jumbo asparagus. Yes, my pee is going to smell funny. No, I do not care. The lounge is packed. The bar is full and I grab a quick single malt as I have my meal since American's not going to feed me. They begin boarding to Mccarran as I walk out of the lounge. No time for a stop in the spa on this trip. I make it to the gate just as the call group 2 boarding. I bypass the main line and walk up through the priority line giving no heed to the people that have been waiting there before me as I hold up my paper boarding pass with PLATINUM to the gate agent. I board and take my usual seat - the exit row without the seat in front of it. I'm aghast to see this sight. http://imgur.com/a/dygil The savages. Literally. The savages. I put my loathing away for a moment and look down at the exit row. I have the window. The aisle is a large middle aged man and in the middle is what I believe to be a formecurrent linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys wearing a 52 regular sports jacket. He's not a fat guy in a little coat, he's a big fucking hulk of a man stuffed in an exit row seat that is already an inch narrower due to the tray table. I grimace as I take my seat and give him the manly nod. He does not look happy about the fact that his knees are in the seat in front and I'm stretched out like a Cheshire cat in front of a fireplace on a cold January afternoon. The boarding door closes for an on time departure and Stephanie the FA takes her seat. He leans over and asks if he can take the empty row across the aisle and she takes one look at the three of us and gives him the nod. I bail out to give him a path of egress and suddenly the trip to Las Vegas has just become way more comfortable. I finish The Tipping Point somewhere over west texas, so I pop a xanax and dr pepper and zone out for the rest of the ride. I awake to feel one of the FA's jostling me awake telling me to put my seat up. I do so and we have a ride so smooth that not even the Delta guy behind me can complain about light chop. We catch the TYSSN4 arrival and the next thing I know it the Messier Dowty landing gear of the A321 touch the paint at Mccarran for a smooth rollout down 25L. My phone battery is approaching grim death since this seat has no power plugs and I find bartman383 has sent me a message. He has been enjoying LV with his wife and their due to bad weather they are in the city of sin for a few extra nights. He invites me to dinner. I'm still pretty full from DFW and I tell him I'll be over there once I get my bags and the car and I'll see him when I see him. He gives me the info for the hotel as we pull up to the gate. First stop: Centurion lounge. AA's app tells me bags being unloaded. I grab a quick bite of fried chicken and brussels sprouts since they are good for you and a chocolate pudding. The brisket and pecan encrusted chicken from DFW still has me full but I'm well aware of the speed of a union baggage handlers nowadays and who doesn't like chocolate pudding? Terrorists. That's who. Want to know how to screen for terrorists TSA? Set up a table of free chocolate pudding at the airport. The people who don't take any are members of ISIS. It's just that simple. I grab my bag and hoof it to Hertz. I'm an idiot and I am an hour late for my pickup. Oops. Will an Audi A3 suffice? I sigh and I accept my Teutonic quattro chariot. I do a burnout in the parking garage and hightail it to the exit. I flash my #1 card and my ID and the gatekeeper gives me the go ahead. I get onto the the strip and traffic is awful. I'm going to be late for dinner. I make a left onto Russell Road and hightail it up the 15. I manage to get the car up to 100 as I pass the Luxor. My phone is dead so I can't message Bart about being late. Fuck. The exit approaches quickly as I put the 4 wheel disk brakes to work and sling the car around and head south on Las Vegas Bl. I accidentally turn into the Bellagio and I'm now running even more late. Fuck. Eventually, I get the car into the garage at the Cosmopolitan and head upstairs. I cannot remember the name of the restaurant but I head up to the third floor where all the restaurants are and I see this sign that's reminiscent of my days in retail. It says RESTAURANT - LOUNGE - PAWN SHOP. I laugh. I walk in. It's literally a pawnshop. I look around puzzled. FC: Is this a restaurant? Bald Headed Guy: Yes, through that door. He points towards a door. I walk in to find a bustling restaurant, lounge via the entrance of pawnshop. This is insane. I pass a mirror and check myself out. I adjust my tie, after all it is YSL and the ladies LOVE YSL. Remember that. I find the hostess and inform her I will be joining some friends for dinner. They probably do not have me on the reservation though but I turn on the charm and she smiles and says no problem at all. She asks if my tie is from Hermes. I say no, I'm a YSL guy. She looks impressed as I tell her I'll make a quick lap of the room to see if they're there and surprise them. She gives me a nod and tells me to go right ahead. Still got it. I spot bart and his wife who I can only remember vaguely from gunnitlive after party video and I pull up a chair. Bart is surprised to see I made it and they are in the middle of dinner. They offer to ply me with food and beverage but I decline as I'm driving so no booze for me and no food since I am stuffed from Dallas. We chat about life and liberty over libations. Bart's wife thinks I am hysterical. She's had a few drinks and they are already into their main courses. The brussels sprouts are way too salty and we have to send it back. No bueno. Bart invites me up to his suite on the top floor of the hotel where we are to meet Brogelicious later in the evening. I say, when in rome......we head to the top floor of the hotel tower where Bart shows me his view from the balcony and cracks open the mini bar for some more libations. He asks if I want a drink and I say I better not. I'm driving. Not 30 seconds after arriving, brogel shows up. Bart's wife hugs brogel. She's infatuated with him. We start shooting the shit and bart opens up the minibar and tells us to take anything we want, it's on the hotel. I laugh and I look outside as bart opens his yeti 110 for some silver bullets. Apparently he is so baller the hotel will send up a yeti 110 filled with beer to make him happy. His wife is apparently such a baller. I ball on a budget. They just ball. Hahaha. We shoot the shit some more about guns, gun stuff and people on the reddit for a while. I get a little thirsty and I crack open bart's cooler. I ask him how long the stuff in the cooler is supposed to last and he says until Wednesday. I look down and I am agape at what I see. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. I mentally prepared my butthole and I decided to help myself to a coors light against my wishes but Bart, Bart's wife and Brogel are all drinking so I let peer pressure take hold as I cracked open a beer with them. We head out to the balcony to smoke some cuban cigars together as bart's wife takes a photo of all of us. We all look like hell. Haha. As bart downs his second beer, he asks me a question. Bart: ever go hunting? Me: Ducks a little bit but not much Bart: ever want to hunt some deadly game? Me: Like on african safari? Bart: No, I mean like.........man. Me: Hahahahhahaaha you're just fucking with me. Hahahahahhaa. That's really funny. Bart: No really, the concierge here at this hotel will set it up for us. It's amazing. I remember my first hunt...... Brogel starts laughing and I realize they've been doing a bit. I've been had. We bullshit about SHOT and Barrett's shotguns and other things and next thing I know, it's late but bart hands me a mixed drink. I sip it a bit and I was in the middle of a tirade complaining about my customers. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the city, and a voice was screaming: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals? Nobody seems to understand what I'm talking about. It's cold on the balcony. Our cigars are done. We head indoors. No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastards will see them soon enough. Back indoors I realize Brussels sprouts and coors light is a bad choice. Seriously no bueno. I excuse myself to the bathroom and drain the vein. The asparagus funny smelling pee and the side effects of beer and brussels sprouts is a noxious combination that a defense contractor should weaponize it. It's pretty bad and not even cuban tobbaco can mask the smell. I sit back down and continue to talk about guns and stuff with bart and the gang and bart asks who ruined the bathroom. I apologize as he sprays a bunch of febreze around and opens the balcony. I apolgize to brogel. He is not accepting my apology. (sorry :( ) Nearly 11, it's about time to pull chocks and mosey on down the dusty trail. I don't want to prompt an evacuation of the hotel due to noxious odors so I decide to leave and bart seems to be kinda mad that I've ripped ass and polluted the sanctuary of his hotel. Half a coors light and brussels sprouts are no bueno in my book now. Bart decides to party hard with his wife and I offer brogel a ride home. He seems skeptical to share a confined space with me after I have just destroyed bart's hotel room. The car has 4 windows and the Uber will cost him a few bucks he can put towards ammo. He relents as we head down to the garage to find my car. Thankfully we find it quickly and I manage to contain the weapons of ass destruction for the 16 minute ride off strip to casa de brogel. He says I'm not that bad a dude and I agree as I hightail it to my hotel. I cannot find my hotel reservations so I call my travel agent to see. Apparently the Wynn was not in my travel budget this year. I have come to find out I have been booked at Circus Circus, much to my chagrin. How bad could it be? I've stayed at the Wynn. I've stayed at Encore. I've stayed at the hotel that Elisabeth Shue's character got raped in in Leaving Las Vegas - but Circus Circus? Did I mention that I HATE CLOWNS? I HATE CLOWNS. Fuck. I pull into the parking garage and the check in line resembles something straight out of the TSA line at Mccarran. 45 minutes to check in. The clerk is friendly and says he's also from Louisiana which is neat. He asks if I've stayed there before and I, being a connoisseur of old vegas history I decide to make a joke and I tell him the last time I was there, Jay Sarno owned the place. He got a laugh. I head up to my room and unpack. The lobby is clean as an old vegas casino can be, the room is clean and there's no way to plug anything in since the hotel predates personal electronic devices. I plug my phone into my external battery and collapse on the bed. I message Bart and chugbleach instead of falling asleep about show tomorrow and I offer to pick bart up early since there is no shuttle from the cosmo. Tuesday, November 16th SHOT Show Day One I awoke several hours later in a daze......the clock said 10AM. The show opened at 8:30. Fuck me to tears. I hurry up and get dressed and down to the sands convention center. The parking lot is FULL. The entire complex is a mess. When my man Steve Wynn built his joint he didn't build enough parking. So people would park at the Venetian and now FUCKING NOBODY CAN GET A PARKING SPACE. Holy shit. I eventually say fuck it and park over at the Wynn and walk over to the Sands. I meet up with a few of my regular suppliers and I see nothing interesting at all. Bart went to bed at 6AM after spending all night partying with his wife over at the palazzo. I joke and say that he just should have stayed there. Bart is amazed at the size of the show and we have lunch at the most disgusting place in las vegas - the convention center bistro snack bar. Bart is a wise man as he grabs a powerade and a fruit cup. I decide to try an "italian beef" and a fruit cup instead of fries to stay semi health conscious. The "italian beef" is the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. It is flat out depressing. They give me fries with it and I demand a fruit cup. The sassy black woman working the stand asks me "DID YOU ASK FOR FRUIT? CAUSE RIGHT HERE SAYS FRIES" and I channel my inner Louis CK from the "this is how I talk" bit from SNL as I shoot back "WHY YOU FRONTIN ON ME I ASKED FOR FRUIT AND YOUR ASS BETTER BACK UP AND GET ME SOME FRUIT" so she goes back and gets me some fruit. The "italian beef", my fruit cup, bart's fruit cup and powerade comes to $81. My platinum amex comes out and I treat bart to "lunch". We bullshit about guns and stuff in the Springfield booth as we wait at the world's worst concession stand. We eat and Bart is so hungover that he thinks he is in need of physical therapy and a wheelchair. There is no way he is going to party tonight before his trip home. Or so I think. Haha. I meander around the show a bit more and I find this, the most USELESS PRODUCT OF 2017. It's made by a company called radetec. http://imgur.com/a/GOiCB It's a shot counter. For your gun. A digital odometer, for your gun. The only person that would buy this is the guy like my dad that kept a spiral bound notebook in his car where he documented how many miles he traveled per tank, gallons dispensed, PRICE, service station and whether they had a different price for cash/charge, oil consumption, tire rotations, alignments, all services - scheduled or otherwise, and a running odometer. Does anyone know the gun owner who asks for a round count when they are looking at a used gun? The question I always shoot back is "do you want to be lied at a little or do you want to be lied at a lot?" because that's what you're asking for when you ask for round count. UNLESS YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT! I roll my eyes so far back into my head that I nearly lose my balance. This is idiotic. I cannot fathom anyone willing to buy this. What a waste of perfectly good exhibition space. Bart heads back to his hotel after visiting SHOT show for a few hours, not getting any swag and to get an IV of fluids since he looked like he was rapidly approaching grim death. I wrap up visiting prime vendors and checking out the new products, or lack thereof because I have something on the schedule. At 4:30 there's a suicide prevention for retailers seminar hosted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. As many of you know this is an issue that is important to me and perhaps we as retailers should be doing more. The keynote was from their chief medical director talking about the accessibility of firearms and the mindset of the "typical" suicide. Mostly men. If you are a veteran you are at a significantly larger risk. The information was presented very not surprisingly and one of the things discussed was that we only spend around 21M a year on suicide prevention. A few take away facts from the keynote: When suicide barriers are put up on a bridge, suicide rates for the entire area drop. The key to preventing suicide is getting people to talk about their problems. Once you can get someone out of that mindset, they are statistically less likely to do it and live productive lives afterwards. There are certain terms that they are trying to get away from - for instance, they are not saying "committed suicide" they are now saying "died by suicide" in order to bring awareness and tell it like it is. One thing that really was interesting to me was my reading on the flight in from Dallas. In The Tipping Point, Gladwell discusses how things stay the same and suddenly they all change. One of the things that he discusses is in micronesia - where teen suicide was practically unheard of became an outright epidemic. One teenager did it, for reasons passing understanding to me as an outsider and then all the other kids realized that they too could escape their pain by hanging themselves as well and suddenly the suicide rates in micronesia became so high to where it became a public health issue. I wish I could show you all the article I wrote on TTAG about my friend's death but it has been lost in the cloud and I am unable to find the last draft I sent to print, but it echoes some of the problems we have with suicide and mental health in the firearm industry. After the keynote, the good doctor opened the floor up for questions. Her keynote posed a lot of statistics but not a lot of answers. I am a detail oriented granular data guy and I did not get a solid grasp of the AFSP solutions posed, if any. Several firearm dealers discussed the lack of a cohesive solution and the takeaway was they're trying to develop awareness for the suicide problem. Their goal is to lower suicide rates but how they get there is yet to be determined. I didn't like hearing that and the comments from the crowd reflected the lack of a "here's what you can do TODAY to help this problem" part of the initiative. Going around the room, one dealer who used NICS said that if a customer was just flat out acting funny - he'd lie to the customer and say there was a delay with NICS even though there was an approval just to get them to not be able to have a gun for a few days. The crowd applauded this initiative, however I'm not sure lying to customers is the best way to run a business and treat them with respect. Another dealer brought up an interesting point. When someone comes in looking to buy a gun and they don't know what kind of gun they want, what caliber, and are generally clueless - they're either buying a gun to kill themselves with, OR perhaps they are a very uneducated prospective customer - and there is no clear way of finding out which is which. The problems presented by the AFSP are real. The solutions aren't there though. Yet. Ideally I'd like to see some change to that. However, there's some problems. I hung around and asked the good doctor and her staff some questions and I am in no way denigrating her life's work and her dedication to preventing suicide since she has dedicated her life's work to the issue, but the conversation went something like this. Did you do any research on the accessibility of firearms from a retailer from the legal standpoint? "No, we haven't" Do you know how the NICS or state POC background systems work in regard to mental health holds, etc? "No" One of the problems that I foresee right off the bat is that you talked about how you are fighting time, and if you can get someone out of that suicide mindset - even for a few hours, you can get them into that higher survival bracket. If we apply a one size fits all solution to it like California and put a 10 day wait on everything with the goal of protecting someone from their own life, how do we balance that with the needs of the woman who has been hiding from her abusive spouse and needs a gun right away? "That's a good question that I don't have an answer for." Their initiative, I admire - the lack of solutions is a little off putting however. I tell the doc about how my friend's suicide has impacted me and she seems to be sympathetic to the situation as does her colleagues. I am given her cards and told to call the next time I'm in New York so we can get together and discuss things within the industry. I'll give them a buzz in a few weeks when I'm up there on business. On my way out of the hall, I run into Massad Ayoob. Nice guy. I've admired his work over the years. Bart invites myself and chugbleach to dinner, I can't reach Chug and even though I am beat I decide to hang out with Bart and Mrs Bart Bart: What do you want to eat? FC: Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon. I begin vomiting. God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure? We eventually head downstairs and order too much food. We are tired and not very hungry. Bart is still hungover and barely able to process food. His wife is grazing on all sorts of meat products. I am in awe of how they are both still upright after six nonstop nights of partying. I've only been here one day and I feel like I am about to die. Dinner concludes with an awkward hug with bart's wife - I don't know how other men feel about wife hugs so I have just avoided the prospect entirely. Like flying through Denver on Frontier. Or flying on Frontier. Ever. I drive over to the Wynn to set up my markers and the poker room is full. I draw a $2500 marker at the craps table and watch the game a bit. I have never played craps before in my life but the three people there seem to be having fun. I look down at my phone and I realize a plane has landed. fluffy_butternut has landed in Las Vegas on business. I had lost a bet and offered to pick him up from the airport. I cash back in my chips against my casino credit and head back to my car. I cannot find my car. Fuck. I wander the wynn garage which is covered in construction debris. I eventually find it and haul ass to the airport. Now, I didn't know this but fluffy has the WORST SENSE OF DIRECTION AT ALL. Seriously. I have no idea how he even made it to the correct city. He lands and has to get his bag and stuff and I circle the airport. He lets me know he's at door 77 wherever the fuck that was. I drive into the pickup portion and I see no sign. He then says he's coming up a level, and I tell him that I'll be there shortly. I park the car and Metro PD starts yelling. Metro: You can't park your car here. FC: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park? Metro: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk! I give the man a $20 and tell him to keep it running as I wander Mccarran screaming FLUFFY! HERE FLUFFY! I message fluffy to let him know I am the car parked on the sidewalk. I instantly figure out who he is having never seen a photo of him and I throw his bags into the car as we head for his hotel. I haul ass out of the airport and get the A3 on the highway. Now this was a superior machine. Thirty nine grand worth of gimmicks and high-priced special effects. The rear windows lit up with a touch like frogs in a dynamite pond. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights and dials and meters that I would never understand. We check in at the Rio where the desk clerk is friendly and flirty. I express amazement there is no line. Fluffy checks in and we take his bags upstairs and he offers to buy me food for driving him to the airport. I decline. We head to the bar anyways. He orders two beers and we decide to call chug. He's staying out in Summerlin or something because his company is apparently run by cheapskates. He asks if we want to hang out and shoot the shit. I say sure and ask if he wants us to pick up food or anything from CVS or something since I have the car and I'm able to do anything I want. He asks for some toothpaste. No problem. I may be an asshole on the internet but I have a heart of gold. We get some toothpaste get to the hotel. Arriving at the lobby, we have no idea where he is. It turns out he gave us the address for the hotel across the street. We laugh and go to that lobby and shoot the shit till 3AM much to the chagrin of the hotel clerk. Fluffy has some beers and we plan on dinner the next day. I drive fluffy back and arrive at the hotel at 4. Fuck me to tears. Wednesday, January 18th. Day 2 of SHOT show. Alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I wash up, eat and get breakfast. In the garage by 8:15. Nice. I get some dillo dust and check out the new Sig 220 DA/SA and SAO legions. Daddy likey. I go to a competing firm and I piss of my state sales manager by telling him his newer designed triggers suck ass. He says the company tested them and they're the same in every way. I ask him why the triggers have two different part numbers in the catalog and how come they're not interchangeable and if that's really the case, how come there's X changes in the supposedly identical pistol parts that he's holding side by side. He gets mad at me and says I'm not an expert on their product and perhaps I should take his job since I'm so smart. I agree that I'm smart and I hold firm that if he didn't want me to complain about the shitty trigger, they should stop selling guns with shitty triggers. I am nearly kicked out of the booth. I meet up with some of my wholesale reps and I'm mid convo when I see Itsgoodsoup and his friend walking around the show. I yell SOUP but he does not hear me. So I grab his friend and find him and I tell him we should get together at dinner with fluffy and chug. He agrees. The show winds down, I get some business done and nothing much else. We break for a shitty gunnit live lite and I take a few questions from the crowd in fluffy's suite at the Rio. Dinner is at 8 and we arrive at the restaurant late to find soup and his friend sitting at one table and chug and his girlfriend sitting at another. Perhaps we should have gotten here a little earlier. Hahaha. So, fluffy said the place is really good and I order a few of the specialties of the house. Apparently according to yelp they do a kickass peking duck. Soon to be mrs chug is a vegan. But we can eat meat in front of her. I wonder how it's served and Soup's vancouver raised asian friend tells me that they normally carve it tableside. Our vegan says as long as there's no head she's cool. We're not sure if they can fulfill that request. So we order and food starts coming out and we tell tall tales of shot show BS and other stuff. Sure enough, the duck comes out with the head. No bueno. Haha. But I decide to treat us to vegan donuts at the vegan bakery across the street later. Seven courses later we are full. Vegan bakery closed. I am committed to getting her some vegan donuts though. We head to Fremont street to gamble. Fluffy wanders about and we try craps and we're not impressed. We hit some slots and eventually I hit the craps table where chug explains the game to me. We start betting on dice. And somehow we start winning. I find that the house allows you to take 10X behind the line. No idea what this means so I plop $5 on the pass line and the point hits 6. I drop $50 behind it and it hits. We go a few rounds and leave ahead. It's 2:30 AM. Fuck. I drive everyone back to their hotel. I get to sleep around 4. Thursday, January 19th. Day 3 of SHOT show. Wake up at 10AM feeling like crap. Debate whether to head straight to show and wander about. Fuck it. Went to halal guys for some halal. Delicious. Got vegan donuts. Dead drop them at the Palazzo lobby for chug and his girl. Show is a bust. Literally nothing exciting. Fluffy offers to buy me dinner. One of my customers who lives in Summerlin offers to take me to dinner. I pass on fluffy and he destroys the seafood buffet at the rio. I head to Sinatra at the Wynn for dinner with my customer. All good in the hood. Chug has been invited to the Glock dinneafter party and I'm not so we all go our separate ways. I call foghorn5950 and due to some weather, he's flying home early and our plans to hangout are fucked up unless I go tonight. I grab fluffy and we head to Whiskey Down. He orders a makers and I give him a funny look. I tell the waitress make it a bulleit. Everyone laughs. I talk shop with Jeremy also from TTAG and we shoot the shit over cigars and talk about useless products. Next thing we know, chug is out of the dinner and wandering the strip. We decide to meet up at the Linq. It takes us nearly 30 minutes to get out of Whiskey Down at MGM because the waitress was awful and messed up everyone's tab. It was a fucking disaster. To boot, MGM is now charging for parking. FC: What a bunch of fucking jews Fluff: You should just tailgate that lady in front of you out and screw them out of the $7 FC: I should We pull behind her and watch as she gets flustered at the awful parking machine. Her nevada license plate says VETERAN. As the gate goes up we haul ass and screw MGM out of $7. I shout "THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE" out the window as we blow right by her up to the Linq. Through fluffy's awful navigation, we wind up at the loading dock for the Linq. Eventually we find chug and gf hanging at the penny slots. They are holding vegan donuts, which she is very appreciative of. Least I could do after showing her the head. Fluffy plays the House of Cards slot machine. He stuck $100 in, played for 6 minutes and then got really mad and hit the cash out button and $80 was left after 5 minutes. ITS EXACTLY LIKE THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT! Chug's gf asks to play a special slot machine called kitty glitter. We ask and the linq does not offer it but Harrahs next door does. So we head over there and the slot tech finds the kitty glitter machine. Fluffy sticks a C note in there and tells her to play and have a blast. So she's banging away at the one armed bandit WHEN SUDDENLY I HEAR THE SOUND. It's PUTTIN ON THE RITZ in shitty .wav file internal speaker format. Hahah. She's just hit the progressive jackpot on the penny KITTY GLITTER machine. THIS PLACE IS AWESOME! We cash out after some play and a good time was had by all. I dump off fluffy at the rio since it was very close and drive everyone else back. It's late, I'm tired and the Palace Station oyster bar is open 24 hours......I head over there and there's a 45 minute wait. So, I pull out my backup bankroll and using everything chug and fluffy have taught me about craps I belly up to the $3 min table where they let you take 10x behind the line. I'm still learning and the table is slow so one of the boxmen start explaining the game to me. Box: So if you place the 6 or the 9 or individual numbers you can bet those but you gotta pay a little juice on it like a commission Me: Like when you buy the hook? short pause Box: Yeah! Exactly like that! You got this! So I played a little and went up a bit and down a bit. As you do. Plunked $5 down on the pass line and took full odds and the point hit. This game is pretty cool! So I hung around and watched for about an hour and finally decided to eat my winnings. I take $5 off my stack and, drop it on the pass line and announce dealer bet - $5 to pass. It hits. The dealers love me. Maybe Vegas isn't so bad after all. http://imgur.com/a/LGhDj I have the pan roast at the oyster bar. No line. It is DELICIOUS. I get back to the hotel at 5AM. I don't care when I wake up. Friday, January 20th. Day 4 of SHOT show. Wake up around noon feeling like crap. Go to show. Debate destroying milk cart with wheels with an ax borrowed from fire station. Decide against it. Gas up car and find myself out by palace station again. Played some craps, hit the buffet and went for an early sleep. It's midnight. The neighbors in my the hotel are having sex. A LOT OF SEX. I can hear everything. I gently knock on the door. No answer. I knock slightly harder. No answer. I head back to my room and close the door just as I hear their door open. I zoom back out to find a puzzled middle aged stocky and perhaps sticky Latino man looking both ways. I get in his line of sight. Me: Hey. I'm next door. It sounds like you're having a lot of fun. I get it. I really do. In fact I haven't had sex since the bush administration so I'm gunning for you man I really am. But it's midnight and I have a 6am flight and a rental car to return. So trust me when I say I'm really happy for you but if you don't mind I really need to get some sleep tonight okay? The awkward silence is deafening. He nods without saying a word and mouths okay. I give him a manly nod and thumbs up. Me: thanks. I'd shake your hand or fist bump but well you know..... I give him a peace sign as he goes back into his little pleasure palace and I turn to realize that I have just locked myself out of my room. I am wearing boxers, a tshirt and barefoot. I head downstairs to the lobby. The check in at the front desk resembles the TSA line at Mccarran. Normally I would not be this rude but desperate times call for desperate measures. The line is 50 people deep. I walk past every person. Fuck your queue. I approach the desk where someone is helping a guest and I raise my right hand as if I were in a deposition to get them to stop. The staff and guest looks puzzled as the angry barefoot man clad in nothing but boxers and a "uzi does it" tshirt approaches the desk. Me: excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt. I have an emergency. I'm up on 8 and my neighbors are having a lot of sex. I mean a LOT of sex. (This is the same front desk clerk who actually checked me in Monday night by coincidence looks back at me very awkwardly and puzzled.) Me: this isn't your regular sex. I'm talking this is your (I begin air humping the front desk and slapping the granite counter with my palm and grunting loudly) sex. You could hear the plan B packaging open. At this point - the ENTIRE FRONT DESK STAFF HAS STOPPED CHECKING IN GUESTS. The people in line and are watching the show. The clerk is stunned. Speechless. Shock and awed. Crapped out and busted. The women are covering their children's eyes and ears. The men are wondering if this show requires a 2 drink minimum. Me: now I get this is Vegas. Everyone wants a good time. It's midnight. My flight leaves at 6 which means I have to be up by 4. And this just isn't working. So I asked them to keep it down and I locked myself out of my room. So if you can make me another key or move me I'd appreciate it. The clerk nods. Clerk: of course. may I see your ID? Years of ballet have prepared me for this day. I step back to make sure my genitals are still ensconced in my boxers as I pirouette and gesticulate wildly. Me: DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE ID? The floor manager steps over and asks me to head down to the end of the desk where she will make me a key. I give her the room number and thank her after she offers to have security sent up to shutdown the best little whorehouse in Vegas. I tell her it may not be necessary. As I take my keys and walk away the people in line break out in raucous applause. I take a bow and miraculously my boxer shorts don't rip. These people are my subjects and I have been crowned the the king of the three ring circus that is the circus circus lobby. Im offered a $1 tip from a kind soul but I decline. My walk back to the hotel elevator bank is uneventful. So much so that I realize it is going too well. The other shoe, if I were wearing one felt as if it was about to drop. Suddenly a dumbass in a rascal scooter is heading toward me at flank speed as his head is turned to look at everyone BEHIND HIM. There's no way this will end well. For you gentle readers joining us mid conversation - it's midnight and I need to be at the airport in 4.5 hours. I can just see it now. (Cue the harp noises) Scene: Emergency room Nurse: Allergic to anything? Me: NKDA Nurse: cause of injury? Me: what's the IC10 code for "run down by drunken buffoon on motorized wheelchair?" I saw my life and confirmed upgraded first class seats home being given away by the Mccarran gate agent flash before my eyes and my catlike reflexes kicked in and I jumped to my left into the wall, mid 1960's Las Vegas union construction being the path of least resistance. Think "The Bodyguard" with Kevin Costner. The buffoon barely realizes what happens. Children are amazed. "HEY MOM! Look! That guy just ran into a wall!" Me: it was that OR GET RUN DOWN BY SOME JACKASS ON A GODDAMN SCOOTER GOING FULL SPEED DRIVING LIKE A.... I look down and a midwestern nuclear family with two children of formative age are waiting for the elevator. I change my last word. Me: LUNATIC! I look over to the parents. Me: I'm really sorry. This is a family joint and I shouldn't have cursed the drunken scooter driver like that. Sorry kids. Parent: no big deal. They've heard fucking worse. I crack a smile at her word choice. Fucking worse. Yeah. That sounds like my evening. After jumping into a wall, I'm now wide awake and unable to go back to sleep. I make the plane and push on time. The 737 comes to a stop short of the runway and holds. Something is wrong. The pilots come on and say that they loaded more cargo and passengers than planned so they have to redo their numbers. We're waiting on the taxiway with both engines running as they do this and the waiting music comes on. What's the first song? Whitney Houston - "I Will Always Love You"
Hi guys! Here are the girls from Cycle 4. From this cycle onward, I’ll be adding the 🔒 emoji just to let you guys know if their social medias are set to private (in case y’all wanna check them out).
Name: Brita Wald, née Petersons Placed: 14th Age: 38 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: 289 (@britawald) 🔒 Brita Petersons on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 In hard pursuit of a modeling career, Brita auditioned for and was selected as one of the 14 Finalists on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4. Although Brita is remarkably beautiful, the judges were concerned with her age (she was already 25 years old when she entered the competition) and weight (she weighed in at 138 lbs.). After the first photo shoot, she and Brandy Rusher landed in the bottom two during the judging session, and ultimately, the judges decided to keep Brandy and to send Brita home. She was the first girl eliminated from Cycle 4. POST-TOP MODEL After she was eliminated, Brita received a modeling contract with Ford Models. Since then, she has gone on to model for magazines like Brentwood magazine, Surfers Magazine, The San Gabriel Valley Tribune, Los Angeles Times Magazine and California Apparel News Lingerie magazine, of which she was the cover. She also dazzled on the runway show of Eisbar and modeled for famous fashion designers Vince and Nanette Lepore, as well as brands such as Eisbar and Juicy Couture. In 2003, she enrolled at the California State Polytechnic University-Pomona for her Master’s Degree, where she majored in Sports Nutrition. Sometime after the show, she got married to Ryan Wald and together they have 2 sons: Lukas and Markus. Brita has signed with Ford Models - Los Angeles and Vue Model Management. Not much else is known about her these days, aside from the fact that it looks like she has focused on her family. Name: Sarah Dore, née Dankelman Placed: 13th Age: 34 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: N/A Sarah Dankleman on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 When she tried her luck in America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4, Sarah was complimented for her first photo shoot. However, runway coach J. Alexander came in during the third week to teach the girls how to walk properly, it was pretty clear that Sarah was the one who experienced the most difficulty. The way she walked was awkward and lacking in poise, and the judges were quick to jump at those flaws. The judges sent Sarah home after only three weeks, making her the second finalist to be eliminated. POST-TOP MODEL Right after she was eliminated, Sarah expressed her shock and disbelief, saying that she felt she had much more potential than most of the other girls in the competition. She eventually recovered from her disappointment and went on to appear on Spike TV and in various fashion catalogues. She also spent one summer traveling and worked as a make-up artist for MAC cosmetics. In Aug 2009, she married Eric Dore. Together, they have 4 beautiful daughters. Right now, she and her husband live in Skohegan, Maine. Sarah has not pursued modeling actively. I’m not entirely sure what she’s up to these days. All I know is that before living in Maine, she and her husband worked as bartenders in Hackensack, New Jersey. Name: Brandy Rusher Placed: 12th Age: 33 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: 77 (@LavielleMonet) Instagram Followers: 2,453 (@brandyrusher) Brandy Rusher on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 When Brandy Rusher was a finalist on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4, she showed a lot of promise in the beginning, but as the weeks progressed, it became apparent to everyone that Brandy had a bit of an attitude problem. During the first photo shoot with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker, Brandy’s impatience and complaints angered Nigel, which led the judges to place Brandy in the bottom two. She was spared from elimination, but the experience did not seem to affect Brandy that much, as she continued to act rudely towards the other girls in the group. After the third photo shoot, the frustrated Brandy verbally attacked her fellow Top Model finalist Tatiana Dante. Later on, Brandy was again placed in the bottom two, but this time around, the judges decided that they were fed up with her attitude, so they sent her packing. Brandy was the third contestant to be eliminated. POST-TOP MODEL After appearing on the show, Brandy realized that even though she looked like a model, getting a job was a whole different story. However, Brandy’s experience on the show did awaken her to her flaws, and while she is still pursuing a career in modeling, she is also busy reinventing herself. Brandy has taken test shots, but has not been picked up by an agency. Brandy graduated from Houston Community College in 2009, where she majored in Fashion Design. She was arrested in Houston for resisting arrest in 2010. Police knocked on her door to address complaints of loud music. She reportedly "pushed, shoved and cursed at" the responding officers and attempted to flee the scene. In 2016, she gave birth to her son, Cohen. In March 2017, she was involved in a shooting that put her in the ICU in critical condition (She’s fine now). Two people were killed in the incident.These days, she’s started her own braiding business, Braids w/ Phlava. Name: Noelle Staggers Placed: 11th Age: 33 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 9 (@noelle_staggers) Instagram Followers: N/A Noelle Staggers on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 During the fifth week, it was Noelle who first sounded the alarm about Michelle Deighton’s skin condition. She even called her mother to tell her about it. Later on, Michelle’s skin disease was treated and, while she was spared from the bottom two, Noelle found herself there with Lluvy Gomez. The judges felt that Noelle did not possess the look of a model, may it be in photographs or in person. Ultimately, the judges chose Lluvy over Noelle and immediately sent the latter home. POST-TOP MODEL Since the show, Noelle has busy taking care of her son and is cultivating her rediscovered passion for music. She has taken some test shots since the show, but has not been signed with an agency. In 2013, she got engaged. Not much else I could find after that. Her facebook has either been abandoned or private, no instagram, and her twitter’s been abandoned after a few tweets. Name: Lluvy Gomez Placed: 10th Age: 34 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 3 Twitter Followers: 859 (@lluvyg) Instagram Followers: 5,451 (@lluvy) Lluvy Gomez on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 Lluvy became one of the America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4‘s most infamous contestants when Tyra Banks evaluated one of her photos as “the worst photo in the history of America’s Next Top Model.” She did get a chance to redeem herself in an episode of The Tyra Banks Show when she was allowed to perform a do-over of the shoot. Tyra called her new photo “amazing”. However, the judges’ patience ran out with Lluvy after she again failed to maximize her unique beauty during the fifth photo shoot, where the girls were asked to project themselves under simulated harsh weather conditions. She was the fifth contestant to be eliminated. POST-TOP MODEL Since appearing on the show, Lluvy has gone on to work under Passport Model Management, and has done modeling projects for JEM Sportswear and armoursansanguish.com. She graced the cover and done print work for Stork Magazine, Bride Nouveau Magazine, Mom’s Advice Magazine, Glam Couture Magazine, Friends & Fauxs: A Novel, Today's Bride San Francisco, No. 915 Cosmetics, Supermodels Unlimited, My Breast Friend, Spellbound Crowns, Betabrands,and Fashion Xchange Magazine. She has walked in runway shows such as Style in A Bottle Event and Donovan’s Fashion Show for Jason Christopher Peters. In 2007, she opened a coffee shop with her ex-husband. Lluvy married Carl Gibbs in July 2006. While she was pregnant, Their first born son, Asher, was born in March 2007. The Expecting Models Agency gave her and her baby a modeling contract. She’s gave birth to her second child in July of 2010. Sometime after the birth of their second child, the couple split up. In 2013, she started seeing Mikael, her current boyfriend. She is currently signed to NYLO Model & Talent Agency, as well as SAG-AFTRA. She is currently a distributor at SeneGence International. Name: Tiffany Richardson Placed: 8th/9th Age: 33 First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: N/A Tiffany Richardson on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 Tiffany wanted to jumpstart her modeling career by joining Cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model. However, she did not progress to the next stage of the competition. She was given a second chance and Tiffany found herself becoming a Finalist on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4. At first, Tiffany tried her best to get along with the other girls, and she was able to establish a close relationship with Brandy. However, as the weeks progressed and the pressure mounted, Tiffany slipped back to her old self, aggressively attacking the other girls verbally. During the sixth week of the finals, Tiffany broke down after failing to read a teleprompter properly in one of the challenges. Tyra expressed her disappointment, and ultimately Tiffany, along with Rebecca Epley, were eliminated (the double elimination was the first in the show’s history). When Tyra saw that Tiffany seemed to be taking the elimination lightheartedly and with little concern, the supermodel judge exploded in anger, saying that the only person Tiffany can blame for her failure is herself. POST-TOP MODEL Since appearing on the show, Tiffany has continued to find work as a model. She was in two music videos, one for Dre’s, “Naomi,” and the other for Urban Mystic’s, “I Refuse.” She has also appeared on the cover of Passion International hair magazine and done print work for MAMi Magazine, Strongarm Angels, MQTease Magazine, Veneno Swimwear, Platinum Strong, and Buzzfeed. When Tiffany’s contract with America’s Next Top Model expired, Tyra Banks was seen criticizing Tiffany again when the E! True Hollywood Story: America’s Next Top Model was aired on national television. Tiffany and her husband Chad have a 14-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter. She works a normal 9-to-5 job at a group home in Miami assisting people with mental disabilities. Today Richardson does occasionally find time to work with a local photographer, but modeling isn't something she's prioritizing. “I’ve been doing a couple of different photo shoots, and it’s like a learning process too,” she said happily, noting she has gone to some networking events. “And then I’m just getting my body fit … but I work, I live in the real world.” Source. Name: Rebecca Epley Placed: 8th/9th Age: 35 First Call Outs: 1 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: 25 (@RebccaEpley) Instagram Followers: N/A Rebecca Epley on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 The aspiring model from Stillwater, Minnesota tried to establish herself by auditioning for America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 2. She was rejected, but her determination led her to try out again. Her second attempt was successful, and she became one of the 14 finalists of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4. Although her beauty is undeniable, the judges felt that she wasn’t progressing, and after six photo shoots and numerous challenges, she and Tiffany Richardson were asked to pack their bags immediately and head home. The news devastated Rebecca, as she clearly tried her best to deliver what the judges were looking for. Some may remember Rebecca because she passed out during judging, due to a health condition she’s had all her life. POST-TOP MODEL Initially after the show, she was working under VNY Model Management, but decided to end her contract with the said modeling agency because she felt she wasn’t getting enough modeling jobs. In 2007, Rebecca appeared in the TV film Reality Revealed: Beauty and the Geek. In February of 2008, Rebecca and her husband had their first child, a son named Evan. Rebecca was once signed with 2 Management, a sub-agency of ID Model Management. Rebecca also appeared in a cycle 8 photo shoot, where the contestants had to recreate famous moments from past cycles of America’s Next Top Model. Her jobs included modeling for Cosmopolitan Magazine and Tommy Hilfiger and doing fashion shows for Wal-Mart Clothing, Escada, Multi By Bree Spring and Renee Larc for Milan Spring/Summer. She has also done print work for Fashion by Rainn, Metro Magazine, Nigel Barker’s Beauty Equation, Wild Harvest Food, Magnolia and Vine, Mystic Lake Casino and Hotel, Stillwater Gazette, Max & Me, Theme Collection, Evereve Clothing, The Good Bead | Lotti Dotties Collection, Ribnick Fur & Leather, Coco + Carmen, and Ribnick Luxury Outerwear. She’s walked the runway for Nicole Romano’s Ready To Wear (Spring/Summer 2006), Renee Larc for Milan (Spring 2007), and Escada (Fall/Winter 2007). Rebecca is currently signed with Mercenary Models in Minnesota. Name: Tatiana Dante Placed: 7th Age: 31 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: 698 (@tatidante) 🔒 Tatiana Dante on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 Like fellow Top Model finalist, Kahlen Rondot, Tatiana was quiet and soft-spoken during her stint at America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4. Her reserved personality did not always sit well with the more rambunctious girls in the group, but her talent in modeling pushed her all the way to the Top 6. Tatiana was able to deliver good and satisfactory photographs, but when she wasn’t able to do great during the “7 Deadly Sins” photo shoot, the judges decided that she would have to be the next to go home, making her the eighth to be eliminated. POST-TOP MODEL After her appearance on the show, Tatiana moved to New York City in pursuit of bigger modeling jobs. She has had several photo shoots with different photographers, some of which were done in the nude. She has also appeared in Metro International NY and People Magazine’s Celebrity Baby Blog. Much of Tatiana’s print work was completed out of Hawaii. In May 2008, Tatiana married Robert Evans. Sometime after, Tatiana and her husband welcomed their first child, a daughter, Tiavani Leialoha Dante-Evans. Tatiana currently resides in Vancouver, British Columbia and is not with an agency. Name: Michelle Deighton Placed: 6th Age: 32 (Going on 33 on Dec 8) First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: N/A Instagram Followers: N/A Michelle Deighton on IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 As a finalist on Cycle 4, Michelle greatly impressed the judges with her versatility and talent. While on the show, Michelle came down with a skin condition called impetigo, and her condition led the other girls to panic because they thought Michelle had a contagious, flesh-eating bacteria. Because the disease may be passed on to little children, Michelle had to do the fourth photo shoot with a doll instead of a real and very energetic child, making the other girls extremely envious. Michelle fell to the bottom two after the “7 Deadly Sins” photo shoot, and the following week was eliminated when her dull pictures from South Africa failed to excite the judges. POST-TOP MODEL After her stint on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4, Michelle signed a modeling contract with both the Janice Dickinson’s Modeling Agency and M Models International. She also worked with Elate Wear and strutted her stuff on the runway for fashion shows like San Francisco Fashion Week Presents “Emerging Stars”, Antique Denim Spring/Summer 2006, Megan Fashion Show Spring/Summer 2006, and Elate “Celebrity” Fashion Show 2006. She also appeared on WWE Friday Night Smackdown, where she fought with Melina and was rescued by the Mexicools. The WWE has also offered her a development deal. She has modeled for Elate wear, Louche Clothing, Celebrity Baby Blog, Mommygoround.com, and has appeared in Life & Style Magazine. She has also appeared in movies such as also appears in the movie The Gospel According to Booze, Bullets, & Hot Pink Jesus. She also appeared in a Cycle 8 photo shoot where the contestants reenacted famous moments from past cycles of ANTM. In an interview with TMZ, Michelle said she has also worked at a daycare after the show. Currently, she is signed with Wilhelmina in New York. In September of 2007, Michelle and then beau, Jon Dalton, of Survivor: Pearl Island fame, announced that they were expecting their first child. In October, Michelle also mentioned that she had signed on with Expecting Models – a pregnant modeling agency. On January 16, 2008, a little over a week ahead of schedule, Jon and Michelle welcomed Piper, their baby girl. The couple got married later in June. Reports show that the couple is no longer together, as Michelle felt she was married to a child. Michelle made news for getting involved in a “Smash N’ Dash” with Dalton’s not dead grandmother. The couple appeared together on The Celebrity Newlywed Game as well as *The Dr. Phil Show”. Name: Christina Murphy Placed: 5th Age: 37 First Call Outs: 0 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 43 (@christinantm) Instagram Followers: 260 (@christina_fashion) Christina Murphy IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 As a finalist on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4, her lack of personality were always being scrutinized by the judging panel. However, on the eighth week, she was able to win the interview challenge with hip-hop artist, Eve. She was the most prepared of all the girls. In addition to winning an exclusive interview on Entertainment Tonight, Christina’s mother was allowed to visit to the Top Model house. Unfortunately, Christina was eliminated two weeks later, when the judges felt her performance was still lacking in emotion. POST-TOP MODEL Since the show, Christina has participated in runway projects for Kelly Nashimoto Fall 2006 and San Francisco Fashion Week Presents “Emerging Stars.” She has also done print work for Kippie’s Footwear and Candice Held Clothing. Christina has worked with both LA Models and Passport Models. Not sure what she’s up to these days. Instagram is her most active social media platform, but it doesn’t show much into her life outside of her hobbies. Name: Brittany Brower Placed: 4th (Cycle 4)/14th (Cycle 17) Age: 35 First Call Outs: 2 (Cycle 4)/0 (Cycle 17) Bottom 2: 2 (Cycle 4)/1 (Cycle 17) Twitter Followers: 10.3k (@brittanybrower) Instagram Followers: 15.8k (@brittanybrower) Brittany Brower IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 As a finalist in Cycle 4, Brittany was the most vivacious. Her strong personality sometimes clashed with fellow Top Model finalist Tiffany Richardson, with whom she had a confrontation. Her performances in the earlier challenges were not so impressive, having landed in the bottom two after her second batch of photos shoot came out a little bit too sexual. She bounced back the following week by producing a beautiful Sagittarius picture. From there, she continued to perform much more strongly, even coming out with the best picture from the fifth photo shoot. The end came for Brittany after a fight with fellow Top Model finalist, Keenyah Hill, broke her high spirits. The judges quickly noticed the change in her behavior, and they eventually eliminated Brittany from the show. ANTM CYCLE 17 In 2011, Brittany was invited back to participate in the All Star Cycle of the show. Despite being around 6-7 years since she last appeared on Top Model, it looked like she hadn’t changed much in terms of her attitude and personality. She was still the same fun loving, wild, party girl that people knew from Cycle 4. She was the first model eliminated from the competition because when polled, the fans said that she was not memorable compared to the other contestants (I’m still calling bull on that because there’s no way in hell Brittany was ever forgettable). POST-TOP MODEL Brittany has gone on to make a mark not just in the fashion industry, but in the entertainment industry as well. She appeared on some episodes of The Bravo Network’s Battle of the Network Reality Stars and was given a guest role on the television series, Love Inc. She’s done print work for Suspect (Fall 2006), Supermodels Unlimited, Next Level Apparel, and Svedka Vodka. She returned on the runway for San Francisco Fashion Week, Meghan Spring 2006, Frederick’s of Hollywood Spring 2006, ElleGirl Presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Models 2005 and Jlo. She was also hailed as one of Maxim Magazine’s Hottest Women of Reality TV. During the All Star cycle, Brittany revealed that after the show, she started a medical spa type thing in CA, called DMH Aesthetics. After the show, she started her own agency. She has also switched to two other modeling agencies, Next Model Management and Reel Management. She is currently signed to TNG Models. She got married in June 2016. Name: Keenyah Hill Placed: 3rd Age: 32 First Call Outs: 2 Bottom 2: 2 Twitter Followers: 2,057 (@KeenyahHill) Instagram Followers: 14.9k (@keenyah.hill) Keenyah Hill IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 As a finalist on Cycle 4, Keenyah was likened to supermodel Iman when the judges looked at her photos for the floral service 1-800 Flowers. She sometimes got into little arguments with some of the other girls on the show, but the most memorable confrontation that involved Keenyah took place on the girls’ ride back to their hotel after visiting Nelson Mandela’s prison cell. Keenyah’s fellow Top Model finalist Brittany Brower got so tired of hearing Keenyah’s hypocrisy regarding the South African president that she started reprimanding Keenyah verbally. One of their South African shoots required the girls to embody different kinds of animals. Keenyah was assigned to do the elephant, and it seemed rather appropriate, as her sudden gain weight was the subject of the judges’ criticisms. Keenyah made it all the way to the top three, but was eliminated shortly thereafter because the judges felt she was becoming too arrogant. POST-TOP MODEL Since the show, Keenyah has appeared in Us Weeky, Vibe Magazine, Complex Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ebony Magazine, Radar Magazine, XI Magazine, Linger Magazine, Hype Hair Magazine, Bleu Magazine, and Boi Society Magazine.She has also modeled for Disney Bridal, Sheila Rashid, Beats by Dr. Dre, Nat + J, and Nvr Dye. Her runway projects include Alice and Olivia Fall 2006 and “Elle Girl Presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Models. Like other ANTM alum, she has also branched out into acting. She has appeared on television series such as The Bold And The Beautiful, Half & Half, Truth Unspoken, and New Girl. Keenyah has been signed to I Model and Talent in New York. She is currently represented by Click Models Atl and SAG-AFTRA. Name: Kahlen Rondot Placed: 2nd Age: 33 (Will turn 34 on Dec 19th) First Call Outs: 3 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 1,029 (@KahlenRondot) Instagram Followers: 5,170 (@kahlenrondot) Kahlen Rondot IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 At the beginning of the competition, Kahlen’s lack of confidence sometimes got the best of her; however, she consistently produced excellent photographs; at the final judging panel, the judges noted that Kahlen had provided one of the best portfolios in all the previous cycles. The judges were most impressed with Kahlen’s portrayal of the Springbok, South Africa’s national animal, and when she portrayed Wrath during a shoot based on the 7 Deadly Sins. Kahlen made it to the final two, but the judges felt that Naima stole the runway show. Tyra compared Kahlen to a girl who “did good all semester and kinda failed her final exams,” and Naima to a girl who “did fair during the whole semester and ‘killed’ the final exams.” POST-TOP MODEL Since the show Kahlen has appeared on numerous talk shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show and The Tyra Banks Show. During an interview on the Tyra Banks show, she revealed that her friends sexually assaulted her when she was intoxicated at a party. She has done print work for Vice Magazine, US Weekly’s Summer Hottest Trends with Naima Mora and Keenyah Hill, ElleGirl presents Dare To Be You: Wal-Mart Meets America’s Next Top Models 2005 and its second installment where she walked for Alice and Olivia’s Fall 2006 to raise funds against breast cancer, spreads in Elle Girl for Ford Fusion and Samsung, Jay Manuel’s Manual Override Cosmetic line, Radar magazine’s America’s Ex Top Models and a campaign for Tulipa Collection by Vanessa Barantes with fellow alum Rebecca Epley. Although she was not the winner of her cycle, her promotional picture is used as the shadowed “top model” on the Germany’s Next Top Model’s logo. In July 2007, salacious images – allegedly of Kahlen – appeared on the Internet, but their provenance remains unknown. Despite being considered a stand-out in her cycle, Kahlen struggled to get signed by a modeling agency, which many say is because of her resemblance to Carmen Kass. As of late, Kahlen is no longer modeling. She currently works as a bartender in New York City, and plans to someday open her own bar. Name: Naima Catlett, nee Mora Placed: 1st Age: 33 First Call Outs: 2 Bottom 2: 1 Twitter Followers: 13.8k (@NaimaMora) Instagram Followers: 49.3k (@naimamora) Naima Mora IMDB ANTM CYCLE 4 With her mohawk and introverted personality, Naima was originally thought to be a long-shot to walk away with the title of America’s Next Top Model. Though her earlier photographs were not as strong as runner-up Kahlen Rondot, the judges were blown away by Naima’s final performance on the catwalk. Tyra, in particular, felt that Kahlen was “the girl who did excellent during the semester and kind of failed the final exam,” while Naima was “the girl who did fair during the semester but killed her final exam.” Her win consisted of a fashion spread in Elle, a contract with Ford Models and a $100,000 contract with CoverGirl cosmetics. She holds the record of being the first and only Top Model contestant to be voted Covergirl of the Week from the start to the finish of the cycle. It was also revealed in a Top Model challenge, that Naima is a vegetarian. POST-TOP MODEL She has been seen on television as a guest on The Tyra Banks Show, on the second season premiere of Veronica Mars, and in a CoverGirl commercial with Yoanna House. Naima and Cycle 3’s Ann Markley were Trophy Girls at the 2005 Primetime Emmy Awards. Mora also served as a judge at the Miss Teen USA Pageant in 2005. Naima was a guest host at the Ramapo College Enerve Couture Fashion Show in Spring 2006. Naima has done print modelling for CoverGirl, ELLE Magazine, Fuego Magazine, US Weekly Magazine, Radaar Magazine, IN Touch Magazine, Star Magazine, Teen People Magazine, Split Clothing, amd Jazz Album Samsung. Naima’s runway shows include Christopher Deane Spring 2006 Collection, Gharani Strok Fall 2005, Carlos Miele Fashion Show, Walmart and ELLEgirl Presents Dare To Be You Spring 2006, Fashion Comedy Style 2005 (Charity Event), and New York Fashion Week 2007. She has modelled with her sisters twice: with her sister, Ife, for iTunes and with her twin, Nia, for Cycle 2’s Camille McDonald’s lingerie line, Lingerwear. In 2007, she was on the cover of U&U magazine and Uzuri magazine and was photographed by Romer Pedrome and Derek Blanks. In 2008, she had a cover and editorial in Vicious magazine. Signed with 301 Model Management in Miami and Basic Model Management in New York City. She got a showcard for Fashion Week SS09 and walked in the Project Runway Finale for designer Joe Farris. In 2006, she wrapped up filming on an independent film called Sarbanes-Oxley and made an appearance in a music video for TV on the Radio’s “Wolf Like Me.” Naima was the former vocalist for the unsigned band Chewing Pics. She is now a member of musical duo Galaxy on Tar. In May of 2010, they released two new singles via their label Lapdance Academy. The group is currently performing live throughout New York and touring the United States. In 2016, Naima hosted the show Twiin. She has been signed with 301 Model Management and Basic Model Management NY. Naima practices Nichiren Buddhism and is an active member of the Soka Gakkai International.
Sights of the Southern Jungles; Rivalen's Guide to Niben Bay, Leyawiin and the Blackwood
Welcome back oh brave Tamrielic Travelers! In this volume, we continue our journeys, leaving the urban sprawl of the great Imperial City and heading south, along the River Niben, deep into the tropical heart of Nibenay, to the Blackwood and to the great city of Leyawiin. You are fortunate, my friends, for Leyawiin is from where I hail, and as a native, I can tell you much. The best way to reach the city of Leyawiin from the Imperial City is by taking a boat or barge down the River Niben. This is the best way to both take in the sights, as you can stop on either bank to see what you will and also make good time. The fishing is good too. INTO NIBENAY Nibenay as a whole is divided into four constituent counties or duchies: Bruma, Cheydinhal, Bravil and Leyawiin, each centered on a city of the same name. Additionally, the Imperial City is Nibenese in culture and character, but is considered to be set apart from Colovia and Nibenay. Most name the city and the lands directly around it the ‘Heartlands’, or the ‘Thronelands’. During the second era and other times of conflict and division, these Nibenese cities were either independent kingdoms or forged into the Kingdom of Nibenay. There are two principal areas of Southern Nibenay. The first of these are the Niben Bay, a large inland lake, which unfortunately gravitates on the city of Bravil, and is also affected by the winding ways of the Panther River. South of Niben Bay, the River Niben narrows somewhat and the terrain thickens and descends into the verdant jungles of the Blackwood. This area is thickly wooded with rainforest and travel here is much more dependant on the river, than on the Green and Yellow Roads, which run on either side of the River Niben. Find your river legs, for to traverse Nibenay is to know the river. Languages spoken in Nibenay are extremely diverse. On any day, in the trade cities of southern Nibenay, you can expect to hear any language, but most commonly Nibenese, Imperialized Jel, Ta’agra, Dunmeri, Altmeri, Colovian and of course, the Imperial Koine or Common. The character of Nibenay is chiefly notable for its commercial nature, as it is the economic workhouse of the Empire, and also for its ecumenism and cosmopolitanism, as anyone and everyone can and does come to Nibenay to make themselves a Septim or ten. Whilst the nobility, almost entirely comprised of great families of Merchant Mages, which my own family, House Mothril is a constituent element of, can sometimes be a little grasping and sometimes proud and overbearing, as a whole, the Nibenese are a cosmopolitan people happy to make newcomers feel part of the community. They are an open and welcoming people; open to all creeds, all cultures and all coins. Though the Divines comprise the most notable and powerful religious group, there are innumerable cults which call the Nibenese realm home, so those who keep a wise head and do not go out of their way to cause religious division should be fine. TO NIBEN BAY As we leave the gentle waters of Lake Rumare and proceed onto the upper Niben we pass by many historical and religiously important sites. The Western Bank of the Niben is where we end up gravitating toward, and Sure-Sail, our Argonian pilot, anchors us by the western shore for the night. Sure-Sail and his family are Argonian boat-folk from the Waterfront. Sure-Sail spent most of the first day and that evening babbling about his family and his people’s love of the river and the boat-trade. This is not an uncommon sentiment or occurrence among the Argonians of Nibenay, who love to brag about their mastery of the river and how much the “smooth skins” (pidgin-Jel for non-Saxhleel) need their skills to navigate the river. The Saxhleel call the Niben ‘Mother Niben’, and feel, probably justifiably, that they know the river best. When you begin the journey down to Niben bay, you should make sure to beware of the Daedric Shrine to Hircine which is hidden deep in the Great Forest, to the north of Bravil, and not far northeast of a local inn, known as the Inn of Ill Omen. The Shrine is allegedly the base camp for sweeping, wide ranging hunts, known as Bloodmoons, beneath the dark and forbidding boughs of the Great Forest. Beware. Another famed site is The Inn of Ill Omen, an infamous place, possessed of a macabre charm, and is said to be protected by Sithis himself. Allegedly, as the Third Era came to a close, the inn was the start of the ‘Great Treachery of Cheydinhal’, a shadowy conspiracy that brought the Dark Brotherhood onto the road to its current bleak condition. The Inn of Ill Omen is, according to rumor, a site of pilgrimage for members of the Dark Brotherhood and the Morag Tong. According to local legend, the ‘Dread Father’, as those in the shadows know Sithis, is beseeched for forgiveness by siblings of the Brotherhood, and praised and thanked by Tong members, for bringing low their heretical enemies. The Inn of Ill Omen’s most infamous incident in recent years occurred on the ‘Night of Void’s Laughter’, shortly after the great riots of Bravil in 188, which apparently saw much suffering for the Dark Brotherhood. According to Nibenese gossip, the Black Hand called an emergency meeting in the Inn. When they finished their palaver, they exited the inn to find themselves face to face with the masters of the Tong. Then, beneath a rainy, moonless sky, Tong and Brotherhood danced with blades beneath the trees of the Great Forest. Corpses littered the inn’s grounds and were strung upon the eaves of the inn, the next morning. While the publican of the Inn of Ill Omen, Uvena Ules, is willing to trade these grisly tales with a shrug, locals will not speak of this subject. Within Niben Bay are two main sites. The first, and more significant, is the Isle of the Big Head. The root of the name of this island is quite simple to see. On the island, little more than a rocky outcropping in Niben Bay, are three enormous monolithic stone heads, arranged next to one another. From this island, quite regularly, at no particularly specified interval, comes loud, unnerving, maniacal laugher, which echoes across the bay. Though it seems a jolly, manic location, there are chilling and demented undertones to the laughter as well. Keep your wits about you here and avoid too much Skooma. The other site is Bravil. It is a silly place. It was the idea of the early Septims, perhaps Tiber Septim or his direct successors, to channel most of the vice and corruption from the Imperial City into Bravil, which sits adjacent to Elsweyr, and give it more or less free reign there. Although this served to reduce the levels of crime in the Imperial City, it very soon took its toll on Bravil, which had previously been a pleasant city, turning it into a slum-ridden, skooma fuelled stinkhole. Though home to a chapel of Mara, few criminals take the time to make devotions, and the beautiful temple is visited by only the most determined of pilgrims, many of whom prefer Riften (curiously, another renowned Skooma town). It is a city of vice, o’er-run by gangs and ruled by the Skooma trade. Its hereditary counts, the Orums, even have roots in the Skooma trade. Don’t go there, unless you want Skooma. Then just get out quickly. The only reason you might have to stay for extended periods in Bravil is if you want a lot of Skooma. Then, you would be advised to stay in your room and off the streets. As we move south from the smelly locales of Bravil, we begin sailing along a stretch of land with a controversial past. This is the Trans-Niben, a stretch of land claimed and conquered, during the second era, by the Khajit of the newly formed Elsweyr Confederacy, who settled on it quite extensively. When Tiber Septim began his unifications, the lands of Trans-Niben were among the first conquered during his campaigns in the south, but it was not until he had unified Tamriel that the Trans-Niben was ceded by agreement with the Mane, into Cyrodiil. Accounts vary whether it was Tiber, one of his early successors, such as Uriel I, the great Law-Maker, Morihatha I who reorganized the Imperial Province, or even Uriel VII, who made the arrangement. Suffice to say, the arrangement was made and the land along the western bank of the Niben and Niben Bay, south of Bravil, passed back into the jurisdiction of County Leyawiin. The Khajit of Elsweyr by and large accepted this change, but not before a band of terrorists disavowed by both the Khajit and Imperials arose to cause chaos and stoke the embers of the Niben Skooma trade into wildfire. These were the Renjira Krin, who ostensibly devoted themselves to opposing the cession of the Trans Niben, the Caro and Mothril Families of Leyawiin, the Counts of Bravil and the Royal Septim, Mede and Ocato Families of Cyrodiil for their alleged ‘unrighteous tyranny’. In the Fourth Era, the Renjira Krin were pacified by both the brutality of the Emperor Antigonus Mede and also the conciliation of Emperor Attrebus Mede. The Krin finally met their vicious swansong however, when they decided to adopt the new goal of opposing the Thalmor, a pursuit in which they grossly overestimated their capacity for success. INTO THE BLACKWOOD First impressions count. This is the truth, and it is a truth that has continued, in its own way, to vex historians and scholars of Cyrodiil to this day. When the legendary Topal arrived in the bay that would later bear his name, and began to traverse the river, finding, along the way, the numerous river-tribes that would come to be called ‘Nibeneans’ in later times, he first stopped in the region we now know as the Blackwood. For better or worse, perhaps due to oversight or loss of records, this area at the mouth of the Niben is the larger part of what remains from Topal’s descriptions in his journals. Later scholars overused the earliest descriptions of Cyrodiil he gave, neglecting the later entries, which admittedly, are less plentiful than the earlier chapters. This reliance on Topal’s early chapters, led to the infamous controversy of Cyrodiil being described as a jungle. Because a verdant jungle is exactly what the Blackwood is. And that is likely what your first impression of the land will be. Graced by only two roads, the Green and Yellow Roads, Blackwood is as verdant as Valenwood, and after the Great Forest, is the principal remaining woodland in Cyrodiil. Unlike the more temperate Great Forest, the Blackwood is tropical, humid and monsoonal in nature. Blackwood’s beauty is unsurpassed and rarely equaled in Cyrodiil and its charm is unique within the Imperial Province. Rain, which is a constant element of Blackwood life, and mist are the most common elements of Blackwood’s weather. Leyawiin boasts a very large and bright lighthouse, as to ensure that the Niben mist does not let ships go astray. But be wary, oh traveler, for though Blackwood is both beautiful and bounteous in the gifts of Kynareth, it is treacherous and dangerous also. Terrible swamp creatures dwell in its depths, some unique, many common to the depths of Black Marsh; Blackwood is a place where folk have come from across Cyrodiil to test themselves since time immemorial. As we sailed further south, Sure-Sail kept as keen an eye on the riverbank and the water as he did on the condition of our vessel. Giant snakes, Ogres, Jungle Goblins and fleshflies are not unusual sights in the Blackwood. Swamp trolls, which regularly reach at least two meters in height, sometimes three, are vicious predators, monstrously strong, but also blessedly stupid. Fire is the true tonic to the Swamp Troll. Naga-folk, which are kin to typical Saxhleel, but frighteningly serpentine and bestial, even to the many Argonians of the region, sometimes lurk in the jungles and waylay travelers. ‘Ware traveler, for the Naga-folk are expert ambushers and have none of the good humor of their Saxhleel cousins. The Wamasu is a quite large, and quite uncommon creature, rather drake-like in nature, but a vicious carnivore, with lightning based abilities. Sightings of the beasts are blessedly uncommon, however. Werecrocodiles are a hidden threat that stalk the waters of the swamp by night, instilling dread within all. But most terrifying of all is the Swamp Leviathan, a legendary serpent that is covered in spines that ascends from the depths of the Topal Bay to hunt. If there are even rumors of a swamp leviathan in the area, travelers should ensure they make themselves scarce. News of a Swamp Leviathan is usually well spread on Leyawiin’s streets, and the Counts have been known to close the gates and forbid outgoing traffic, in light of Swamp Leviathan sightings. While all these beasts are terrible to behold, in the Blackwood, they have a certain significance in the lives of the region’s natives. One and all are aware of the power and danger of the swamp creatures; historically, it is not unusual for young people, especially those of tribal backgrounds, to seek a beast and bring it back as a test of strength and tribal worthiness, or among more Imperialized citizens, to bring back a pelt or corpse as an element of the trials of Imperial Knighthood. Generally, this involves killing a smaller, standard troll or Ogre, or perhaps, slaying a tribe of Jungle Goblins and avoiding the more serious beasts. However, when I was to return home and take up my place as a Knight of Leyawiin, I was the first since the early Third Era to bring back a Wamassu. It is still a memory I recall with fondness. THE TALE OF LEYAN AND JORMUNGANDR The legendary founder of Leyawiin, Leyan Mothril, an Altmeri or Ayleid (the stories vary) knight in service to the Alessians, was charged by the Alessians to find the perfect spot for a port on Topal Bay, which could also command the entrance to the River Niben. Not only was there trouble from Black Marsh and Khajit soldiers fighting over the land, but the Nibenean, Argonian, Kothringi and Khajit settlers that lived at the mouth of the River were being harassed by a Swamp Leviathan of monumental size, which no blade could harm. The chroniclers of that time, who were apparently accompanying the Alessian expedition, state that the beast was the spawn of Hircine; the Nords in the company named it ‘Jormungandr’, which is Nordic for ‘World Serpent’. But according to the ancient tale, amidst an earth shaking storm on the Topal Coast, Lady Leyan, accompanied by her mercenaries, the Nibeneans, Argonians and Khajit, cornered Jormungandr, slew the great beast and put its Daedric thralls to rout. While hailed a heroine by the commoners, the jealous Alessians could not abide an Altmer ruling a Nibenese settlement. But the timely aid of Nocturnal allowed her to not only stay miraculously beneath the notice of the Alessians, allowing her to establish her family as a power in Leyawiin, the city she founded (but was not named Leyawiin until later) and the Blackwood, but the Lady of Night also gifted Leyan with a magical blade that let her pierce the beast’s hide and move through shadow. Though the Mothril family have always been patrons of the Chapel of Zenithar, there is an extremely ancient Shrine of Nocturnal deep within Blackwood, and it may well be that the Mothrils, who for centuries thereafter, ruled as Counts- later Princes- of Leyawiin, may have once paid tribute to the Lady of Night. When the dust had settled, the mighty serpent lay dead. The tale is an interesting one, if not rather fanciful and almost certainly apocryphal, but its antiquity and popularity in Nibenay has given my family, the Mothrils, a convenient, if not popular, tale of origin with which to cement their place in the cosmopolitan, but often cutthroat fabric of Nibenay’s nobility. LEYAWIIN, THE JEWEL OF THE BAY Leyawiin is the jewel of the Topal Bay and one of the only two ports in Cyrodiil. Since the war with the Dominion has led to a far greater militarization in Anvil, which now plays host to one of the largest naval shipyards in the Empire, and greater walls, Leyawiin is the city with the more commercial flavor and is responsible for handling a greater amount of cargo. It is also one of the principal offices and the primary southern port of the East Empire Company, and is the home of my family, House Mothril of Blackwood. Although Leyawiin is a bustling port, and the hub for sea trade for the Nibenese, it is also the site responsible for the security and integrity of the Niben, and thus, both the fortifications of Leyawiin and who may enter the river are both serious matters. These are issues constantly addressed and readdressed, so as to ensure the best security on the most vital waterway of Cyrodiil. No one in Leyawiin has forgotten the terror of the Aldmeri arrival in the night outside the city, and none are willing to see that happen again, so expect tight security. Since the Fourth Era began, Leyawiin, diverse and distant from the Imperial City, has been ruled not by a Count or Imperial Duke, but by a ruler known as the Archon, often chosen from the Caro family, but other families, including the Mothrils, have held the title as well. Unlike the other cities of Cyrodiil, Leyawiin was never conquered by force of arms by Titus Mede I, but swore vassalage to him in return for maintaining many of its rights and privileges won during the Stormcrown Interregnum. This autonomy of Leyawiin has persisted, despite the presence of the Legion in the region growing immeasurably since the Great War. Leyawiin is chiefly defended by the Leyawiin guard, a contingent of the Imperial Legion organized along the lines of the other town guards of Cyrodiil and also by the Knights of the White Stallion, a chivalric order devoted to the defense of the Archons and the removal of river bandits. One thing you will notice about Leyawiin is that, excepting the Imperial City, it is surely the most diverse city in Cyrodiil, perhaps all Tamriel. As well as the ever present populations of Saxhleel and Khajit, both of whom are considered more native than migrant, Dunmer, Altmer and Bosmer, and every other race possible is found in this city. Whilst the city is built over two sides of the mouth of the Niben, the populace does not gather into differing quarters based on race, as occurs in some other cities in Tamriel. Despite the issues that have arisen between Dunmer, Khajit and Saxhleel, all of these populations, and others, are represented on both banks of the Niben. Appropriately for the only seaport of Nibenay, the mercantile heart of Tamriel, thousands of shops are to be found in the streets of Leyawiin. The city is a commercial haven. Since the city is a port, many unique goods can be found, which are unique in all of Cyrodiil, even Tamriel. The heart of Leyawiin is the Grand Bazaar, which is not one cohesive structure like in the Imperial City, but centered on the Guildhall Square, and stretching along the Harbor Esplanade, and along the river, in a chaotic jumble of market stalls. The whole affair is chaotic, unweildy and entirely without planning’ many Khajit say it ‘feels like home’, but it can be confronting to those expecting Imperial City style orderliness. There are almost no areas of Leyawiin where there aren’t stalls and markets happening, which is appropriate, since there are almost always ships coming in with new goods. What makes the Bazaar and indeed Leyawiin in general, unique is that the bazaar is largely constructed as an under-cover market, so where it is impractical to construct walled roofed structures, great swathes of the market-orientated districts of the city are arranged under tarpaulins, which makes Leyawiin, seem to some, like a city of tents and beggars, as many merchants simply sleep on the street, behind their stalls. This is not the case however; Leyawiin is a city of commerce and of trade. But not even the Saxhleel enjoy being drenched all the time, so tarpaulins are a must, so people can continue doing business at all hours. Additionally, the haphazard nature of the bazaar’s layout can make Leyawiin’s streets seem narrow and unclear- it is a good plan to get a guide. Greasing a beggar’s palm should do the trick. Sometimes the streets can be elegant, colonnaded avenues constructed by the Mothrils in ancient times, but turn a corner, and the street you are on could merely be the small walkway between the hundreds of vendor’s stalls that stretch before you. There are no maps to Leyawiin’s streets. The truth is, as most Leyawiin locals will advise, that only Zenithar can steer you in the right direction to your destination- which you will reach after the right purchases. Even though they aren’t an entirely necessary fixture- Leyawiin is already very humid, and the regularity of rain means many people who wish to wash off simply remove their shirts and stand in the downpour- Leyawiin does have a substantial bathhouse. The bathhouse, which is one of the larger structures within Leyawiin, is a massive columned structure, which sprawls over an area several city blocks in size. While it was originally built by the Mothril Princes, the bathhouse was expanded exponentially during the reign of the Akaviri Potentates, who enjoyed the comforts of the south and especially enjoyed steaming themselves in the great bathhouses of Cyrodiil and in baths they built within the elaborate palaces they built themselves. Castle Leyawiin, where the Archons hold their court, is a mighty structure, built originally by my family, House Mothril, during the First Era. Although worn by time, it retains its charm. Constructed from black marble, in tribute to old Altmeri Styles with some Khajit influenced elements added as well, the building, though centuries old and covered in moss and vines still stands out, towering over the rest of Leyawiin’s buildings. Dinner parties here have a reputation of being exciting affairs, and once, under the dour countess Alessia Caro, Sanguine (or one of his agents) was held to have appeared in the castle and caused all kinds of raucous behavior. According to rumor, during the full moon, fine Elsweyr Skooma is served to guests who have done service to Leyawiin. Another great landmark is the Great Chapel of Zenithar. The tower of the chapel looms over the buildings and jungle foliage and people of all walks of life come here to seek counsel with the god of labor and commerce to find out how to succeed in life and business. There are also, invariably, large numbers of hawkers who happen to occupy the chapel at some time or another, so don’t be surprised if your prayers are interrupted by a sales pitch. After all, the more times the peddler pitches, the more chances he or she has of making a sale. It is, however, considered poor form to drop profanities within the chapel, as irritating as peddlers may be, so keep your “Xuuth” and your “N’wah” to yourself, regardless of how you feel. Finally, the ‘Eye of Zenithar’, also known as the Great Lighthouse of Leyawiin, is the giant beacon which serves as the guide to incoming traffic hoping to trade in Nibenay and as a guide to all who would traverse the mists of Blackwood that Leyawiin is near. Since the end of the Great War, the chiefest controversy to strike the city of Saint Topal is the growing Thalmor Presence. The people of Leyawiin have played host to large numbers of Altmer, especially since many boatloads of refugees arrived at the mouth of the Niben during the Thalmor takeover. Though the Justiciars who come to the city, who have a manor in the noble district set aside for their use, claim only to be present to foster relations with their 'wayward Altmeri kin' and to reside in Leyawiin for purposes of the White Gold Concordat, the people of the city have been on edge at the newcomer's presence. This feeling is especially strong amongst the Altmeri residents, who fear their city will be the site of a repeated 'Night of Green Fire', the dreaded massacre in the streets of Sentinel. Thankfully, the vigilance of the Leyawiin guard and the Knights of the White Stallion have prevented this. Staying in Leyawiin is a diverse experience. There are many, many varied accommodations to choose from, but there are a few rough guidelines to choose from. The lowest form of accommodation is the barrel. And by this, I literally mean, a barrel on the street you decide to occupy. Pros: It’s free. Cons: It’s bloody cramped and you may have to fight a beggar for habitation rights. Court cases have been known to arise between barrel claimants, so be aware. But having spent some time living in one, it’s not an entirely bad deal, especially if you chance upon a Rum barrel, although without giving yourself time to stretch, it does get a little cramped. Be sure your barrel does not become the receptacle for stolen goods, which is unfortunately a favorite tactic of some of the local scallywags. The second level of accommodation is the Skooma Den: these are not entirely reputable establishments, most often by the docks established solely for the purpose of tourists and locals consuming imported Skooma and Moon Sugar, often brought straight across the border from Elsweyr, Black Marsh or shipped in on one of the many Ebony Ships from Morrowind. They’re cheap, but divey and patrons frequently leave these establishments devoid of both memory and a pair of pants. The third classification of accomodation is the pleasure palace. The outlook of such establishments is self evident. Gambling and prostitution are the order of the day- or night- in these dens, but rooms (with companionship) are available. These establishments can be found in every single district of the city, although some of them are certainly more reputable and classy than others. One of the most infamous and prestigious of pleasure palaces is the ‘The House of the Beautiful’, staffed by Altmer of Leyawiin’s large expatriate community and founded by a disinherited lady of House Mothril who returned to Leyawiin after being evicted by Khajit invaders and nonetheless made herself monumentally wealthy as a courtesan. The establishment is named not only for the beauty of its Altmeri courtesans (remember to use this term), but for the old Altmeri secret society which sought modernization in Alinor during the Septim Era. Many of the ladies or the families of the ladies employed here were driven from Alinor by Thalmor repression for one reason or another, but just as many are Cyrodiilic born. Allegedly, many of them had links to the group. In recent years it has become noted as a place of contention, since Thalmor officials are fond of patronizing the establishment, which has led to contention with the local populace, and at no time was this more evident than in 4E 189, during the ‘Golden Spires Massacre’. Allegedly, a pair of Thalmor Justiciars were murdered within and a large group of Thalmor Guardians arrived to drag the ladies of the house out for punishment. This evinced unchecked fury from the Leyawiin townsfolk, who impaled every one of the guardians on the lampposts of the street outside, resulting in an avenue of the eponymous ‘Golden Spires’. The fourth classification are the inns, which vary in quality and cost. They range from vast, luxurious establishments such as the Saint Topal Inn, built in hybrid Ayleid-Imperial style, and which abuts the shores of the harbor and overlooks the mouth of the River from the bay. It also has a casino. Do not expect a cheap stay. In the middle are the inns for the middle classes. These are run by peoples of all races in Leyawiin, from Khajiit taverns run by resident clan mothers, to inns and cookeries run by respected Argonian Fishwives. At the opposite end of the spectrum from the luxury establishments are small bazaar flophouses, of which there are innumerable examples. Just pay a coin and ask a city bum for a good recommendation. Additionally, at the Topal Shores, just down the coast, east of Leyawiin, is a vast noble-orientated resort, where many wealthy and powerful of Cyrodiil come to spend coin and time in leisure. Finally, if you are fortunate, or of high enough birth, you may be privileged enough to be invited to stay in Castle Leyawiin, as guests of the Archon. You might also be asked more forcefully to stay in Castle Leyawiin if you break the law. CONCLUSION So we come to the end of yet another journey and guidebook. Having sailed to the mouth of the Niben, where else does the intrepid traveler have to venture but out into the Topal Bay and thence into the trade lanes of Tamriel? Continue to venture with me, Rivalen Mothril, to see the sights of Tamriel.
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