Finishing the Capital Markets Union

For many, the power of a nation is dictated by the strength of its fighter squadrons, the size of its Carriers, or the length of its tank barrels. None of this is accurate. The true power of the state comes from the strength of its currency, the size of its economy, and the length of its balance sheets. As the eternal saying goes, money makes the world go round, yet sadly the European World seems to have ground to a halt. Grand plans of greater financial integration are stillborn, even now that they're needed more than ever. As per the EU's third Capital Markets Union action plan, we shall go at it once more, and propose a new set of ideas and initiatives that ensure EU capital markets become ever more integrated.

Initiative	Description
European Single Access Point	Both national and EU-wide financial regulations ensure that the vast majority of European firms disclose large amounts of financial data with regards to their business. While this is undoubtedly a positive, ensuring that all EU investors can make informed decisions as to how to allocate capital, the sheer amount of information often vastly increases search and administrative costs, discouraging investments, especially across national borders. The European Single Access Point will be a new online Commission-led initiative, which will create a cohesive and easy-to-navigate treasure trove of published financial records, further addressing information failure and increasing investment. Furthermore, the new database will be machine-legible, ensuring that new technologies such as machine learning and AI can be used to analyze disclosures
Crowdfunding	Current EU financial regulations are antiquated in the field of crowdfunding, a minor yet rapidly-growing field of financing. The Commission will attempt to modernize these rules, ensuring that both investees and investors are adequately protected while incentivizing the growth of EU-grown crowdfunding platforms.
~~Harmonizing European Regulations~~	The divergent rules with regards to listing regulations and other standards companies must meet to obtain financing differ vastly from member state to member state, creating another administrative burden for companies and decreasing the viability of inter-EU listings and investment. The Commission will submit a list of proposals which aim to harmonize EU financial regulations Withdrawn
Expanding European Stock Market Participation	One major issue in Europe is the complete overrepresentation of bank financing in investment. While the US has a wealth of funds of all shapes and sizes, from hedge to angel, Europe has struggled to move away from its reliance on bank loans as its prime method of funding both new projects and existing operations. Such a model is not viable in the long term and has been largely responsible for the death of the European startup, in addition to generally low levels of innovation in key fields (notably IT and coding). The best way to address such a shortcoming is the growth of European stock-exchanges through indirect measures, via the simplification and streamlining of supranational regulations while creating favourable administrative conditions for new listings and investment into current EU companies. The Commission will submit new and improved regulations for EUP and EC approval, which will hopefully lead to a notable uptick in listings, with reform centring on the introduction of transitional provisions and general rule simplification. Information about how to list your company and it's many advantages will be propagated by EU officials as an alternative to bank financing, with information being easily accessible on the ESAP.
Harmonizing Financial Vehicle Regulations	Following on from the theme of shifting away from primarily bank-financed operations, the creation of Pan-European investment vehicles is the best long-term way of shifting towards the American model of fund investing, breeding innovation and allowing for repressed European ingenuity to flourish. The best way to do this is to ensure that funds can function past national borders, giving them access to the massive European single market while ensuring that the Union's poorer members move towards convergence via increased investment. The Commission will propose a directive which legally enforces the harmonization of select financial regulations (most notably select fund tax regulations, setting out legal definitions and stating what funds are and what powers different classifications of funds have), in order to facilitate the cross-border operation of investment vehicles.
ELTIF Regulations	ELTIF's are a new financial conjuration of the European financial system, investment vehicles designed with the sole purpose of trans-national investment. The current regulatory regime they operate under has been found to be inefficient as found by a 2020 public policy review carried out by the European Commission, which found practitioners EU-wide were united in their desire for ELTIF reform. The EC will now enact those reforms, harmonizing select financial regulations and ensuring that ELTIFs function as the high-yield, low-risk vehicles they have the potential to be. The cornerstone of ELTFIF reform will be the relaxation of the legal requirements for a vehicle to qualify as an ETLFIF, with only 60% of managed assets going to long-term investments. The other 40% can be invested in a free-range of investments, ensuring that stable long and short term cash flows exist. Furthermore, ELTIFs will be heavily marketed towards member state pension funds, with the EU hoping for the creation of large ELTIF-based funds due to the increasing size of EU pension systems with the institution of these simplifications.
Encouraging long-term Institutional Investment	The EU has far more than 99 problems, yet a lack of money is not one of them. The true issue within Europe is the lack of working capital, with most funds being underutilized by their owners. A large cause of this is the overcomplicated wording and overburdening regulation caused by Directive 2009/138/EC, which placed harsh limits on the investment opportunities of insurance firms in the wake of the Great Financial Crisis. The applicability of such regulations in the post-GFC era is debatable, yet few could argue that these are still applicable to a Europe which is in desperate need for investment in an era of low productivity and stagnant growth. The Commission will submit a series of proposed measures to weaken Directive 2009/138/EC, liberalizing the eligibility criteria for the long-term equity asset class, the risk margin calculation, and the valuation of insurers’ liabilities while ensuring that the remaining regulations better reflect the long-term nature of the insurance business while continuing to fight against overly pro-cyclical investment behaviours.
Basel III Regulations	Basel III is another prime example of post-GFC reaction which inhibits the growth of European Financial Centers and leads to sluggish growth. While the regulatory frameworks of Basel form a key building block of modern international banking standards, the EU's implementation of them shows a zeal which can only be damaging for the financial sector of our Union. Regulations (EU) No 575/2013 and (EU) No 648/2012 shall be amended to ensure that our interpretation of the Basel III treaty does not unfairly infringe upon the ability of banks to invest in long-term SME equity while incentivizing the use of TLTRO's to finance long-term operations. Furthermore, similar reforms laid out in Directive 2013/36/EU for other investment institutions will be reformed along similar lines, streamlining unnecessary safeguards and bringing EU financial regulations more in line with those of our competitors.
Referral Schemes	With Banks making up the vast majority of the EU lending sector, the denial of a loan often crushes the dreams of entrepreneurs and SME owners. The idea that bank loans are the start and end of a businesses dream is a major driving factor behind the lack of innovative EU-based digital start-ups, and can largely be addressed with the creation of Bank Referral Schemes. Such schemes will legally bind banks which reject an applicants funding request to direct them to alternate methods of funding, such as national start-up funds or equity-based financing. Furthermore, the ESAP will be made in a manner that ensures information about non-debt financing is easily available to listees, giving SME owners and entrepreneurs a viable alternative to bank loans.
Securities Reform	The EU securities market has also remained dead in the water ever since its death following the GFC. Securities form a valuable keystone of every modern financial market, allowing banks to share both risk and reward while creating relatively safe high-yield assets for investors to purchase. With the introduction of 5-year minimum TLTRO's, the EU is predicting a large increase in the number of loans issued by financial institutions, and a skyrocketing need for risk-sharing. Therefore, regulations on STS securities (securities which have been subject to a more diligent review), will be significantly reduced, allowing for larger amounts of risk to be unloaded on securities. Furthermore, the creation of synthetic securities (securities made up of securities), will also be liberalized on the condition they're subject to STS diligence. Non-STS securities will remain under stricter regulations, yet their size and scope will also be expanded.
Financial Literacy	Financial literacy is a crucial part of any working financial system. The European Commission will set out a basic framework for financial literacy for use by private and public organizations, ensuring that member states can propagate general Financial knowledge along European lines for all its members.
Improving Trust In EU Markets	European distrust of financial markets stemming from largely cultural factors and experiences derived from the 2008 crash dramatically slows down the development of large European financial service sectors. While numerous EU directives have approached this issue, few have successfully strengthened trust in our capital markets; investors remain wary of putting their money into any EU stock exchange. This will be done in a variety of ways. Initially, the commission will aim to align investor protection standards outlined by the IDD regulating the insurance industry with those of MiFID II, which regulates the financial sector as a whole. Synchronizing these two regulatory statures will allow for equal protection levels across EU capital markets, with an effect exacerbated by further reform. All parties will be obliged to improve the transparency of inducements and ensure that all MiFID II compliant inducements can be found on the ESAP. Furthermore, the EU will introduce specific reporting requirements for retail distributors (retail financial distributors), to allow for supervisory oversight. These measures will focus on improving consumer engagement and digital delivery, ameliorating market participation and growing EU capital markets.
Reforming MiFID II	MiFID II is a key EU directive which has become a crucial piece of European financial regulations. Nonetheless, it has recently celebrated its 13th birthday, and its lack of reform is quickly showing. A major issue is the outdated definition of retail investors, which has led to many entities being faced with undue administrative burdens due to misclassification as retail agents. The definition shall be updated for the 2nd decade of the 21st century, along with minor safeguard relaxations and a general streamlining of the regulations, to further fight against undue administrative burdens.
Advisor Regulation	The EU is in dire need of classified financial employees, with a large part of the need being financial advisors. A comprehensive list of requirements for the highly desirable label will increase consumer confidence in the market while guaranteeing the existence of a large and well-educated network which ensures that all potential investors can access financial advice. In addition to the creation of a comprehensive list of requirements, the EU will also create a pan-European classification of qualification, which will guarantee the education and capability of its holder everywhere within the Union.
EU Pension Advice	While we are still far from the creation of a pan-European pension scheme, the EU will still seek to pursuit harmonization in the pension sector. The European Union will establish a set of best-practice guidelines for the creation of national Pension dashboards and indicators, along with the creation of similar guidelines for national tracking systems. Both initiatives will allow EU citizens to better plan their pensions while ensuring people are aware of the benefits of investing in a fund-based pension. Furthermore, the EU will recommend the creation of auto-enrolment schemes and set out a list of best practices, to further strengthen the cause of reform in the pension sector.
Alleviating Tax Deterrence to Cross-Border Investment	Tax fraud and undue tax burdens are both a sad feature of the European single market, with current EU regulations being poorly suited to ensuring investors are not unduly penalized for deciding to invest all over the union. The commission will propose a legislative initiative aimed at curbing tax-fraud and ensuring taxes are not overpaid twice or thrice, while also introducing an EU-wide system for withholding tax relief at source.
Defining Definitions	Some obstacles to uniting EU capital markets are down to the extreme basics. One of the major ones is a lack of a common definition as to what constitutes a shareholder, and what legal rights such a person has. Both of these will be clarified by the commission, and we urge all EU nations to adopt such definitions into their legal systems.
Supervision in the post-Wirecard era	The Wirecard era shocked the European Supervisory Agency; showing the lacklustre state of EU regulation enforcement. The ESA's budget will be boosted to ensure it can attract true talent to work for the good of the EU, along with the imposition of new checks and balances to ensure that such a scandal cannot happen again.
A European Stock Index	One major reason for low equity market participation is the lack of a united EU-wide tech-based stock exchange, akin to the NASDAQ. A united equity market is vital for a capital union, ergo the commission will propose the creation of an EU-wide stock exchange, tilted towards listing EU start-ups and allowing them to grow via private equity. Initially run as a private corporation owned by the European Union, the ESEG (European Stock Exchange Group) will then be floated once total market capitalization exceeds 500 Bn Euro (with the threshold rising with inflation). The ESEG will function based on pan-European financial regulations, with its headquarters in Luxembourg and the Czech Republic; investors will be welcome to partake and trade in the exchange from any European nation.

I made a list of things you might not know about every character!

I realize that most of you already know these, but this is for people who have just about begun to take the game more seriously. Some of these are generally good in the competitive scene, others are good as mix ups, and others don't fit in either of these.
Mario - Use your cape to easily run off and grab the ledge for ledgetrumps.
Donkey Kong - He has four spikes; side b, down air, down b, and forward air.
Link - At 0%, strong boomerang combos into short hop thrown arrow, and the projectile that is shot out during forward smash does more damage if you charge. While crouching and during part of his idle animation, his actual shield blocks projectiles. If something with a fire property hits his bomb, it will explode.
Samus/Dark Samus - Their jab is not true, meaning the enemy can act out of the first hit of their jab.
Yoshi - His double jump has subtractive armour. This is true only for Yoshi.
Kirby - The power he gains after swallowing does more damage than the fighter he has swallowed. He will only heal 1% whenever he swallows any projectile. If he swallows an explosive projectile, he will let out a hitbox that will damage nearby opponents.
Fox - His reflector stalls in midair. Use this to mix up your landing. Many people underestimate his up b. You can recover using only that by directly going up from the top of the offscreen area at the bottom.
Pikachu - His neutral b is better if you throw it out in the air. You'll be able to control your movement as opposed to throwing it out on the ground.
Luigi - His down taunt spikes. At some percentages it is easily comboed into up b, and it can kill at ledge.
Ness - If you hit the stage after you up b, you can up b again! Use this if you lost your double jump and are recovering from low. Do the second up b quickly, or you'll go back into free fall. You cannot do this more than once before resetting your up b. His down b stalls in midair and can only absorb energy projectiles.
Captain Falcon - Side b has super armour if it has registered that it hit. That doesn't mean that if the opponent hasn't taken damage, the super armour doesn't come out. Reverse falcon punch will do more damage and knockback.
Jigglypuff - Sing is three separate hits, corresponding with the times she actually sings. You can see this when you're shielding, and it's possible to spot dodge during each note to avoid falling asleep. You cannot act out of neutral b if you hit it until you touch the ground. This means you can fall offstage and die because of this.
Peach/Daisy: Press down while you jump (I haven't been able to make this work with tap jump, so use a jump button instead) to instant float. You are now floating at ground level! Peach and Daisy will do aerials and will prioritize aerials over throwing items, so you can do aerials and still keep holding your turnips. They can pull Mr. Saturns or a Bob-Omb instead of a turnip! Toad will always do the same amount of damage, no matter what move they counter. Their forward smash has 3 different modes, up, forward, and down, which send in their respective directions. They will be pan, golf club, and tennis racket. Different turnips will do more damage. For example, the stitch face turnip does the most damage and knockback.
Bowser - If the enemy has less damage than Bowser, they will be able to control the direction side b goes. The control the enemy has increases as the damage difference between Bowser and the opponent increases. His fire breath will weaken and shrink the longer you hold it, but won't disappear.
Ice Climbers - Mash b when you side b to rise up! This is harder to do when the secondary ice climber has died.
Sheik - It is possible to teleport down through a platform with up b. Down b's distance can be extended or shortened by pressing forward or backward respectively. By pressing b again, the kick can come out faster.
Zelda - Down b is a projectile and can be reflected. It is not possible to up b down through a platform. It is possible to summon the phantom in front of you! Here's a link to what I'm talking about: https://youtu.be/Q88x2Pa6XVQ
Dr. Mario - His cape does not stall him in the air, and it has more vertical reach than Mario's. His down b has super armour immediately after the beginning of the move. His neutral air increases in power the longer it is out.
Pichu - Unlike Pikachu, his up b does not have a hitbox.
Falco - Side b can spike! He has the highest jump in the game. Canceling down taunt into down smash after "Hands of my" will lead to a hilarious moment.
Marth/Lucina - If you fully charge their neutral b in the air, they will move forward. They have invincibility at the beginning of their up b.
Young Link - While crouching and during part of his idle animation, his actual shield blocks projectiles. Unlike Link and Toon Link, his down air does not spike. However, you can spike if you hit people with frame 5 of his bomb! https://youtu.be/qNNWi0lYpZo
Ganondorf - At lower percentages, up tilt will jab lock if the opponent is on a battlefield side platform and Ganondorf is on the ground. Reverse neutral b will do more damage and knockback. If you are snatched by his side b, you can mash out of it.
Mewtwo - Down b is a projectile and can be reflected. Side b is a command grab and will go through shield. If you roll back towards the ledge until you are at the ledge, you can up b down and you'll be free to hit opponents trying to recover!
Roy - You can change the angle at which up b goes by choosing the angle on your joystick. He has super armour at the beginning of his up b if done from the ground. He is intangible frame 9 of his up b.
Chrom - His up b will not kill as early as Ike's. Along with the other Fire Emblem swordsmen (except Ike), his back air turns him around. His up b has super armour.
Mr. Game and Watch - His down b will do more damage if he absorbs projectiles of greater power. It will absorb only energy projectiles and reflect other projectiles. His down tilt is the only move in the game that will only hit if the opponent is touching the ground. It's also his only 3d move!
Meta Knight - Every one of his special moves puts him into free fall. His down b without attacking has a lot less lag than the attacking version.
Pit/Dark Pit - Down b acts like an actual shield and has so little lag that it is pretty good as a landing option. Side b is weaker when done in the air. Side b has super armour.
Zero Suit Samus - Like Zair, side b will grab the ledge.
Wario - Press up on your bike to do a wheelie and down again to do a powerful slam. You only need to mash b when you're chewing to chew faster. Jumping off your bike to recover essentially grants you an extra jump. Wario can eat his bike! He can also eat the parts of his bike that separate when the bike is destroyed. If he eats an explosive projectile, he lets out an explosive hitbox that can damage nearby enemies! Fully charged down b has super armour.
Snake - He has heavy armour when he is using up b. Using down b right in front of an opponent will stick it to them, and it is possible to transfer it back to Snake if it touches him. Down b will explode after 26 seconds. Snake can stand closer to his own grenades than the opponent! If the grenades are reflected, the opposite is true.
Ike - If you hit an opponent with side b, you will not be put into free fall immediately, but will if you don't act right after. His up b has super armour. His neutral b sword hitbox (not the flame hitbox) can hit under the ledge.
Pokemon Trainer - You can start with any Pokemon by pressing y or clicking on the pokemon icon in the character select screen. If you footstool Squirtle during side b, he will be incapacitated for a short time. Ivysaur up b has a sweet spot at the tip that is great for killing. It is possible to change the angle of the up b whenever it doesn't attach to the ledge. Charizard's up b has super armour. His fire breath will weaken and shrink the longer you hold it out, but it won't disappear. His side b is actually two hits, which can lead to a lot of jank.
Diddy Kong - It is hard but possible to control his barrels if they are hit off of him. Only left and right controls work on this. If you hit the stage while using up b (with the barrels on Diddy Kong), you can deal a bunch of damage to opponents up close. If you don't let go of neutral b, you will deal a ton of damage up close! This is very laggy, though. You can jump off the opponent after grabbing them with side b. This will push them down. You cannot up b if you side b attack (not grab) until you reset your up b.
Lucas - Like Ness's up b, you can up b again if you hit the stage. His down b will only damage when you release it and will only absorb energy projectiles. His up smash has invincibility at the beginning of the move. His back air can spike.
Sonic - You cannot act out of side b or down b in the air if you do not have your double jump. He has the fastest running speed in the game.
King Dedede - Dash attack will hit below the ledge. If you attack when gordo is hit back at you, you will instead do another side b. Down b has super armour after it has been released.
OlimaAlph - Pikmin have weights! If you are holding heavier Pikmin, it will be harder to move when you up b. Purples are heavy, reds, yellows, and blues are medium, and whites are light. Down b changes the order of your Pikmin. If you run into a character at the ledge and keep running, the Pikmin will change direction while running in place over and over again.
Lucario - While charging neutral b, the aura sphere has a hitbox. Aura will increase if you have less stocks than your opponent.
R.O.B. - Side b is a reflector. His neutral b has a hitbox right in front of him that you can use even if the laser isn't charged up. You can use less fuel when recovering by mashing b when using up b. You can only start recharging fuel if you are on the stage. The ledge does not count! If you up b immediately after dashing, you get a lot of horizontal momentum in the air!
Toon Link - Grounded up b will send farther than aerial up b (even if uncharged) but will do slightly less damage if uncharged. While crouching and during part of his idle animation, his actual shield blocks projectiles.
Wolf - Down b does not stall midair. Down b gives Wolf invulnerability immediately after the beginning of the move. You can change the angle side b goes. His actual gun had a hitbox.
Villager - Neutral b has invincibility. It can be used as an extra airdodge that can be used multiple times. If you hold b during side b, you will ride on Lloid! If you let go, you will go into free fall. If you hit something with a hurtbox, you will do a leap. Therefore, if you hit the stage, you will go into free fall. Their up b works on fuel like R.O.B.'s. After you chop the tree down, there's a slightly larger than small chance that a piece of wood will drop (which you can throw and/or pocket) and a very small chance that a healing piece of fruit will drop!
Megaman - Throwing the gear down and grabbing it will set you up for a gear throw that has less lag than the actual gear throw. It is possible to double jump AFTER you up b!
Wii Fit Trainer - If you shield while doing side b, you will not hit it and it will fall, so you can do some set ups with that by hitting it with another move after. However, this does put you into free fall, so don't do this offstage! Jab 1 has a backward hitbox that can help with coverage of different options.
Rosalina & Luma - Luma can attack even if Rosalina is incapacitated, such as being grabbed or buried. Luma will do the back hit of down smash before the forward hit.
Little Mac - Up smash can hit below the ledge. Side b can be used as a quick option if you hit b again quickly after using the move. His forward smash has 3 different modes: up, forward, and down. Forward and up do about the same damage and send at their respective angles. Down forward smash will do the most damage but low knockback. It is really good for breaking shields and racking up damage. Up b goes higher if you are grounded when you use the move. All his smash attacks have super armour and will blue screen/do more damage if you are hit when performing a smash attack.
Greninja - After using side b, move in the opposite direction to move the shadow back. You can also jump while preparing side b! After getting hit during down b, press any direction to send the opponent in that direction. You can side b while you are in tumble (character is falling and spinning after getting hit) to surprise opponents! This is omnidirectional and not just 8 directions. The downwards version will spike. His up b can be used to push people like Mario's down b AND deal damage, but will not put them out of free fall! It is a damaging windbox. Down taunt is a damaging move, and you cannot cancel it.
Palutena - If you use side b after holding the direction of the side b right before using the move (like when running in that direction), the explosive flame will spawn closer to Palutena. You can up b teleport down through a platform. Her dash attack and back air make her invincible if hit on her shield!
PAC-MAN - The galaga (ship that comes out in neutral b, the 6th one) will sometimes go at an upwards angle, and it will sometimes go horizontally after the twirl. This is completely random. The hydrant can be countered even after it has landed. If you cancel neutral b, you can hold b to continue charging. If you catch a fruit, you can continue charging as if you had never let go of that fruit! You can hit PAC-MAN during his neutral b charge to make him let go of his fruits. After swallowing the power pellet in side b, you will have heavy armour. You can easily tell by noticing that PAC-MAN flashes red during this time. This only works if you have summoned at least 2 regular pellets before releasing the move. If you hit the stage with side b, you will lose your ability to drift in the air unless you act with something else. You can change the path of side b by pressing up or down. You can grab the ledge during side b. While neutral b is charging, the fruits and other things can be hit with no damage being dealt to PAC-MAN. It is very hard to spot dodge PAC-MAN's grab! The whole grab is a grab hitbox, not just the end. A well-placed up b trampoline at the ledge will force an opponent to bounce off of the trampoline unless they stall it out or jump over it from the side. If you see a red trampoline, do not land on it! If you are either PAC-MAN or the opponent, you will be put into free fall. You can hit the trampoline to use it up. Hit it with harder hitting moves to make it jump multiple colors or make it disappear early.
Robin - Up b can spike if you are really close to your opponent. If you catch someone with down b, you get put into free fall in the air.
Shulk - You can switch monado arts while you are getting hit. Monado arts have negative effects as well. For example, you do less damage with shield and will take more knockback with smash. With buster, you will take more damage.
Bowser Jr. - You can jump after using side b in the air to get what is essentially a third jump. Grounded side b has heavy armour while it is being stopped. Spinning in the air with side b well refresh side b, so you can change directions. Although not seen in legal stages, side b is not infinite! It will spinstop after a while and will do so after more time if you hold in the direction of the side b. Easily seen in training stage.
Duck hunt - You can move the can while doing other things like grabbing.
Ryu/Ken - Down b has super armour against a single hit. You can cancel it by dashing twice in a single direction, and they will move in that direction. You can use this to help in your horizontal recovery. In doubles (or anytime you're playing with more than two players), their down throw shield breaks.
Cloud - If you are hit while you are charging your limit, you will lose some of the limit charge.
Corrin - Side b in the air has a very strong tipper hitbox. You can charge the dragon fang after the dragon fang shot even if the shot wasn't charged.
Bayonetta - Up tilt has really low knockback growth, so you can use it to set up combos even at high percents! If you press down after side b in the air, you will do a downward angled side b! If you up b, then double jump, then up b immediately after, you can double jump again!
Inkling - Using side b off stage and then jumping will grant you what is essentially a third jump. Holding b during down b will allow you to throw the bomb farther. Fully inking up the opponent will make you deal more damage, but not more knockback.
Ridley - If you get hit will charging your fireballs, you will take a lot of damage but will take no knockback.
Simon - Contrary to popular belief, down b will ONLY allow the red Pikmin through. You can tether with forward, back, and up air. Also works with Richter.
Richter - Down b does not let Pikmin through. Forward tilt, forward air, back air, and up air have tipper hitboxes. Back air stays out longer than forward air. This also works with Simon.
King K. Rool - Down tilt will bury opponents if aimed correctly. Neutral b's suck can also shoot either the cannonball or the opponent straight up or in the opposite direction! If you get hit will countering, you can reverse it and it will send the opponent in the opposite direction! His side b has heavy armour and his up air damage is not affected by whether he has his crown on or not.
Isabelle - Like Villager, neutral b has invincibility and can be used more than once to provide essentially infinite airdodges. Down b can release Lloid if you press down b again. Her up b works on fuel like R.O.B.'s. Side b can tether.
Incineroar - Up b has super armour and can kill at 0%, and can be comboed from down throw. Incineroar has invincibility on his whole body, then his head and arms, then just his arms during his neutral b. He has the slowest running speed in the game.
Piranha Plant - Since side b does no knockback you can use it to build up a bunch of damage during a shield break! After charging and releasing down b, if you press b again immediately after, the length of the move will be shortened. Do this if you think you might get spiked or countered or whatever. If you get footstooled while crouching, you will bite the opponent.
Joker - If you press left or right while using neutral b on the ground or air, you will dodge left or right respectively and will continue using guns in the same direction. In the air, press up while using neutral b to spin in a circle and down to barrage opponents downwards to stuff up their recovery. You can hold down b as regular Joker a lot longer than you might expect. As regular Joker, up b can grab opponents. Bullets are not projectiles and cannot be reflected.
Hero - If you use down b while on the edge of the screen, you have a much higher chance of getting Zoom to get back on stage. Hitting shields will also grant you MP. Fully charged side b has super armour. It is possible to charge neutral b without MP, but you cannot shoot it until you recharge MP. Whack and Thwack will automatically kill at 160% or higher. While crouching and in his idle animation, his actual shield can block projectiles.
Banjo & Kazooie - Holding b will launch eggs at a faster rate, doing less damage and following a horizontal trajectory. You can be grabbed out of side b.
Terry - Strong command input down b can spike.
Byleth - It is impossible to tech up b after getting spiked. You can cancel neutral b immediately AFTER the yellow animation starts, but only immediately. It is still a projectile in the yellow state.
Min Min - The laser shot out my the dragon arms auto-aims. While you can do the smash input in the air, you cannot charge it in the air. Grounded up b has invincibility at the beginning of the move. If you are grabbed, frozen, stunned, asleep, crumpled, paralyzed, burned, or miss a tech on the ground, you lose power dragon, the upgraded dragon that you get for 20 seconds after you throw someone. She has invincibility at the beginning of her grounded up b.
Mii Brawler - Suplex can land on a platform from the ground.
Mii Swordfighter - Like Palutena's side b, the chakram's path can be modified by pressing in the direction of the side b right before using the move. You can also angle up and down. The modified version will hit multiple times and is great for comboing.
Mii Gunner - The cannon kick up b can spike.
And that's it! Tell me if you found it interesting or if I missed anything or if I got something wrong! I'll update as more characters are released and as more facts are discovered/remembered.
EDIT: A bunch of edits to the facts here and there; Added Falco, Added Mii Fighters; Typo at Jigglypuff, Bowser, Palutena, Cloud, Joker, Min Min, Mii Swordfighter

[Alaxsxaq - a Fabulism] - Chapter 2

Chapter 1. Not Nearly The First Of It But I Must Start Somewhere
Alaxsxaq is the gripping tale of the Dark Lord's escape, told from his delirious and devilish point of view. Apsim Totapas Gryl has eluded the clutches of the good and just and kind for 24 chapters (so far). Here is the first.
COVER
Alaxsxaq is narrated and produced by the author as a podcast of literary episodes called The Unuseful Hour, A Tribute to Escapism, with new episodes every Sunday. These text chapters will also be posted on /redditserials each Sunday.
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Chapter 2. A Soldier Of Childblaine Thasicks
The world is black when the sun rises. The fire has burned through all the land that surrounds me and little is left except char and smoke. I walk another sloping hillside covered in the soot, my skin as hot as the tortured ground beneath me. They will not find me today. They cannot.
I am hollow from lack of sleep, but at least I am not cold. My pale arms are black to the elbow and my right ring finger throbs. I may have broken it in my haste. Apart from that I am hale and whole. The imps have subsided, sated, and given me back both my skin and the nebula of apophyge which surrounds me. It swirls about me like smoke, I have been told, as it swirls in varying degrees about us all.
If it is smoke then this whole burned land is bathed in apophygetic power. And I played no small part in its growth. Like an imp, I scuttled along within a much larger organism of inferno. The image makes me laugh. Imps too grow up to be devils of great puissance. “So shall I!” I crow at the fume-shrouded sun. “So shall Apsim be! Once again!” I have always thus declared my strongest feelings to the sun and stars and sky, shouted from mountain tops and echoed throughout long valleys. But in this damnable flight there has been nothing but silence and stealth. Now I can shout out once more.
I lurk in the burned woods, seeking a stone I can shape. I find a broad flat sedimentary shelf of limestone and gravel. I wipe away the soot and place my hand on its irregular surface. When I feel a tingling from palm to fingertip, in my mind’s eye I see a million ants marching, excavating the site. When I lift my hand a bowl-shaped depression has appeared within the stone. In it I pour water I call forth from beneath my fingernails, a few drips at a time. Soon I have myself a small sink, in which I rinse my hands and face. I dribble more drops into my thirsty mouth and let it play over my ropy stinking hair.
My brief toilet completed, I address my hunger. I lift my left hand, fingers outstretched, to summon a game hen with crackling skin stuffed with carrots and garlic. My mouth waters in anticipation. But at that moment the column of smoke above my head swirls and the sun breaks through, disturbing my nominal concentration. I look upward and frown. Either it is an innocuous column of air rising naturally upward in the changing heat of this hillside or I am beset by my adversaries once more. Nichenal knows much of the weather, and hates me more than most. It could be he who is revealing me to the others, though he himself is otherwise harmless. It would be just like him to throw back the covers so the cats could pounce on this bed. Or it could be that djinn of the air, Ketaphlyx, as run by his mistress Wrine. I hope, if it is any of them, that it is the djinn, for I have always known his secret desire for human flesh, and would parlay my freedom for a pound of my own.
I curl my fingers back into a frustrated fist. No food quite yet. I must make do with the few drops of water. Dark thoughts of revenge are my meal, and they sustain me through this blackened landscape.
I find a body huddled beside a tree. What luck. Its clothes have been burnt away, along with most of its meat. By its length it was a tall man—a soldier? The Utical Guard had pursued me that first night I broke free of the dungeon. Perhaps this sturdy fellow had followed me all the way to his death. Or, once again, it could be nothing but a forester. Only one way to find out.
I tilt back the skull to access the brain pan from beneath. The bone has cooked itself black and the brain matter within is gray jelly. I scoop three fingers within to retrieve it. Hm. Still warm. I raise my dripping fingers in the air. “Ketaphlyx!” I call. “A repast for you!”
Silence. Perhaps it is not the djinn after all. I eat the gray goo myself. The taste is off, like licking an ashtray. Yet it restores me somewhat. A thorough search of the body shows there is nothing else worth saving, though I crack open the toe bones and suck out what I can, to ground me. Eating only the brain of a man can unhinge one’s own reality. It is best to join it with the organs of the gut, the wrist bones, and the toes. But one does what one can.
If only his clothes had survived the fire. . . There is no way I can recreate his dress without it being seen as illusion. Ah, well.
I curl up beside the lifeless form and bury my head in its darkness. I close my eyes. My trance comes quickly, my apophyge settling over both of us. I see a rush of imagery. Childhood, parents, a wife, a parade of mediocrity, on and on and on. . . There must be better clues to his identity than these snatches of laughter and light. Ah. There. A sergeant major yelling in my face. He was a soldier after all, though I recall no livery to identify him. Walking a curtain wall, the stone is pale grey. Low mountains in the distance, the sunset beyond. It could be any castle, though I strive to remember that particular shade of stone.
If only I could discover a name. . . No matter. It will come.
I stand. My body is different. The proportions have shifted. He was a man of long legs and narrow chest. His reconstituted body is now mine. I run my hands over my unfamiliar skull. Bald. A Glyph Captain then? My neck is cold and I shiver. Hairless and naked. By the three tits of Taminene I need something to wear out here. And I will not forsake my threepins and veil. I look down at the body, clothed now as I have been, its head wreathed in my own hair. That famous hair will identify the body as me. No. This is too close. It will prove I was here and I would prefer they kept guessing. I scalp my old body and keep the hair, for the warmth if nothing else. Its singed and matted braids fit loosely on my narrow skull. Whatever blessings this man had bestowed upon him, a well-formed head was not one of them.
I stalk away through shafts of sunlight, my belly still growling. Grand. He hasn’t eaten in days either. As I walk, north by northeast, I pick through the pages of his life as I would a poorly-written biography, skipping chapters and sections as it suits me. Searching for a name. A history. Details that speak to my own predicament.
Aha. I have it. Velibon. Not a Glyph Captain but a Red Spear, a superstitious apaphna from the ranks of Uventa’s clone men.
And what is more, he is still hidden within here. With his name comes his amanuensis, cloaked in soft light. He croaks, exhaling smoke, still suffering the agonies of being burned to death. But seeing me within our shared mind's eye, wearing his skin but with my own dark eyes, brings him back to himself. I sigh. This will no doubt be a long and wearying process. I find myself a place to sit and prepare a trance.
“Who are you. . . ?” the ghost within me beseeches, its eyes hopeless and lost. It evidently has no knowledge of its own power. This may be easier than I feared after all. I forego the trance for trickery.
“I am Velibon,” I answer brusquely.
“No. . . !” he wails, curling a finger in at his breastbone, a child claiming a right. “I am. . .”
“I am Velibon,” I repeat. “My wife is. . .”
“Ortica. . .” he provides. “She is my—”
“Yes, mine. And my superior in Uventa’s Red Spears is. . .”
“Childblaine Thasicks is—”
“As I was about to say. Childblaine Thasicks. Ortica. They all belong to me. My memories. My life. Who are you?”
“I am. . . I am. . .” the lost ghost wails, its life receding quickly, claimed by this pitiless usurper. I realize belatedly that this is a relic and proof of the Red Spear religion, a confirmation of their shamanic rites of passage, in which they sing that no darkness can extinguish their light, that no death can vanquish them. It seems they were right after all. I will have to mention it to them if I ever have the chance. A fascinating little discovery in its own way. We do build our houses of afterlife for ourselves. Here is proof inside this corpse’s head. I must do more to construct my own abode of the spirit.
It does mean, however, that this remnant will not dissipate under my force of will. Greater power than my quick tongue will be needed to quell it.
“The child. . . the child. . .” Velibon’s shade mutters to itself, growing restive and hostile as its new condition becomes more clear. It casts dark untrusting glances at me, its doppelgänger. Time to nip that nonsense in the bud.
“Velibon. Velibon. Listen. You are Velibon, yes. Yet so am I. I am. . .” It is time to get creative. “. . . your other self. Locked away. Yes, hidden away within you your entire life. You are dead now and I may speak clearly.”
“My. . . other self. . . ?” The ghost frowns in confusion and blinks his empty eyes. He finds a remnant of his pride and scowls. “I don’t believe you. If you’re me, then what do you know of the child?”
A need to be careful here. No. Burn all caution. Wild daring instead. “Know of the child? Why, I am the child. I am that child who still haunts you.”
That takes him aback. I feel his surprise and vertiginous emotional collapse as my own. He teeters on the brink of it for a moment and then plummets, his mind still desperately clawing at the edge. “Then tell me. . .” The sobs wrack and break in upon his words. “If you really are him. . . What did—did the ch—child do?”
Now this part is easy. I could say anything to a man in such extremity and have him believe it. “Ha!” I sneer. “It is what you did not do for this child that is important.” I accuse him as one who’s been wrongfully imprisoned in here for a lifetime.
He puts ethereal hands to his mouth and stifles a gasp. Falling to his knees, he bows that narrow bald head of his. “I beg—” he sputters from between his fingers, trying to deny the long-held grief. It is so common with cowardly men, who flee from all painful experience. They leave piles and piles of baggage unexamined, as if its waiting neglected by the porter at a tavern’s door. Tyrannical father. Waspish mother. Faithless wife. The memories hide within him, unable to ever be overcome. “I beg you—to forgive me. . .”
“Never,” I spit, and kick him.

�

“There is a wind blowing, hmm. A warm wind from the south, yes. It gathers in strength and, hmm, rises from the lowlands. It, yes, it carries with it my lad a hint of currant and rosehip, grape and pathical eider. This, hmm, wind. It chases the, yes, the towering thunderheads from the sky and gives us a clear view, for the first time since a fellow like you was a child. Yes, hmm.”
I favour her with a heavy look, filled with bored indifference. She sneers at my thickness and strokes at the notched and pitted table where her stones were thrown. She points at a little chip, a flake of red-streaked marble. “And here,” she lectures me, “is fire. Yes. The wind will send the fire against the ice, up to the very flanks of Dinnalee. The world grows warmer. Hmm. All Alaxsxaq wakes from its long hibernation. Ooh yes. Secrets long buried, hmm, will be revealed. Glaciers melt. Cave mouths open. Not all will survive the coming of this dawn.”
“Will I?” I ask with a measure of anxiety pinching my features. I find that Velibon’s face falls easily into worry. It is one of his favourite emotions.
“If you pray. If you pray, my child. Yes. If you honour your elders and pray, hmm?” she holds out gnarled fingers for the expected coin. But I have no coin, and no desire to give her any. The fortune she has told me is useless. Her sight is too dim to make aught but cowherds tremble. Old hag. At least her tea has warmed me. I nod at her slowly, as if I absorb the portent of her words. Then I scan her belongings with avarice, to see if anything of use can be found in this smoky little hovel besides the bitter tea. Nothing. And I would need to slay her to take things, which would only reawaken my pursuers to the trail I have taken.
“I am a Red Spear.” I stand.
“I know. Yes. I see directly into your heart, my son.”
“If you could see directly into my purse you would know all.” With that I take my leave, chased out the hanging deerhide doorway by her harmless curse. I step out into the bitter morning air.
I wear a moldy black bearskin and little else. My hair still sits skewed atop my head, wrapped in ropes around my unlovely pate. I found the bearskin in an abandoned cottage deeper in the forest. By it I knew I came once more into the lands of men. I'd pulled it from a cold bed and wrapped it around my shivering shoulders. An hour later I found this witch’s haunt here at the base of a tumble of black ignimbrite stone. Good stone, yet weak with a residue of earthsap. A bulwark could be raised here some day. Perhaps an outpost of my main castle, whose foundation must fairly glow with power.
A warm wind from the south. “Ha! Currants and grape indeed.” I swear to the sun. “I’ll eat these fruits till they run like blood down my chin!” I had begged a fortune from her to find any news of my flight. She had instead parroted the propaganda of my enemies. Currants were always a symbol of Wrine’s. The grape was her brother Oswaldin. Melt these northern wastes? “I doubt it!” Rosehips were the Hummingbird Queen’s. The eider of Pathas is the Cloudwatcher’s downy cloak. Hearing the reference made my blood boil and the imps within me chatter with heat and bloodlust.
I should have encased the old harridan in ice. I should have pulled all these black stones down on her pitiful hovel. Then she would see how warm that wind made her. Even here, in the middle of nowhere, in the mazy hills of the Takotnes, I find a revolutionary crone waiting on her liberation. Pah.
“Velibon.” My voice is a command. I stride purposefully along a streambed of mud and broken rock, downstream toward what is most likely a village. A hedge witch like her is no true hermit. She depends on the gullibility and fear of others, to have bushels of corn and fish laid at her door to keep her evil curses at bay. I have seen the type enough. Hm. No answer from the chattel spirit within. “Velibon!”
“Y-yes. . . ?” he sputters, a whisper in my ear. His reluctance hums through me as a hopeless drone.
“When I address you, answer promptly. And properly, you worm.”
“Yes, master.”
“Do you know these lands?” For a brief moment I allow him to gaze out of my eyes. He searches for landmarks.
“No, master.”
“Useless creature.” He scuttles away, back into the shadows within. I am seized by an unbearable impatience. For too long I have been on the run. I am more used to sitting on a throne of skulls than I am to all this flight. Impatience turns my thoughts wicked. Wicked thoughts always lead. . .
. . . to Clerise.
In my memory I slowly peel the silks and velvets from her creamy skin. O, kitten. Art thou not a statue carved from milk-white marble? Aspasian carved a famous likeness of the goddess Truine which Clerise favours identically. That resemblance has carried her far in life, from a nettle-milk hamlet in Humire to the Court of the Thrice. It was there my brother Genver found her, a lady’s youngest maid, clad in a sheath of sky-blue satin. She was only fifteen. And for the next six years he had her to himself. I always resented him those years of bliss. I made him pay for them again and again, yet—as he told me while I drained the blood from him—I could never take the memories from him. Bastard.
Clerise’s shining red-black hair falls in ringlets from the heart of her face. Her fetching little chin is not quite as pointed as her tongue. And her eyes flash only slightly less than her fury. Yet only in bed is she a true match for me. Her fingers play melodies on my skin. Her mouth. . . O, that dark-ringed mouth. How often I have slapped it, to cease her taunts before I lose myself and slay her. I always silence her instead by crushing her beneath me.
“Who is that?” Velibon whispers, gazing in awe upon the memories of my own. It is certain he has never beheld a vision such as Clerise, certainly not an unclothed Clerise bucking and thrashing in the candlelight.
“None for you,” I mutter at him. “None for any man at the moment.”
“She is real?”
“Nay, Velibon,” I laugh. “She is not real. She is a figment. A fancy. She is only a dream to lusting lonely men.”
“That she is, master. . .”

�

No village but a garrison. A stockade of sharpened logs planted in a rectangle with archer platforms at each corner. Flying the red and gold flag of Gundea Mostoc. A minor Count made wealthy by the flowstone mines in his canyons. He guards his holdings well. No friend of his neighbor Uventa, either. Her Red Spears have crossed his borders and murdered his outliers many a time. And now before I know it I’m across a wide field and too close to the walls to retreat without arousing suspicion. The Mostoc soldiers will certainly demand to know who I am. And who I am is their avowed foe. They’ll most likely kill me on the spot. Frustration and fatigue seize me by the throat. “Damn this day!” I shake a fist at the distant towers in vexation.
“Shove it right up the devil’s bunghole! Why don’t you just kill me now?”
To be the Lord of Chaos, as I am, has no bravery in it. It is more kinetic. Once it begins it builds and builds upon itself til I’m a flood overtopping my banks. It carries me away, and I merely hang on for the ride.
I stomp angrily up the broad muddy track, past the fields of ryeseed and flax, toward the open gate. “Just flay me! Spit me and roast me already!” Farmers working in their fields stop their work and watch me. But I have no time for them. I march toward their fort, my hands waving in the air, my curses ringing out.
Within me, a cautious voice whispers, “Master. . .” But the roaring in my ears is louder. Velibon tries again urgently. “Master, these Mostocs will eagerly kill us. . . !” I look up at the northeast tower, the closest and highest one, commanding the main approach. Three archers, just boys but most likely born to the bow in these benighted woods, raise their weapons and sight on me.
“Master, I have raided this land myself! These men will know of Velibon of the Red Spears. . . !” His voice pleads in my ear, but I literally cannot stop what I have begun. I am not sure at this point, after all this cold and hunger, that I want to. I bare my chest and roar at them, “Just DO IT then! I’ve HAD IT!” A note of insanity cracks my voice. They lower their arrows a notch and share a look. I lurch through the gate, into the filthy yard, and stumble to the only thing made of stone in this entire place: the well with its little iron handpump in the centre of the yard. “A perfect end! Run like a coward. . . to die in this SHITHOLE. . . !”
A crowd gathers, to watch me stumble to my knees with a groan and work the pump with a loud creak. The garrison has gone silent. I am surrounded by soldiers. I do not care to count them. I am too dry.
After I have slaked my initial thirst I round on them, snarling. “Well get on with it then!”
Those around me are all hardened border men. They have fought and killed as a sport their whole lives. A sergeant in his iron coin armour lifts an axe and snarls.
“Velibon the rat.” He steps toward me.
“Icashe he is. . . I killed his brother. . .”
I wave Icashe toward me urgently. “Come on then, Icashe. Hurry up, you STUPID dirt head PIG! Let me die! Before IT kills me!”
“Stay.” A deep voice of command halts Icashe in his tracks. Well-trained men then. It is the Captain, pulling on black leather gauntlets and squinting at me with worry.
“What do ye mean, Velibon?” His voice has a deep burr to it. He is untutored but clever, that much is apparent at a glance. Given a choice between Uventa’s firedancing Red Spears with their greased skin and chattering shamans or these plucky hill men with their upstart Count, I would befriend the latter. But such a choice is not mine to make today.
“Nightmare!” I screech, in a voice filled with horror and pain. I claw at my eyes, as if to remove the sight of something or other from them. “Lost all of them! Ran over the whole country like a tide! They’re ALL GONE!”
The soldiers share glances. They have each heard the ravings of beaten men, fleeing from a retreat, addled by what they have suffered or elaborating on the threat to make their cowardice look justified. “Where?” the Captain demands. “When?”
Now Velibon is laughing in my ear. I laugh too. Charged with terror by my imminent demise, famished and pushed beyond extremity, I throw myself at Icashe’s feet and scream at him, “KILL ME NOW!” But Icashe is looking at the Captain for guidance, who turns toward the main gate.
Without a word a number of men pull away to the gate. A few climb the towers facing west. Finding the horizon clear of disturbance, one of the senior men turns and calls out, “All clear, Captain! No sign o' anyone!”
“How far away be they?” the Captain demands once more of me.
“Who is 't?” another voice calls from a doorway. An old man in a stained cassock. A Tryptal cleric, still eating his drumstick with greasy fingers. “Red Spear,” he scowls, then makes quick calculations. “Pyraemis? Does he lead his knights against Uventa? He could never do’t alone, though. Tell me. It must be Pyraemis.”
“Fool!” I cackle. “This isn’t an invasion! It isn’t even human!”
The Captain kneels in the muck beside me and lifts my chin with a steady hand. He frowns at me and searches my eyes. “What is’t then?”
I hiss: “An extermination.”
The Captain pulls back involuntarily. He drops my head. I babble nonsense in a puddle. “Close th’ gates!” he commands. “But do not ring th’ bells.”
“Bring in th’ village, sar?” A voice asks in concern. Their families are out there beyond the walls.
“Not yet, Kyt.” The Captain addresses me again, loudly, so all can hear his words. “Velibon o’ th’ Red Spears. Tell me who hath broken ye an’ tell me how far they be.”
My mind is empty. Oh, I could invent something about dragons or the dead rising from their graves, but I have no desire to bring them to life. My mind is blank. I look at the Captain, unable to proceed, and I laugh again. But this laugh is a gloating laugh. It is a madman realizing he gets to witness his enemies die. Oh, the horrible thing may have killed me and my own, my taunting laugh tells them, but by the end of the day I get to watch you die as well. I laugh and laugh, chilling them to the bone, seizing on the one last thing that could possibly please me in this life.
The Captain finally turns away from me in disgust. “Mintcz. Ride ye t’ Brevia,” he tells a guard. My exertions have made my eyes swim with tears. I back away from them until I feel a wall at my back. Stumbling backward away from them along the roughhewn wood, I scrape my back raw and kick my way through offal.
“What should I tell ‘em, sar?”
“T’ expect another horse in an hour. Tell ‘em what you’ve seen and what this cur ha’ said. But tell ‘em what he’s not said too. I feel in ma bones this may be a trap.”
“He is not acting,” a voice reasons. The priest.
“No, but they may ha’ bewitched ‘im before setting ‘im upon us. Parhaps Velibon has lost th’ love of his Duchess. Parhaps he is only her bait.”
Icashe pleads, “Let me kill th’ bastar’, sar. Tis only fair. He ha’ no more t’ tell us.”
“Nay, he’s all we know o’ th’ mystery,” the Captain answers. “He gives as many clues with th’ silence as he do th’ answers. Now where did ‘e go?”
I’ve stumbled back away from the buildings and along the inside of the stockade wall. I weep and groan now in turns, wiping mud from my eyes and calling out random names. “Liset! Craster! Ah, little Gita! All gone!”
The Captain makes a detour through a building and comes out laden with food and drink to intercept me. He hands me a skin of wine. I suck it greedily down, feeling the warm flush of its bitter juice spreading through my belly and lightening my head at once. I’ve had no solid food in my belly for days. The alcohol is a torch to my dry tinder and I blaze.
“DO YOUR WORST!” I suddenly shout at the Captain. “Have your priest say his prayer! Close the gates! Arm you men with pitch and poison! Don't you see? There is no HOPE!” He takes a deep unhappy breath and sighs, then holds out a dark loaf of bread to me, as if trying to tame a wild stallion. I snatch it from him and tear a corner savagely away with my teeth. Ah, food! The men gather again, to hear our speech.
“Is it but one thing? One creatur’?” the Captain wonders. “An’ it ha’ laid Uventa’s lands low? How can tha’ be, now? Does her High Cross still stand? Or th’ Kertery?” “Some devil it is stalkin’ th’ land,” one man hisses. Another answers, “Or a god.” “’Ere now,” the old clergyman reproves. “We’ll ha’ no blasphemy, not ‘ere if this is th’ end of days, sartainly. Not if this be our final battle.”
“BATTLE?” I sputter. “There’ll be no battle! It is a contagion! A plague! They’ve all been taken! And turned on each other! Mothers eating babies! Men tearing their own limbs off! Uventa pushing the Council from the Sky Gate! She leapt off herself after them laughing! I saw it!”
They retreat, even the Captain. One lifts a bow. “He ha’ brought it to us now, sar, th’ pox is on him.” But the Captain pushes the archer’s bow down even as he would feather me. He drags them all back, away from unclean me. They scowl in distaste and loathing. The Captain holds his black gauntlets out, away from his body, and peels the tainted things from his hands. He tosses them at my feet.
“We’ll burn ‘im,” the Captain proclaims. “And anythin’ else he ha’ touched beside. Ha’ he breathed on any of ye?”
“Only Icashe,” the clergyman states. In the appalled silence men step hastily away from the infected sergeant, who looks at his brothers in arms suddenly aghast.
“Captain. . .” he begins.
My hands start to slap my face of their own accord. “I can’t feel my skin. I can’t hear my eyeballs any more when I breathe!”
“We can make no risk of it, Icashe. Ye heard of a plague, ain’t ye? This would take us all, e’en Sila and yer babes. Think a them.”
“Please, Captain,” Icashe begs. “You can no believe this man. He killed ma Tomal and now he’ll kill me too wi’ naught but words.”
“That is truth. We will hold ye apart and not burn ye with him. We will only put ye out of yer misery, if ye sicken an' that is what's needed. I will no burn a man as easy as that.”
“Captain!” a voice calls out from the main gate. The Captain rushes away. Icashe looks at me with hatred and fear. I cackle at him.
I hear the guard’s voice again. “A wagon! Train of mules!”
“Ride out an’ halt him! As far back down the road as ye can!” the Captain commands. Three horses thunder out the gate moments later.
“Master. . .” Velibon’s voice whispers within. “They will know. The drover comes from the same direction but will have no knowledge of your plague. It is time to fly!”
He is right. Icashe has stepped out of view for the moment. It is time. This hornet’s nest is well-stirred. Now to go.
“Yet do not forget the Captain’s gauntlets!”
“Ha. Good Velibon,” I step back to snare them from the mud, then run a retreat along the stockade’s inner wall to the back gate. A youth stands on guard with a spear. I leer at him and he pulls back in fear.
“Th’ gates be c-c-closed!”
“Oh, but the plague comes to us, lad!” I snap at him, reaching for his wrist with greedy fingers, rolling my eyes. “It comes each time in a wagon. The madness and the disease. Tell your precious Captain THAT!”
He stumbles backward as I advance, then takes the opportunity given and turns on his heel to race across the yard. “Sar!” he calls out. “Th’ wagon! Th’ wagon is how it begins!”
I lift the bar and slam open the gate, howling in terror. No point in sneaking away. They’ll be coming along soon enough.

�

Velibon has a soldier’s strong body, conditioned to depravation and strife. He runs well. I crash through a stand of reeds and slog my way through a marsh, hearing their shouts a good distance behind.
Gundea Mostoc, the Count who rules these hills. What do I know of him? Precious little. I met him once at the Treaty of Maddas. I dismissed him then as a porcine merchant with clever eyes, dissolute from easy wealth. To a man like him, everything has a price. If I could find a means by which he profited from the rescue of Lord Apsim he’d instantly save me. But no profit exists. In these bleak days all stand against me. “Velibon!” I call out to the air. “Tell me all you know of these lands.”
“Canyons, Master. Naught but mazes of canyons and marsh. . . No towns save Cathica. No roads save the ones leading from his mines to his vaults. And they are all well-patrolled. . .”
“And what of Mostoc? Any who hate him?”
“All do. . .”
“Hate him enough to hide an enemy of his?”
“Hah. None hate him more than they hate the Red Spears. My brethren and I have had our way. . .” his ghostly voice sharpens with the recollected lust of conquest, “. . .with these pig farmers for so long. . .”
“Then I shall make a run for his throne.”
“Ah. . . Master. . .” Now the fear returns and diminishes him. “Do not. . . I beg you. . .” This weak-willed fool certainly does love to beg. “Cathica cannot be taken by any army or force of men. . .”
I halt in the gray mud, feeling the cold creep up my bare legs. It gives me strength, knowing that the same cold saps my enemies. “Do not fear, Velibon. Any lord may be brought low, no matter how mighty he is.” The certainty in my tone, bourne of my recent reverses, quells him.
Madness heaped upon chaos. I've left the border fortress behind and disappeared in a marsh, where I pull myself along the frog-crowded bank by fistfuls of pale brown wattle. The throne of Gundea Mostoc is a worthwhile target while I'm here, yet the path from this sucking mud to his shining palace is a mystery. Leap higher, Apsim, I encourage myself. Fall farther.
Voices echo to me in the distance and the drumming of hooves. I will soon be overtaken. So I cease my struggle with the mud and look out across the black and brown water. Otaber Lord of Beasts rules there, but the time has come to test whether this body can be tracked by my pursuers. “Velibon?”
“Yes, Master. . . ?”
“Can you swim?”
“No! No Red Spear can, for the water is a curse for our fathers' crimes in the Fall of the Canes, where we forsook the Emerald Maidens and from which we can never—”
“Madness it is then.” I hurl our body into the water as his terrified scream fills our head.

To the Starting Line - Tales from the Twin Cities #3

Sean arrived at the scene, parking along the side of the street. He stepped out of his vehicle, scanning the crowd. The typical crowd gathered around the taped off crime scene, however it was rather thin, considering there was nothing major to look at. The only evidence that was clearly marked were tire tracks on the road.
Sean stepped underneath the tape, catching the attention of a few officers around him. Not surprising, considering he was in plain clothes. Sean pulled the chain around his neck, bringing his badge out of his brown jacket. He held it up and did a short pan around, calming down the responding officers. When he finished the motion, he found one of his coworkers still looking at him, so he beckoned for the uniformed man to come to him.
Sean could tell he was a bit of a rookie, especially how he approached. He was a bit cautious and nervous, but Sean had dealt with it so many times he just rolled with it now. Sean pulled a notepad out of his pocket as the rookie approached.
“Yes, sir?”
“Catch me up to the situation, kid.”
“Uh, yeah, uh-” the rookie paused, trying to size up Sean. “Detective?”
“Yeah, O’Malley,” Sean responded, not looking up from his notepad. “What have we got?”
“Kidnapping, from what we understand,” the uniformed officer explained, following Sean as he continued through the scene. “Witnesses saw a guy get pulled into a white van, all of them were wearing masks.”
“Anyone able to identify the victim?” Sean asked. The officer shook his head. “Who’s been leading the show here?”
The officer pointed, “Corporal Simonson, sir.”
“Thanks, kid,” Sean said, stopping to put his notebook away. He looked and saw the rookie still standing next to him. “Back to your post.”
The young officer turned to walk away as O’Malley moved towards the corporal. “Simonson!”
Corporal Simonson turned toward him, nodding as he approached. “Detective, what can I help you with?”
“Chief wanted me on the case, a rookie caught me up but I was wondering what else we might’ve gathered.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Simonson said, sighing. “Honestly we have little evidence that tells us anything now, but I got a guy trying to get that camera footage.”
Simonson pointed at a gas station across the street. Sean could see the small cameras pointed around above the pumps, and figured at least one of them would be pointing in the right direction.
“Anything else?”
“Just the tire tracks, but we haven’t even matched the description to missing persons reports.”
Sean scanned around the scene, looking for anything or anyone out of place. The crowd all seemed curious rather than anything else, and with the little description he had, it didn’t sound like there’d be any more evidence.
“Alright, have the guys find me at my desk when we get the footage.”
“Where are you goin'?”
“I got a meeting.”
“With who?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Sean said over his shoulder. He returned to his car, immediately driving away. He’d start on the report as soon as he got the desk, but first he needed to make sure that the Mars Gang wasn’t involved. If they crossed into Helmsborough, he wanted to make sure the case stayed small and in his purview.
He pulled over, pulling out his phone. Opening the messages, he quickly found the person he was looking for.
-Can you set up a meeting?
He waited for a response, but nothing came up quick enough. Sean put the car back in gear, heading towards the station. He’d at least be able to keep tabs on things there for a bit.
-----------------------------------------------------
Anne did everything in her power to contain her excitement as she walked into the monitoring room. This had been the biggest base yet that she’d been moved to, and she knew it was only a temporary place to stay, but from what she understood, this would be the biggest one yet.
It was also the place where she’d finally get to meet her team.
So far her experience had been a lot of paperwork, stress tests, and evaluations. She was assured the role on the team, but they had to get a lot of information before she’d be allowed to work. She had been living out of her bag for a week now, and she was told she’d probably continue doing that, but the excitement and interesting things she had been doing more than made up for the inconvenience.
As the automatic doors opened in front of her, she took in the environment. It reminded her of a NASA control room from the movies, with lines of computers facing a wall with multiple displays. The various staff buzzed around, holding files, speaking on earpieces, and typing away at what looked to be message boards. As Anne scanned the room, she spotted the three out of place individuals who she was sure was her team.
The first was a professionally dressed woman, facing away from Anne, in a purple collared shirt and white hair. Anne identified her quickly as Agent Vanessa Harkner, the team’s leader. From what Anne understood, Harkner was a talented sorceress, apparently able to channel multiple elements in different ways, always seeming to bring a new tool to every situation. Anne made her way to Harkner, keeping her eyes ahead, but noticing the other two.
The other woman, more casually sitting on the desk in front of Harkner, was known by the codename Circuit. Her powers on television were always a spectacle, with the powerful, intense lightning that came out of her body. She could also apparently divert and absorb electricity, which led to an ability to rescue around power lines that Anne had watched on television before as well.
The third, and most out of place person on the team, and honestly the real reason Anne found the group, was Nightmare. Nightmare seemed to be this tall, intimidating figure that looked like a walking halloween monster. It had the ability to change its shape somewhat, from what Anne gathered, but typically looked like an armored version of the Headless Horseman. Its head even seemed to be a pale pumpkin, typically without a face, but when there was a face it looked less carved and more sunken into the gourd. It was a bit odd to see it in this environment, sitting back in a chair with its legs up on the desk.
Circuit seemed to notice Anne on her approach, seeming to say something Anne couldn’t hear and tilting her head in Anne’s direction. Agent Harkner turned to face Anne as she walked up.
“Wallstone, right?”
“Yes, yes I am,” Anne found herself responding.
“Well, hello there,” Harkner smiled. Even with her dark lipstick, Harkner’s smile seemed warm and welcoming. “My name is Vanessa Harkner, as you may know.”
“Yes, I have seen the news reports of you all,” Anne said, unable to keep her smile off of her face.
“Then I assume you know the others here by codename?”
Anne nodded.
“Well, let’s fix that,” Circuit said, popping off of the desk. She reached out a hand to shake Anne’s, “I’d prefer if you called me Kylie out of the field, Miss Wallstone.”
“Anne.”
Kylie’s smile perked up, primarily on the right side. “Anne, got it. And this-” she turned and waved her hand toward Nightmare, “is our friend who doesn’t talk much.”
“However,” Harkner interjected. “He is still friendly and honestly a great listener.”
Anne looked back at Nightmare, seeing the relaxed figure shrug slightly.
“Anne,” Harkner said, getting her attention again. “Do you mind if I ask a couple quick questions?”
“Go ahead.”
“Okay,” Harkner said, glancing at Circuit quickly. “I’ve heard that I’m not always talking to Anne, correct.”
“Yes,” Anne said, turning and trying to regain a professional composure. “I have the spirit of an ancient warrior, Boudicca, who is occasionally at the… controls? I think that’s the best way to describe it.”
“So like,” Kylie started asking, “the Queen from Celtic times?”
Anne nodded. “She’s mostly out for combat scenarios, but if she’s not sleeping she hears everything from inside my head, too.”
This seemed to catch Harkner’s attention. “She sleeps?”
“Well,” Anne said, thinking. “We call it sleep. That might honestly be the best way to call it, because it is kinda like consciousness.”
Both women nodded at Anne’s explanation. Kylie seemed to look at Harkner, but the leader’s eyes were trained on Anne. “And should we call for Boudicca in the field, or Wallstone, or…?”
“We’ve agreed on the name that the internet forums seem to call us,” Anne said, nodding. “Battlemaiden, if you call that whoever is in control will respond.”
“Battlemaiden, huh?” Kylie mused at the name. “Way better than what the internet calls Nessa.”
Harkner sideyed Kylie, then closed her eyes and shook her head.
Kylie continued with a grin on her face. “The consensus seems to be Basic Witch.”
“However,” Harkner stated, not entirely enjoying the name. “It’s Harkner or Agent Harkner in the field, but you’re more than welcome to call me Vanessa in just our group’s company.”
“I will keep that in mind, “ Anne said, nodding. She felt uneasy, but wanted to address the other teammate that was missing. “So Lockdown is…”
The other two women looked down slightly. “H-he’s currently taking some time off,” Vanessa said, almost diplomatically.
“I understand Power Up was his brother.”
“That is correct.”
Anne looked down, “sorry for bringing it up.”
Vanessa sighed slightly, “no you have a right to know, it’s just…” she stopped to collect her thoughts for a second. “We all have to adjust.”
Anne nodded, and stood without saying anything. The four of them seemed to have a small, awkward silence, as Anne could tell her new coworkers seemed to be distracted with the thought of Power Up. Anne didn’t know how to break the silence properly, and started wishing for outside interference.
Anne’s wish was granted as they heard one of the support staff shout, “new alert!” As one of the largest screens on the monitor wall came to life with some red text, a dot showed on the map, with more text quickly appearing on an adjacent monitor. Anne was watching it at first, but her attention shifted to her coworkers, all now standing in a line reading the screens.
“Another Combatant,” Kylie said, just audible enough for the team to hear.
“As in like,” Anne started. “The Combatant? Savior of the Twin Cities?” Anne looked back and forth to her team on each side of her. “Like the original major superhero?”
“More like a copycat,” Vanessa’s voice was much more matter-of-fact and professional now, with much less warmth, but not harsh. “It seems like most big guys who gain increased strength decide to call themselves that name. They treat it like a title, ever since he retired.”
“I don’t know if it helps or not that they don’t know he died,” Kylie stated, still watching the screens.
Anne looked at her, realizing, “I didn’t know that either.”
“They didn’t tell the public,” Kylie continued, almost sounding lost in reading the monitors. “I don’t even know if ARC knew when it happened, since he was always a vigilante with a secret identity.”
Anne turned back toward Harkner, “So there are a lot of people who like to call themselves Combatant?”
“Yeah, like I said, when super strength is involved, it's pretty common,” Harkner continued, now looking at Anne. “Copycats of most of Spectrum are also common too. Speedsters call themselves Millisecond, if they have fire powers they call themselves Dr. Dragon, but Deadweight, Silver Paladin, and Gearhead are fairly common, too.”
Kylie stopped looking at the screen for a second, turning to Harkner and Wallstone. “Garrison is surprisingly uncommon, now that I think about it.”
Vanessa let out a quick breath, stifling a laugh, from the sound of it. “There were a few after Spectrum disbanded, but since Congressman Delaney is a public figure, he was able to… publicly respond.”
Nightmare, Kylie, and Anne all turned to Vanessa, who saw them out of the corner of her eye. She then clarified, “he brought them to court.”
The other three all gave various forms of understanding, nodding and saying affirmatives while turning back to the screen.
“So, Battlemaiden,” Vanessa said, looking toward the new member of her team. “Are you ready for your first mission?”
Anne looked at her three teammates, a smile forming on her face. She looked directly at Harkner, “show us the way, Agent.”
-----------------------------------------------------
Beef stood at the bar, hunching over the stool rather than sitting on it. He was afraid his large frame might damage the stool if he sat. He took the large stein in his hand, easily wrapping almost all the way around it, not even bothering with the handle. It had taken some adjustment, but he was starting to get used to his new stature.
He took a drink, looking behind him at the door. Sure enough, the door opened to who he expected.
Jack quickly turned and found Beef, joining him at the bar. “How’s it going?”
“Been better,” Beef said, turning back toward his drink. Even though this was the second time Beef texted Jack, part of him was still surprised he showed up. Ever since Beef’s experiment gave him the strength, things kept going wrong and Jack was the only one who was just pleasant with him.
“Can I get a hard seltzer,” Jack said, waving to the bartender. “If you have flavors, something citrus-y preferably.”
The bartender quickly checked the cooler. “We’ve got lemon-lime.”
“Perfect,” Jack said, taking a seat at the stool. As the bartender brought him the drink, Jack handed him a five, “keep the change.”
Jack turned to Beef with his drink as soon as the bartender took the bill. “So, you were saying it wasn’t great?”
“Nah,” Beef said, looking into his drink. After a moment, he finally spoke up, “lost that little job I had.”
“Oh,” Jack said, blinking multiple times. It looked to Beef like Jack didn’t know what to say. “Sorry to hear that, you need me to cover your tab, or…?”
“Nah, I’ve already paid for my drinks,” Beef said. He took a moment and realized what Jack had just offered. “Thank you, though.”
“No problem,” Jack said, looking forward. “Do you have anything else lined up, want some help looking or-”
“No, thanks, man,” Beef smiled just a bit at Jack’s statements. “I just texted you because I uh… don’t have any friends I can talk with.”
Beef felt pathetic for a moment, before he heard the response, “I get that.”
Beef looked at Jack, and he believed it. Jack certainly seemed honest, and Beef kind of understood why. He thought about Jack’s… ‘business’ and realized he probably couldn’t trust anybody, so it made sense.
Beef still felt the need to change the subject, though. “So, how’s business for you?” Jack hesitated, seeming to try and read Beef’s face. Beef got the sense that he didn’t want to fully say for some reason.
“Uh… pretty good.” Jack still seemed awkward about something.
“Just, pretty good?” Jack nodded, but Beef quickly realized what he might be trying to hide. “Y’know if you’re doing well I’m okay with you telling me, I won’t hold it against you.”
Jack looked at him, hesitating. “Really?”
Beef nodded, and Jack seemed to relax a bit.
“Well, honestly, very good,” Jack said, his energy picking up quickly. “I got a client who’s having me sell some rare stuff, moved some big orders recently, and I even got a warehouse.”
Beef smiled somewhat, actually finding some joy. Jack’s tone was cheery and Beef could tell he was proud of his accomplishments.
Jack’s face fell slightly, seeming to snap back into reality. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to flaunt or anything, just-”
“Nah man, I was totally good with that,” Beef said, standing up a bit straighter. Jack looked at him, a bit confused. Beef shrugged, “it's nice to hear some positivity in the week I’ve had.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Jack looked back at his drink for a moment. Turning back to Beef, he said, “I don’t know if I could be that optimistic in your shoes, Beef.”
“Only got one pair, better fill them with positivity,” Beef joked, poking fun at his new foot size.
Beef saw Jack’s head tilt and quickly answered, “the secondhand store luckily had some stuff in my size.”
“That’s lucky,” Jack said. He chuckled slightly, “I guess something else to be positive about.”
Beef reached for his drink on the bar, “I’ll drink to that.”
Jack held up his drink, “cheers, friend.”
Beef swept his drink up and turned toward Jack to hold up his stein, but felt his large shoulder swing into something else.
As Beef felt the thing against his shoulder move, he realized it was someone else.
“Youwanna watch where you’re goin?”
Beef heard enough strange emphasis in the voice behind him to know the guy was drunk. He turned to find a burlier dude with a beard in a leather jacket starting to puff out his chest toward Beef. He was strongly built, but Beef’s exaggerated frame made the guy look small by comparison.
“Look, dude, I don’t want any trouble,” Beef said, backing away slightly.
“Oh, you don’t do yah? I think you should’ve-”
The two men were quickly interrupted by Jack making his way between the two, staring down the drunk.
“No need to pick any fights, Mr. Smelly.”
“What?!?”
Beef furrowed his brow, wondering why Jack just pulled out a playground insult.
“Dude, you smell like too much whiskey,” Jack said, straightening his own shirt. “And feet.”
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Just a man who wants to walk out of here without a fight,” Jack said, looking back at the man. “My friend and I can get out of your hair, alright?”
The drunk looked confused for a moment, as Jack looked to Beef and the bartender, prompting for them to agree.
“We’ll just go ahead and take off, no need to worry,” Jack said, motioning for Beef to go to the door.
The two made it outside, thankfully without the drunk biker getting any more upset. As they got a few feet from the door, Beef finally turned to Jack.
“What were you trying to do there?”
Jack shrugged, “if he would’ve fought you, the bartender probably would’ve had to call the cops, and with your size and strength, ARC would’ve gotten involved.” Jack turned to Beef, “I take it there’s some reason you haven’t gone to ARC yet, so I figured you wouldn’t want them to take you into custody.”
Beef stood for a second, realizing what Jack just said. He was right, that would’ve been risky to get into the fight. Beef hadn’t thought of that.
“But wait,” Beef said, shaking himself out of the thought, “why did you call him smelly?”
Jack looked at Beef with a blank expression, seeming to try and come up with an excuse. He eventually slumped his shoulders slightly in defeat, “look, man, I was trying to act tough and it didn’t sound cool.”
Beef snickered for a moment, before regaining composure. “Oh, shit, well I still gotta thank you for that.”
The two men stopped for a moment, waiting in silence. Jack was the first to speak.
“So, you want to do anything else?”
Beef thought for a moment, not coming up with ideas. “That’s one of the only places recently that I don’t stick out like a sore thumb, so I’m not sure where else I can go.”
“Damn,” Jack said, frowning. “We’ve literally been hanging out for like, ten minutes and we already are out of stuff to do?”
Beef looked up at Jack, remembering what Jack had been telling him in the bar. “You said you got a warehouse?”
Jack nodded. “Yeah, why?”
“You still need help moving stuff there?”
“Beef you don’t need to-”
Beef held up a hand, stopping Jack. “Look, I…” Beef took a deep breath. “Don’t have another job lined up, and if your offer still stands, I’d like to join you.” Jack tilted his head to the side, with a bit of confusion and surprise. “That’s what I was wanting to ask you tonight.”
The silence hung for a moment before Jack said, “alright, I need to run this by you before you just accept, alright?”
Beef nodded.
“You know this is illegal, right?” Beef nodded again. “And I’m doing something incredibly dangerous.” Another nod. “Like I’m an a-” Jack stopped, looked around, and seeing nobody, continued in a quieter tone, “I’m an arms dealer with super weapons, man, this is shady.”
Beef looked directly at Jack, and responded, “I volunteered for an illegal superpower experiment, and you’re the only person who’s been nice to me since even before it happened.” The statement quieted Jack down, and Beef continued, “I don’t have a reason not to help you out.”
Jack nodded, looking at the ground. After what seemed like two entire minutes, he looked up, spun around, and with energy continued in the direction they were originally walking.
“Come along, partner, I gotta catch you up on our sales.”
-----------------------------------------------------
Isaac Kani sat patiently on the bench outside of the office, watching the people go by out the window. The office’s location downtown was near a busy intersection, with plenty of people and cars maneuvering around outside. The cafe across at the opposite corner was teeming with life, people going about their day pleasantly. Isaac smiled as he looked, remembering that all of the tables had been destroyed just mere weeks ago. He was glad to see that the business rebuilt.
He heard the door opening near him, and turned to see a young man walking out of the office. Isaac didn’t recognize him, but as the man turned, Isaac saw past the grey collar of the worn coat that the young man was leaving with a smile on his face. That was a good sign to Kani, as most people didn’t wear that expression after speaking with a lawyer.
The young man saw him, nodding politely as he went past. Issac looked back to the door to find another man in a suit waving.
The lawyer called out as the other man was leaving, “thank you again!” As he turned to look toward Isaac, he straightened himself back up. “Mr. Kani, I presume?”
Isaac stood to face the younger lawyer, reaching to shake his hand. “Yes, thank you for seeing me, Mr. Patel.”
“Of course, sir,” Patel said, motioning toward his office. “Please come in.”
Isaac walked into the office, taking a seat in front of the main desk. He noticed the brass statue placed in the center of the desk, admiring it for a moment.
“Lovely piece of art you have here.”
He heard Patel closing the door behind him, “ah, yes, sorry, it’s my husband’s family heirloom.” Mr. Patel moved to the desk, quickly grabbing the sculpture and putting it off to the side.
Kani glanced around the room quickly, looking at the shelves. They were lined mostly with books, with most of the art, diplomas, and documentation directly framed on the wall. “Looking for a place to display it, Mr. Patel?”
“Not really, this belongs at home,” he said, putting it to the side. “He’s going to be thrilled to see it.”
The older man felt his eyebrow raise at the statement. “I take it that it was missing?”
“Yes, Mr. Radford found it for me,” Patel stated, moving some books to his desk. “It was stolen during a break-in, and Theodore has been worried about it for some time.”
“And Radford was the one just here, correct?” Kani asked. After a moment, Isaac realized he might be being rude. “I apologize, I don’t mean to pry.”
“No, it’s fine,” Patel said, moving the statue to the space he created in the bookshelf. “He’s a private investigator who has done work for me in the past. Honestly, he’s done so much at this point I at least owe him an advertisement.”
Isaac chuckled. “Well, glad to hear you’ve got it back.”
“Of course,” Patel said, sitting back down at his desk. “Now, forgive me, you’re here for something about finances, correct?”
“Yes, I have an inquiry about conflict of interest issues with my finances.”
Patel reached for one of the books he had put on the desk, opening it. “What exactly might the conflict of interest be?”
“I have invested in local businesses, and I was wondering if a term as mayor would conflict with that.”
“No, sir, your previous term as mayor is not a conflict now,” Patel said quickly. “At least, as far as I’m aware, if you’d like I can-”
“Sorry about that son, I should’ve said that differently.”
Patel looked up at Kani, confusion across his face. “You’re thinking of running again?”
Isaac smiled, nodding. “Yes, I’ve had plenty of time to dwell on mistakes of the past,” he said, shifting forward. “I couldn’t have done anything about the incident with Dragon and Deadweight,” Isaac said, knowing that the man would know what he was referring to. Kani could tell that Patel was at least old enough to be alive during the event. “And looking back, everything I did to try to rebuild, I think was the right move.”
“Well, um-” Patel started, still a little surprised, “with the fact that you voluntarily stepped down after a single term, you can no doubt run again.”
Kani leaned back again, “yes, I have figured out that already.” Isaac looked out the window, remembering back to his time in office. “I’ve heard that Guster is stepping down, so I figured now might be a good opportunity.”
Isaac looked back toward Patel, realizing he was being studied. Patel eventually spoke what seemed to be on his mind. “Why?”
Isaac looked around, quickly making sure nobody else was at the door or near the window. “I’m sure you remember the Combatant?”
“I pass by his statue on the way to work, Mr. Kani,” Patel said, somewhat reverently. “I understand you were friends with him.”
Isaac nodded with a somber smile. “We used to discuss what drove him, and the spirit of the city often. He always had this-” Isaac searched for the words. “-spirit? The desire to fight for what he felt was right. Even though he had his strength, he believed that everyone had the ability to rise to the occasion, to be a hero, funny enough.” Isaac looked to Patel, making deliberate eye contact. “I think we could use a reminder of that.”
“How so?” Kani could tell Patel’s question held interest as well as curiosity. Kani was starting to feel that Patel felt it too.
“ARC is spread a bit too thin,” Isaac continued. “They seem too far away to feel like part of a community, yet we still need to call them for every super situation.” Kani stopped for a moment, thinking further how to explain this. “There’s no pride for the people in their work, they just come in and some emotion seems to be missing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m upset that Power Up died and I hold a lot of respect for him for dying to save people…”
“However…” Patel seemed to sense that Isaac was going somewhere.
“It feels detached. I don’t know if there’s a person in either of our sister cities that knows who he was as a person. I’ve even learned that the ARC teams in the midwest don’t operate out of home cities.”
“Sir,” Patel seemed to be picking up on the idea. “Are you proposing Rollingbrook getting an ARC base?”
“I’m not just proposing it,” Kani said, standing. “I want to make it part of my platform.”
Patel nodded for a moment, looking slightly downward. Isaac could tell the young lawyer was contemplating it. After a moment, Patel drew his hands back and sat up in his chair.
“How would you like to get started, sir?”

[Table] I am Dave Plummer, author of Windows Task Manager, Zip Folders, and worked on Space Cadet Pinball, Media Center, Windows Shell, MS-DOS, OLE32, WPA, and more. (pt 2/2 FINAL)

Source | Previous table
Note: Some of the question-taker's answers were also removed along with corresponding questions, and they have not been recovered below.

Questions	Answers
What is a typical day in your life like?	I get up at 4:30. I watch some YouTube, do some email, work on my writing or similar. I head to the gym at 7, shower and start my day around 8. I work in my home office or shop/lab, code and work on stuff, throughout the day. I could be busy all the way through to 8-9PM if I'm wrapped up in something, but not usually that busy.
^{the below is a reply to the above}
You get up at 4:30 AM? Wow. Have you always been a morning person? Are other people on your team morning people so you decided to start early? I’m asking this because it seems like a lot of successful people wake up very early and work out before starting their workday.	No, I never was until my neck injury. While recovering I couldn't sleep more than about 4-5 hours max and just got into the habit. Since it was so productive for me, I just kept it up!
^{the below is a reply to the above}
Thanks for sharing. I wish you good health.	Thanks!
Did you create Robocopy, or know who did? I use that very regularly and much more efficient than using the GUI.	The secret dirt is that Robocopy was first written by MS colleague Kevin Allen, and he started sharing copies around in 1994ish. From there, and after many iterations and heavy-duty real-world feedback, robocopy ended up in the Windows Resource Kit, and then later merged into the core Windows package. In the beginning, Kevin was a very experienced programmer, but new to the Win32 API; so robocopy was one of his projects to educate himself about Windows programming. Later on, ITG used robocopy to routinely transfer many gigabytes of data around MS global offices, every night; it became very robust and battle-hardened. It is a long time now since Kevin was involved in the robocopy source code at all; it is maintained by the Windows team.
Did you create Microsoft Clippy? Will Clippy ever make a come back?	Noooo... but I was around at the time. We have Clippy now in the form of Siri and Google Assistant and Cortana, but there's no picture. That's all it was though, an early digital assistant.
I read on a Microsoft devblog that when windows got ported to 64bit pinball 3d was not ported because of bugs and the developers not being able to understand the code/not having enough time. It's a shame, because it was such an awesome game and I spent many hours playing it as a kid. Was the code messy due to being ported from Sam and do you think it could have been ported given enough time and expertise?	Basically what I did when I ported it was to maintain the central code "logic" loop of the game unchanged so that it would play just as it did on other platforms, and then "hooked" functionality coming out of it and going into it. So I rewrote the drawing code that did the actual drawing, but not he original code that wanted to do the drawing, if that makes sense. I changed the how, not why.
	That meant, though, that at the very core of the game was a big bunch of code that we didn't touch or monkey with, because it 'just worked'. Apparently sometime after Vista, in 64-bit, there was a collision detection bug in Pinball.
	From what I read, Raymond Chen looked at it and got the general idea of what was wrong but didn't want to touch the fragile old code. Raymond's one of the best debuggers I've met, so it wasn't a question of expertise but of time and resources.
	Anyone on the team could have trivially fixed it I'm sure, but it sounds like no one "owned" the game anymore after I left, and it was more than just a random little bug to fix, it would have required a dev to be assigned to it, and there likely was no one free.
What is your favourite colour please?	Well, I have four cars with blue interiors and I'm wearing a blue shirt and a blue watch and blue jeans. So probably blue.
If my son expresses interest in serious computer programming, where is a good place to start? C for Dummies? (I'm joking and I know terribly little about the topic, only enough to know backend is where it's at)	Python, then Javascript. Build a website!
Hi! Just wanted to say, I still use MS-DOS regularly, on many of my older machines in my collection. Also Win3.x, Win9x etc How do you feel about computers becoming extremely dependent on 'cloud' services? I can still set up an old machine, install an old OS, install old software and have it all up and running within an hour or so, while modern software essentially requires cloud services for literally everything. What happens to that software once some random person out there decides that they don't want to support it anymore? Those cloud services go away? Are you concerned that future generations will not be able to experience anything from this era of computing? Considering computers were designed to be able to continually run the same software over and over as necessary, how can that apply if the bulk of this is lost when the cloud disappears? Or maybe this isn't a concern at all, and I'm just crazy...?	I already have hardware that refused to work because the cloud service that backs it has been abandoned or the company has gone out of business.
	I worry that things become dependent on externals that aren't reliable long term, and I know what you mean... but fortunately Windows, once activated, runs perfectly well offline forever, really.
I'm a fresh graduate with some experience and reading the knowledge you all have in the comments has made me feel very inferior. I only started coding in my university and I don't do it in my past time. Am I doing something wrong? I do enjoy programming but I try to keep a work life balance. Is that a thing in software development? Also did you ever approve a pull request by Bill?	No, as long as you DO enjoy it when you're doing it, you're fine. There's an entire "spectrum" of people in the world and some of us have "special interests" with which we're a little obsessed, and tend to "hyperfocus". I'm one of those people but it's by no means the only way to do it!
	I knew many great programmers who (a) didn't program in their spare time at home and (b) didn't continue to program recreationally after leaving it as a job.
	If you can work regular 40 hours a week as a productive programmer, you'll be set!
^{the below is a reply to the above}
Thank you so much for this! Are there any tips you'd like to give to fresh graduates like me?	If you get a job at a large company like Microsoft, and decide you're not happy, try moving INTERNALLY before looking for another job. You could work for 5 different companies over your career and they could all be Google, for example. Culture goes through and through, but every team has its own.
^{the following is a later reply}	If you can put in a 35-40 hour week of solid work, you'll be fine. There are three buckets: the obsessives, like myself, who work as much as they can. Then the solid pros, who can turn out a ton of quality stuff in 40 hours. And then you have the slackers who surf Facebook at work and read reddit when they should be coding. As long as you're not in that group you're fine, and a balance is important. It is indeed a thing the successful people achieve it. It's not about how much code you write, it's about how much MORE time you spend coding than you want to, and that should be zero!
	Lots of people are in careers they don't practice in their free time, in fact most. So it's a bonus if you're that way, but most people are NOT, so don't despair! You're normal!
If you're still answering, how much of the original Task Manager still lives in the modern Task Manager? Anyway, thanks for the AMA! You're a legend!	I don't know for sure, but from looking at the app, and not the code, I'd expect about 60-70% of it?
Hopefully you’re still taking questions. I get a lot of crap by my peers about command line. Power shell is badass but I’m a cmd guy myself. I know we can do pretty much everything that cmd does in powershell and more, but idk. I like what I like, you know? Where do you stand on this?	Honestly I'd be a CMD guy as well, but I'm really starting to lean towards using bash under WSL.
	Have you ever looked the help for SET and FOR under CMD? It's where we put every piece of extra functionality, since you can't add keywords that might collide with people's script names, etc...
I didn’t use windows after windows 7 for about 5 years. Back in august 2019 I finally rebuilt and upgraded my old PC and installed windows 10. The task manager in windows 10 is so amazing and powerful. I would imagine it’s something you wanted to implement in the 90s but didn’t have the tools or time. Right?	Indeed, I'm a big fan of the current task manager and what they've done with it! I wish there was a Dark mode, I wish it handled file lock tracking, and I've always got wish lists, but they've done a great job with it!
CIA_grade_LSD: Why does the file transfer time remaining progress bar start at like 15 hours and then drop to two minutes and then stick at 99% for five minutes? (An exaggeration I admit. I know you and your colleagues do your best, but I am curious why this hasnt gotten much more accurate over the years.) androidethic: Yes, we need a justification as to why the windows file operation estimations are so random/inaccurate!	They're the worst estimate out there, except for all the others.
	Mac is just as bad. It's a hard problem. I worked on it briefly, and to help solve it I kept track of the average time it had taken for a whole range of operations, like creating, moving, deleting, renaming a file, or moving a block of N bytes, etc. Then multiply by the number of those operations that remain. But even that can be wildly off in degenerate cases.
Do you ever get laid?	Not since your Mom kicked me out.
Why has windows task manager never had a true force quit?	End Process is a true force quit.
What was your team's opinion on linux at the time? And what's yours opinion too?	I like it a lot, I was an early adopter back in 1993-1994 and tried to contribute some code for parsing IIDs, though I don't know if it's still in there. I hope it is, becaue then I'd have code in Windows, Mac Office, and Linux. I'd be everywhere :-)
	Now that we have WSL 2, though, I do most of my Linux work under Windows!
How much of the original DOS code is still in modern OSs?	None whatsoever. In fact, the only commonality at all would likely be the PGM header on disk still traces its original layout to MS-DOS.
	But rest assured there's NO code from MS-DOS inside NT, for example. It was a complete clean-slate design.
Was it you responsible for the atrocious naming conventions in WIN32?	Your username is dhbt12 :-)
What current developments in the world of operating systems are you watching with eager anticipation? File systems and LLVM seem to be the rage right now, at least from where I sit.	Containers are cool to me, like Docker! That's really the biggest development of recent years I think!
^{the below has been split into two}
* What's your compensation?	- Zero, since I'm retired and there's no pension.
* Have you met Bill Gates?	- Yes, a number of times. When I was first hired he had me and a few other recent hires over to his house for burgers and beer and it was quite nice!
What's your opinion of free and open-source software? Broad, I know. I saw your response about WinRAR saying you like to license your software, but do you hold a similar sentiment in tossing a coin to the devs of foss software you might use?	I love it, I just don't have any illusions that making a piece of code open-source somehow leads to higher quality. It makes it more available to me, which is great, but in reality, on a typical project there are going to be 1-5 people who really look at the code and then a dozen the sort of know it to make changes, and then consumers of the code who just call it. I don't see that those 1-5 people are any brighter than the people who'd be responsible for a product in a proprietary environment.
	Now at a certain scale, like the Linux kernel maybe, you've got enough eyeballs looking at it that it makes a difference... that I could see!
What's the idea behind SYSKEY?	As I understand it, its function is to encrypt something called the SAM (Security Account Manager) database. This database stores hashes of user passwords, and is used to authenticate users when they supply their password.
Hey Dave, what do you think the future of the windows OS will be? Is a cloud-based OS possible, potentially limiting computer hardware?	As a total guess, I imagine our experience will eventually be just a UI device locally and everything else happens in the cloud on server hardware. So as you say, at some point your client hardware is "good enough" and then companies compete on the merits of their back-end services.
Do you know Mike Toutonghi? , he used to work at Microsoft, now he started a new blockchain project called The Verus project.	By name and email but not well enough to recognize him at the mall today, I'd say!
If you had to redo windows, what would you most like to change? What do you regret most? What do you like most?	The Format dialog needs to be redone! And Task Manager is likely my favorite...
Android or iPhone? Beer or wine? Ginger or Mary Ann?	iPhone. Beer. Can't it be both? It's an island, after all.
^{the below is a reply to the above}
I figured the iPhone since you have Mac's in the lab. I figured beer also since you can't shift a 4 speed with a glass off wine between your legs. Nice garage BTW. However i wasnt ready for both, it's an island after all. Touche. I tired to compile my first bit of code from GitHub today. I failed miserably. It would install but wouldn't run. I'll keep at it.	Make sure you're in a clean empty folder. Try the code from Episode 11, I just used it so I know that works! Clone it and build it in PlatformIO with no changes, and that'll tell you if your dev environment is set up and working properly.
I cant connect to my cloud, can you download it for me?	I'd love to, but I'm out of paper. Can you fax me some?
What amazes you the most when you compare technology from the 90's to now?	GPUs!
Is it wrong of me to only ever end task manager with itself?	Software Seppuku.
Probably too many comments and very late to the game, but here it goes! I teach Comp Sci at an international school. Would you be willing to give a small webinar talk to my students? They would just be so happy to hear from you as would I! Anyway, regardless, thanks for the many, many hours of enjoyment!	Maybe after Covid, but I'm not a big fan of Zoom lectures! I just did one for the U of R, though, and if you check my channel there are two that I have done for the University of Regina that you might find useful for your students...
	You can email me at [email protected] with info about the school and what topic you would like, etc, and I can see if it's a good fit for schedule and topic!
What computers do you personally at home? Windows? Linux? Mac?	All three!
Why are processes able to hang to the point that task manager is unable to kill them?	At that point there must be kernel corruption or something going on in a driver or well below the surface, I guess. If TM can't kill it, no one can, and it's truly hung.
Did you ever meet the genius who wrote the Space Cadet Pinball theme song?	No, who wrote it? Matt Ridgeway?
Hi Dave, loved the videos on task manager Do you have any thoughts on modern C / C++ replacements like Zig and Rust (respectively)?	I think its cool if memory access is indeed provably safe but you get code nearly as optimal as C, but I've got to learn more about them!
Did you like the windows phone?	Never had one, started after I left, but I heard nice things about the very last one before it went away...
Hi Dave, Why doesn’t File Explorer automatically refresh to show new files in a folder, such as downloads? Seems such an obvious glitch! Also, how do I get the login screen on Windows 10? I push space, esc, mouse clicks, enters... and nothing happens. Then poof, it shows up. Why is this so unresponsive?	It does.
	In fact I know it does, because I have a patent on some of it!
	Not sure why yours wound't be working, your system might have a third party piece of software that has broken File System Change notifications.
Was the time on Microsoft fun?	It really was. I miss the people and the environment, and I especially miss lunch!
i’ve found 15+ 0-days in the shell32 API when doing a vuln analysis of explorer.exe. You can read my work at https://hyp3ri0n-ng.github.io! What’s it like to write really buggy code :P?	I sense that high school was hard for you socially.
I’m sure I remember owning the pinball game as a separate standalone title before it was in windows? Can you explain the deal with that? Or am I misremembering	Plus Pack!
You're a legend, can't believe I missed this. I'll post this here, if you don't answer it I'll have a good copy/paste for later. What are your thoughts on the sethc.exe / accessibility exploit? It's worked as far back as XP, and still works today in Windows 10, last time I checked. Windows Server 2003 and 2008 as well. Is checking the integrity of OS files before they're executed just not a priority?	https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/help/222193/description-of-the-windows-file-protection-feature
Why ctl+alt+delete?	An IBM engineer (David Bradley, I think) picked that combination to serve as a hardware reset. You can't fake it, you can't get around it. The PC knows it's really C_A_D when you do it.
	Why that particular combination, you'd have to ask him!
What's the furthest you've gotten into a project that ended up not panning out? Was it something you really wanted to get working or were you relieved to move on? I'm a student studying engineering right now and reading these answers is extremely motivational; your passion for computers is awesome! Thanks for doing this.	I spent about a year on an early prototype of Media Center that I was attached to but got killed. They did do a Media Center later, of course, but I had started 2-3 years ahead, but couldn't get funding.
Why has the Windows she'll been so bad for so long?	I don't know, but I'll see you in he'll.
Do you still work at Microsoft? Do you still use only Microsoft stuff?	No retired in 2003. I use a lot of MS stuff, but my main laptop is a MacBook and I use a Mac for video.
Do you own any Apple products or use them for work?	I own all the Apple products except the new headphones, pretty much! I'm retired now though!
Is the workculture of Microsoft at the time very different than now? How much does Bill Gates' leadership impact the company? What changes had his departure bring?	It is indeed very different under Satya than Bill, and the changes are widespread. But I left before Satya started, so I'm not really qualified to speak on them!
What are your thoughts on the age old trick of "Opening Task Manager to stop programs from freezing or being slow", is there some merit to doing that or is it just a simple coincidence?	Total coincidence, honest! Task Manager, at that level, is just a windows app with a message pump. It's existence doesn't do anything that solitaire or paint would not also!
	No, but there's a great meme with the Star Wars general about how apps work better with Task Manager open because "fear will keep them in line".
	It's purely psychological, though. TM doesn't do anything by running the calc or paint wouldn't also provide!
Did you work on Windows ME? If so.. What the hell happened to that OS that made it so terrible? I had kernal errors every week.	Nope! My work on the shell would have been backported to it, but I didn't work directly on 98 or M3, other than they used our NT version of the shell code by then I think.
Did you make any contingency for when Task Manager stops responding?	Yes, lots! Check the video the "Secret Life of Task Manager" for more dirt, but there are MANY things it does to help prevent you ever being stuck with no task manager:
	https://youtu.be/f8VBOiPV-_M
If not asked yet If this is correct, as posted in Regina awhile ago iirc I saw a post saying you’re from Regina, Canada Is that true? If so that’s awesome to hear that someone from my local area made one of my favourite no internet game and the basic fundamentals of the most used OS for computers	Yes indeed, that's me!
Why is the documentation for WPA so bad and scarce? I have to refer to Bruce Dawson's years old blog to decipher some of the columns names. Are there any plans to add a comprehensive manual for it?	Windows Product Activation? Columns? Sorry, are you using WPA for something else?
Can I intern for you?	If you know how to write a Material-themed admin-style Dashboard in React, can consume a REST api in doing so, and have some experience with iPhone apps an Unity, then maybe yes!
	I was actually looking for an intern this past summer to write a phone and web app...
how did you assured code quality and readability? did you use static analyzers/ unit tests or what?	Check out the "Secret History of Task Manager" video for a description of "NTStress" and how we nightly tested, but there were professional testers, every line of code was code-reviewed, and so on.
	My understanding is it's quite different now, though!
When you say you worked on Windows activation, was it for more than a day?	That's an odd question. Can I ask why you think it might have just been for a day? Clue me in to what you're hinting at and I'll fill you in on the rest!
Why do I need to press 3 buttons and 1 click to open task manager?	Because you choose to fail!
	You can do it with two clicks or one simultaneous multikey press!
Do you think WPA was a success?	I think so! It helped stem casual piracy, wasn't "cracked" for at least 18 months after we released it, and didn't unduly inconvenience users too often, I hope.
	We were really aiming for the 95% case. Trying to catch the 95% of piracy that is people sharing keys, reusing their own keys on too many machines, getting keys off the web, that sort of thing. I think it accomplished that.
How did you feel about windows 8?	Same way you do.
Who invented the blue screen of death?	John Vert. He said:
	"Back in 1991 I wrote the original code for Windows NT 3.1 that put the video screen back into text mode and the routines to put text on it (and a truly gnarly bit of code it was!). I used the white on blue colors for two reasons.
	* The MIPS workstations we were using for the MIPS port had firmware that presented a boot option screen in white on blue, so it made sense that the bugcheck screen would match.
	* I (and many others) were using SlickEdit as our text editor and at the time its default color scheme was also white on blue.
	I believe Mark Lucovsky wrote the original code that dumped a bunch of text to the screen. This was a bugcode and a stack dump, resulting in a bunch of useless hex numbers which product support would occasionally dutifully transcribe from the customers and include in the bug report.
	There was no "typesetting" as we used standard VGA text mode on PCs.
	I don't know the history of the Win3.1/Win9x blue screens, I think the fact they were the same color is just coincidence."
But can you make sick stick figure death match animations in QBASIC?	No, but I do a mean Bill the Cat ascii art!
How could you?	Sometimes you just gotta say WTF.
	https://youtu.be/a0p7rJsYisw
What are you working on these days?	Mostly on programming tutorials and nostalgic "Windows War Stories" on my youtube channel:
	http://www.youtube.com/c/davesgarage
[removed]	That's me! Went to Miller high, worked at ISM and SaskTel during college, etc!
Here is my question. Im a cuban teenager (17) and my dream is work is be a developer. What kind of mini works i can do for learn programation before University?	Do as many little program tasks as you can, and make sure you complete them, and SAVE them for the future so you can look back!
	Try writing a little program to convert back and forth between roman numbers and regular numbers. Or fund the next highest multiple of 32, or count the number of it bits set in a byte. Or the real difference in seconds between two dates, that sort of thing. Real problems that you have to solve will help a great deal as they act as sort of a "forcing function" to make you get to the very end.
Do you like macaroni & cheese?	Kraft Dinner all the way. And I eat with little packets of designer ketchup.
Wait...you didn't built paint? I'm out.	Nope, sorry. But I owned calc for a while, back when we were adding infinite precision math to it!
Hi, If Microsoft wanted to, they could make it impossible to activate a pirated copy of windows using 3rd party software. So why aren't they making it impossible?	Not sure what you meant by 3rd party software. Are you saying Windows can actually be activated even if pirated? That'd be news to me, but anything's possible.
What was the criteria for “tilt” on space cadet pinball? I played that game for hours as a kid.	Spacebar would add a little "action" to the table, if I recall, and you could strike a balance of adding so much so often... but too much (ie: smash space too much) and it'll tilt.
Did you ever have to interview anybody at Microsoft? If so, what types of questions would you ask back then? What was your interview like going into Microsoft?	Oh yeah, I've interviewed dozens or hundreds I'd bet. I'd like to ask "calibrating questons" like "Give me a funtion that takes a number and returns the next highest multiple of 32" or "count the number of bits that are set in it" to see how their basic coding skills were.
	Then I usually liked to give a problem I was working on to see what it'd be like to actually work with the person.
	I interviewed three times, once as an intern, once as full time, and then once to move to the Shell group. Each as an all-day affair, and very arduous. You have 2-3 hour long interviews in the AM, then a lunch interview, then 2-3 more hour long interviews in the PM, then a supper thing, etc... it's a long day!
ImRandyRU: What have you done for me lately? Edit: it was a joke... dabigchina: NT is the foundation that all modern windows OS's build on, so a lot. Zeusifer: I guarantee some of OP's code still exists in Windows 10.	Most of it, to be honest. As a guess I'd say 75% still there.
Hey man, I had a wicked dump this morning and now my toilet is blocked. Any idea's?	More roughage in your diet.
It was so satisfying to push the 3x5 disks into the slot and have the button pop out, and make a vroom vroom sound. Ah, the old days. What's your favorite MS-Dos game from the 90s?	I actually came to the PC after MS-DOS, so I wasn't a DOS gamer... I suppose in those days it was primarily C64 and Amiga games. I do remember being fond of Sim City, like everyone, but also of a game called "Seven Cities of Gold"...

Kindred for Smash Ultimate - Fighter Concept (VERY long)

(This was posted for the smashbros subreddit more than anything, but I could imagine it would be appropriate to post here too, since it is Kindred related, and some people might get a kick out of it)
I will preface this by saying, I don't even think they'd have an actual chance on making it into Smash, yet the idea of them being in made me start thinking of how their moveset could potentially be if they were somehow picked among the vastly more popular character picks in the game, and IF LoL is even to be considered for a chance at the Ultimate DLC. But I adore the character, so I sat down and made them a potential moveset, as how I would personally see them playing out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Kindred, the Eternal Hunters - Kindred brings em' to an end!

Their passive ability, or what is basically their "gimmick" is that Wolf is always lingering right behind Lamb more or less, following their movement slightly delayed (ala Ice Climbers, or more accurately a faster Sein from Ori in Rivals of Aether), so all attacks that are Wolf focused are actually somewhat dependent on his position when Lamb initiates them, so if he's lagging behind and she initiates something that he's needed for, he'll quickly come to her side and start up the attack, timing depending on how far away he is (which most of the time will make a very minimal difference, since they tend to stick very close each other most of the time). He cannot be hurt though under any circumstances, so all attacks that are related to Wolf are completely intangible. You could think of him as a weaker, permanent Arsene that follows behind you.
Alternate costumes would most likely consist of their 4 skins ingame, each of them also having an alternate color scheme to complete the 8 costume slots.
Whenever the alternate color schemes are based off of chromas or not, I can't say for sure though, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for each of em having their most nice looking chroma color alongside it.

- General Attributes
> Movement: She has average ground speed and slightly better air speed, and also has a decently quick jump + jump distance, so Kindred would have a pretty nimble-like way of moving around, especially while jumping around
> Weight: Sadly, she would absolutely be a lightweight character given how she's a squishy champ ingame, and it'd make sense anyways. Not sure where she'd stand in comparison to other lightweights though, but I doubt they would be the lightest

- Neutral Attacks
> Rapid Jab: Rapid Jab would be alike Corrin's, but Wolf is the one biting rapidly until the last, strong bite to send them far, can be used to kill at moderate high percents
> Gentleman (so the non Rapid Jab version of jab consisting of 3 hits) after the 2 initial Wolf bites instead has Lamb doing a quick kick directly forward in a karate kick fashion (or basically, similarly to Ryu Fsmash), launching them away. This one unlike the Rapid Jab cannot kill until dummy high percentages, but it's much quicker and has less endlag
> Dash Attack: A roll/acrobatic leap forward, mostly meant to catch people and start up low percent combos, or just do chip damage really
> Getup Attack: From landing on their front, Lamb does a quick spin kicking with her legs, in a similar fashion to other "breakdancing" getup attacks. And for landing on their back, Lamb gets up while Wolf rushes in, and sort of headbutts in front and then behind them, which gives Lamb the time to fully stand up. This one as you might expect is a tad slower, but has slightly more active frames while Wolf is hitting whichever side he's on.
> Ledge attack: As with usual Smash fashion, there are different ledge attack variants depending on if you're above or below 100%. So for anywhere below 100%, Lamb uses her bow itself to swipe at the opponent, and make some room for her to get up from. Not the greatest range, but decent speed.
And for above 100%, Lamb gets up without any attempt to attack, while Wolf instead dashes in from behind and hits the immediate area around and slightly in front of her. This is taking into consideration how Wolf has no hurtbox, since having a pretty big hitbox cover you without putting yourself in any danger initially is a bit silly, especially in a ledge attack that's supposed to be weared down and slow from being above 100%.

- Tilt Attacks
> Side Tilt: A simple, but stylish kick forward kinda like Mario's, but it has much longer range in comparison because of her (without meme) long legs
> Down Tilt: Wolf dashes at the enemy in a "circling Lamb" motion, going from the side of Lamb on the foreground to in front of her doing the damage, to circling back from the background back to his original position. It's not a super fast down tilt, but it's decently strong and it has a somewhat rough launch angle that's more horizontal than anything. On ledge/empty space below him, he goes slightly more down too when doing the spin, for the potential of 2 framing and such
> Up Tilt: Lamb does a quick cartwheel-like motion, having a hitbox on her legs as she kicks them up in the air hitting twice. The move *very* slightly moves her forward, and is decently fast, although it has a bit of endlag

- Grab/Throws
> Grab/Pummel: Lamb simply grabs in front of her using her hands, nothing too special. It's not a very big grab all things considered, but it's a grab nonetheless. Once grabbed, Wolf quickly comes next to her, as he's the one doing the pummeling with somewhat quick bites with high cooldown. They're VERY slow pummels, or at least the slowest in the game, but they do slightly more damage than the average pummel
> Forward Throw: Lamb throws the opponent slightly forward and quickly shoots an arrow shot towards them, kind of in a Fox/Falco fashion (but it's more of a predetermined animation, so the arrow will always hit unlike them). Doesn't kill unless certain instances are met, but we'll get to that in a second
> Down Throw: Lamb sort of lets go of the opponent, before Wolf quickly slams them down into the ground, sending them in a forward upwards angle. The throw can be used as a combo starter, but only in VERY low percents as anything higher will send em far enough to where it cannot be followed up, but the damage is respectable regardless
> Back Throw: As you can imagine, this is the ever so standard kill throw that most characters end up having. For Kindred, it would just be Lamb quickly turning around with the opponent in hand, sorta throwing them before Wolf bites them hard right after. It's nowhere close to being one of the strongest back throws, but it's definitely something to be wary of
> Up Throw: Lamb does a bit of a pirouette with a single spin, the opponent in hand before throwing them up with both hands. Throw doesn't really do anything sadly, so it's just a way to force someone to be above you

- Smash Attacks
> Forward Smash: As you can expect, this would simply just be Wolf lunging forward and biting the opponent with a big bite. Move has 2 hitboxes, first being the dashing and then the bite. The dashing hitbox leads up directly into the bite, although the bite alone can just be hit from distance. Wolf doesn't lunge too far forward, but it can technically be considered a pretty long F-Smash regardless. The distance it travels also lets it go slightly outside of ledge, in the same way D-Tilt does, but in a more forward fashion.
Lamb is entirely defenseless while it's going on too, and with it's notable enough endlag and the fact that there's only hitboxes around Wolf, caution should be made when throwing it out. Kills very efficiently though
> Down Smash: Wolf, almost similarly to D-Tilt, dashes around Lamb in a circle motion, but this time dashing both in front and behind Lamb. Both dashes happen somewhat slower, but are *much* stronger and are absolutely meant to kill
> Up Smash: Lamb quickly gets into a lunging position as if to jump from a handstand, then jumps up, kicking both feet up into the air and effectively doing a frontflip because of it. Imagine 3D Mario backflip, but it's with the notion to do a frontflip instead, and having a bit of impact in the rise with her hooves. Not the strongest smash attack as you can imagine, but it's still technically the strongest move Lamb can do. Mostly meant to catch people in the aion platforms, and it has a weak hitbox in front of her too while the strong hit of the legs happens, since the strong hit is somewhat precise to land

- Special Moves (this is where it gets spicy)
> Neutral Special: As you can imagine, it's your standard charged bow attack. Works somewhat similarly to Byleth's, but it has significantly less charge time for a full charge and is much less powerful too. Uncharged it's only slightly faster than Toon Link's arrows and it doesn't travel too far, while fully charged (which is around 2 seconds of charging, in which then you can release the arrow whenever you want) it's around the speed of Link's arrows, knocks back a slight bit more and does more damage.
Can be aimed similarly to Pit/Dark Pit's arrows, with the only differences being that the arrow shot cannot be moved around after it's shot, AND if the move is done in the air, it both stalls Lamb in the air in a Mr. G&W Bucket fashion, but it can be angled in a complete 360 scope, letting you aim at your opponents and shoot towards their direction. It can also be cancelled mid charge with shield, but no charge is stored or anything.
And lastly, it can be cancelled into Side B, which means you can shoot the arrow and then quickly Side B afterwards, although the cooldown before the next arrow can be fired will only start after the Side B is done
> Side Special: It's just Dance of Arrows. So to clarify (and for those that don't know what it is), it's a small dash/tumble forward, followed up by Lamb shooting up to 3 arrows at the direction of her opponents. It has a slight bit of delay per use, and the shots only come out in an interval of every other Side B done.
The arrows themselves also only shoot out if by the end of the tumble they're near and towards the direction that's being held (so you could cross someone up, hold backwards and shoot back instead of forward), otherwise it's just the tumble forward, which by itself can be used for movement/dodging. The arrows automatically shoot out towards the direction of where the opponent is by the time the arrow is shot, similarly to Palutena's Neutral B.
A maximum of 3 arrows are shot at a time, depending on the number of opponents in shooting range after the tumble. In a 1v1 environment, this means she'd only ever shoot out 1 arrow towards the opponent. They are very weak, and are mostly used for chip damage, and another use that will be mentioned shortly.
In the air, it can be used to help you recover, although the tumble forwards is a tad shorter than doing it on the ground, and the detection range for the arrow to shoot out is much shorter, but Lamb can act out of it very quickly.
And lastly, in both instances the move has intangibility around the middle portion of the move's animation, so it can be used to dodge an attack and, by extension, quickly counterattack with an arrow
> Up Special: Again funnily enough is Dance of Arrows, but in a slightly different way. Instead of tumbling forwards or backwards, Lamb grabs onto Wolf and somersaults off of his body for support as he boosts her up as well, sort of with the same motion as Side B but vertically instead. The move can be *slightly* angled, but not much, and just like Side B, it shoots an arrow towards the 3 nearest targets.
It does not put you in freefall afterwards, and if Side B hasn't been used yet, it means you can Up B first to gain height, then Side B whenever wanted.
Some things to note though, both Up B and Side B share the same cooldown on the arrow shot after the lunge, so more arrows than normal cannot be shot this way. And also unlike Side B, there is no intangibility on the move, but it makes up for it by having slightly more range for recovery, albeit vertical. So the move needs to be done with caution of being hit
> Down Special: This is where a neat part of her kit comes into play. Here, they basically have Mounting Dread as their Down B.
And again, for those that do not know what this is, it's a active move where Lamb shoots out a specific, carefully placed shot at her opponent, which places a marker on them. If they're hit 3 times afterwards with her arrows, Wolf then instead lungs himself towards the opponent, attacking them with a massive bite and doing a significant amount of damage.
With that in mind, in Smash it would work somewhat similarly to how it does in LoL.
The arrow shot comes with a distinct animation and arrow style, while also forcibly requiring a full 2 (?) seconds to actually shoot and not being able to be shield cancelled, but it still keeps the same properties as Neutral B with aiming your shots both in the ground and air. The shot cannot be shielded against and it does no damage or knockback, BUT it places the marker on the opponent that it hits, which is it's main purpose. It can still be parried though (and rather easily too, since the charge up time and animation are always the same and can't be canceled), so caution needs to be made if to go for it at any moment.
A small, but longer wait than Neutral B is needed if the shot is missed/is wanted to be done again, AND both Neutral and Down B share somewhat the same cooldown on shooting arrows, so one can't be quickly used after the other.
There can also only be one marked opponent at a time, and shooting the same target with another Down B only refreshes the duration on which the mark stays on them.
Once the opponent is marked, in order to have it be triggered is, as you could guess, hitting the opponent with 3 arrow hits in moderately quick succession. It's partly why I had to be careful with the selection of moves that have Lamb shooting arrows, as it could trivialize the activation of the mark, given the reward it brings.
If no arrows are hit, the mark stays on the opponent for a total of 10 seconds before disappearing, in which then you'd have to hit them with Down B again to place the mark on them once more.
And of course, for every hit you get, it's added to a counter of 3 similarly to LoL, next to the affected character's portrait/a slight effect on the character itself that grows more apparent the more stacks they have at the moment.
Every stack that's placed on each arrow hit is each then put on a 5 second timer, where it will visually dissipate until that stack is lost.
Getting another stack starts up the 5 second timer once again, but with having the 2 stack. If the second one is lost, then the 5 seconds starts for the 1 stack, and so on until the mark disappears from no more continuous hits.
You want to hit all 3 stacks before they remove themselves over time basically.
And once you do of course, as soon as the 3rd arrow connects, Wolf will very quickly rush over towards the opponent no matter the distance, and will deliver a very strong and quick bite attack, and the mark will disappear entirely.
The direction in which the opponent is sent directly depends on the direction Wolf is coming towards you, so from below it would send you straight up, from above it would indeed spike you, etc.
The consistency of this move will very much depend on how much hitstun the opponent is on by the time the third arrow is hit, and how far away Wolf is from the opponent, but in most cases, there would be absolutely no dodging the attack. Only circumstance I can think of where you could avoid getting hit by it, is if you're very far away from Wolf, and can barely airdodge/counter it. But this too could be read, and hard punished afterwards given the limited options to avoid a strong attack like that.
The attack happens quick enough to where Lamb will be able to still use Wolf right after the bite, but in a very niche situation where Wolf is traveling a decently long distance and Lamb instantly inputs something that requires Wolf's assistance, nothing will actually happen, so be wary of that.
And with that of course, this means that the moves which can stack up and trigger the mark are Neutral B, Side B, Up B and Forward Throw, which makes them all very deadly to just get hit by in neutral while marked, as it could very easily lead up to a quick death from range basically. And at least with Forward Throw, it quite literally turns the move into a kill throw that's MUCH stronger than Back Throw even, since you're shooting them with the arrow, and with the hitstun from that there would be absolutely no escape from the following Wolf bite that comes afterwards, making grab an amazing kill tool when on 2 stacks for the mark

- Aerials
> Neutral Air: This one is hard to say for sure, but I could see them having Wolf circle around Lamb, coming from below her, going in front, and then circling back into position behind her. Hitbox only being active around and in front of her where Wolf quickly passed around
> Forward Air: Once again, Wolf comes in and quickly does 2 bites in front of him, in the same vein as other 2 hit Forward Airs. First one linking into the second, stronger one.
This move could also be hit with just the first bite and cancelled by landing on the ground, but the landing lag is enough to where only really quick moves like Ftilt would hit
> Back Air: This one is as simple as just Wolf biting in an ark motion, after a slight bit of windup. Imagine Piranha Plant Back Air, but it's a slightly smaller bite instead of fire, somewhat around the same amount of killpower
> Up Air: This one is basically just a slightly faster Ganondorf Up Air, with around the same range, a launch angle slightly more similar to Dr. Mario's, but less damage. From the ground and at low percent, it could even be comboed into itself if you land fast enough
> Down Air: The idea for this move is sort of weird, but to put it simply, it's essentially an easier to hit footstool. Basically, Lamb does a stomp motion as if trying to boost herself off of someone. If missed, it has endlag similar to King K. Rool Up Air, if only a bit shorter.
This move has a couple of implications/applications, but what mainly needs to be known is that this can be both done on opponents, and Wolf too.
When done successfully regardless on who it's done with, Lamb gets a decently sized jump off of them (around Zero Suit Samus Down B levels of vertical distance), and great drifting/air speed for the small duration from the front/back flip they perform off of it, depending on what direction you're holding and looking towards while executing the move.
It also does do a bit of damage, but not much.
If done on a grounded opponent, it puts them into the tripping/tumble animation, basically putting them into a tech chase situation. And thanks to your aerial positioning, improved air movement and options, you have the tools to react to whatever they do and punish accordingly.
If done in the air, it hits them in a very weak spike manner that basically does no knockback, but sends them downwards a bit. The distance/potential to actually be a launching hit increases as percents get higher.
But when used on Wolf (in which the hitbox to perform it on him is fairly generous for the most part), it basically does the exact same animation without it having to hit anyone.
So given that Wolf is always trailing directly behind you, you could learn to move in a way that has that option in mind, to gracefully move all around the stage with a combination of jumps, Down Air boosts off of Wolf, and such
And on recovery, it's basically a good idea overall to make use of this as well, since Wolf will indeed quickly follow behind you as you get launched, to where you can then just double jump towards him and Down Air off of him, and continue the recovery process

And finally,
- Final Smash
Simply put, activation would just be Lamb exclaiming "Now, Wolf!", as Wolf lunges himself forward covering that area with his body (mostly for visual), slightly growing in size while doing so, covering a pretty big area in front of them.
The attack can catch multiple people, but it will only focus on the first person hit (the rest will just be launched off with slightly less knockback and damage done after the Final Smash is done like some other Final Smashes)
The animation then consists of, well...
Something something, opponent is thrown into an extremely dark area, maybe some sort of vaguely noticeable forest, before Wolf quickly starts hitting the opponent, coming at them from multiple directions through the shadows, to the point where you can barely see Wolf as he dashes through the opponent, before a pan of Lamb slightly in the distance shows her jumping up past the shaded trees, before Wolf quickly does one final strong blow that launches them upwards, which then places the opponent in a slow motion scene coming right out of the darkness/trees, leaves all around the open air. And right in the distance, Lamb is seen with her bow already charged up and ready to fire, when she then says "Your time has come, rest now" or something along those lines.
And then a panoramic shot of the arrow whizzing by quickly, before going *straight* through the opponent, in a full black and white scene-like shot. Think back to the Megaman being impaled by Ridley shot from their reveal trailer, but with a straight line indicating the arrow passing right through them or something like that.
And of course, it's the sort of Final Smash that if below 100% it launches the main opponent alongside any others, but if the main opponent reaches 100% before the final arrow hit happens, they insta lose their stock, alike other Final Smashes that do the same
As an extra too,
- Taunts
> Up Taunt would be them saying "Never one" "Without the other" while doing some sort of pose, don't have any in particular aside those from LoL itself maybe
> Side Taunts would be the Joke action from LoL where Lamb handstands and uses her bow with her hooves, and quickly shoots an apple from Wolf's head
> And of course, Down Taunt is absolutely her Dance action, nominee for best taunt in Smash from that day onwards
Winning screens could end up being so many different things too, so it's hard to say which really. But really, it'd likely be a combination of one of their quotes alongside something relevant happening.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I hope that was a fun read to go through, as much as I had fun thinking up the concept for it! It was initially just meant to be something I just randomly thought of and talked about with friends, but I assumed the idea might be interesting to others as well. Even if not with Kindred as the character either, the concept of the marks alongside the lingering, delayed follower is just neat in general, and it would be neat to see something like that in Smash in any way really.
Hopefully I didn't forget anything important lmao

pan tilt platform video

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