My cursed house won, I sold it. Do you live there now? You need to know this.
I moved into what was to be my forever home with my husband and one year old son almost a decade ago. We felt connected to the home immediately, as though it was exactly where we were supposed to be. Little did we know the chain of events to follow would make it the home we wanted to forever forget. Seems like the American dream, moving to a nice house on the outer edge of a suburb, with lush woods behind the house for exploring. However, unusual things started happening from the day we moved in. One of the first nights in the house we woke up hearing my son screaming. He was a toddler, and beyond the age of waking up throughout the night, I assumed it was the new surroundings throwing him off. I headed into his room to see him standing up in his crib screaming while the ceiling fan was running full speed, and the lights were brightly on. He was nowhere near the switch, and I certainly left everything off when I put him to sleep. I brought him into my bed with me and we went back to sleep, only to awake later with the ceiling fan in my room at full speed. The next day we decided it was because the switches were remotes, so we went ahead and reprogrammed the remotes, but it kept happening. We turned off the remotes, but it kept happening. We had the remotes removed completely and replaced with standard switches, and that seemed to help, but it did still happen. Odd, and unsettling but not a deal breaker. A few months in I woke up one morning to find that every single clock in the house was set to a completely different time. Analog, and digital. Again, I explained it away to being electrical glitches or something benign. Then not long after, TV's, and radios started coming on without anyone controlling them. Sometimes feet away from where I would be sitting, they would pop on. Occasionally every smoke detector in the home would go off, we had the fire department out multiple times, and they could find no reason for it. I jokingly mentioned my haunted house to my neighbor, a reverend recovering from a brain tumor. He looked directly at me and told me the house was cursed and that my house and the house around me had persistent presences. I felt really uncomfortable but asked what exactly he was talking about. No one had lasted in my home more than five years time. Everyone that inhabited the home (built in 1997) had misfortune the entire time they lived there. Two people had died, one in the home of natural causes and one in a medevac helicopter that crashed en route. Anyone married, divorced. Major financial problems. Long term illnesses, and tragic accidents. I verified as many of these accounts to be true as I was able. In 2011 I was the sixth owner of this relatively new home. The house kept behaving badly, but we just lived with it as everything was relatively safe, although annoying. My neighbor continued to tell his ghost stories and eventually called someone down the street to tell me more. She had researched the area and claimed that there used to be all farmland where our neighborhood was, and that a number of thieves were shot and killed trying to escape into the woods that were beautifully sitting behind our houses. She talked about how she and her friends when in high school would do seances in the woods, and bring ouija boards out there, to royally terrify themselves. She regretted it because she started seeing people in her home, ghosts. It was all very interesting, but I just wasn't really allowing myself to accept any of it as truth. Within a few years my son was diagnosed with autism. He would talk to many people in the house, but never saw anyone outside the house. He saw these people enough to be able to tell me their personalities. There was a child that would sometimes sleep with him and take up too much of the bed, so he wanted a bigger bed. There were a variety of other people I don't remember the details of, but there is one I won't forget. My son was having trouble going to sleep. He told me that in the corner of the room the darkness was waiting. He said a man he didn't like came out of the darkness and would talk in his ear when he was sleeping. He told me that the man said "in the end of days, you will become a crow". My 4 year old, barely verbal, autistic son told me this. By the 5 year mark in the home my husband and I were divorced and both of our financial lives were crumbling. Eventually I started over with a new partner in the same home, and from the moment he moved in our relationship suffered and he had endless bad luck. He told me sometimes he would wake up and see a little girl in the hallway by our room, and he would lay frozen until she faded away. My son would tell me the man from the darkness made him want to die, and he would talk about the ways the man would tell him to end his life. My new relationship ended and I couldn't take anymore. I listed the home for sale. A young couple made an offer, above asking price, site unseen, I accepted. They had stars in their eyes at the closing when they were handed the keys, it reminded me so much of myself years before. I couldn't get out of that house fast enough. I made it 8 years in the home. After leaving it behind, our lives have grown and blossomed. I got a call from my realtor a few weeks after they moved in. The new owners were having a lot of mechanical problems, appliances were dying, and the electrical needed to be fully redone, they said. They thought I should give some money back given that I sold them a lemon. I declined. I'm never looking back. Edited to add: I had no idea that Reddit and this space was so brutal. I came here and read other people's stories, and thought I would share mine. I didn't expect to be attacked and called names. I thought people would find it interesting and share similar experiences if they had them. As I said in the comments, I was an the time I sold the house a single mom, with a special needs child and I did what I needed to for my family. The new owners did a full inspection and declined any fixes. For all I know they are doing great. My experience doesn't have to be theirs. I'm genuinely sorry for posting this, as being attacked for it hasn't been at all worth it.
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I 19F got disfellowshipped from my shitty religion (jehovahs witness) because I got pressured into getting married too fast and wanted a divorce upon finding out he (ex husband) molested his younger sister for years. He was also physically abusive. My whole family, (mom, stepdad, and all my four siblings) and any close friends I had in the religion are all required to shun me by the religion. Zero contact. I have not seen my family in over a month. They won’t answer any of my phone calls, texts, let alone see me in person. Same with all my friends. I feel like I have literally no one. My ex husband (papers are all filed, just waiting on court date to make it official, was only married for 6 months) moved back in with his parents. Told me to figure out all the rent even though he banned me from working as he let his own insecurities about his past stop me from getting a job. He was always so concerned I’d cheat on him despite me giving him no reason to think I would. He was just so insecure. So he cleans out our bank account, leaves me with $2.28. Like legit two dollars and some change with $965 rent overdue, water, electric, car insurance, etc. and says to figure it all out myself. I could have been set if he let me work. But we only had one car, (mine) and he used it for work which was never enough to pay even just rent. Met a guy a few years older than me shortly after he left (24M) who love bombed me, convinced me we’re soulmates, and all that. Just took advantage of me in a vulnerable state. Dumb me falls for it being young and naive, only ever having sex with one person prior. and this guy, we’ll call him Ted, pays my rent, tells me he’ll help me get on my feet, etc. He’s in law school so he was saying he’ll help me better myself and be independent. He turns out to be a complete hypocrite and asshole, telling me I’m bipolar and crazy for getting emotional after he kept gaslighting me during an argument and threatening to break up with me over petty shit. Always making it clear to me he could have another bitch in a minute, it was always one foot out the door with him. He always stressed how easily replaceable I was despite me never doing that to him. When he moved in, (his idea) he had me throw my bed away and moved his in, then my car breaks down and I don’t have the money to fix it, so he tells me to list it as is for sale, and then the same day I sell my car, he tells me he’s breaking up with me and that I just got my third strike because I spoke with a guy briefly who used to be in the religion too, that was it. And he said that was me being disloyal, yet, he never let me look at his phone, and he was always talking about bitches he fucked in the past, and he said I have to be okay with him going to strip clubs. All I did was find a little comfort talking about this fucked up religion bc he was the worst listener and felt like I needed to get the fuck over my whole family shunning me for the rest of my life. It was all and still is so fresh. I’m still crying about it. So now he got my ass bedless, carless, and not starting work until next month on the 9th. Man is he having a laugh at me. I had a friend pick me up the night all this happened (last night.) that I met at the skate station a few days prior. When I had this friend (we’ll call him dip) drive me back to my apartment to get some stuff and take my dog out, Ted should have been gone already. He told me the night I left that he’d be out by the next day. So I was pissed seeing he was still there. He said he’d be out by tomorrow. Then he tells me not to swing by again later bc he’s gonna have someone over. He tellin me he gon have a bitch in my crib, idgaf that he paid my rent. I didn’t ask him to do that and it ain’t in his name. Then after he tells me that, he had the NERVE to ask “you stayin with a friend?” I say yes. He said “u stayin with another guy?” I said why is it your business? he said, “who’s in the mustang outside?” And I said it don’t concern u, u made it clear you don’t want me no more. And he asked “is it dip in there?” I didn’t answer, I just cracked a little smile cuz all I’m thinking is why do u care? And then he said “wow, u really are a ho.” And started laughing asking if he was gonna move in, how I’m gonna pay my rent, blasé blasé. My body count is two bruh. You really mad bc I got friends to pick me up when I need a helping hand? And I’m the ho, yet u just told me u bout to have a bitch in my crib. My water bill is overdue too, so the water isn’t even on at my place right now. I told him his bitch ain’t even gonna have water to wash her pussy afterwards. i said tell her to bring wet wipes, he gon say “already got some.” So sick of shitty people and feeling alone. Dip is cool af though, I hope we keep stayin close because he’s raw and down to earth. I just need to get my shit right and figure out what my plans are cuz my lease is up in may 28th, and then after that, im gonna get whatever savings I have and move somewhere a few hours away because I hate my city. I hate the bad memories, I hate it all.
Only read up to the part about being left with two dollars but all sounds pretty harsh. I feel like connecting with people who were also put through the wringer could be helpful. I knew someone who is/was JW. He kept going back and coming out because he was older than you and never built a life outside of JW. Good luck https://avoidjw.org/websites/
[Table] Iama guy who has been living alone in an abandoned ‘ghost town’ for over 6 months. I bought the town just over two years ago. AMA! (pt 3/3 FINAL)
I subscribe to your YouTube channel! Are you still seeing that one ghost? Have you gone back into that building?
I completely redid that building because it creeped me out too much. It had dark carpet, dark walls, lace curtains. I ripped out the carpet, left it wood floors, painted the walls white, took out the curtains. Feels better in there, but I still don't really like being in there.
You mentioned opening it up for short time stays, would you market by leaning into the supernatural elements? Staying in a ghost town sounds perfect in my opinion. If you are a believer, then the history will make it exciting. If you are not a believer, then the absolute stillness sounds pleasantly perfect.
I don't think we'll lean into it, but not lean away from it either. I won't have 'ghost tours' or anything like that, but if people want to come and look for ghosts, that's their issue. Cerro Gordo's history is what it is. It's very public. Some are 100% convinced there is paranormal history here, some think that's bogus. I don't want to push one way or the other. People can do what they want once here...
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I understand that. Not trying to tell you anything to do with your work but I really would think about marketing to some. At least think about a Halloween/October takeover that leans into it for a few weeks. If your ROI increases from some small adjustments to the town, it couldn't hurt. But you also may have zero interest in actually turning a profit, which is equally acceptable as it is your town. Prior marketing manager here so hard to turn off the ideas. Great work with the town so far!
totally! Around certain holidays it would definitely be fun. I just don't want to use it as a crutch, you know? Some towns lean on that so much. I think Cerro Gordo is much bigger than just that one element, so don't want to be known for JUST that...
Hey! I was watching your 6 month update last night. Heck of a coincidence. I love your work. The trickle supply for the water out of the mine probably needs a tank somewhere, are you storing it further up the mountain? Or is it just trickle straight into the town?
Thanks for checking it out! I have a few tanks. Two 2,500 gallon tanks a bit above town. That is where water is flowing right now. Then there is two 500 gallon tanks that sort of backup those two 2,500 gallon tanks. The water comes around 400 gallons per day. Although it stopped yesterday weirdly. So we're going back down this coming week to see why.
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Is it possible to rig up a cistern to catch rainwatesnow? Maybe some way to melt the snow, to supplement your water supply from underground and give you a backup in case of emergencies? My grandparents lived on Grand Cayman for a few years and they used a cistern for laundry and the like.
I've been going over different options along these lines. There are some weird regulations about capturing water around here, but I think we may be able to do some variation of that long term.
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Good luck!! I look forward to seeing what you do with Cerro Gordo and how you solve these problems :)
Thank you!
I just watched the 6 month update video on YT, and I think the only time I got nervous for you was when you were sitting on that cart and it started to shift! How are you preparing for this winter after spending the end of last years in the town?
A lot of ways. That first winter was all new to me. I grew up in Florida and lived in Texas. My truck was 2WD with street tires.
I have already stocked up on wood, slowly stocking up on food, and have a 4WD Tacoma with chains ready.
I'm sure I'll learn a lot this winter too, but I'm in a much better place than last year...
I think I may be too late to the party. But I’m a unique age that allowed me to remember your first ama on here, and then also happened to follow the sam and Colby videos when they came to visit. I was like no way I know this place! I was so sorry to hear about the hotel. How was it working with Sam and Colby? Did their videos help raise some funds towards rebuilding the hotel? Was it interesting to host the group there when you’re usually more of a lone wolf?
Sam & Colby are great. Really nice guys. We've stayed in touch. Their fans are amazing and really helped towards rebuilding the hotel. I hope S&C come back for the opening party!
As the owner of the town, can you just change the name? Or is there some kind of process that needs approval?
I probably could, but I like the name, also the history of the town is why it's interesting to me, so I'd like to keep it the same...
Do you get many people drop by out of the blue?
When it's good weather, yeah. It's a weird situation because the town is technically 'closed' because of the pandemic and I'm trying to do work on the town.
So if I'm in a remote part of the town and someone shows up to main area, it's weird to come back and find people basically waiting/looking around your house.
My email is public and there is a sign with a phone number at bottom of hill. I just wish people would arrange visits ahead of time...
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I guess Cerro Gordo Rd that runs through town is still a public easement, and you can't put up a gate?
Technically a 'utility road' because DWP/ATT/FAA use it to access stuff.
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Ouch. No chance of getting it vacated then. Although it's probably less likely you'll get trapped for long by a rockslide or something. Congrats on living the dream, dude. I used to travel a ton around NM and southern CO when I lived in Texas, and always fantasized about buying something way abandoned, way out in the desert. Thanks for helping preserve a critical part of our history that many people overlook.
Appreciate that!
Weren't you like trapped there last winter? Lol anyway are you gonna get that place up and running soon?
I sure was. Not this winter! I'm much more prepared this time around.
I hope to have people coming to stay overnight by this time next year (pandemic allowing)...
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I for sure wanna go when you have it running! I remember that you got sick while trapped right? I'm so happy to hear you made it out and back in ok!!! I can't wait for you to open up. I'm not too far away (a couple states over).
Better now! I had a few rounds of appendicitis. A few rounds because first time they treated it just with antibiotics because of pandemic. Then it came back again and I had to have surgery to get it removed. Not a lot of fun, but better now!
Have you thought about busting out a metal detector?
I did a few weeks ago and found these badass Chinese coins. I need to use it more but there is so much scrap metal/nails around it is hard to find just the good stuff...
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Damn, that is one good username...
Hi Brent - just started following you and the Cerro Gordo account on IG! You’ve said that the approach increases 6,000 feet in elevation in 7 miles. What’s it like driving up? I imagine it’s 7 miles of razor sharp switchbacks? What speed do you take it? You’re 32 - do you see yourself dating in the future? Last question: have you watched Schitt’s Creek?
The road can be intimidating at first (and especially at night) but I'm used to it now. I've done it a bunch that now I just get to enjoy the view. At first I was so focused on road I couldn't see anything else haha. I used to go around 10MPH all the way up. Now I hover around 20 if I'm in my truck and maybe up to 30MPH if I'm in my Polaris side-by-side...
Need a brewery?
Always. I thought the 'hoist house' could be a cool brewery one day.
Can I come visit?
Let's let the pandemic die down a bit, then sure! why not
How do you cope with the isolation so well? Do you meditate or anything like that?
Long walks. Introvert.
Reddit.
How do you know the silver there is really played out?
That's what I've been told and fancy companies determined, but I hold out hope. You could be a few inches away from the vein and not know it. One day, maybe...
Hey I've seen your YouTube videos before! Any more ghost stories? I remember you telling one about seeing a little kid in a bunk house I believe.
None as concerning to me as the bunkhouse story. I still don't like going in that building.
The other one recently involved my wallet. I came back from town one day and put it inside on top of some laundry I had just done. I came back in, and the wallet wasn't there. It wasn't ANYWHERE. To the point where I had to order new cards such. Then, months later, I brought in laundry, and my wallet was back on top of this new stack. So some mischief for sure being played...
This might be a dumb question but since you put 1.4m into it, how are you still making money to buy food and stuff while running ghost town?
I have a 'day job' that luckily I can do from my computer.
How do you go on about getting basic necessities like toilet paper, food, etc.. I guess, what I'm asking is, how close is the nearest Walmart?
Nearest walmart is maybe 2 hours away? 2.5 maybe? I usually get supplies every 2 weeks or so in a town called "Lone Pine" which is just over an hour from the town. The store is small and variety is limited, but gets the job done
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Can you get things delivered? I can’t see a UPS truck or a USPS mail cart making it anywhere near the town. And how is that handled if you decided to move there permanently? Do you have a registered address? How would you handle any 911 type situations?
I can't. My PO Box is in Lone Pine. About an hour or so drive each way. I think that's my only option. I have to go there when I get groceries and pick up whatever is there...
911 is tough. A 7 mile steep dirt road isn't easy. Maybe helicopter if situation is bad enough?
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Obviously there’s heaps liability having this awesome destination with potential hazards (old mines, etc.).. on one hand I’d think the state and/or federal government would have to extend basic emergency services to the town, but since you own the whole town they may not have to actually offer any support. Do you know what the situation will be? Have you started any conversations about this with any government offices about what will be available once you’re commercially operating and open to the public? With the BLM and the FAA having interests close to your town, it seems feasible that the govt at least has the capacity to get to where you are regularly. This just signs interesting as hell, I can’t wait to go watch all of your videos!
FAA will theoretically clear the road in the winter if I call in the favor. It isn't a set rule, but I'm supposed to look after their stuff a bit when they're not here, and they help when they can. That type of relationship for now. But I do know people at both BLM and FAA and probably should have convos around when we're fully open...
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As a fellow Texan I’d never been too keen on going back to Cali.. but your town has changed that. I’d love to road trip over with my husband and check your town out once you’re up and running. I’ll be following this over the next year or so and look forward to having the opportunity to eventually make it happen!
Thanks for checking it out! Come on out
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I love lone pine and would love to come say hi one day
At what point will you start dressing up as the Miner Forty-Niner and scaring teenagers who drive through the town?
Who's to say I don't already...
Oh wow I discovered your channel not too long ago, what was your main driving motive for all of this? Seems like an impossible project personally Gotta also ask, how are the kittens doing?
Kittens are good! Eating soft food now, which makes my life easier haha.
The drive has changed over time. When I started, I think I was looking for a cool hospitality project. Now being here so much and learning all the history, there is this overwhelming sense of responsibility. Of duty. That I HAVE to get this town to a place where more people can experience it, and leave it for generations to come. Probably going a bit nuts
Do you live there by yourself? If not, what do others do?
I'm here by myself. Some people visit occasionally to help work on town, but nobody else lives here full time.
I remember when you first posted about this. So glad you've kept it up. What has been the biggest surprise you've learned about yourself during the time you've spent in your town during quarantine?
Hmmm. I think I've learned to slow down. I used to rush rush rush. Mainly to avoid doing important things or sitting with certain ideas. Now I'm comfortable just sitting in a chair looking at the mountain for an hour. And not being anxious that I need to be doing something else...
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I think it's slowed me down a lot. I used to run around doing all sorts of tasks that seemed so important. But they were just distracting from things I didn't want to sit with or think about or act on. I don't get those distractions here. It clarifies things for me...
What kind of camping is available in the area?
There is surrounding BLM land in the area that is available for camping. I hope one day on the back of our property to offer camping options, but for now it would be too much to manage
I follow you on tiktok! One question that bugs me sorry if you've already answered is what can you do about all that unstable dynamite, is there not a way to get a bomb disposal or similar?
I just leave it there. Not worth the hassle to try to remove and I'm the only one going in most these mines, so I keep a metal record of where it is...
Hey! Love the YouTube channel! found it a few weeks ago. Curious, have you slept in the mine lounge yet? I am sure you've answered this already. Thanks for sharing with us! Hope to visit some day. Take care mate!
I haven't slept in the lounge, but I did sleep in the mine the other night. That's actually what my next video is about.
I took the hoist down into the main Union Mine and had them take up the hoist so I had to be down there from around 6pm-8am. It was QUITE the experience...
I’ve seen a few comments mentioning internet access, and your mention of the ATT hot spot that does the trick for you. Do you intend to maintain the atmosphere of a relatively internet free setting, or do you intend to bring in WiFi for visitors? You stated you want people to come see the town and experience the history, and I feel some of our modern comforts would greatly detract from that, especially WiFi. It also brings me to Edward Abbey -esque thoughts on paving the dirt roads that lead to special places in the desert (don’t do it)
I'd never pave our dirt road. It's difficult, but it needs to be difficult. It takes a long time, but during that time you build anticipation. And RIGHT when you want to say 'fuck it' and turn around, the town reveals itself to you, and it takes your breath away. Then you feel like you've 'earned' the stay in a weird way. And you don't want to leave.
In terms of WIFI, I don't want super fast wifi. Something so people can communicate with world if they need to, but we're not a co-working space.
Have you met any famous people?
Jeff Goldblum came to film something here. That was pretty cool. He's really nice. I guess that counts?
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Oh wow, that counts, what did he film?
An episode of his show "World According to Jeff Goldblum" - it was about denim.
Hi! Just watched a couple of your videos - so cool. I love that you're filming all this! I gotta ask if you've got names for all the goats and kittens yet? I know you mentioned a couple names but not 11 names! :)
OK! Here it goes. Goats - Tofu, Beretta, Bubba, Elon, Senorita Juanita.
Kittens - Gordo. The rest are still unnamed. Any suggestions?
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Reading through your other comments, Levi has to be one of their names for sure..
Excellent call!! I like that.
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The town has a very rich history. Biggest producer of silver in California, more gunfights that could be recorded, 'ghosts', hidden treasure, everything.
I never get bored here...
Do you experience any form of corporeal inequality or tension between you and the remaining ghost populace? I imagine living in a ghost town would give you a comprehensive insight into ghost culture and society, are they actively trying to involve you in the community or are they giving you the silent treatment?
I know where they like to hang out. They know where I hang out. We respect each other's space
Have you thought of getting amateur astronomers up there to take some pics of the sky? It would be an awesome place to go for a weekend to get the stars.
Stars are amazing. This winter that became my obsession - long exposure photos. I'd never taken any in my life but this place is prime for them. I've really enjoyed it.
I've watched hours of your youtube channel man you are so good at it! Fascinating story. I do think you are fuckin mental wondering around by yourself up there. On that note when you are exploring mines are you careful about gas build up? I've watched other exploration videos and sometimes they have a little device that alerts to harmful gases, which you might not be able to smell.
Wow, thanks for checking them out! I'm glad you like them. I bring a 4-gas monitor with me into the mines
What a coincidence! I've been getting your vids in my recommeded for weeks and decided to give in yesterday, and now you show up on the front page of reddit. Nice. I absolutely love this kind of project. Maybe because I basically grew up in one myself, my parents bought a 19th-century french textile factory and we've been renovating it for the past 20 years to receive guests in it. Do your long-term plans include rebuilding some of the old buildings that weren't there? Some of the missing 478? Also, with tourism likely to increase, how are you planning on keeping it authentic?
Definitely want to rebuild some buildings lost. I have a photo from 1890s that shows a TON of buildings that aren't here anymore. However, given the buildings that are here, I can piece together where they should be...
Hey Brent, I've been following your journey for a few weeks now, just want to let you know how much I enjoy your videos! It's obvious you put a lot of time and care into the content that you edit and release. I know you just got the kittens - have you considered getting a dog as well?
Thank you for watching! It definitely takes a long time for each video. That isn't my background. I'd never made a video before April, so it's all new and I'm slow. But I enjoy it
How much of the original hotel that burned are you able to salvage? was anything found in the ashes that could be incorporated to the rebuild? How are you planning on getting water for the resort? Do you wear an oxygen mask when you go down into the mines? When do you expect people will be able to come and stay at Cerro Gordo as a resort? Thanks for the AMA!
I don't think resort is the route we'll take anymore. It doesn't fit the place. It also isn't the type of place I like to stay. I think it will be more like a lodge or a bed/breakfast. I think it fits the vibe here much better.
We'll have to truck up water for now, unless we find a different solution.
Not much of the hotel was left, but some original floorboards will be incorporated into the new floor
Might be too late and have missed you, but i love the YT channel, thanks for sharing such great videos. My question: how's the feeling of freedom there? Do you ever just divert from what you were planning on doing, and...decide to walk/drive in a different direction and see what you see? I feel like that would be an amazing feeling.
Totally. Almost everyday. I almost plan on getting 'lost' in the late afternoon.
I'll set out with a plan. See something interesting along the way. Hike there. See something else interesting. Hike there. See something interesting. Repeat that for a long time and get 'lost'
It is an amazing feeling for sure.
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I just watched a bunch of the videos. Two questions: 1. When you were exploring the mine where 30 people had died, where you a bit worried (or perhaps anticipating) to find them?
They died in a collapse. Meaning dirt and rock fell on them in such amounts that others couldn't rescue them. So I don't think it's likely we'd stumble upon them. They'd still be under the collapse
"Cerro Gordo’s deadliest mine disaster struck in the early 1870s when a cave-in killed at least eight and as many as 35 Chinese miners. They were mining in limestone below the 200-foot level and failed to shore up the tunnel with timber, former Cerro Gordo mining foreman Fred Fisher told a Times reporter in 1950. Their bodies were never recovered."
2. Also, why are the mines full of jeans? Would people just run around butt naked when their jeans got teared?
I've heard a few theories. First, they sh*t their pants and left them back there. Next, they had a pair of work pants and a pair of everyday pants and changed once they got there. Next, the pants were expensive and belonged to the mine not the miner so they stayed at the mine. Next, they ripped and they threw them in trash heaps back in the mine
Have you elected yourself mayor yet? Just for the heck of it. And do you allow tourists?
Just now. Mayor Brent! Elected. Unanimously from all parties present :)
What’s the coolest thing you’ve dug up?
I found some Chinese coins that are apparently 300 years old or so. I found some pocket-watches, old pants, dynamite boxes. All sorts of crazy stuff. Here is photos of some
Most of the tunnels (you use another term, I forget it now) look like walking while standing up straight might be an issue. How high is the ceiling in the easier to get to places? and how wide? I was watching the 'Most Dangerous' video so not thinking about that so much, but the places people might normally explore.
It can be annoying. I'm 6'2" tall, so I have to hunch over in a lot of the mines. Hours of hunching over doesn't feel so good the next day! But I think it's worth it (obviously)...
What is your water access like there? You must have wells.
No water! It's an ongoing issue, but I'm working on it...
What kind of temperature variation do you see at that altitude right next to Death Valley? And how are the night skies? I don't imagine you have much light pollution.
So the other day it was 130 in Death Valley. A World Record I think. The Weather Channel somehow called me to ask how it was living in such inhospitable conditions. But when they called it was maybe 85 or 90 here. So I had to tell them I wasn't really in any danger.
The fact the town is at 8,500 ft really helps. It's crazy the difference, especially considering how close we are to Death Valley. The property is only 7 miles from the park's border...
Can you see Mt Whitney across the valley from Cerro Gordo Peak area or is it obscured?
Yup! You can see Mt Whitney from almost all the buildings. Well, the wildfire smoke is impacting it right now, but usually. Also if you hike to the other side of the property, you have full views of Death Valley. An interesting high/low experience.
I know how to brew beer. Your town seems to be missing a brewery. Trade you brewing lessons for a stay?
I'm listening...
Hello! What do you hate the most about living in the ghost town?
Hmmm. I really think the positives outweigh the negatives, but lack of access to fresh vegetables and fruit is something that comes to mind. I miss my blackberries and spinach...
That video where the bar burnt down was super brutal. Were you able to salvage anything?
Some things, but not that much.
The only 'silver lining' (outside the fact nobody was hurt), is that the icehouse next to the hotel was the original dump location for the hotel. So nobody has been under there in nearly 140 years. There are a lot of artifacts I hope to put in the new hotel that would have never been recovered otherwise...
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Do you think any of the metal items may be intact enough to be restored (eg. the stove, range etc)?
I'm hoping the wood burning stove from the common area, as well as the cast iron stove from the kitchen. Both took a good beating, but I'm certainly going to try. Would really tie the place back together...
Have you met the people from Ghost Adventures?
Yeah! Zack and crew came out and filmed here. I didn't interact with them much, but I was here when they were filming...
After reading resortdude's excellent advice and industry insight, it occurred to me that there is a flaw in his thinking: He is thinking like a resort operator. A resort operator is in the business of supplying luxury, convenience, and serving the whims of picky patrons. However, your enterprise doesn't have follow that path: In fact, it probably shouldn't. I believe you are targetting a very different, almost opposite market: What you have to offer is an authentic frontier-style experience. And that experience is far from luxurious! It's closer to camping. I wonder if a camping operator has to adhere to the same requirements as a luxury resort operator? I imagine you'd be leaning away from modern sewage systems, and toward long-drop toilets. Surely those are still legal? And rather than feeding your guests chef-made three-course-meals, you'd be feeding them baked beans, cowboy style. And who needs propane when you're cooking everything over an open fire! Or, if you want relative luxury, you could serve modern, military-style MREs. The one thing you can't escape though is the need for a large water supply. Also, I believe fire-suppression systems are not required in single-storey buildings below a certain size, provided they have multiple exits. Anyway, just some ideas. I may be way off-base, but I still think you should check out the regulations for outdoor camping operators, and see if they differ from those of luxury resort operators. Good luck! I hope to come and visit if ever I'm in the USA ; )
I think you're right. For a while we were considering a more 'resort' type thing. But it seems crazy now after being here. It will be closer to a lodge type atmosphere..
I followed you on Youtube recently and I'm a huge fan! Are you ever scared of finding a human skull in the mines? How high is the probability of finding one?
Thanks for watching! I don't think it's too high of probability. If someone died back there, they probably died being collapsed by rock/dirt, so I wouldn't find their remains. If they didn't die in a collapsed, there probably was somebody with them to take them out. I can only see someone getting into some bad gas and passing out and nobody knowing where they were as an option to find someone...
Can I come up on the weekend and you can put me and my son to work? We’d bring our own tent and food etc. It would be a good trade. We get a weekend in the mountains and you get some extra hands.
Youtube suggested me your videos and I liked them. Have you ever been in a situation of danger while exploring a mine ? Btw I have been very sad when your hotel burned down :( It was such a beautiful building. Good luck tho
The closest to real danger I've had in the mines (that I'm aware of) was 2 times: 1) Early on, I wasn't paying enough attention and stepped on a board that cracked over a bit pit. Luckily not all my weight was on it and I corrected before falling. It taught me a big lesson about boards and pits. 2) recently I explored a collapsed level of the mine (the 200 level if you saw the video) getting in and out of that was really sketchy because the roof keep collapsing big rocks when trying to get out...
How's the local McDonalds?
haha, far away! There is one in the town of Lone Pine. But that's about an hour away if you factor in the dirt road
I’ve been watching your videos on YouTube for a couple months now. I’ve always wondered, when you go down into the mines, (especially the recent video of the 200 level) how do you keep track of what passages you’ve gone into? Have you ever gotten lost?
Thanks for watching! I haven't gotten really lost yet. I usually use a marker. For instance I'll follow the cart track if there is still track and if I leave the track, I'll leave something where I left the track. That way, I just find my way back to the track. Not a perfect system, but works for me
I follow you on tiktok! Have you found any denim yet? And also has any old dynamite gone off down there? Lastly, what is the weirdest thing you have found down there?
I've found some denim, but not THE denim. As in, not Levi's jeans yet. No dynamite has gone off yet, or I wouldn't be typing this...
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The denim is in the cribbing! My friend and his mining partner discovered the oldest blouse known to exist and sold it to the Levi’s company. He had to free climb up the cribbing (stacked waist rock wall) about 80-100 feet. He saw a glimpse of blue from his light and reached his hand between the rocks. Pulled out the blouse but one of the sleeves ripped off. They sold it for a lot of money. Best of luck!
Damn, getting this type of tip at this time of night. I feel like I need to abandoned this and get into the mines ASAP
Wait didn’t you show up on Sam & Colby?
Indeed. They came out and explored. I like those guys
I was watching your video where you and a friend (I assume?) were exploring a certain floor of a mine that had collapsed where 4 miners died I believe you said. The entrance had collapsed but you found another way in? Where are those dead miners? Were they on the floor you managed to enter? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see if you could find them? I remember you said you will make sure nobody ever goes there again after you visited it
The 200 level of the mine. It was probably closer to 30 miners. They died in a collapse, meaning under a bunch of rock and dirt. So I don't think we'd see the bodies. When the accident happened a lot of people tried to rescue them but couldn't, so I don't really want to go digging around to disturb them.
"Cerro Gordo’s deadliest mine disaster struck in the early 1870s when a cave-in killed at least eight and as many as 35 Chinese miners. They were mining in limestone below the 200-foot level and failed to shore up the tunnel with timber, former Cerro Gordo mining foreman Fred Fisher told a Times reporter in 1950. Their bodies were never recovered."
How are the goats doing? Love your videos!
Goats are good! They're getting bigger and expanding their territory around the town. I'd like to train them to free roam and come back to a bell or something. But haven't nailed that yet...
Doubt he's still here but perhaps someone else can answer this: What is the legality regarding appointing yourself mayor, writing your own town constitution that allows you to hold the offices of mayor, secretary, etc etc, at the same time, and then create city wide ordinances that are favorable to your life style? You know?
I'm still here! Where am I going? Not too much else going on Sunday in a ghost town haha. I think the county still has some jurisdiction over a lot of that, but I could try. I've also watched a documentary on 'sovereign nations' where they basically declare themselves their own nation within a different country. But you raise a good point and one I should look into more.
Do you ever hope to make money out of this town? i.e. maybe the bare minimum you'll need to survive? Or are you looking to live completely without money at some point (from the land etc.)?
I hope eventually the town covers it's own expenses (and mine). But I didn't get into this to make tons of money.
Was your town ever on the show ghost adventures? If so do you think it’s haunted?
It was! I actually sleep in the room they think is haunted by two children ghosts.
I don't think it's 'haunted'. Is there spirits or paranormal activity? Maybe. But if so, I think they're more curious than anything...
This is great! Good for you! I remember seeing this for sale at one point. Questions ( sorry if they have already been asked)... 1. Does Amazon deliver there/do you get mail? 2. What kind of wildlife is out there ( lizards? Snakes?) 3. Are you finding lots of photos to guide your restoration? Again...I’m so glad someone bought it who is interested in restoring it. I’m going to check out your videos.
1. No! I have a PO box in Lone Pine, which is a little over an hour away. 2. Bobcats, rabbits, birds. Not too many snakes because of elevation. 3. Yes, luckily there are quite a few photos of the town at its peak
How do the stars look at night?
Insane. You can see the Milky Way, almsot every star.
Brent, huge fan and I’ve watched all the YouTube videos and can’t wait to see Cerro Gordo with my own eyes one day! What are your plans for exploring the mine? I saw you explored the 200 level but are there any other spots in the mine that people have not seen since the mine was active?
Awesome, thank you for watching! There are a few areas that have been closed off for a long time. The one that is most interesting to me is called the "Omega Tunnel." It may actually connect to the 200 level from the outside. But the portal into it is collapsed big time. I've tried digging it out, and Robert even used 10 sticks of dynamite to try to open portal, but it's really collapsed. But it holds my imagination and I hope I can get into it one day...
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I can’t wait to see the day you get in there! If you’ve ever heard of or been familiar with FPV systems, that may be a way to send an RC truck through a small hole to explore ahead for you. (Finding the right radio frequency to propagate through the mine also helps) I’m out in Los Angeles and when I make my way up to Cerro Gordo one day I’ll bring some FPV camera stuff for you to check out. Keep chipping away at that portal though! (Pun intended)
Will do! Thank you. I'll look into those more too.
What makes an abandoned town "an important part of history"?
Cerro Gordo is the reason Los Angeles is what Los Angeles is today. It shaped California. It was the largest producer of silver for the state and an important part of mining history. It's just been overlooked for a long time.
Do people often come over from the back way into town? From the racecourse or teakettle junction in Death Valley?
A decent amount. If weather is good, and the weekend, maybe 4 people a day?
The issue is when people come up the main road in a vehicle that barely made it up and think they're going to take the back road to Death Valley, or even worse, that they're going to take the Salt Tram road. Have you every taken that road? It's not a joke.
After getting a YouTube recommendation, I binge watched all your videos on Sunday and thought to myself "this guy should do an AMA". Synchronicity! Were you able to connect with the man who left a comment saying he was a previous caretaker in the 80s? It would be fun to hear what stories he has to offer!
Oh wow, I've never seen that comment until now! Thank you for calling that out.
Are you looking to start a business like the Old west town in New Zealand had/has https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/old-west-replica-town-sale-scli-intl/index.html Is that your end game? how you raised the capital? or just for shits and giggles? EDIT: I just followed links in the CNN story I linked, and they link to YOU!! haha
haha. Awesome
Will you have buzzfeed unsolved stay overnight there? I’d like to see more footage of what’s been caught on tape
They had me do a little video earlier this year. I'd love to invite them up if they'd come...
Wow thats in the middle of no where. Any incentives to get people to move there? I suppose the silver is all gone if the town was ghosted?
Silver vein apparently is lost. I don't necessarily want people to move here. Just visit for the weekend or so. I think the middle of nowhere nature will attract people to unwind for a bit and experience the history and natural beauty here...
Ever plan on trying to pull more gold out of any of the mines? You said in another comment you're always exploring them.
*silver! Maybe, who knows. They apparently lost the vein and there isn't enough left to make it financially viable. But you never know
Have you thought about mining silver? Just for fun?
I'd like to refine small batches of the ore still here to make jewelry or something for the town...
Are there tailings piles around the mines? Have you found any interesting mineral specimens in the mines or otherwise?
Yeah! Huge tailing piles. I just went through them Friday for a while looking for rocks. Found a bunch of galena (which is what they were mining here), smithsonite, turquoise, and some other stuff...
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Awesome! Would love to see some over on rockhounds! Would you ever consider allowing access to the piles? I greatly appreciate the people who are generous to allow collecting on their property. (Though I can certainly understand why a lot of people do not, some folks just don't know how to behave) I live in NC and have not yet been west but I hope to some day soon!
I let people come. There is a Gem & Mineral Society in Lone Pine and they did their 20th annual dig up here this past weekend. I have an appreciation for rocks that is growing now that I have the town...
Been loving the videos. Any sketchy things happen on the 200 level we didn’t see? My condolences to the american hotel. How big of a challenge will the delivery of rebuild materials be?
The 200 was really weird. I filmed all that on my iPhone where usually I'd use my GoPro or Sony. Both of those were dead (I had just filmed a different video), so I used the iPhone. So whenever I saw something, I had to consciously think to take out phone and record. I didn't always do that because I was so in the moment taking everything in. There was a lot more dynamite in the area where I talk about dynamite. But just didn't think it was interesting to show 5 minutes of just dynamite.
Getting supplies up here is tough. That is the logistical challenge I'm thinking about right now. We need to get a loader and/or backhoe up here, but you can trailer it up. So we have to walk it up the mountain, which will take a whole day and who knows how much fuel...
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How’s the water situation? Pump back running? Really great for the towns people to help get that going for ya. I’d freak out in the elevator. And in the mine in general knowing there’s 32 souls down there. Every noise would have me on edge. Can’t wait to visit.
Pump was running, but it stopped yesterday again. So we're going to go back down this week to see why that is happening. Hopefully it's something easy to fix...
The cage definitely is freaky. Even after being down it a few times...
Does anyone remember a TV channel called ‘Beneath the Static’?
To start things off, it’s been a long, long time since I talked about this. When we were last all together, it was June 27th 2010. The day our city suffered its worst blackout in the modern age. We called it “The day of separation”. We’ll get to why, eventually. My job, for now, is to tell this story in its entirety with no omissions of the truth, no holding back. 10 years is long enough to hold onto this story, though I’m sure many of you are asking why I’m bothering to tread on old ground, bring up bad memories and re-open old wounds. It’s because the channel has started showing up again. Not just in my home, but in that of my friends, my family and even on TV forums. Random folks are now asking what kind of PR stunt this is; bemused at best and morbidly curious at worst. Heaven help them if they watch it long enough. So, I will present our dictations in full and the way we created them at the time with some aftermath commentary afterwards. Things may be disjointed, but they are exactly as described in the hopes it jogs someone’s memory from the summer of 2010. Maybe they saw what we saw. Maybe they lost what we lost. We were a group of six friends known affectionately as The Fellowship: Preston, Warren, Millie, Mathias, Fay and me, Tristan. A group of 17 year olds that society largely didn’t pay attention to were always going to have an equally unappealing name pulled right from fantasy lore. We had weekly gatherings to review TV shows that caught our eye, record them for posterity and most importantly, to have fun with. Preston always said we’d become famous for our tv reviews. He just didn’t know how right he was at the time. God, none of us did. Every Friday night, the guys would do a snack run and turn up ladened with good vibes and great food. We’d shoot the shit, play some Smash Bros and then when it reached the early hours, we’d get out our research material, prepare our notes and go channel hunting. Not for your average weird shit, of course. We had access to a special network. I just remember the elation over a late night meeting, the wide eyes and grinning teeth as we realised we’d stumbled upon something special, something unique. Something that promised to show content beyond anything the general public knew about. I’m not sure who else knows of the channel, but I have to believe someone does. If you see this and it jogs your memory... please, reach out. Have you ever seen a channel on your TV called “Beneath The Static?” Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 (FINAL) The Fellowship wasn’t interested in the run-of-the-mill channels that everyone knew about. We were fully aware that in order to get the attention of the wider community and net ourselves some of that sweet, sweet, online fame & youtube bucks, we needed to go deeper. We needed to find the weird shit that nobody talks about. The guys got here around 9:30. Fay was at the foot of my bed, already near completion of her latest drawing; a red ankh symbol clutched by her in a Pharaoh’s outfit, a drawing of me on the throne next to her, in identical clothing with a look of disdain and a speech bubble above me saying “reincarnation, again?” her bubble comically replying with “ANKHTUALLY”. “Nice, you’ve gone for both confusing and funny in the same scene.” I looked over as I headed for the door. “It describes our twin-ship quite perfectly; weird, confusing and funny.” She brushed a lock of dyed red hair behind her ear and began shading as the door knocked again. But instead of opening, I flipped the latch and opened it ever so slightly, putting on my most royal voice. “Pray tell, what is the password?” “You’re a virgin?” The big guy in front quipped, laughter coming from the other 3 behind him. “Mmm that doesn’t appear to be right, my good man, for your mother did decree I was rather stupendous in the boudoir!” Hamming up the dramatics as the boys burst out laughing, asking once more. “The password, if you would.” “Konami Code” They all said in unison as I grinned. “Mmm you may pass.” The door swung open to reveal a still chuckling Preston, Warren, Mathias & Millie. Preston, easily the largest of the group and someone who once ate a dead bird on a dare (but if you ask him, he just took a nibble), walked in first; he was a jolly kind of guy wearing an oversized sweater with khakis and never seemed to have an issue with his weight, his curly black hair in an exceedingly neat afro that he combed over constantly. Warren was the absolute opposite, a short but well-built loudmouthed punk clad in studs and denim, a total extrovert sporting a bright red mohawk so tall it bounced off the door frame as he sauntered in, high-fiving me as he passed and headed straight for our fridge. Warren always needed extra snacks. Millie followed swiftly behind, adorned in vintage gothic clothing complete with a “lucky cat’s paw” around her neck and an amulet her mother gave her. “It’s got special powers.” She once said to us after we asked about it, clutching it and staring wide-eyed. “You’ll always find me when I have this on, it emits chakra energy or some shit.” Before waving her arms comically. She was funny, I liked her. Last but by no means least was our tv trivia guy, Mathias. He brought his laptop from home and let me use it to dictate what unfolded, he’d then edit it, make us sound better than we were and put it together for the blog. Tall, lean and shy, his long brown hair pulled into an awkward ponytail so it wouldn’t get in the way of his glasses, he wasn’t the best-looking dude, but he was a legitimately nice guy and that went far. Even if it wasn’t far enough to get my sister’s attention. With the group here, we headed down to the basement and began setting everything up. Before we knew it, 11:30 hit and Mathias revealed what we were watching tonight while fiddling with the settings on my tv. “The fuck is Beneath The Static? A documentary?” Warren asked, chewing pretzels and spraying bread everywhere. Mathias shook his head. “Nope, I heard it’s a sort of “hidden channel”, the type you can’t get without special access. You gotta know what you’re doing.” He reached behind the TV and opened his bag, a sea of cables and connectors viewable as he fumbled with them. As Warren protested, he threw up a dismissive hand. “Patience, patience. Let a guy work.” “Hold up… we’re not gonna watch… y’know… porn, are we?” Preston’s eyes darted around the room nervously, Millie laughed. “If we are, I want dibs on the kind we watch.” She chimed in, confidently. I swear I could hear the other guy’s pants get a little tighter. “Nah, you’d choose some sick-o content or a snuff film.” I smirked, breaking the tension between a ton of hormonal teens. We laughed, and I heard the click of the TV spring to life as Mathias emerged from behind the cabinet, dusting his hands off and passing me the laptop. “Fay, could you grab the lights?” He beamed at her, taking a seat on the recliner conveniently next to hers. “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get started.” What follows is the transcript, including timestamps as I dictated it. I’ve taken the time to highlight who is speaking and how they reacted to what’s going on. Given what we discovered in this entry, it’s important. 00:01m: The screen flickered to life and an exceedingly poor logo formed in the centre as the surrounding static became the backdrop, even the sounds meshing with some stock jazz music. It looked like public access television; it was that level of amateur. “You’re watching Beneath The Static. Up next: Name That Anomaly with JJ Watson!” The show begins with a distorted crowd calling out “Name. That. Anomaly!” In unison, the clapping like the sound of the static echoing and bouncing off itself despite the quality of the show looking to be in HD. The set is a simple black curtain backdrop with a microphone in the centre and a slew of lights bathing the small stage in a blue-ash tinge. The voice off-screen calls for the host as the jazz music swells. Warren: The 90s called, they want their shitty game show back. What is that music? Did they just rip it from a fucking soundboard? Millie: Come on, Warren. This is probably a low-budget studio, I wouldn’t expect too much. Mathias: It’s pretty common for them to use royalty free music where they can, often times they’ll simply change the key or the tempo enough that you don’t notice the differences right away. Plus, if this is low budget, they’re operating pretty well. Reminds me of early episodes of Jeopardy. 00:02m: JJ Watson walks onto stage. He walks with his back leaned away like he’s doing the limbo, his torso stretching out farther than it feasibly should, his knees bent at odd angles as he fully emerges onto the stage. The crowd calling out a “wooooah” as he circled his hands for them to get louder. He snapped his torso up in one swift motion, the snap audible as another camera cut to his face. The perfect bronze skin, smooth black hair parted to one side with not a single lock out of place, shimmering white teeth like great pillars and big blue eyes, pupils dilated and staring at us. “Welcome, folks! It’s a wonderful time being here!” “Being here is wonderful!” The crowd chimed back as he paused for their interjection before they clapped. “We have a lovely family partaking in today’s show, the cameras are in place and our microphone is set up. We know they’ve been having some troubles and hopefully through our fabulous show, we can ease those troubles. After all, that’s the JJ difference!” He winks and grins widely at the camera, it’s unnerving. “Now, shall we get started?” Preston: This guy makes me uneasy, like a substitute teacher you just KNOW likes the kids a bit too much. Fay: He’s got that Hollywood aesthetic but with an 80s vibe. What was that guy who kissed all the contestants? Tristan: Richard Dawson. He used to run Family Feud in the 90s. Fay: Ew, yeah, him. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but fuck that. Mathias: He actually stopped in the revival as a promise to his young daughter. But still… Warren: Wait… what the fuck is that? 00:05m: JJ gestures to a section off camera and we’re greeted with several tv screens, all flickering on as carefully positioned cameras in a household begin broadcasting. The kitchen, master bedroom, kid’s room, basement and living room are all on full display, it’s the evening and there’s a pair of adults sleeping in the master bedroom. He taps on a separate microphone attached and breathes heavily into it for a few moments. Wheezing and making it as intense as possible as he pushes his body against the screens. Immediately, the pair stir from their sleep and the man leaps out of bed, his entire head blurred and darting his eyes around wildly. JJ takes this opportunity to cease his heavy breathing, look back at the crowd with a boyish grin and say into the stage mic: “Well, SOMEONE got up on the wrong side of the bed!” Winking as the crowd laughs before proceeding to violently grunt into the mic again. “WHO’S THERE?!” The subtitles flash up, the woman clearly frightened and running for the kid’s bedroom to check on the baby, wailing in their crib. “I have a question for you, man of the house!” JJ declared in his professional voice, a side camera now showing his cold expression as he once again leans in close to the microphone. “First question: What’s that coming from your basement?” Millie: What kind of fucking game show is this? Did we stumble upon some kind of bizarre prank show? Tristan: Seems like it’s real, just based on how the couple are reacting. I’ve been spooked out of my bed enough times to know that feeling. Fay: Oh c’mon, it was twice. Tristan: Shut up, you know what I mean. Mathias: The only thing that springs to mind is some of the more unusual Japanese shows, but this… this seems too real. Preston is leaning forward, his eyes fixed on the screen. Warren shares a look with me and shrugs. 00:11m - There’s a flash on the screen as something in the basement stirs and rushes up the stairs, smashing itself repeatedly into the door as the Father grabs a weapon from his gun cabinet and rushes downstairs, shouting to his wife to “protect Esther!’. Preston twitches when he says this. He runs down to the basement door where it’s barely on its hinges and fires 3 shots off before the camera feeds cut out and JJ turns back to the audience, grinning from ear to ear. His tanned skin shimmering in the bright lights. “Well folks, we certainly gave him a spook! We’ll check back in with him after our commercial break. But before we go, can anyone at home name that anomaly?” He leans in, the smile not breaking and the eyes unblinking. “Anyone?” There’s a solid 20 second pause of him just staring in silence. Mathias: How is he holding it for so long? Why isn’t the crowd reacting? Is this pre-recorded? Millie: Those eyes… I can’t look at him head on. Preston: Feels like he knows something... I just can't figure out what. Tristan: Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I blinked. Warren: Dude’s got a thousand-yard stare and I need another thousand yards distance between the two of us. Fay: That’s the sort of shit I’d draw in my nightmares. Preston: This is… this is uncomfortable. 00:12m - JJ breaks his stare and takes a bow before the lights dim and the crowd applauds. “I’m sure someone out there got it, but don’t worry if you didn’t, we’ve still got plenty to come up on-” and the crowd join him in unison as the titular show name rings out above him in neon lights “name. that. anomaly!” As the stock advertisements about energy drinks and various medications, I take stock of how everyone is reacting around me. Mathias is furiously scribbling notes and muttering to himself, Millie has crossed her legs and is talking AT him for answers, but I think she’s just in need of a stream of consciousness. Fay is drawing JJ’s too perfect face while Warren stuffs his mouth with pretzels and tries to think up creative offensive names for the show. Only Preston and myself are silent throughout. He shoots me a nervous glance and runs his hands over one another, breathing heavily before forcing a smile and nodding. I’m worried. The music chimes in after a couple of minutes and everyone’s focus switches. More of us are sitting forward now than we were before. It’s beginning to dawn on everyone that this may not be a prank show. Tristan: Hey Mathias… where did you say you got this from? Mathias: I didn’t. 00:20m - The show fades in and JJ is still standing there, his green tweed suit shining as the spotlights fall on him. It looks like he hasn’t even moved from his spot since the break began. “Welcome back, folks. When we last left our guests, they were in a tight spot with the anomaly downstairs. Did anyone in the crowd guess what it might’ve been?” He extends out a hand over his ear as some shouts spill out from off camera. One echoes louder than the others, almost intentionally. “RESENTMENT!” It bellows. JJ’s eyes light up and he claps his hands. “That’s right! As we know, anomalies can be negative emotions as much as they can be spectres. Bravo, you’ll get your award after the show ends! Now, let’s check in with them and see how they’re getting on!” As JJ walks over to the screens, his knees buckle and crack to accommodate him, though it seems to bring him no discomfort. Millie holds back a hurling sound, I don’t blame her. 00:22m - We see the screens flicker on and it’s clear some time has passed. The family has reinforced the locks on their windows and doors, the basement door has been barricaded and food rations are all over the place. It doesn’t look like they’ve left for weeks. The camera switches to a side profile of JJ and he leans in close, tapping on the screen in the kitchen where we can see the family dog sleeping in their bed. “I love dogs.” He says slowly, his voice dripping with what I can only describe as hunger and perversion. “Don’t you, folks?” The crowd giggles softly, but it ripples around the set as he taps the mic again and moans. The family bolting upright and the father again screaming, far more panicked this time. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? WHAT DID YOU PUT IN OUR BASEMENT?!” JJ smiles and I can see a slither of drool leaving his lips, just for a moment, before he puts on his professional facade. “Sir, I have another question for you. Are you ready?” The father clearly shouting and signing “NO”, but JJ continues unperturbed. He starts singing, his eyes rolling back in his head. “How much is that doggie in the window? The one with the yummy tail.” Millie: He’s not going to… Fay: Oh fuck, I think he is… Preston: Not like this, please. Millie is clutching her lucky paw, Fay is still drawing while watching, her hands moving freely. Warren stopped stuffing pretzels into his mouth and is frozen. 00:25m - A glowing light appears from outside the back door connected to the kitchen. The dog awakens and backs up, prone and growling as the glow becomes brighter. The camera cuts to the upstairs bedroom and once again; the father runs downstairs shouting for his dog. JJ keeps singing, his voice breaking. “How much is that doggie in your kitchen? I do hope that doggies for sale.” The light engulfs the kitchen for a moment; the father trying desperately to get in and failing as he collapses against the frame, crying. When the light fades, the floor has been coated with viscera, trailing from the spot the dog was at and to the outside of the now ripped open door. JJ’s back hunches over for a moment and when he turns, he wipes his mouth and winks; the crowd voicing their approval. I feel my stomach turning, Millie excused herself saying “I can’t look at that fucking stare anymore. It reminds me too much of…” before running upstairs and heading to the bathroom. Warren shouted expletives, the rest of us sat there silently as the show continued. My hands shook and Fay put her hands on mine.Fay: Don’t you dare stop typing this. We may have stumbled upon something special. I swallowed and nodded, Mathias nodding in approval. 00:30m - A spotlight appears above a chair and JJ practically crab walks over to it, bending his back before sitting on it, his back drooping lazily over the headrest before snapping to attention. “We’ve had fun here tonight, folks. But before we go to our final question for the family, I wanted to take a moment to offer you all some sound advice from your good pal JJ Watson.” He pauses for a moment, his smile slipping and a speck of genuine emotion breaking through, if for a brief second. “Folks, if there’s one thing I can tell you, it’s that some of the laws of the land aren’t meant to be followed. Say you see someone who has something you want… something you KNOW you deserve more than them. Maybe it’s a new gadget, some food, a family or… maybe a partner.” He winks again, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Well, you should just take it. By force, if you need to. I mean, who are they to stand in the way of your happiness? Who cares if they paid for it? Or if they said no? Or if the person you love is underage?” He stands up and grabs the chair by the top and begins smashing it into the ground. “TAKE. WHAT. YOU. WANT.” He screeches with each successive smash. Then, nothing remains and after a few laboured breaths, he smooths his hair back and motions back over to the screens. Fay: What the hell was that? Did he just have a Tom Cruise moment? Tristan: I don’t know, can you go check on Millie? Warren: She’ll be down in a minute, I’m sure she just needs some air, chill. Tristan: I AM chilled, I’m just worried, you know how she can get. Preston: Guys… 00:38m We cast our eyes back and see the camera is pointing at a hunched over JJ, covering the centre screen and a low drone has filled the speakers. His shoulders are shaking and the seam on his suit is beginning to split, a soft dripping sound echoes as he chooses his words carefully, methodically. “Now, it’s time to see how the DeMacio family is getting on.” He taps the mic and lets out an elongated croak, as if his oesophagus was pulling something up from the pit of his stomach. The drone gets louder. The camera begins showing active images of the rooms before they each turn to static; The Kitchen - Covered in a black viscous liquid that’s begun pulsing from the walls. The Basement - A stumbling, creaking figure, its limbs gripping either side of the support beams and smashing its stunted head into the foundations above it, spraying bone fragments and flesh around the floor. The Master Bedroom - The bed has been overturned, the words “UNWORTHY. FALSEHOOD. DISEASE” carved into the wall, pieces of furniture and smashed glass everywhere. The Kids Room - Static but subtitles of screaming and pleas for help flash up. Warren: This is some Paranormal Activity type shit, the dedication is… man… they gotta be acting, right? Mathias: I mean, the set-up looks like it’s coming to an end, maybe they’ll reveal it’s all a big stunt like the sort of thing a magician would do? Or a prank? Fay: You’re talking about a David Blaine, Kris Angel type deal? You really think they’d put in THAT thing in the fucking basement? Kill an animal? Warren: It'd be the first time you took issue with a dead animal. Fay: I will reach across this chair and slap the shit out of you, Warren. Preston: Why did he say DeMacio… We looked at Preston; we hadn’t made the connection yet, but he had. Tears were streaming down his face and he was sat forward, eyes unblinking at the screen, his hair matted from sweat. I see his lips mouth the word “hank” and before I can ask, I hear something from the tv. JJ stepped to the side to reveal the Living-Room screen. 00:42m - Hank DeMacio is stood in the centre of his room, covered in wounds and complex scars from head to toe, some looking like symbols where others simply looked random. He was naked and his torso was drenched in blood, face still blurred. The camera focuses on him as he stands unflinching despite the surrounding carnage, the shaking from beneath him or the strange lights emitting from off screen. The camera then cuts to JJ, his lips are cracked and his teeth are white... too white. His perfect skin looks like it’s quivering as his black tongue laps around his cheeks and in his most professional voice, he says; “Hank... are you ready for your final question? You’re alone now, it’s just us. Your secrets will be laid bare and I will be here for them. So it’s time for your final test…” He licks his lips. “Name the one emotion you’re feeling above all else?” The screen cuts to Hank, his hands outstretched as the subtitle reads “Ready”. Hank clasped around his blurred out head as he starts ripping at the skin, pulling at the blurred edges as streaks of dark red run down his body and the blur begins to pull away, revealing the pulpy, delicate flesh underneath. The group erupts in horror. Preston is screaming. Mathias: But the blur is added on in post... how is this... oh my god... Warren: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? WHAT THE FUCK Tristan: Mathias, this isn’t real, is it? Fay: Jesus.... 00:44m: When Hank is done, his head is nothing more than a sea of pink, red and rotting flesh, eyes swivelling in their sockets, a faint glow behind them. He walks off screen and comes back on moments later with his gun in his hand. The drone is now at fever pitch; the crowd seems to join in with it, producing it like insects. The camera stays focused on Hank as JJ’s voice cuts through, the professionalism unflinchingly perfect as the faint jingle of the show can be heard. “Are you ready for your ultimate question, Hank? I’m sure everyone at home is.” He called, Hank nodding, fractured teeth bared from behind ripped lips. “Good… Okay Hank, who are you going to pray to? Name. That. Anomaly!” Hank mouths something that the subtitles can’t decipher and JJ claps his hands, laughing. The crowd's drone morphs from a low single rumble to a slow chant of “do it”, the scars on Hank's body glow and he picks up the rifle. The group screams at him to stop, Preston leaping out of his seat and walking to the TV as Warren and Fay try to calm him down. He puts the barrel of the gun in his mouth and the show turns to static. The room fills with that deafening noise as panic boils over. It took us a couple of minutes to bring ourselves down and to try and restore normalcy. Mathias: I’m sure that was just an elaborate hoax. It… it couldn’t be real, right? This is the sorta shit Cannibal Holocaust or Blair Witch could do for ratings. Maybe your Brother was in on it? Preston: I haven’t heard from Hank in MONTHS, none of us have. They moved out of state because of their personal problems. Said they needed time. Fuck… FUCK! Warren: Looked real to me. Fay: What the FUCK, dude? Warren: I’m just being real, no sense in lying. Tristan: Time and a place, dude. Someone should tell Millie what happened. “Oh, I’m sure they know what you all do. That the golden rule must always be abided. Now and forever.” Millie came down the stairs, white faced and pointing as we turned our attention back to the TV, still filled with static but flickering as the visage of JJ bled through, still on set but his features twisted. “Remember this, at Beneath The Static we have a very simple set of beliefs, one that I’m sure all of you fine people at home believe. Whether you’re old timers, family men or… teenage outcasts.” He cast his eyes from left to right, as if looking at each of us before stopping right in front of Prestons terrified face, his lips curling upwards. Preston: How is he… HOW THE FUCK IS HE DOING THAT?! Millie: I don’t know but… that fucking stare… His voice cut through like frigid air on bare skin, raising the goosebumps and making my heart pound in my chest with words I can still hear long after. “Family is important, isn’t it? And secrets should always be kept, especially between brothers.” His grin widened, and the static returned in full as Preston began crying. We spent the next hour quietly talking, Mathias unplugged the TV and refused to speak about where he heard about the show, Preston repeatedly tried calling and texting his brother but to no avail. The rest of us discussed what we saw, but couldn’t come to an agreement other than it was horrifically disturbing. But, we had no proof it was real and no reason to tell our parents. So, we said we’d keep in touch over the next few days and see if anything came of it. By the time Monday rolled around, it had. We knew there’d been issues within Hanks family, Preston’s brother was a decade older than him and he’d told us once when we were back in 10th grade that Hank had a few destructive habits; that he had a vicious temper and if he’d off-handedly commented before if he ever found out his wife was cheating, he’d kill her. Of course, Preston never believed he would, his brother was all talk. But that didn’t stop Preston from unwittingly stumbling upon Hank’s wife having an affair when he’d stopped over unannounced. It was some 9 months before Esther was born and it didn’t take much to put the pieces together. Hank said he was moving the family out of state to “avoid the shame” and confided in his brother he’d illegally bought a gun “in case things went south”. Preston told no one about that. He called in the early hours to inform us his brother had taken the lives of his dog, wife, daughter and himself. He’d shot them as they slept and carved something into the walls above his television. I told him we were watching that channel again next week and though he was grief stricken; he agreed. Because when I asked him what it was, he gritted his teeth, and I felt the bile rise up in my throat; “Look Beneath The Static.”
"TOY STORY" Original Story by John Lasseter Pete Docter Andrew Stanton Joe Ranft Screenplay by Joss Whedon Andrew Stanton Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow FINAL DRAFT November 1995 "TOY STORY" FADE IN: INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM A row of moving boxes lie on the floor of the room. They are drawn up in crayon to look like a miniature Western town. The bedroom is lined with cloud wallpaper giving the impression of sky. One of the boxes has a children's illustrated "WANTED" poster of a Mr. Potato Head taped to it. A MR. POTATO HEAD DOLL is set in front of the poster. The VOICE OVER of ANDY, a 6-year-old boy, can be heard acting out all the voices of the scene. ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) Alright everyone, this is a stick- up! Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe! A GROUP OF TOYS have been crowded together in front of the "BANK" box. Andy's hand lowers a CERAMIC PIGGY BANK in front of Mr. Potato Head and shakes out a pile of coins to the floor. Mr. Potato Head kisses the coins. ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) Ooh! Money. Money. Money. (kissing noises) A porcelain figurine of the shepherdess, BO PEEP, is brought into the scene. ANDY (AS BO PEEP) Stop it! Stop it, you mean old potato! ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) Quiet Bo Peep, or your sheep get run over! The companion porcelain sheep are placed in the center of a Hot Wheels track loop. ANDY (AS SHEEP) Heeeeelp! BAAAAA! Heeeelp us! ANDY (AS BO PEEP) Oh, no! Not my sheep! Somebody do something! WOODY, a pull-string doll cowboy, enters into the scene opposite the inanimate spud. Andy's hand pulls on the ring in the center of Woody's back. WOODY (VOICE BOX) Reach for the sky. ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) Oh, no! Sheriff Woody!! ANDY (AS WOODY) I'm here to stop you, One-Eyed Bart. Andy's hand pulls out one of Mr. Potato Head's eyes. ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) Doooooh! How'd you know it was me! ANDY (AS WOODY) Are you gonna come quietly? ANDY (AS POTATO HEAD) You can't touch me Sheriff! I brought my attack dog with a built- in force field! Andy places a TOY DOG, with a SLINKY for a mid-section, in front of Mr. Potato Head and stretches him out. ANDY (AS WOODY) Well I brought my DINOSAUR, who eats force field dogs!! Andy reveals a PLASTIC TYRANNOSAURUS REX, who stomps on the Slinky Dog. ANDY (AS DINOSAUR) AAAAR! ROAR-ROAR-ROAR! ANDY (AS SLINKY DOG) YIPE! YIPE-YIPE-YIPE! ANDY (AS WOODY) You're goin' to jail, Bart. Andy picks up Mr. Potato Head and places him in a baby crib in the room. A cardboard sign is taped to the bars with the word "JAIL" written in crayon. ANDY (AS WOODY) Say good-bye to the wife and tatertots. Andy's 1-year-old sister, MOLLY, crawls over and picks up Mr. Potato Head. She sucks on him for a beat then proceeds to pound the toy repeatedly against the rail of her crib, forcing some of his parts loose. Andy, wearing a cowboy hat himself, picks up Woody off the floor. ANDY (pulling Woody's string) You saved the day again, Woody. WOODY (VOICE BOX) You're my favorite deputy. BEGIN TITLES SONG "YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME" plays while Andy does various activities with Woody: -- Andy turns the Western town boxes around to reveal cows drawn on the other side. He grabs a jump rope and pretends Woody is lassoing the cattle. ANDY C'mon, let's wrangle up the cattle. -- Andy then rides Woody around on an RC (remote control) car, and herds the remaining "cow" boxes under Molly's crib. INT. STAIRWELL -- Andy places Woody on the top of the stairwell banister allowing the doll to slide downstairs. Andy races ahead and catches him at the bottom. INT. DOWNSTAIRS LIVING ROOM -- Andy & Woody fall into the La-Z-Boy chair and spin around and around. Next, Andy uses the La-Z-Boy foot rest as a catapult. Andy flings Woody across the room to the sofa. ANDY (raising his arms) Score! SONG ENDS Woody lies limp on the sofa while Andy is heard talking to his mother. ANDY (O.S.) Wow! Cool! MRS. DAVIS (O.S.) Whadda ya think? ANDY (O.S.) Oh, this looks GREAT, Mom! ANGLE: THE ADJOINING DINING ROOM MRS. DAVIS, Andy's thirty eight-year-old mom, has just finished decorating the area with streamers and balloons. A banner is draped across the archway. It reads: "Happy Birthday Andy." Woody's frozen face stares in the direction of the birthday decorations. ANDY Can we leave this up 'til we move? MRS. DAVIS Well, sure, we can leave it up. ANDY Yeah! MRS. DAVIS Now go get Molly. Your friends are going to be here any minute. ANDY Okay. Andy picks up Woody from the couch and runs upstairs. ANDY It's party time, Woody! INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Andy and Woody enter the room. Molly is still banging Potato Head against her crib railing. Andy tips Woody's hat at her. ANDY Howdy, Little Lady! He deposits Woody on the bed and pulls his string one last time. WOODY (VOICE BOX) Somebody's poisoned the waterhole. ANDY (picking up Molly) C'mon, Molly. Oh, you're getting heavy! (to Woody) See ya later, Woody. Andy exits. END TITLES Woody's eyes come to life. The cowboy doll sits up, his expression changing from a smile to worry. WOODY (to himself) Pull my string! The birthday party's today?! Woody thinks. WOODY (to the room) Okay, everybody. Coast is clear. The bedroom comes alive. TOYS emerge from the toy box, the closet, the shelves, etc... in a flurry of activity. POTATO HEAD, his body parts strewn across the floor, sits himself upright and begins to re-assemble himself. MR. POTATO HEAD Ages three and up. It's on my box. Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool. HAMM, the piggy bank, flips one last penny into his coin slot. Potato Head walks up to him. All his facial pieces are in the wrong slots. MR. POTATO HEAD Hey, Hamm! Look! I'm Picasso! HAMM I don't get it. Hamm walks away. MR. POTATO HEAD You uncultured swine! (to someone O.S.) What are you looking at, ya hockey puck?! Potato Head walks past, revealing a hockey puck figurine. Woody sits on the edge of the bed observing all the activity. He turns to a plastic green army man, SARGENT, standing on the night stand. WOODY Uh, hey Sarge, have you seen Slinky? SARGENT (saluting) Sir! No Sir! WOODY Okay, thank you. At ease. Woody hops off the bed. WOODY Hey, Slinky? SLINKY (O.S.) Right here, Woody! A toy Slinky dog, SLINKY, appears from under the bed pushing out a checker board set. He begins to place the checkers on the board. SLINKY I'm red this time. WOODY No, Slink -- SLINKY Oh...well alright, you can be red if you want. WOODY Not now, Slink. I've got some bad news. SLINKY Bad news?! WOODY Sh-h-h-h-h!! Woody covers up Slinky's mouth, aware that the other toys in the room are watching. He leans in close to Slinky. WOODY (whispering) Just gather everyone up for a staff meeting and be happy!! SLINKY Got it. Slinky shuffles off. WOODY Be HAPPY! Slinky perks up his gait and LAUGHS HARD. Woody proceeds in the other direction. He passes a toy ROBOT and SNAKE partially hidden under the bedspread. WOODY (to the room) Staff meeting, everybody. (aside) Snake, Robot -- podium duty. Robot and Snake come out from under the bed and reluctantly follow Woody. Woody walks past an Etch-A-Sketch, ETCH, going the other direction. WOODY Hey Etch! Draw! Both Etch and Woody whip around like gunfighters. Before Woody can fully extend his arm out, the Etch-A-Sketch etches a gun on its screen. WOODY (pretending to be shot) Oh!! You got me again, Etch! You've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the west. Slinky passes a group of toys on the floor. SLINKY Got a staff meeting, you guys, come on, let's go! Robot and Snake begin constructing a podium made out of Legos and a Tinker Toy tub while Woody searches the floor. WOODY Now where is that -- ? Aw, hey, who moved my doodle pad way over here? Woody spots the doodle pad on the floor by the desk and walks over to it. As he reaches down to pick it up... REX, the plastic dinosaur, jumps out to scare Woody. REX ROOAAAARR!!! WOODY (unaffected) Oh, how ya doin', Rex? Rex suddenly turns timid. REX Were you scared? Tell me honestly. WOODY I was close to being scared that time. Woody heads back to the podium. Rex follows. REX I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming off as annoying. A crook suddenly grabs Woody's neck and jerks him towards BO PEEP, the porcelain figurine. WOODY (choking) Aach! -- Oh, hi, Bo. BO PEEP I wanted to thank you, Woody, for saving my flock. WOODY (blushing) Oh, hey - it was nothing. BO PEEP Whadda ya say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight? WOODY (very flustered) Heh, heh...oh yeah, uh, I... Bo saunters back towards her lamp stand, passing a stack of ABC blocks. BO PEEP Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away. Woody is left lovestruck. All the rest of the toys in the room are filing past Slinky. SLINKY Come on, come on! Smaller toys up front. Woody remains lovestruck in the middle of the room. SLINKY Hey, Woody! C'mon! Woody snaps out of his trance and rushes over to the podium. The toys crowd together as Woody steps up to the podium. MIKE, a toy tape recorder, waddles up next to Woody and indicates his microphone. MIKE Ahem! WOODY (grabbing microphone) Oh, thanks, Mike. (to the crowd) Okay -- SFX: FEEDBACK WOODY (to Mike) Oh, whoa, step back -- Mike waddles back a step to stop the feedback. WOODY Hello? Check? Better? Great. Everybody hear me? Up on the shelf, can you hear me? Great! Okay, first item today...oh, yeah. Has everyone picked a moving buddy? The toys all MOAN. HAMM Moving buddy?! You can't be serious! REX Well I didn't know we were supposed to have one already. MR. POTATO HEAD (waving his arm out its socket) Do we have to hold hands? The toys LAUGH and SNICKER. WOODY Oh, yeah, you guys think this is a big joke. We've only got one week left before the move. I don't want any toys left behind. A moving buddy -- if you don't have one, get one! (checking the pad) Alright, next...uh...oh, yes. Tuesday night's "Plastic Corrosion Awareness" meeting was, I think, a big success and we want to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you, Mr. Spell. The words "You're welcome" scroll across Mr. Spell's display screen as he speaks. MR. SPELL You're welcome. WOODY Ok, uh...oh yes. One minor note here... (under his breath) Andy's birthday party's been moved to today. (full voice) Next we have -- The toys all PANIC. REX What?! Whadda ya mean, the party's today?! His birthday's not 'til next week!! HAMM What's going on down there? Is Mom losing her marbles?! WOODY Well, obviously she wanted to have the party before the move. I'm not worried. You shouldn't be worried. MR. POTATO HEAD Of course Woody ain't worried! He's been Andy's favorite since kindergarten! SLINKY Hey, hey! Come on, Potato Head! If Woody says it's all right, then, well, darnit, it's good enough for me. Woody has never steered us wrong before. While Slinky speaks, Potato Head takes off his mouth and mimes kissing his own butt. WOODY C'mon, guys! Every Christmas and birthday we go through this. REX But what if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don't think I can take that kind of rejection. WOODY Hey, listen, no one's getting replaced. This is Andy we're talking about. Woody steps down from the podium and walks towards the crowd. WOODY (continued) It doesn't matter how much we're played with. What matters is that we're here for Andy when he needs us. That's what we're made for. Right? Everyone is now looking down, sheepish. HAMM Pardon me. I hate to break up the staff meeting, but THEY'RE HERE! Birthday guests at three o'clock! WOODY Stay calm, everyone!! Too late. The toys PANIC and stampede over Woody towards the bedroom window, leaving him alone on the floor. WOODY Uh, meeting adjourned. The toys all crowd around the bedroom window, trying to get a peek outside. HAMM Oh, boy. Will ya take a look at all those presents?! MR. POTATO HEAD I can't see a thing! Unable to see over the crowd, Potato Head pulls his eyes out of his head and holds them up over the other toys. ANGLE: TOY'S POV OF ANDY'S FRONT YARD CHILDREN file towards the front door carrying presents. HAMM Yessir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure. REX (panicked) Any dinosaur-shaped ones? HAMM Ah, for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot! The presents keep coming. REX They're getting bigger. SLINKY Wait! There's a nice little one over there! At first, the kid's present appears to be a little box, but then the kid turns -- the present is four feet long. The toys SCREAM. MR. SPELL Spell the word "trashcan." REX We're doomed! Down on the floor, Woody smacks his hand to his forehead in surrender. WOODY Alright! Alright! The toys turn inside and look down at Woody. WOODY (continued) If I send out the troops, will you all calm down? REX Yes! Yes! We promise! WOODY Okay, save your batteries! HAMM Eh, very good, Woody. That's using the old noodle. Woody jumps up onto Andy's bed and turns to the Sargent on the nightstand. WOODY Sargent. Establish a recon post downstairs. Code red. You know what to do. SARGENT Yes SIR! The green army man hops down to the floor where a "BUCKET O' SOLDIERS" sits. SARGENT Alright men, you heard him. Code Red! Repeat: We are at Code Red! Recon plan Charlie. Execute! Let's move move move!! THE GREEN ARMY MEN file out of the bucket and march in formation across the bedroom floor. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Andy's door creaks open and a lone army man ventures forth to make sure the coast is clear. Satisfied, he motions for the others to proceed. Squads of soldiers march into the hall carrying a baby monitor and a jump rope. The army men each leapfrog behind the stairway banisters and hold their positions while the Sargent surveys the scene below through his binoculars. ANGLE: SARGENT'S BINOCULAR VIEW OF DOWNSTAIRS Directly below, Mrs. Davis passes through the hallway rounding up Andy and all his birthday guests. MRS. DAVIS Okay, c'mon kids! Everyone in the living room. It's almost time for the presents. Once Mrs. Davis and the children are out of sight, the Sargent motions to his men with a silent hand signal. TWO PARATROOPERS jump out through the railing, parachuting down to the floor below. INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS The paratroopers sweep the area with their plastic rifles, then give the "all clear" sign. The jump rope is lowered, and more soldiers rappel down. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM The toys race towards the nightstand where Woody has placed the receiving half of the baby monitor. WOODY And this -- (turning on the baby monitor) -- is how we find out what is in those presents. INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY The green army men march in formation across the floor when suddenly... SFX: FOOTSTEPS Can be heard approaching from behind the connecting kitchen door. Immediately the Sargent signals for his men to freeze in their various classic action poses. MRS. DAVIS (O.S.) Okay, who's hungry? Here come the chips. I've got Cool Ranch and Barbeque -- The door opens and Mrs. Davis' foot comes down hard on top of a soldier. MRS. DAVIS Owww! What in the world -- ? Oh, I thought I told him to pick these up. With a sweep of her foot, she brushes the army men out of her path and continues on to the living room. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM REX Shouldn't they be there by now? What's taking them so long?! WOODY Hey, these guys are professionals. They're the best. C'mon, they're not lying down on the job. INT. DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY As soon as Mom is gone, the Sargent motions for his men to proceed toward a nearby houseplant that looks into the living room. The Sargent then notices an injured soldier struggling to drag himself forward -- a casualty of Mrs. Davis' foot. The Sargent helps the injured soldier to his feet. WOUNDED SOLDIER (moans) Go on without me. Just go! SLINKY A good soldier never leaves a man behind. The Sargent motions to the remaining men above. They lower themselves via jump rope, riding the baby monitor. Once downstairs, they hustle the baby monitor towards the houseplant. Suddenly... A BALL bounces into the hallway, followed by the sound of footsteps and kid clamor. The Sargent, supporting his wounded man, reaches the plant, right on the heels of the squad with the baby monitor. They conceal themselves in the house plant just before the children run by. INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT - CONTINUOUS While the baby monitor is set in place, A MEDIC evaluates the wounded soldier and gives the "thumb's up" signal. The Sargent scans the party with his binoculars. ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF BIRTHDAY PRESENTS The pile of brightly wrapped gifts sits atop the living room coffee table. SARGENT (O.S.) There they are. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM The toys perk up as STATIC suddenly emits from the baby monitor. SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Come in, Mother Bird, this is Alpha Bravo. WOODY This is it! This is it! Quiet, quiet, quiet! SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Come in, Mother Bird. Alright...Andy's opening the first present now. MR. POTATO HEAD (chanting) Mrs. Potato Head...Mrs. Potato Head...Mrs. Potato Head... (off Rex's look) Hey, I can dream, can't I? SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) The bow's coming off...he's ripping the wrapping paper...it's a...it's...it's a lunchbox! We've got a lunchbox, here! WOODY A lunchbox?! MR. POTATO HEAD A lunchbox...?! SLINKY For lunch. Heh heh heh... SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Ok, second present...it appears to be...okay, it's bed sheets. MR. POTATO HEAD Who invited THAT kid?! INT. LIVING ROOM ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF PRESENTS MATCH DISSOLVE TO: ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF A SINGULAR PRESENT MRS. DAVIS Oh, only one left. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Okay, we're on the last present now... WOODY Last present! SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) It's a big one...It's a...it's a boardgame! Repeat! Battleship -- Battleship, the boardgame! The toys CHEER WITH RELIEF. HAMM Yeah, alright!! Hamm gives Potato Head a congratulatory pat on the back, sending his facial features flying. MR. POTATO HEAD Hey, watch it! HAMM Sorry there, old Spudhead. INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT SARGENT (to army men) Mission accomplished. Well done, men. Pack it up, we're going home. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM WOODY So did I tell ya? Huh? Nothing to worry about. SLINKY I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second. INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT The platoon is preparing to exit the plant when... MRS. DAVIS (O.S.) Wait a minute. Oooh, what do we have here?! The Sargent lifts his binoculars back to his eyes. ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF LIVING ROOM Mrs. Davis can be seen opening the closet and pulling out another large present. SARGENT (indicating the baby monitor) Wait -- turn that thing back on! INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Come in, Mother Bird, come in, Mother Bird. All the toys tense up. SARGENT (O.S.) (continued) Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. Andy's opening it... INT. DOWNSTAIRS - HOUSE PLANT - CONTINUOUS SARGENT He's really excited about this one. It's a huge package. Oh -- get out -- one of the kids is in the way, I can't see... INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS SARGENT (O.S.) (from monitor) ...it's...it's a -- The sound of children CHEERING emits from the monitor, cutting off the Sargent. REX It's a WHAT?! WHAT IS IT?!!! Rex grabs a leg of the nightstand and shakes it, making the monitor drop to the floor. The impact causes the batteries to roll out. REX Oh, no! MR. POTATO HEAD Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is! HAMM (sarcastic) Way to go, Rex. Everyone rushes to the fallen monitor. Potato Head tries to correctly insert the batteries. WOODY No, no! Turn 'em around, turn 'em around! HAMM Eh, he's puttin' 'em in backwards! WOODY Plus is positive, minus is negative! Oh, let me! Woody jumps down off the bed and shoves both Hamm and Potato Head aside. INT. LIVING ROOM ANDY Let's go to my room, guys! The kids rush past the houseplant. SARGENT (into the monitor) RED ALERT! RED ALERT! ANDY IS COMING UPSTAIRS! INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Woody puts the last battery back in. WOODY There. SARGENT (O.S.) (over monitor) Juvenile intrusion! Repeat! Resume your positions NOW! WOODY Andy's coming, everybody! Back to your places. Hurry! The toys PANIC and scatter about the room. MR. POTATO HEAD Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear? REX Outta my way! Here I come, here I come -- Frantic, Rex slams into a trashcan and falls over. Everyone scurries to their places as the KIDS' FOOTSTEPS grow louder. Woody falls limp in his spot on the bed just as... Andy's bedroom door flies open and a flood of children's feet rush in. FRIEND #1 Hey, look! His lasers light up. ANDY Take that, Zurg! Woody is flung off Andy's pillow and slides, unnoticed, down the gap between the bed and the back wall. FRIEND #2 Quick! Make a space! This is where the spaceship lands. ANDY -- and you press his back and he does a karate-chop action! MRS. DAVIS (O.S.) Come on down, guys. It's time for games! We've got prizes! ANDY Oh, yeah! The kids all run out as fast as they entered, SLAMMING THE DOOR behind them. BEAT The toys slowly come to life and make their way toward the bed. MR. POTATO HEAD What is it? BO PEEP Can you see it? SLINKY What the heck is up there? REX Woody? Who's up there with you? Woody crawls out from under the bed. The toys are shocked to discover him there. SLINKY Woody, what are you doing under the bed? WOODY (composing himself) Uh-h-h-h...nothing! Uh, nothing. I'm sure Andy was just a little excited, that's all. Too much cake and ice cream, I suppose. It's just a mistake. MR. POTATO HEAD Well, that MISTAKE is sitting in your spot, Woody. REX (GASP!) Have you been replaced? WOODY Hey! What did I tell you earlier? No one is getting replaced. The toys give each other a look of doubt. WOODY Now let's all be polite, and give whatever it is up there a nice, big "Andy's Room" welcome. Woody climbs slowly up the side of the bed, peeking over the edge. His eyes widen at the sight of... BUZZ LIGHTYEAR We see Buzz as Woody does - an expensive looking space age action figure, covered with buttons and stickers from head to toe. The imposing "G.I. Joe-sized" doll stands heroically in the center of the bed, his back to Woody. Woody GULPS. Buzz comes alive and looks around. ANGLE: BUZZ'S POV THROUGH HIS HELMET While he scans the bedroom a "DARTH VADER" LIKE BREATHING is heard. Buzz eyes it all suspiciously and pushes a button on his chest. SFX: ELECTRONIC BEEP BUZZ Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. Come in, Star Command. Nothing. He pushes the button again. BUZZ Star Command - come in. Do you read me? (to himself) Why don't they answer?!! Just then, Buzz catches sight of his ripped packaging. The box is designed to look like a spaceship. BUZZ (GASP) My ship!! He runs up to the box and investigates the damage. BUZZ Blast! This'll take weeks to repair! Buzz flips open a plastic compartment on his arm -- his wrist communicator. BUZZ Buzz Lightyear Mission Log. Stardate 4072: My ship has run off course en route to sector 12. I've crash landed on a strange planet. The impact must have awoken me from hyper-sleep. Buzz springs up and down on the squishy surface of the bed. BUZZ (into communicator) Terrain seems a bit unstable... He taps the sticker of controls on his wrist communicator. BUZZ (into communicator) No read-out yet if the air is breathable... and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere -- ANGLE: BUZZ'S POV THROUGH HIS HELMET Woody's face suddenly pops into view. WOODY Hello-o-o... BUZZ HO-YAAAHH!!! Buzz jumps back, taking a fighting stance. He presses a button on his arm that turns on a red "laser beam" light on his wrist. Buzz aims the red beam on Woody's forehead and holds it there. WOODY Aaaaaaah! Whoa, hey, whoa, did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy! My name is Woody and this is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say, and also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see, the bed here -- While Woody is speaking, Buzz notices the sheriff's badge on Woody's vest. BUZZ (de-activating his laser beam) Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash landed here by mistake. Buzz begins walking around the bed, surveying the situation. Woody tries to keep up. WOODY Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed, here, is my spot. BUZZ I need to repair my turbo boosters. Do you people still use fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystalic fusion? WOODY Well, let's see, we've got double A's -- BUZZ Watch yourself!! Buzz shoves Woody down on the bed and re-activates his wrist laser. BUZZ (continued) Halt! Who goes there?! The other toys are peeking over the edge of the bed. REX Don't shoot! It's okay! Friends! BUZZ (to Woody) Do you know these life forms? WOODY Yes. They're Andy's toys. BUZZ Alright, everyone. You're clear to come up. Buzz walks over to the toys. BUZZ I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace. Rex steps forward and eagerly shakes Buzz's hand. REX Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur! BUZZ Why, thank you... (pulls away) Now thank you all for your kind welcome. REX Say! What's that button do? BUZZ I'll show you. Buzz presses a button on his chest. BUZZ (SAMPLED VOICE) Buzz Lightyear to the rescue! The toys all GASP IN AWE. SLINKY Hey, Woody's got something like that. His is a pullstring, only it -- MR. POTATO HEAD Only it sounds like a car ran over it. HAMM Oh yeah, but not like this one. This is a quality sound system. Probably all copper wiring, huh? So, uh, where are you from? Singapore? Hong Kong? BUZZ Well...no, actually I'm stationed up in the Gamma Quadrant of Sector 4. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from the Evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance. As Buzz speaks, Woody glances down at the box in which Buzz arrived. ANGLE: BACK OF BUZZ'S BOX There is a cartoon drawing of Buzz giving the exact, word- for-word spiel that Buzz is now giving. MR. POTATO HEAD Oh, really? I'm from Playskool. REX And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not actually from Mattel, I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leveraged buy-out. Well, I don't really understand the financials, but... Woody walks over to Bo Peep. WOODY You'd think they've never seen a new toy before. BO PEEP Well sure, look at him. He's got more gadgets on him then a Swiss army knife. Slinky presses the button on Buzz's arm, activating his laser light. Buzz quickly pulls his arm away. BUZZ Ah, ah, ah, please be careful! You don't want to be in the way when my laser goes off. MR. POTATO HEAD Hey, a laser! How come you don't have a laser, Woody? WOODY It's not a laser! It's a little lightbulb that blinks! HAMM What's with him? MR. POTATO HEAD Laser-envy. WOODY All right, that's enough. Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy -- BUZZ Toy? WOODY T-O-Y. Toy. BUZZ Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is Space Ranger. WOODY The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's pre-school toys present. MR. POTATO HEAD Gettin' kind of tense, aren't you? REX Oh, uh, Mr. Lightyear? Now I'm curious. What does a Space Ranger actually do? WOODY He's not a Space Ranger! He doesn't fight evil or shoot lasers or fly -- BUZZ Excuse me. Buzz calmly hits a button and wings pop out. Again the toys GASP IN AWE. HAMM Oh, impressive wingspan. Very good! WOODY Oh, what?!...What?! These are plastic. He can't fly! BUZZ They are a terillium-carbonic alloy and I CAN fly. WOODY No, you can't. BUZZ Yes, I can. WOODY You can't! BUZZ Can! WOODY Can't! Can't! Can't! BUZZ I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed! WOODY Okay then, Mr. Lightbeer! Prove it. BUZZ All right, then, I will. (to toys) Stand back everyone! The crowd of toys make room for Buzz as he heads towards the edge of the bed and climbs up the bedpost. He poses like a high diver, shuts his eyes... BUZZ To infinity and beyond!! ...and leaps off the bed. Buzz plummets straight down, hits a big rubber ball and bounces right back up. He then lands on a Hotwheels car, which races him down the track, through the loop, and off a ramp. Buzz soars upward into a plane mobile hanging from the ceiling. Buzz becomes wedged between the plane's wheels. The impact turns on the PLANE'S MOTOR making it (and Buzz) spin around and around. All the other toys watch from the bed, mesmerized. Finally the centrifugal force causes Buzz to separate from the plane, sailing him across the room toward the bed. Buzz makes a perfect landing right in front of Woody and then opens his eyes. BUZZ Can. The crowd of toys rush Buzz, CHEERING AND CLAPPING WITH ADORATION. REX Whoa! Oh, wow! You flew magnificently! BO PEEP I found my moving buddy! BUZZ Why, thank you. Thank you all. Thank you. WOODY That wasn't flying! That was falling with style! MR. POTATO HEAD Man, the dolls must really go for you! (aside) Can you teach me that? Woody stands alone at the other end of the bed, fuming. Slinky, caught up in the euphoria, approaches Woody. SLINKY Heh, heh, heh! Golly bob howdy -- WOODY Oh, shut up! In a couple of days, everything will be just the way it was. They'll see... they'll see. I'm still Andy's favorite toy. MONTAGE SONG: STRANGE THINGS plays over montage. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - LATER A) Andy plays with Woody: jumping up and down on the bed, running around the room. B) Andy sets Woody down on the floor. Next he "lands" Buzz Lightyear on the floor opposite Woody. Andy shoots Buzz's laser at Woody and then smacks Woody across the room as if he'd been blown away by the laser. C) Andy runs into his closet wearing his cowboy hat and cowboy pajamas. MATCH CUT TO: Andy runs out of the closet clad in Buzz Lightyear pajamas and a homemade spaceman's helmet. ANDY Buzz Lightyear to the rescue. D) Woody observes all the cowboy-themed items in the bedroom transform to space motif: the posters, the drawings on the wall, the pillow, the bedspread. E) Buzz watches Rex execute a WIMPY ROAR. The space ranger suggests a few tips for the dinosaur. Rex tries again, this time giving a "JURASSIC PARK" ROAR. The roar blasts Potato Head's features right off his face. F) Woody passes Etch-A-Sketch, who's sporting a portrait of Buzz. Woody looks across the room to see Buzz combing Troll Doll's hair, chatting away like a hair dresser. Woody angrily shakes Etch, removing Buzz's image. G) Rocky, Snake, Troll Doll and Rex are lifting Tinkertoys as weights. Buzz works out on top of an upside down Robot, using his feet as a treadmill. Potato Head attempts to lift his Tinkertoy barbell but ends up tumbling backwards, leaving his arms connected to the barbell. H) Woody looks under the bed for Slinky, finding only the checkerboard. Woody peeks around the corner of the bed to see Slinky and Robot, under Buzz's direction, setting Buzz's "ship" up on top of ABC blocks for repair. In frustration, Woody kicks the checkerboard, sending the pieces flying. One of the checkers ricochets off the dresser and boomerangs into Woody's mouth. I) On Andy's bed, Buzz pets Slinky whose back end is stretched over to the other side where Woody sits. Slinky's wagging tail whacks Woody in the face repeatedly. Woody shoves Slinky's rear end off the bed, leaving his front end no choice but to eventually follow. J) At bedtime, Andy loads his toys into the toybox until just Woody and Buzz are left. He deliberates as to which toy to keep and which to toss into the toybox. INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT Andy is sound asleep, with Buzz tucked under the covers next to him. Woody peeks out at them from the toybox and then sadly sinks back into the box, closing the lid to... BLACK END MONTAGE/SONG ENDS The black screen splits horizontally to become... INT. ANDY'S BEDROOM - MORNING - WOODY'S POV OF THE BEDROOM FROM THE TOY BOX All is clear -- no sign of Andy. Woody throws open the lid of the toy box. WOODY Finally! He takes a couple DEEP BREATHS of fresh air, then discovers that his hat is missing. WOODY (looking back into the toy box) Hey! Who's got my hat? The rubber shark pops up wearing Woody's cowboy hat. SHARK Look, I'm Woody. Howdy, howdy, howdy! WOODY (sarcastic) Ah-hah! Ah-hah-hah! (grabs the hat) Give me that! Woody leaps out of the toy box. BUZZ (O.S.) Say there, Lizard and Stretchy Dog. Let me show you something. It looks as though I've been accepted into your culture. Woody looks up to see Buzz chatting with Rex and Slinky. BUZZ (continued) Your Chief, Andy, inscribed his name on me. Buzz puts his foot out so that Slinky and Rex can see the sole of his boot. The name "ANDY" is written on it in permanent marker. SLINKY & REX Wow! REX With permanent ink, too! BUZZ Well, I must get back to repairing my ship. Buzz walks away. Woody looks at HIS foot -- "Andy" is written on it also but in a much more childish scrawl, and is largely faded. BO PEEP (O.S.) Don't let it get to you, Woody. Hearing Bo, Woody puts his foot back down and quickly straightens up. WOODY (nonchalant) Uh, let what? I don't -- Uh, what do you mean? Who? BO PEEP I know Andy's excited about Buzz, but you know, he'll always have a special place for you. MR. POTATO HEAD (walking past) Yeah. Like the attic. Heh, heh... WOODY Alright! That's it! Woody angrily marches across the room. Across the room, Buzz's cardboard ship is still up on the ABC blocks. Buzz lies down on a skateboard and slides under the ship like a mechanic. Snake and Robot stand by waiting for instructions. Buzz's hand reaches out from under the ship. BUZZ Unidirectional bonding strip. Robot turns towards Snake who stands in readiness by a tape dispenser. ROBOT Mr. Lightyear wants more tape! Snake rips off a piece of tape with his mouth. Woody approaches the skateboard, grabs hold of Buzz's foot and rolls him out from under the ship. WOODY Listen, Lightsnack, you stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me. BUZZ What are you talking about? (to Robot) Where's that bonding strip?! Buzz rolls himself back under. Woody rolls him out again. WOODY And another thing. Stop with this spaceman thing. It's getting on my nerves. BUZZ Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command? WOODY Oh okay, so you want to do it the hard way, huh? Buzz stands up, face to face with Woody. BUZZ Don't even think about it, cowboy! WOODY Oh, yeah, tough guy?! Woody pushes Buzz in the chest, accidentally activating a button that makes the spaceman's helmet open. Buzz grabs his neck, GASPING FOR AIR. He drops to his knees and begins to writhe on the ground, holding his breath. Woody is unsure how to react. Suddenly, Buzz SNIFFS the air. BUZZ The air isn't toxic. Buzz rises and points an accusing finger at Woody. BUZZ How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets! Buzz closes his helmet. WOODY You actually think you're THE "Buzz Lightyear?" Oh, all this time I thought it was an act! (to the room) Hey, guys! Look! It's the REAL Buzz Lightyear! BUZZ You're mocking me, aren't you? WOODY Oh, no, no, no... (pointing behind Buzz) Buzz, look! An alien! BUZZ Where? Buzz falls for the trick and turns around. Woody kneels over with LAUGHTER. SFX: DOG BARKING Woody stops short. All the toys look to the bedroom window. SID (O.S.) Yessss! Ah, ha, ha, ha... WOODY Uh-oh. Slinky hides under the bed. SLINKY It's Sid! REX I thought he was at summer camp! HAMM They must have kicked him out early this year. The toys rush over to the window. REX Oh, no! Not Sid! SID (O.S.) ...Incoming! From out the window, SID PHILLIPS, a hyperactive ten-year- old, and his dog, SCUD, can be roughly made out jumping around in their backyard. A tiny figure stands isolated in the center of the yard. Sid pummels the figure with rocks while Scud strains at his leash, barking wildly. MR. POTATO HEAD Who is it this time? WOODY I can't tell. Hey, where's Lenny? LENNY (O.S.) Right here, Woody. Woody turns to see, LENNY, a pair of wind-up binoculars, approaching him from the other end of the desk. Woody picks Lenny up and looks through him to survey the scene. REX Oh, no. I can't bear to watch one of these again! ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF SID'S BACKYARD A full size toy soldier is posed in a running stance in the center of the backyard. A huge M-80 is strapped to the doll's back with masking tape. WOODY Oh, no...it's a Combat Carl. SID (O.S.) (plays under the next 5 lines) Just stay where you are, Corporal! Don't move, Carl. You'll blow up. I know you're tired! I know your leg is cramping, but you can't move. Do you hear me? Buzz breaks through the crowd. BUZZ What's going on? WOODY Nothing that concerns you spacemen. Just us TOYS. BUZZ I'd better take a look anyway. Buzz grabs Lenny from Woody and looks through him. BUZZ Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device? WOODY (redirecting Buzz's view) That's why. Sid. ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF THE DOG, SCUD BUZZ Sure is a hairy fellah. WOODY No! No, that's Scud, you idiot! Again, Woody readjusts Buzz's view. ANGLE: BINOCULAR VIEW OF SID He is sporting a skull t-shirt and LAUGHING HIDEOUSLY. WOODY THAT is Sid! BUZZ You mean that happy child? MR. POTATO HEAD That ain't no happy child. REX He tortures toys -- just for fun. BUZZ Well, then we've got to do something! Buzz steps up onto the window ledge. The toys GASP IN SHOCK. BO PEEP What are you doing?!! Get down from there! BUZZ I'm going to go teach that boy a lesson. WOODY Yeah, sure. You go ahead. Melt him with your scary laser. Woody presses Buzz's laser button. It emits a WIMPY ELECTRONIC BEEP. Buzz quickly pulls his arm away. BUZZ Be careful with that, it's extremely dangerous. While Woody and Buzz banter, Lenny witnesses Sid lighting the fuse of the M80. LENNY He's lighting it! He's lighting it! SID (O.S.) NO-O-O-O-O!!! CA-A-A-A-A-ARL! LENNY Hit the dirt! The toys jump away from the window. SFX: EXPLOSION Dirt clouds and toy shrapnel rain down along the side of Andy's house. SID (O.S.) Yes! He's gone! He's history! Andy's toys peek over the window sill. ANGLE: SID'S YARD A large black scorch mark is all that remains where Combat Carl once stood. Sid jumps up and down victoriously while Scud resumes his BARKING. BUZZ I could have stopped him. WOODY Buzz, I would love to see you try. (gesturing to Sid's yard) 'Course I'd love to see you as a crater. Sid CACKLES and dances around the crater. BO PEEP The sooner we move the better. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. ANDY'S FRONT YARD - SUNSET A "FOR SALE" real estate sign stands in the front yard. Another sign reading "SOLD" hangs from the bottom. INT. UPSTAIRS HALL/ANDY'S BEDROOM Mom opens the door to Andy's room and steps in. The room is full of packing boxes, most of them half full. Andy is playing with Woody and Buzz. ANDY To infinity and beyond! MRS. DAVIS Oh, all this packing makes me hungry. What would you say to dinner at, uh, oh, Pizza Planet? ANDY Pizza Planet?! Oh, cool! Andy throws the two toys on his desk with Buzz landing right on top of Woody. MRS. DAVIS Go wash your hands and I'll get Molly ready. The minute the door is closed Woody comes alive and shoves Buzz off of him. ANDY (O.S.) Can I bring some toys? MRS. DAVIS (O.S.) You can bring ONE toy... ANDY (O.S.) Just one? Woody perks up with concern. WOODY (to himself) One toy? He glances over his shoulder at Buzz, who is walking away towards the opposite end of the desk. Woody picks up a Magic 8 Ball left beside him on the desk. With his back to Buzz, Woody quietly shakes the 8 ball. WOODY (whispering) Will Andy pick me? He tips the 8 ball over. The triangular oracle floats up to the surface..
When I was pregnant, I loved looking at mom’s lists, here and on Reddit, of baby’s essentials. I also watched videos, what they liked, what they did not use, ect. My son is now 7months old and I love looking back on what we purchased, what we used and what was less useful. We actually don’t have a lot of regrets, but I did so much research that I think I might have regrets on spending so much on time on it! A lot of people posts lists of essentials and other people asks for them (and I have done both here!) but I feel it’s not always truly essentials. It’s more a preference. So I decided to separate baby gear in different categories for future parents. True Newborn essentials:
· Car seat: hospital probably won’t let you leave with your baby without a car seat
· Safe place for baby to sleep: crib, bassinet, Moses basket, pack n play.
· Diapers and some ways to wipe baby’s butt
· A way to feed baby (breastmilk, formula, probably some bottles)
· A few pajamas, onesies
· Hat (hospital one will work)
·Thick blanket + something to swaddle baby
· Some soap and towel
· Baby thermometer
· Baby Tylenol (check with your doctor, of course!)
· Vitamin D drops (often recommended by doctors if baby is breastfed)
And that is it! I am not a minimalist, so I own WAY more than that. But if I had a super limited budget and a small space, I would get all those things. Things I would not live without
· Burb rags/bibs/washcloths: babies are sometimes gross. I needed something to wipe them and keep them clean.
· Diaper rash ointment/baby lotion: winters are super dry here, so sometimes my son’s skin got dry.
· Hoodies, pants and socks: I get annoyed at having my baby only wear pajamas. Also, I baby wear a lot and it’s not recommended to dress baby in a footed pajama when babywearing.
· A stroller.
· Babycarrier
· Bouncer: I need a safe space to put my son while we do other stuff and he really enjoyed bouncer. He also loved his swing.
· Good washing machine and dishwasher: we got new appliances and it is so worth it. Babies generate so much laundry and who has motivation to wash the dishes? Not me.
· Noise machine: we have a Hatch+ (present from a family member) and it’s nice, but I was planning on buying a much cheaper one.
· Rocking chair: we have a rocking chair in the living room and a glider in the nursery. We love both. Just one would have done.
· Nursing bras and a few nursing tops: easier when going around.
· Nursing pillow
· Pacifiers: My baby sucked on one at all times until 5.5months old. We switched to bigger ones now that he is older and does not really care anymore. Mileage varies on that one.
Stuff we used all the time and is a small luxury (but totally worth it)
· Playmat with kickpiano: we spent HOURS on it when he was very little
· Indestructibles books and other baby books
· Several baby carriers
· Infant high chair: high chair that worked from birth. My son started to sit in it when he was a few weeks old and we could usually get a few minutes to eat our dinner.
· Mobile: I bought one in a yard sale for $5 when I was 17. It was stored in my mom’s basement. My son LOVED looking at it. It gave us 3 minutes to go to the bathroom!
· Changing table: I am clearly in the camp of changing tables are totally worth it. My husband is VERY tall, I had a c-section and my mother has back problem, so changing on the changing table was much more comfortable than a bed or the floor. I got a table used for $20, repainted it and got a changing pad for $17 at IKEA. Perfect.
· Baby monitor: we have a cheap $30 Vtech one from Target. It works all the way to the back of the backyard. Works great.
· Breastpump ( we mostly breastfeed but I built a freezer stash and usually have some milk in the fridge in case we need it).
· Bassinet for strollers
· AAP books for Infants and Baby care: great to look at while my son is growing, to check milestones, look at diseases. Because Dr. Google is terrifying.
We also have a swing, toys, tons of books, several carriers, Frida Baby head brush (for cradle cap), gripe water and gas drops (don’t think they did anything for my son), tons of clothes. Stuff I did not buy
· Any special baby tech (Owlet, Angel Care, Video Baby monitor, other stuff)
We both work in tech (and I more specially work in medical devices). We don’t like any smart devices hooked to the Wifi, because they can be hard to secure, especially if they can be used on an app remotely. I also like just have my Vtech monitor; if my son just stirs or moves, I can give him time to try to settle down or fall asleep on his own. But if he is really upset, the monitor picks it up and I can go check on him. My son did sleep in our room for the first 6 months.
I have also SUPER iffy with devices that says they can track heart beat, oxygen levels, for safety reasons that were not tested in clinical trial settings. It is not a medical device (as mentioned on their website) and does not replace medical devices. I totally understand that some parents want to use it and it is up to everyone. But I would not call this a baby essential. More like a luxury that some families can afford and want to get.
· Dock-a-tot, fancy baby pillows, other non-safe sleep surfaces: I know some people love them. That’s up to you. But no pillows are recommended for safe sleep! It’s only to be used during awake times under supervision. $100+++ for a pillow sounds like a lot. I will keep my bouncers; at least babies cannot roll off them.
· Smart bassinets: SNOO, Halo, ect: I was blessed with a baby that slept pretty decently at night. I think those bassinets could possibly help some babies, but are not necessary. If the next baby is a terrible sleeper, I might get one, but I would wait until the baby is here to invest a lot of money in those smart bassinets.
And that’s it! What do you think? Did I miss some newborn essentials? Would you remove essentials?
Hi Courtney! This is going to be really long and idk if I'm the best at story telling but I've been wanting to submit my story for a long time and I'm finally sitting down to do it. Here it goes. So I've always believed in the paranormal. Even though I grew up super religious (and still am), things like ghosts and the paranormal in general have always really fascinated me. My dad and I really bond over our love for all things horror and true crime related. This happened to me when I was about 7 years old, but I didn't know about it until I was 12 or 13. My grandparents still don't know. SOO when I was 7, my younger sister was born. When we would stay at my grandparents' house, we always stayed on the 3rd floor. The "basement" was really just a first level that all of the grandkids used as a play area and I never got creepy vibes from it. I'd rather sleep down there than anywhere else in the house probably. The main level was just normal -- kitchen, living room, a couple bedrooms, that sort of thing. The third level, which we always just referred to as "upstairs," was pretty small compared to the rest of the house. After going up the stairs there was a very small hallway that then led to one bedroom on the right, another bedroom directly at the end of the hallway, and a small bathroom to the left. My dad and step-mom always slept in the first bedroom (the blue bedroom, as we called it) and my sister and I in the other (the purple bedroom). One thing to note about my grandmother is that she is a classic, high-class, southern woman and she loves anything vintage she can find at estate sales and thrift stores. These upstairs bedrooms were decorated with tons of things from those. On this night, my sister was extremely restless. Her crib was set up in the purple bedroom where I slept and she wasn't more than a few months old. I am a really heavy sleeper, so I never knew anything was going on. My step-mom was up with her all throughout the night. She was finally able to get my sister to sleep and went back into the blue bedroom to lay down. As I hope you could tell from my crappy description of the house, you have to walk by the blue bedroom to get to the purple bedroom. So anyway, my step-mom had the door like halfway open and she was sleeping on the side closest to and facing the door. Once she was almost asleep, my sister started crying again. Right as she was about to get up to go tend to her, she saw a man walk past the door. Assuming it was my granddaddy going to help out with my sister, she thought she'd let him handle it. After a few minutes of my sister continuing to cry, she got up to see if she could settle her down. She walked into the purple bedroom to find a dark shadowy figure standing next to my side of the bed. She was just frozen there I guess and she watched the figure lay on top of me while I was sleeping and disappear. She grabbed my sister out of her crib and ran to my dad, who says he's never seen someone so terrified in his life. Now my step-mom grew up in an EXTREMELY haunted house that I've heard countless stories about and she swears she's never been more terrified in her life. Which was great for me because I was literally just left there completely helpless. Love that for me. Like I said, I didn't learn about this until several years later and to say I was traumatized is an understatement. I had had things happen to me over the years that suddenly made sense, like seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye and hearing my brother talk to someone (AND SOMEONE TALKING BACK) when no one else was home. It felt like the things that I was experiencing was attached to me and not a place or an object. I even had a terrifying dream that took place in this house that led to my dad telling me this story in the first place. I've always had really vivid and terrible dreams. Literally was sent to therapy for a dream I had in kindergarten about my dad (haha quirky childhood trauma). This one was so different though. I've never lucid dreamed at any other point in my life but I still think that I did this night. It started with me meeting this little boy in the basement of my grandparents' house. I've never been able to make out faces in my dreams, but for some reason, I could see every feature of this kid's face. I will seriously never forget the way he looked because he had the darkest eyes I have ever seen. It makes sense later. So I go about my day (in the dream) spending time with this boy and I trust him a lot. For some reason though, none of my other family was there. So I start asking him questions about himself and he shut me out. At some point he disappeared and this is where the details get kind of fuzzy since I haven't ever really told this story since I was a lot younger. All I know is that the little boy wasn't a little boy. It was some malicious spirit that could take any form to get close to me. I figured all of this out and tried to lock myself in the purple bedroom where everything went down (that I had no clue about at this point). The last thing I remember is the spirit breaking down the door and lunging at me. When I woke up, it felt like I hadn't slept in weeks when it was really like 2 pm when I woke up. My dad told me I wasn't allowed to tell my grandparents about any of this because they would up and move immediately, so the only people who know about any of this are the 3 of us. There are several places in the house that I absolutely won't go and I pretty much only sleep in the basement when I'm there. I have a ton of other things that have happened to me that I'm not sure are related but I can make another post about those if you want to hear. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read all of this and I hope it was easy enough to follow!!
I put together this extremely long list of tips, stuff we do/don't like, etc. for my best friend recently. It's kind of a lot and may not all be relevant to everyone's needs, but hopefully some of it will be useful to some of you. I found these types of posts super helpful when I was pregnant and planning, so I figure since I've done the work of putting it together, I might as well share the love with you all, dear internet strangers <3 As with anything pregnancy/birth/baby related, YMMV, these are just my opinions and observations so far. We had our son River in March. We had planned on an unmedicated birth with a doula, laboring at home before delivering at a hospital, but that wasn't in the cards for us. River was breech, and ended up being born unexpectedly via emergency c-section and spending time in the NICU. (Birth story here if you're interested.) Some of what I've included is specific to that type of birth. Most of the stuff we got was hand me downs, and new stuff came mostly as gifts from Amazon. I've tried to link to non-Amazon sources for things because fuck Jeff Bezos, but know that they are available there if that's what works better for you. BOOKS Like a Mother - really enjoyed this one Expecting Better - really useful info. helped a lot with decision making Cribsheet - can be read later on since it's mostly post-birth stuff, same author as Expecting Better The Birth Partner - this would be for a partner to read, if it fits with your birth plan/philosophy Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - didn't finish it, mostly read the birth stories, liked it Happiest Baby On The Block - not worth buying, got it from library, but nice to skim Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue - about raising kids without gender stereotypes - enjoying so far, except that sometimes the author conflates sex and gender which is a big pet peeve for me Boys: What It Means To Become A Man - bought this, haven’t read any of it. I think it’s about addressing toxic masculinity in parenting No Bad Kids - I didn’t finish reading it (library) but I might try it again Babywise - didn't care for this one so much, just seemed stress inducing so I didn't finish it or follow its guidelines. Friends really liked it. It's basically advice on getting your baby on a sleep schedule super early on Go Diaper-Free - just got this this week - it's about elimination communication (EC). I'm going to try out some of the techniques soon with River but it has advice on reducing the reliance on diapers from birth. Everyone I know who's done EC with their kids swears by it. WHILE PREGNANT Pregnancy pillow: made sleeping so much more comfortable. Also was sort of like a straight jacket that kept me from moving in my sleep (I’m not a natural side sleeper) and made a giant pillow wall between me and Mike (husband), but so comfy. I felt like style and shape is a personal preference. I had a “C” shaped one. I think I started using it around 14 weeks or so. Support belt: I got this one in the event one of my ECVs worked to hold the baby in place, but none were successful. Some people use it just for comfort but because River was breech I didn’t use it because I didn’t want to hold him in the wrong position, plus I was never very uncomfortable. Clothes: shop the holiday weekend sales on Old Navy online. They don’t carry a lot of maternity items in stores, and they’re pretty decent and the sales make them cheap. Beware that almost no pregnancy jeans have front pockets. But some (not all) Old Navy ones do. Motherhood Maternity is overpriced for the quality, though I did get a few office appropriate dresses from there that were also nursing dresses, so they look good when you’re not pregnant later. I had two pairs of pregnancy leggings (over the bump) that were handed down that I wore a ton towards the end. I had wanted an unmedicated birth, which meant I also wanted to test negative for group b strep (you get tested around 35 weeks I think) so that I wouldn’t need antibiotics. I took a specific probiotic and swallowed raw garlic daily starting around 32 weeks, which can help kill the bacteria if you have it. It didn’t work for me, but I would do it again and start sooner (maybe around 25 weeks) next time. For the last month and a half, I went to a Webster trained chiropractor and an acupuncturist who specialized in pregnancy. Both were amazing. I was going to them to try and flip River head down, but I think if I were to be pregnant again with a non-breech baby, I’d do both again anyway. Super relaxing, helped with being more comfortable and mobile. I also went a few times for Mayan abdominal massage, which was also supposed to help with flipping. It was lovely, but of the three treatments, is probably the one I could see foregoing in the future. Also prenatal yoga and stretching were actually super helpful. My back and hips would sometimes hurt in the night and so I would do pigeon pose and some butterfly stretches when I got up to pee. Helped a lot. And walking a lot especially towards the end. I think staying mobile helped my back while I was pregnant and made me recover from surgery faster. I also did guided meditation and breathing exercises that were hypnobirthing based. LABOR FridaMom gown: so I didn’t labor, but this was nice to have at the hospital for sleeping in and it is breastfeeding friendly. I use it as pajamas now. FridaMom c-section underwear: if you end up needing a planned cesarean, these undies are so much more comfortable than the hospital ones they give you. Those are a wedgie waiting to happen. I ordered these from Target. FridaMom makes a bunch of other recovery specific to vaginal delivery, but I didn’t try any of it. Definitely take everything (pads, undies, peribottle, diapers, wipes, etc) from the hospital and don’t be shy asking for extras. The nurses don’t care. Stuff for you to bring to the hospital:
SNACKS: we brought snack bars, jerky, and trail mix. I had packed these way in advance which I highly recommend doing so you can just grab and go. Honestly I think the snacks were the most important thing we brought to the hospital.
Change(s) of clothes for your partner - easy to forget but they're (most likely) sleeping over too!
Comfy pants - I ordered some c-section friendly stuff from target in advance (2 pairs of these, 2 pairs of these, 1 pair of these that was either high waisted or had a drawstring that could make it high waisted. These would work for vaginal delivery too. I still wear these pants most days
2-3 breastfeeding shirts (I got bunch of clothes from this brand - the short sleeved version of this shirt, and a few dresses) and bras (links below)
Extra long phone charger cables and plugs
I liked having crocs as my shoes there. Easy on and off, could be worn in the shower. I also packed slippers but crocs with cozy socks were enough
A robe if you’re a robe person. Helps make you feel more cozy afterwards.
Breastfeeding pillow if you’re going to be using one
Nipple cream
Breast pads (I didn’t bring these but wish I had for leaks -see below for more info)
Lactation cookies
Take whatever drugs they give you for recovery, and take them on time (i.e. if you can re-dose every 6 hours, do it every 6 hours (not every 7 or 8 or 9)). I was prescribed extra strength Tylenol and Advil, as well as oxy for pain. I took all of them on schedule the whole 4 days I was in the hospital, and then when I got home, I didn’t need the oxy any more but I took the Tylenol and Advil religiously for a full week. I set alarms around the clock. It helped me to remind myself that they don’t give out medals for making it through pain or discomfort without taking drugs, so I should just take them. It’s easy to forget or to think you’ll just be fine. It's also so much easier to prevent the pain before it bothers you than to try and reduce it after it starts. I think this applies regardless if it’s an incision or your vagina that’s hurting. BREASTFEEDING My Brest Friend pillow: super comfy and easy to position the baby on. Boppy pillow: no fucking clue how this is supposed to help breastfeeding. Apparently once the baby can sit up you can use it to prop them, but it is not helpful to us yet. Motherlove nipple cream: doesn’t have to be washed off before baby eats, has no lanolin, and is really nice to put on before pumping if you have to do any of that. I got like 4 of these so I could have one by the bed, one next to the pump, one in the NICU, etc. I love it. When I remember to, I put it on after showering and before bed too. Lanolin nipple cream: kind of hard to put on, and sticky and weird. Stains clothes. Dislike. Bamboobies washable breast pads: soft, comfy pads for leaks - very necessary especially at the beginning. They seemed expensive when I bought them but I am now very glad I did. Haaka pump: I’ve used it a couple times and am just about to introduce it more regularly to my routine. Everyone who has one loves it intensely, so I’m assuming that once I start using it more often, I’ll have a more concrete positive opinion. It’s definitely easier than a pump-pump. The Haaka I got also had a lid. Nursing bras: I wear nursing bras 100% of the time now. I sleep in them, I wear them all day. Boobs are bigger when they're full of milk, and they leak, and having a bra on keeps them more comfortable and allows me to wear pads. Before I gave birth, I had stopped wearing nice bras (for like, the last 2 years or so) that were actually sized correctly to fit me, and was only wearing wire free stretchy ones that I got at Target. Technically the ones that I had been getting had straps that would work for breastfeeding, but my boobs grew so they don't fit right now. So for nursing I got these, which are comfy and easy. They're nice for sleep. Only thing is that bigger boobs can kind of fall out of them, and sometimes I find that my nipple has slipped out from behind the bra part, which isn't really an issue unless there's friction or I'm leaking. I also got these ones, which are my favorite. Comfortable enough to sleep in, and they do a better job of keeping things all up in there. LACTATION COOKIES Do these work? I'm not totally sure. I started eating them while we were still in the hospital, and had no trouble with supply (which seems kind of amazing to me considering I didn't start pumping until 2 days after birth, had no skin to skin with River for his first 4 days of life, and couldn't even try breastfeeding directly until he was about a week old). Did the cookies make that happen? I don't know. Is it nice to have a bag full of cookies that are all mine and not having to feel guilty about not sharing? Absolutely. For that reason, I suggest getting a few. If nothing else, they're a nice snack. Booby boons in caramel crunch: always seem a little stale but very tasty Mommy knows best in oatmeal chocolate rainbow cookie: a little weird but tasty and big. This brand also sells mixes to make cookies or brownies. I also made their brownie mix and they were delicious. Also the best part honestly was not having to share :) Nourisher lactation bars in chocolate banana: actually gross. Weird texture and banana tastes chemical-y even though it’s all natural. Yuck OTHER BOOB STUFF My nipples definitely hurt the first few weeks but it gets better and goes away. I liked these Booby Tubes which can be microwaved or frozen for relief. I also tried these gel pads. They didn’t seem to make much of a difference but it was nice at the time to have some protection against friction. I got these too but haven't needed them yet. Definitely ask to meet with a lactation consultant at the hospital. They can evaluate your baby's latch, help you with positioning, and give you tips for a feeding or pumping schedule once you're home. Also remember and remind yourself that it can be hard, and that's ok, and it doesn't work for everyone or every baby and that's ok too! BOTTLE FEEDING We supplemented with pumped milk (i.e. I'd breastfeed him, then we'd have a bottle of prepared breastmilk ready that I had pumped earlier to make sure he was getting enough) when River first came home so we had some bottle stuff ready to go. It seems like some babies develop a preference for a specific bottle while other will drink from anything. River was more the latter, though we thought that maybe the Lansinoh bottles seemed better? Not really sure any more why. Lansinoh bottles: easy to clean, didn’t seem to cause a ton of spit up Comotomo bottles: hard to unscrew because the bottom is silicone, but otherwise good Dr. Browns bottles: entirely too many pieces to wash and assemble. This is what they used in our NICU Mam anti-colic bottles: we got one free as a sample. These also have too many parts so they’re annoying to clean and assemble Pump: Because River was unable to feed directly from the breast right away, I qualified for a rental of a hospital grade pump. They gave me a Medela Symphony. At the hospital, I was using an Ameda pump that was huge, attached to a rolling stand. I liked that the Ameda one showed elapsed time, but that was really the only thing I liked better about it. It might be worth asking your doctor or your insurance plan if you'd qualify for a hospital grade rental pump if pumping is something you're interested in. Sanitizer: Avent: doesn’t dry. Got this as a hand-me-down. We thought this was fine but it wasn’t. We needed drying. Papablic: dries. Takes longer but much better. DIAPERING Butt paddle: so nice! No creams all over your hands!! SkipHop changing mat: we use this on top of our changing pad and cover because it’s waterproof and more easily wiped down. It’s great for travel. Even when travel just means the living room floor instead of the changing pad. If you have a boy, their pee goes everywhere, it is insane. The penis needs to be covered at all times, which is tricky. We keep a stack of shop rags from Costco (which is also what we use for burp cloths - HIGHLY RECOMMEND) on hand, fold them to fit between his legs, and wedge them there while we wipe and put cream on. He goes through a million of them. He will pee, then a minute later pee again. You’re never safe. There is always pee waiting to go everywhere. Like in his eye! Or mouth! I’m sure girls have lots of pee too, but it doesn’t travel in the same way. Diaper cream: River got a rash that was really hard to get rid of so we literally panic-ordered $80 worth of creams online to try and figure out the best one. We got: Sensicare: what they used in the NICU. Effective, but very hard to clean off and expensive. You go through a tube quite quickly. Desitin: kind of whatever. Didn’t do the trick for us. Bordeaux’s butt paste: smells weird. Triple paste: expensive, but worked best for us ultimately Triderma: too thin in consistency, like a lotion. Aquaphor baby diaper paste: fine, but didn’t make it disappear. Annoying to get out of the tube. When he doesn’t have a rash we use Aquaphor baby ointment (basically Vaseline). We also use this to moisturize his skin. If/when his diaper rash flares up, we use the triple paste until it’s gone. BABY CLOTHES FUCK SNAPS!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously fuck snaps. Any full body outfit that snaps all the way down or around the legs is garbage. Do you want to try to line up 25 snaps at 3am in the dark when you haven’t slept more than an hour and a half consecutively for a week? No, you don’t. All zippers, all the time. Also, pro tip: if you are a paranoid person (a.k.a. a parent) and sometimes need to confirm that they are in fact ok by watching them breathe in their sleep, it's way easier to see their chest/belly rise and fall in the dark if they're wearing a patterned pajama than is it with a solid colored one. Zutano slippers: these are the only things that stay on baby feet. They seem expensive, but you just need 1 pair per size (just start with the 0-3month ones and if you like them you could get bigger ones later), and literally zero baby socks. Don’t bother with the socks, they fall off every 10 minutes. They’re adorable but pointless. There's also knock off versions on Amazon No clothing sizes are consistent, not even within the same brand. It is very confusing. River was simultaneously wearing size newborn and 6-9month Gerber onesies at one point. Like, they shouldn’t both fit. Swaddles: we got these, but he busts out of them easily because they’re just a touch too big. We also had a few hand me down Halo swaddles that didn't quite fit right so we didn't use them. Someone gave us a used “Ziggy Baby” one and we used it every night. It's definitely nice to have more than one of whatever works for you because they will barf on it overnight and get the neck all wet :) Sleep sack: At about 12 weeks, River started busting out of the Ziggy Baby swaddle velcro and woke up with the whole thing bunched around his neck one morning, so we immediately ditched it. Now he sleeps in a Woolino sleep sack that a friend highly recommended to us. It fits them from 2 months to 2 years, which helps make the cost more palatable. Definitely a good registry item. It's heavy enough to kind of weigh him down in place but breathable enough that I don't worry about him overheating. So far we really like it. We're also lucky that we didn't have to do any kind of transitioning out of the swaddle, we just cold-turkey stopped and it only made him wake up maybe 1 extra time per night (2-3x instead of 1-2x) for a few nights before he adjusted. BABY CARRIERS Baby Bjorn carrier: a friend loaned us one. Easy to wear and comfortable. I like that it does a good job of keeping him straight upright. I'm not sure if this is the exact one because I think the one we're using is a bit older, but it looks most like this one. Boba wrap: half the time, River screams when I try putting him in this. When he isn’t screaming, he slumps over fairly easily. I haven’t given up on it, but it’s not my top choice It’s hard to know when you’re wrapping it around yourself if you’re doing it right enough before the baby goes in, and then once they’re in it’s kind of hard/too late to tighten so you have to take them all the way out and readjust and then put them back in. If I used it regularly that might not be a problem. Once he has more core strength and can face outwards I think this might be better. Baby K-tan: also got as a hand me down. I can’t figure this one out despite watching all the how to videos. River definitely hates this one the most. We’ve never successfully gotten into it. Ergo Omni360: We just ordered this because it was on sale and are waiting for it to arrive. I am psyched about the ability to carry River on my back because when I wear him in the Baby Bjorn around the house to do stuff, I can't really bend forward without also having to support his head from flopping back, which means I can't do any forward-leaning things that require 2 hands (not something I had ever previously considered). BATHROOM STUFF Get a Squatty Potty if you don't already have one. Makes pooping more comfortable, decreases risk of hemorrhoids. Also useful for laboring at home, according to my doula. I also highly recommend a bidet attachment for your toilet. We got one with a heated seat. It feels luxurious, you use less toilet paper, and also I would imagine that after a vaginal birth, it would take the place of using a peri bottle and the water is warm. So so so so so nice. Expensive, yes, but treat yo self. OTHER BABY ACCESSORIES Leachco pillow: nice thing to plop them on as a holding pen when they’re small. I think Boppy also makes a pillow like this. Pack n play: we got this one because we thought we’d absolutely need the nappechanging attachment. We have used the attachment zero times. Also, babies puke a ton and there’s no removable cover for the pad so it gets kinda gross. We’re gonna use this as our crib once he’s out of the bassinet and then probably go straight to a bed. It is nice right now to have a second safe sleep location that can be in another room though so a pack n play in general is nice to have. Bassinet: we’re using this one. It can attach to the bed so it’s more of a cosleeper, but then I’m not sure how I’d get out of bed, so we leave it unattached. Still like it even if we aren’t using the cosleep feature. It has wheels which is nice. My last recommendation is that you take all the free stuff people want to give you. Even if you think you don’t need it or you already got one or you won’t use it, take it. I got two baby bouncers and it’s so nice to have one upstairs and one down even though at first I thought it was overkill. All 3 baby carriers I’ve tried were hand me downs and I’m glad we didn’t have to do a trial and error to find the one that works for us. You will go through 100,000 clothes so take them all (unless they have FUCKING SNAPS!!!!! AHHH!!!! (although actually, even then, take them. Just don't buy new clothes with snaps)) because it just allows you to go longer without doing laundry. I had two friends give me stuff (one had twins so it was kind of like getting extra haha), plus a woman at work. We were even walking around the block with River one day and someone was outside their house, saw us, and was like, “do you want baby clothes? I will leave them out on my porch for you,” and we took them and they are great. Take it all!! BABY SKIN STUFF River has dry, sensitive skin. I'm copy/pasting the advice and products our pediatric dermatologist sent to us (sorry, no links in this section, mama is tired). Basically, we don't use soap, and we slather him with Aquaphor baby ointment 2x/day. Here's the doctor's list: GENTLE SKIN CARE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR BABIES Bathing:
Frequency is up to you. I'm okay with daily or every other day.
Keep it short: 5-10 minutes.
Temperature: medium warm.
It's okay to use no soap.
If dirty wash only dirty areas like the folds of the skin and the diaper area
If you think soap is needed then use an unscented soap designed for eczema or sensitive skin like: CeraVe baby wash and shampoo
Aveeno baby cleansing therapy moisturizing wash Cetaphil baby eczema calming wash CeraVe Eczema Soothing Body Wash Vanicream gentle body wash Burt's Bees baby bee wash and shampoo (make sure it is the fragrance free one)
Pat (don't rub) the skin dry with a soft towel.
Medicines:
If using medicines apply them to active areas right after bathing onto damp skin.
Moisturizer:
Thicker is better.
Look for moisturizer that comes in a tube or a tub. If there is a pump on the bottle it is probably not thick enough
Apply to the skin after medicines at least 2 times per day. More often is okay.
Recommended products:
Vaseline (but avoid Baby Vaseline because it has fragrance) CeraVe healing ointment Aquaphor (baby or regular is okay) Aveeno baby eczema therapy cream Aveeno baby eczema therapy balm Eucerin eczema relief body cream Eucerin baby cream Eucerin original healing cream CeraVe cream CeraVe heal and protect balm Laundry:
Use fragrance free, mild laundry detergents such as Arm and Hammer, All Free liquid, Kirkland fragrance free liquid, Cheer Free liquid, Seventh Generation, Dreft (check to be sure it says Fragrance Free)
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