Best soccer predictions for today & tomorrow. Free predict

I actually cut out a lot yet this is still on the long side, so be warned. Sorry in advance.
SECTION ONE: ASSETS AND DEBT
Retirement Balance: ~$4,740. $4,450 in a Roth IRA I opened when I turned 26. I just recently started contributing more to it regularly. I was previously focused on building my emergency savings up. My last job didn’t offer retirement until the very end of my time there, and there was no employer match. I contributed the bare minimum to my 401k; it has about $300 in it. With my current job, retirement match is factored into the salary.
Equity: $0. Not a home owner.
Savings account balance: $15,765. $1,150 in a Chase savings account, $13,519 in a HYSA, $1,046 in my Qapital account. Technically I use Qapital to save for taxes, but I know I won’t owe anywhere close to $1,000 since my 2020 freelancing was infrequent. I doubt it’ll even be up to $250.
Checking account balance: $2,227 (payday was today!)
Credit card debt: $0. I use my credit card like a debit card so I can rack up cash back. I pay it off every day.
Student loan debt: $21,417. I graduated in 2015 with a BA in French and English. Original debt was ~$33,000. Before the pandemic my interest was 4.5%. Interest is now 0%.
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SECTION TWO: INCOME PROGRESSION2015-2016 - $15/hr as a remote intern for a major website. This was my first paid position out of college. I learned a lot about web content and writing for online audiences. This was part-time at 25 hours a week.
2016 - $2,700/month as a Content Writer. I created scripts and training materials for various companies to train their employees. Started this job in March and was unexpectedly laid off in December. Sucked at the time but turns out it was a blessing in disguise...The work was soulless and I didn’t like it.
2017 - ~$850/month stipend as an Americorps VISTA. At the start of the year I got a Development position at a nonprofit I volunteered at, hoping to gain grant writing experience. I absolutely would NOT have done this had I not been living at home. I also collected an additional $400 a month in unemployment until July since I was technically a federal volunteer, not an employee, therefore still eligible for benefits.
2017 - $37,000/year as a Development Coordinator, primarily writing grants. The person in this position left and I was asked to step in. I didn’t get my ed stipend since I ended my VISTA year 5 months early.
2018 - $38,250/year - COL raise.
2019 - $43,000/year then $45,000. I was promoted to manager.
2020 - $47,000/year - COL raise.
2020 - $60,000/year. I had been job hunting hard when COVID hit and I subsequently became discouraged. I was desperate to leave my job...the people I worked with were wonderful but I felt like my growth was stifled, the amount of staff turnover was draining, and our pay was below market rate. I ended up finding my new job through my network. I was very excited to not work in fundraising anymore. The events of 2020 confirmed that I didn’t want to make a career out of coaxing rich white folks to relinquish a tiny amount of their wealth to support youth of color. My now-boss and I talked extensively over Zoom before I received my offer letter in July. It’s been a great learning opportunity, even though starting a new job remotely is strange and sometimes lonely. Having a cat helps :)
Main Job Monthly Take Home**:** $3,846. This is after $50 is deducted for Vision, Dental, Medical.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $100-$400. I write product guides for a website sometimes. These days I only take on work if I’m anticipating new expenses that month. This income is in addition to my 60k salary, since what I make from my side hustle varies. Last year I made $2,200, the year before it was over $5,000.
Other: ~$250/year in cash back from my credit card
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SECTION THREE: EXPENSES
Rent: $1,025 in a decently-sized studio that I share with my cat. Rent encompasses all utilities, including internet. This is dropping down to $975 starting April 1 - yay!
Renters Insurance: $5
Savings (monthly unless it says otherwise): ~$300 goes into a High Yield Savings Account. I automate $50 a week then throw in an extra $100 - $200, depending on the month.
I save $80 - $120 with the Qapital app. I got it before they started charging so my account is free.
Retirement contribution: $315- $415 into a Roth IRA. Maybe I should up payments so I can max it out, really torn between that or boosting student loan payments. I throw an extra hundred dollars in there some months.
Debt payments: All I have is federal student loan debt. Since starting my job in July I’ve been paying $500/month, throwing in extra when I have it. I’m going to increase this to $600/month starting in February. Would love to have it paid off by the time I’m 30, or during my 30th year. I’m not holding my breath for student loan forgiveness, but if it starts to seem like a real possibility then I’ll cut back on payments.
Donations: $300 to my mom and dad. I come from a working-class background and make more than both parents combined. My dad was unemployed for a while, and as I write this has become unemployed again. I worry a lot about my folks financially. In our culture it’s expected that we take care of our parents as they age, so there’s that component too.
Also $25 to a local nonprofit. $9 to a local theater company for which I’m a board member. Our board is very low-key and not a fundraising one.
Then usually ~$500 more throughout the year for various causes.
Electric: Included in rent.
Wifi/Cable/Landline: Included in rent.
Cellphone: $43
Subscriptions: ~$63. $18 for Patreon, $10.89 for Spotify Premium, $16.34 for HBOMax, $7.62 for Disney+, $9.71 for Netflix.
Pet expenses: I spend roughly $80 on food + probiotics and $20 on litter, which I buy in bulk. The monthly amount really fluctuates though. I’ve spent about $1,500 on my cat since I adopted her in October. Including getting basic stuff like a litter box, a cat tree, toys, food/water bowls, a carrier, etc. along with the adoption fee. I took her to the vet earlier last month and that was $450. She was vomiting frequently :(
Car payment / insurance: $0. Car free, baby.
Therapy: $100
Paid hobbies: $120 annually for my personal website.
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FINANCIAL BACKGROUND
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes. I’m a child of immigrants and we place a high premium on education. Skipping college was never an option. Luckily, I’ve always done well in school and would have gone to college regardless. I think about grad school sometimes but there has to be a good ROI. Maybe one day. I borrowed 33k in student loans for undergrad, which isn’t that bad considering that I went to a private school that cost $200,000 over 4 years. I paid for the rest with work study, along with merit-based and need-based scholarships.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
We didn’t discuss finances too often. I did get an allowance when I was younger and paid for the things I wanted (mostly books and CDs from my local Borders) by saving that money. My parents always had the mindset that credit cards can work as emergency funds...as an adult I strongly oppose that way of thinking. My parents accrued a lot of credit card debt and I never wanted that to be me. Which is why I only use my CC now as a debit card. I never put anything on there that I can’t pay off in full.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I was in this program where teens get paid to participate in arts programs. I did theater for three years in HS, I think the stipend was ~$400 every two months. My first real job with wages was working retail the summer before college. I was making $8.25/hr. Both jobs were for spending money.
Did you worry about money growing up?
I didn’t worry necessarily, but I was aware that there were people with more than us. My mom was out of work for a few years due to some chronic pain and we had a Link card then. I had free/reduced lunch growing up and got fee waivers for all of my college apps. I was also aware of my privilege as an American citizen. My parents regularly sent money home to poorer family members. I learned early that it’s better to be working class here than it is over there.
Do you worry about money now?
Yes. I know I’m luckier than many. But I also have no generational wealth to inherit. Sometimes I feel really behind when I see people my age or younger with six figures in their retirement, $50,000 in stocks, or money passed down from family. I worry most about taking care of my parents in old age. I have an older brother so it’s a relief that we can at least share costs, when the time comes.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became 100% financially responsible when I moved out at age 25. Before then I was contributing $400/month towards rent. If I fell on really hard times I could probably move in with my folks, but otherwise I'm my own safety net.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
My mom cashed out an $800 savings bond for spending money when I studied abroad in college, but otherwise nope.
Day 1 - Wednesday
morning
Another dreary January day. It’s been consistently snowing for the past two days and very overcast to boot. I spend some time lazing in bed until my Mom unexpectedly calls to ask me if I can print out her worker’s comp form to see if she'll qualify for any. She contracted COVID from her job a few weeks ago and, thankfully, is recovering. I tell her I don’t have a printer and hang up, slightly annoyed, after telling her I’ll print it from the library later. This was the 4th day in a row of her calling me and conversations with her can be hard to cut short (I’m not an asshole, honest).
I get up and feed my cat, E., her breakfast with a probiotic, take my gummy vitamins, and get ready for the day (brush teeth, moisturize face and hair, put on black skinny jeans and a navy and white speckled sweater with hoop earrings). I throw some sliced bananas, kale, frozen blueberries, honey, almond milk, and ginger into the blender for a smoothie. Once that’s poured into a glass I take a seat at my corner desk to begin my work day.
Afternoon
My foul mood lingers but I work through it. There’s a big deadline coming up soon so my days have been pretty full. E. climbs into my lap while I work and I give her some head rubs. I adopted her 4 months ago. There was a learning curve for me, as someone who grew up with 0 pets, but E.’s made it very worthwhile. She only recently began to "loaf" in my lap and I love it, even during inopportune moments like Zoom meetings.
Lunchtime! Today it’s tomato basil soup I made over the weekend with open-faced grilled cheese on french bread. The bread is getting stale but it’s almost finished anyhow, and slathering it with cheese and butter works wonders. I put out the kitty’s lunch, too. E. eats some of it then jumps into my bed, curling up for a midday nap. Wish I could do the same. Sigh.
I buckle down and get back to work, now doing somewhat-tedious data entry. After about an hour and a half I decide to walk to the library to print my mom’s forms. I order a Toasted White Hot Chocolate with almond milk from Starbucks ($4.60) so I have something warm to drink on my walk. I’m not a coffee drinker because of my caffeine sensitivity. Sometimes even a mug of black tea will make me lightheaded if I drink it too fast!
Evening
Work day is over. I outline my to-do list for tomorrow and cross off the things I accomplished today. My Dad is downstairs to pick up the forms I printed for my mom. After dropping off the forms I change into comfy clothes and assign myself a freelance assignment. I’m applying for a weekend writing workshop next month that will cost $300. I may not get in, but in case I do, I want to be prepared! The fun thing about my freelancing is that I get to choose the topics I want to write about. I select an assignment on skincare products.
Time to make breakfast for dinner: smashed fingerling potatoes with sauteed bell pepper, red onion, and broccoli topped with a fried egg and half an avocado. Seasoned with Lawry's and drizzled with sriracha. I get cozy on my loveseat to eat dinner. I also send an email to a man I've been corresponding with daily, D, for the last month and a half. We met out of the blue on an online forum - not Reddit - and have been enjoying each other's online company :) I'm not rushing to label anything, especially since he lives a state away. We're just seeing where things go for now.
For the rest of the evening I read my book while E. sleeps curled up next to me and Wendy Williams plays on TV. Then I get into my nighttime routine: smoke from my one hitter, put on some music and hop in the shower, where I also wash my face. Out the shower, I lotion up with shea butter and rub a gentle toner on my face. I make a mental note to re-up on weed soon. It's taxed to hell (welcome to Cook County. They tax everything here) but at least it's stimulating the local economy. I floss and brush my teeth before getting under the covers.
TOTAL: $4.60
Day 2 - Thursday
Morning
My body naturally wakes me up around 7:30. I remain in bed, mostly browsing Reddit on my phone, before committing to getting out of bed. I feed E. her breakfast and daily probiotic, take gummy vitamins and clean the last of my dishes from the night before. The sun pours through my south-facing windows and my heart sings - yesss, let there be light! I brush my teeth, moisturize my hair with coconut oil and moisturize my face. I pick out a black ribbed turtleneck and black high-waist jeans to wear, but ultimately decide to rock my loungewear until I have to leave my apartment.
I make a smoothie with the other avocado half from last night, frozen mango chunks, the last of my frozen blueberries, ginger, almond milk, and honey. I highly recommend avocados in smoothies. The creamy texture is to die for! I log into my work email and have a couple fires to put out. While I work, I polish off the rest of my Vitner’s Crunchy Kurls. IYKYK. I also reply to my email from D. this morning. Yesterday we were both in bad moods but this morning we’re doing better, mood wise. We talk about how rough our Januaries were - with my mom recovering from COVID and his dad in the hospital since the beginning of the year - and how we deserve a nice treat for getting through the month. We agree that lifetime supplies of books (for me) and movies (for him) would be fitting.
afternoon
My morning was full speed ahead but things are slowing down so I pause to read a Money Diary on here. I so admire this diarist’s conviction in language learning/maintenance! My French is dans la poubelle because I haven’t kept up in a long time. For a while I’d do Duolingo, watch French-language movies and shows on Netflix, and book trips to Francophone cities so I could practice speaking (last trip was Montreal in December 2018). When COVID blows over I want to go to Martinique. I remind myself to check out some French-language films soon. I’m open to any recommendations, especially media that focuses on Francophones outside of France, or those from immigrant communities :)
I return to my data entry task. Giving away grants is fun. Tracking dollar amounts and grantee info with excel formulas, less so. I finish up the last of my soup and grilled cheese sandwich and give E. her lunch. I put on the student loan episode of Patriot Act as I eat. I’d truly be wowed if student loan forgiveness actually came to fruition. It’s either somewhat likely or not likely at all, depending on who you ask.
Post-lunch, I’m craving cupcakes bad. Did I mention I have an unrelenting sweet tooth? I look up cupcakes near me and mentally bribe myself with a cupcake order if I get my work done.
evening
My cupcake craving has subsided. I'll see how I'm feeling tomorrow. I normally eat dinner around 7 or 8pm but opt for an early dinner today: my leftover Mongolian Beef and peapod tips in garlic sauce, yum. I ordered Chinese takeout on Sunday. While my rice cooks, I bundle up for a trip to Walgreens. When I'm there I get a big thing of Dawn dish soap, some antibacterial wipes that are on sale, a bag of roasted cashews, a Reese's Fast Break bar, and a small bag of Pirate's Booty ($16.83).
By the time I get back my rice is nearly finished. My sink has some dirty dishes, so I wash those before reheating the Mongolian beef and peapod tips on my stove top. I'm one of those weirdos without a microwave… don't miss it at all though. I dig into my leftovers and reply to a message from D. which is quite imaginative. In the sexual sense ;) D. has a very sensual way with words and as a writer of course I'm into it. I go back for seconds, finishing the rest of my takeout leftovers. After dinner and some more reddit browsing I do my evening shower routine. At 10:30 pm my upstairs neighbor is annoyingly doing jumping jacks (that’s what it sounds like) or something that makes it very hard to focus. Ugh.
TOTAL: $16.83
DAY 3 - Friday
MorningI fell asleep unexpectedly and woke up around 2am. This kind of thing happens a lot. I guess my cat has adapted too, she’s always bugging me for food in the early morning hours. I feed my cat, brush my teeth, crawl back into bed and fall asleep an hour or so later.
I’m up again at 7:30, laying in bed before officially getting up. My mom calls me and I remember I promised to order her a Lyft to work. Her workplace has the COVID vaccine and she’s going to get the first dosage. She mentions that some symptoms are coming back - like shortness of breath, which she didn’t even have the first time - even though she’s been on the mend for the past week and just got the go-ahead from her doctor to work again. After I order my mom the Lyft ($31.46 incl. tip) I indulge in my nasty habit of googling medical stuff. I find an article about a woman who ended up in the hospital unexpectedly, 5 MONTHS after getting symptoms. Cue cortisol levels going up. I also have a work meeting this morning that I’m nervous about, having never led it alone before.
I get out of bed, feed my cat her breakfast + probiotic, take gummy vitamins, and get dressed with a black turtleneck, black jeans, and small hoop earrings. I try to breathe and remind myself that all will be fine. I have a habit of catastrophizing and generally thinking in worst-case scenarios, if that wasn’t already obvious. My meeting ends up going perfectly fine though, and my mom texts me later to say she took the train home (my Dad needed the car for work this morning). She is feeling fine for now. Since I skipped my morning smoothie I make one now with pear, kale, frozen strawberries, almond milk and honey. Eh, I’ve had better. But it’s drinkable.
afternoon
My morning flew! I’m running low on food so for lunch, I throw some crinkle cut fries in the oven. Grab an avocado, red onion, and a roma tomato from the fridge to make a quick guac. I also make a side of sriracha mayo.
Today is payday. It’s my rent paycheck so I’m not as excited tho. While my fries are in the oven I move some money to my Roth IRA. I watch one of my favorite Youtubers, King of Reads, while I eat my lunch. He has an interesting take on Gamestop Gate and basically says, abolish all this stock market shit. I do think there are a lot of evils in American capitalism, which was literally built off the backs of s colonized peoples. Like is this system even for us?
After lunch I get back to work. I also do something I seldom do: order groceries off Instacart. The anxiety of the day has drained me and I don’t feel like lugging a bunch of groceries home. Plus, the store I order from is cheaper than the one closest to me. I get some jasmine rice, a family pack of Nongshim ramen, green onions, carrots, zucchini, sirloin steak, ginger root, yellow onions, chili paste, bell peppers, white mushrooms, yellow squash, bok choy, kombucha, bamboo skewers, grape tomatoes, a bottle of Apothic Red and some hazelnut cookies. Add $10 for tip ($74.48). I do walk to the local grocery store anyway to 1) get some fresh air while it’s still daylight and 2) pick up smoothie ingredients. From there I get a big bag of frozen mixed berries, frozen mango chunks, an avocado, three bananas, almond milk, coconut sparkling water, and a sweet Belgian waffle ($18.15).
Evening
I knock out the last of my work tasks just in time for teletherapy at 5:10. I love my therapist. Been seeing her for going on three years and she’s changed my life. We talk and I feel lighter, remembering the progress I’ve made since I first walked into her office crying in 2018. After we hang up I get an email receipt for the cost, which is accounted for in monthly expenses. I put away my instacart delivery and message a bit more with D. Even though we’re just emailing, I truly enjoy his company. He makes me feel incredibly attractive and soft.
Glass of red wine in one hand, I play with E. for 15 minutes. Despite her age (over 10) she’s spry and will bug the hell out of me to indulge her. I spend the rest of the evening on the couch decompressing with my wine. I do my nightly shower routine but skip the weed because I know it'll make me fall asleep ASAP. Then I fry up the rest of my breakfast for dinner ingredients (minus avocado and egg) and eat them with sriracha.
TOTAL: $124.09
DAY 4 - Saturday
morning
Oops. Fell asleep and woke up at an odd hour. Again. Go brush my teeth and floss. My kitty is very awake and bugging me for attention so I smoke, play with her a bit, and go back to sleep.
Wake up a few hours later. I hear the unmistakable retching of my cat throwing up. Maybe she went too long without food...I mop up the small puddle with paper towels and spray my rug liberally with Nature's Miracle. When I feed E. her breakfast + probiotic she keeps it all down. I take gummy vitamins and get back into bed. From my phone, I go to my local dispensary's website to place an order for pick up, ultimately choosing a strain I've had before that's on sale. I log into my checking account to transfer money to my mom (accounted for in monthly expenses).
Actually get out of bed for real around 9:45am. Scoop E.’s litter box and prepare to get some freelance work done. I make a mango, pear and avocado smoothie with almond milk and honey and sit down to work. Girls plays in the background. I never watched this show when it was popular and was surprised by how funny it is (albeit problematic for a number of reasons).
Afternoon
Snack break! I brew some black tea and have it with the hazelnut cookies I got yesterday. 90 minutes later, once I’m two-thirds through my assignment, I make actual lunch: ramen noodles spruced up with minced garlic and ginger, scallion whites, bok choy, and mushrooms. All topped with scallion greens. Easy and d e l i c i o u s. There’s another snowstorm, urgh. I’m walking to pick up my weed and from my window, it doesn’t look too bad right now. Preorder a Honey Citrus Mint from Starbucks for the long walk ($3.27) and bundle up. It’s an hour round trip but I love walking and don’t really work out so...I take my exercise where I can get it. Stop by the ATM to withdraw cash for flower ($70). On my way back from picking up I indulge in a carrot cake slice from a popular bakery in the area. ($8.13 incl. tip). Okay, I’m set on sweets for awhile. For now :)
Evening
I finally wrap up my freelance assignment and share it with my editor. Shower time. Take a hit from my one hitter and do my nightly routine. Once finished, I change my mind on dinner. I’d originally planned to make a quick "bibimbap" (air quotes because it's very much a knock off) and even steamed rice ahead of time, but carrot cake is sounding good right now. Carrot cake it is! I have some more hazelnut cookies for a well-balanced meal. Give the kitty her dinner and fall asleep with the TV on.
TOTAL: $81.40
DAY 5 - Sunday
Morning
Woke up at an odd hour again. (around 4 am). E. is being a butt once again so I feed her an early breakfast with her probiotic. Brush my teeth, floss, and go back to sleep for a few hours. Get up and out of bed for real around 9:30 and clean up a bit, doing one load of laundry and vacuuming my rug and floors. I finally cook and eat the bibimbap meant for yesterday (minus the egg). I have a virtual date with a college friend I haven’t spoken to in a while, so we spend a few hours catching up! My friendship with her is ever-evolving. She was someone I put on a pedestal for a long time, until she disappointed me when I really needed her and hurt me deeply. I’ve worked to let go of that resentment and remind myself that 1) she is very much human, 2) she is not a better person than I am and 3) I can’t expect everyone to have the same heart that I have. Tough but necessary lessons to learn.
Afternoon
I really should deep clean E’s litter box today but ehhhh, not feeling it. I clean my bathtub, bathroom sink and mirror instead and wipe down some surfaces. I also sip some red wine blended with frozen strawberries (10/10, would recommend!) and start meal prepping for later. I’m making suya - West African meat skewers - so I thinly slice my sirloin steak while it’s semi-frozen and refrigerate the rest to fully defrost. I also chop up more garlic, ginger, bok choy, mushrooms, and scallions for ramen later. I know I’m going to get high very soon and won’t want to do too much, so I’m doing what future high-me will thank me for. Light an oudh incense stick, reply to a message from D., and submit my $250 invoice for freelance work. Put food out for E.
The snow is still pouring in from yesterday. Maybe we’ll get those 10 inches of snow after all. I smoke a bit and cook the same ramen as yesterday but add a fried egg and some sesame oil. I inhale the whole thing and drink all the broth, either it's really this amazing or I'm just stoned. For dessert, I brew black tea and have it with the rest of my hazelnut cookies.
evening
Shower routine time! As much as I hate cleaning the bathtub, that first shower afterwards is the best. Wash my hair with Aussie Moist conditioner (I keep my hair very short and cut it myself) and moisturize with copious coconut oil. Listen to one of my favorite podcasts while in the shower, Say Your Mind with Kelechi Okafor. I love listening to her and her brother’s banter, it feels like I'm among friends.
I've been eating throughout the day so I'm not too hungry come dinner time. I have some crinkle cut fries with sriracha mayo and crack open a kombucha. Rewatch more old episodes of Girls. Why is Adam Driver so attractive to me, even if his character on the show is awful (they're all awful, really)?
TOTAL: $0
Day 6 - Monday
morning
Odd sleep hours strike again! I should mention that I also brush my teeth while I’m in the shower, lest you think I brush once a day only :) Take gummy vitamins and give my nagging E. her early morning meal after playing with her a bit. Scroll on Reddit until I fall back asleep.
Get up and start the day for real at 8:40. Clean a few dirty dishes from last night and give E. breakfast, round #2 with her probiotic. Brush my teeth moisturize my hair, and choose an oatmeal, knee-length knit dress to wear with small hoop earrings. I make a smoothie with a navel orange, some frozen strawberries, frozen banana that I almost forgot about, and almond milk. It’s February now. Happy Black History/Present/Future Month. February is actually one of my least favorite months but after the January I’ve had, I’m ready to move on swiftly. E. is fascinated by all the snowblowing that our neighbors do outside the window. Chicago hasn’t been hit this hard with snow in 5 years - 9 inches!
This is a very slow morning, work wise. Snack on cashews. Work on some excel data and open a tab for Girl Scout Cookies. It’s that seasonnnn. Note that there’s a four box minimum to get cookies. I’ll save my cookie order for next week.
afternoon
The sunlight is giving me life today. I’m getting my Vitamin D through the window, though a walk to the beach sounds lovely. After doing a bit more work, it’s lunch time. I steam some jasmine rice and fry carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, bok choy, and scallion whites in soy sauce and chili paste for my knockoff bibimbap. With an egg this time. Then I decide to bundle up and walk to the beach for additional vitamin D. I only live five minutes away :) . The sand and shoreline are all covered in snow but peaceful nonetheless. I've actually never been to the beach in the dead of winter before. God, I love Lake Michigan. Never understood the hype around oceans, especially because you can't drink the water. Have my phone check in with my boss. Message a bit with D. and round up my tasks for the day.
evening
D. encouraged me to follow my impulses and order the greasy pizza I’m craving right now. But I have food in the fridge. Sigh. Cut up my veggies and season them for veggie kabobs to go with the suya, which has marinated in a spice rub. Put the veggies and meat on skewer sticks and put it all in the oven. It comes out…okay-ish. The meat is a bit overdone and not as flavorful as I'd hoped. Not terrible for a first try, I suppose. Eat two veggie kabobs and two suya sticks. Fall down the Reddit rabbithole for way too damn long. Also check on my mom and how she's doing. She said she's okay now, taking things one day at a time. Feed the kitty her dinner. Do my nighttime routine (including brushing my teeth) and snuggle in bed to watch more Girls. Snack on graham crackers since I have no other sweets or candy handy.
TOTAL: $0
Day 7 - Tuesday
morningMe and my fucked up sleep schedule. No judgment, plz. Wake up at an odd hour again, brush my teeth, feed the cat, smoke a bit, and go back asleep.
My mom calls me at 8 to tell me she might need me to call her a Lyft again - this is not a typical nor regular expense btw - because she has one of her work trainings and my Dad took the car for work. She asks if I still want to go to Nigeria this summer since she’s about to get tickets. IDK! I’m not comfortable traveling internationally...but my Nigerian passport also expires this year and it was a huge pain in the ass to get it in the first place. I enjoy visiting, though I always have a lot of personal shit to navigate while there. Being part of a diaspora is complicated.
Also wake up to a steamy message from D. Steamy enough for me to get myself off, truly the best way to start any morning. My period has started...fun. I was expecting it though. Feed E. her breakfast with a probiotic, take gummy vitamins, brush my teeth, moisturize hair, and get dressed in a grey turtleneck, black Adidas soccer pants, and gold hoop earrings. Blend frozen mango chunks, a small banana, greek yogurt and almond milk into a smoothie. I also brew a cup of lemon tea. Pop two ibuprofen and start my work day with a staff meeting.
afternoon
Light a candle and keep working! Ok, I actually break for a few YouTube videos, one from MelinaPendulum about the Sex And the City reboot. To sum it up: why do one?? What’s the point if Samantha isn’t even coming back? I put out E.’s lunch. I also steam some jasmine rice to eat with the suya and veggie kabobs from last night. Damn I wish I had some steak sauce. Oh well. Eat lunch and call a Lyft for my mom. ($25.99, incl. tip). Work with more Sex and the City in the background.
EveningThe work day has ended and I am desperately in need of snacks! I load $10 on my Starbucks app and then decide to not get anything. I planned to fuck up some hot chocolate but the way my cramps are fading and coming back, it’s best to stay away from a drink with 57 grams of sugar. Pick up some Lysol wipes, a bottle of club soda, Fig Newtons, Ritz Crackers to go with the block of cheese in my fridge, a Reese’s Fast Break bar, and some Haribo Happy Cola gummies. ($11.69)
Get home, pour a small glass of Apothic Red and play with E. for a little bit. Then go down another Reddit rabbithole before making my dinner - ramen, minus the egg. Still delicious! Message D. for a bit and do my shower routine. I did not read very much this week, maybe it’s a testament to me not liking my book that much? Hmmm....my neighbor starts his incredibly annoying exercise routine and I fall asleep waiting for it to stop.
TOTAL: $47.68
--
GRAND TOTAL = $274.60
Food + Drink = $133.37
Fun / Entertainment = $70
Home + Health = $13.78
Other = $57.45
All in all, this was an unsurprising week, especially since I’m already in the habit of tracking expenses daily. The two atypical things were the Lyft rides for my mom - an infrequent occurrence - and my weed purchase, which happens once monthly. I suppose I could have included that in my monthly expenses. Please don’t roast me for my sleep schedule! I know issa mess. Also, I feed my cat four times a day in case that’s unclear.
Edit: Any and every time I left my home I wore a mask and then washed my hands thoroughly upon return.

Of all the casualties of the year from hell 2020, one sticks out for me the most.
Pearl Jam.
I had motherfucking PEARL JAM tickets. I was going to see them on the Gigaton tour, and they cancelled back in March.
You have to remember that this was before sports and gatherings were cancelled, well before any widespread loss of life. Back then, I didn’t know anyone sick from COVID-19, let alone anyone who had died from it. Hell, these were the good old days when nobody wore masks outside, and you couldn’t tell the flat-earth anti-vaxxer loser crowd from anyone else until they opened their mouths.
I gotta say, that concert cancellation felt like I’d been emotionally kicked to the curb. I had such high expectations and I was psyched. When it was cancelled, it was the first thing that really made COVID-19 feel real to me.
Of course, all the other shit that has happened since, and the unbelievable loss of life due to the disease makes this moment completely pale in comparison to our current reality. But in March 2020, this was my personal turning point.
Live music continues to be a casualty of the pandemic. At least my Pearl Jam tickets are electronic and the concert has just been postponed. I am hanging on to them in the hopes of seeing Eddie Vedder and the boys when the apocalypse is over.
So I can’t say that I was super surprised when my tickets to see The Black Keys that same month were also cancelled and my money was refunded. That one was like getting a kick to the gut when you are already down, but it wasn’t unexpected either. The shitty thing is while I still have the Pearl Jam tickets, The Black Keys ones just plain evaporated when the money was refunded.
Did I mention I miss live music?
It doesn’t look like we are going to get to see concerts any time soon (or at least not until the vaccines are out there in far higher numbers than today).
In the meantime, I am going to take us to enjoy the memory of my month of March 2020 that never was. That’s right, we are continuing our exploration of the Letter B. This week, we are going to check out THE BLACK KEYS.
About Them
What do you think of when I mention Akron, Ohio?
If you are anything like me, you said tires. Akron was the home of the American Rubber Industry at the start of the 20th Century, to the point where the city called itself ‘the rubber capital of the world’. Four major tire manufacturers were located there: Goodyear , Firestone, Goodrich and General Tire. In fact, much of the housing in the city was built in part by the rubber industry to support the workers.
So circular black round things are nothing new to Akron. But flat ones made of vinyl there are somewhat more rare. I know I was surprised to find out that Akron was also the home of Chrissy Hynde of The Pretenders, the 80’s new wave/punk band Devo, and this week’s rockin’ duo, The Black Keys.
Also, some guy named LeBron James is from there, but since he left Cleveland it is a sin to even mention his name.
Patrick Carney was born in Akron in 1980. His dad worked for the local newspaper as a reporter, and his mom worked for the city. His parents divorced when he was 6. His dad listened to all kinds of music and introduced him to many different genres. He lived part time with his mom and part time with his dad. Turns out, his dad’s house was right around the block from where Dan Auerbach lived.
Auerbach is a year older than Carney. His mom was a French teacher and his father smelt of elderberries was an antique dealer. It was his dad’s collection of old Blues records that infected young Dan with a love for music. He grew up with Bluegrass and Blues in a time when other kids were listening to Nirvana and Soundgarden.
As it turned out, there was a pretty strong musical background hidden in the neighborhood where both boys grew up. Auerbach, the cousin of one late great Robert Quine, was fated to meet Carney, the nephew of saxophonist Ralph Carney, who worked with the also late-great Tom Waits.
Or, going by genres… a combination of experimental rock and Blues/Jazz. Yep, sounds about right.
Their friendship first developed in highschool. Despite being in very, very different circles (cheer captain and bleachers soccer captain and social outcast) the boys found a shared interest in music. They began jamming in 1996, with Auerbach learning guitar and Carney playing drums (and recording with his shiny new 4-track tape recorder. )
Not much came from this until Auerbach, a fresh dropout of U of Akron, began touring. He tried to make a living doing small bar performances, but quickly found most venues would demand a demo tape. Auerbach reached out to the only person he knew who had recording equipment - Carney. Carney agreed, allowing his basement to be used as a studio while Auerbach found his bandmates.
Who, fatefully for us, never showed up.
The duo ended up jamming out in the basement. Their chemistry led to them producing a 6-track demo consisting of “old Blues rip-offs and words made up on the spot”. They sent this rag-tag demo off to 12 labels. Only one label replied: a small-time one out of Los Angeles called Alive. The year was 2002.
The duo needed a name. Their moniker came from schizophrenia - I kid you not. And neither do I. (We also don’t.) A mutual acquaintance, Alfred McMoore, would leave incoherent messages referring to the boy's fathers as “Black Keys” - you know, those piano keys like D-Flat or C-Sharp or B-SharpSharp. In March of 2002, the duo played their first live performance at Cleveland's Beachland Ballroom and Tavern, to an astonishing eight people. The duo needed a “big” release to make it “big”.
So, they had to “come up” with something “big”.
The Big Come Up (2002) is Indie as fuck. Much like their first demo, it was recorded entirely in Carney’s basement on an 8-track tape recorder. (If you are following along: Upgrades, people. Upgrades! !) It’s a mix of Blues covers and original tracks, and despite it’s roughness, it’s a beautiful example of the duo’s sheer talent. Honestly, the loose, rough-around-the-edges nature of this thing suits the music exceptionally well. Tracks like I’ll Be Your Man, Busted, and Heavy Soul are lo-fi, Bluesy blasts of distorted guitar, sultry vocals, and thinly mixed thumpin’ drums. What can I say - there’s an undeniable charm in simplicity.
And this big come up was not going unnoticed. The boys achieved some decent sales, and garnered a bit of a cult following. Critics started to notice them, and soon, they managed to land themselves a whole new deal.
That’s right, they were moving up in the world. The Black Keys started mowing lawns full time.
Truly, the dream job.
Look man, I said the sales were decent, not amazing. The duo still needed cash for the road, so they did what they could to make ends meet. Mowing lawns really paid off when they earned themselves a new record deal, this time with Mississippi’s Fat Possum Records.
Evidently, they completed their second album within mere days of signing. Possums are inspirational, what can I say.
2003’s Thickfreakness is every bit as Indie as their first album. It was recorded in the same style as its predecessors - i.e., Carney's basement on ye olde 8-track tape recorder. This time, however, all the recording was done in a single 14 hour session. Apparently, this strategy was necessary since the band had spent all of their advanced pay on rent. In other words, it’s basically a live album. It’s raw, it’s rough, and it’s rockin’ - and yet somehow, it’s as smooth as the petroleum jelly on its cover. Oh yeah. Thick AND freaky.
Actually, quick side note on the cover art of this album: the band had almost zero idea what they wanted to do for it at first. They drove around Akron searching for ideas, and only got one when they stumbled into a Super K-Mart. There, they found a can of Pomade hair styling cream, and were struck by inspiration. They rushed it home and took the image we all know and love by lighting it up with every lamp in their house. Patrick Carney’s hand is seen in the image. Now you know!
Any way, if you liked their first album, you’d love Thickfreakness just as much. Tracks like Hard Row, Set You Free, and the titular Thickfreakness are explosions of catchy riffs and Bluesy euphoria. Critics hailed it once again, and soon, The Black Keys were garnering even more attention than before.
Many compared them to the White Stripes, and not always in a positive light. There was a certain level of derision in the comparison, since both bands were duos from the midwest that played Garagey Blues Rock and had a color in their name.
Hmm. Okay, when you put it like that they sound pretty fucking similar. But I mean, it isn’t completely unfathomable that it happened twice…now, if I were to go start a band called “The Grey, Door-Unlocking, Straight Lines”, THAT might be a bit copyright infringe-y.
This also gave rise to their first big time advertising offer. They could have gotten £200,000 for letting a company use one of their songs in an English Mayonnaise Ad. Mayonnaise: the international benchmark for when you are hitting the big time. However, they turned down the offer in order to not be perceived as “Sell outs”. This may be foreshadowing, unless I forget to follow up on this. I guess we’ll find out later.
The band faced a challenge in their third album. Their previous record studio, a basement, was no longer available to them after the landlord sold it. They found the answer in Akron’s industrial history: a makeshift studio in a former tire factory.
Released in September of 2004, Rubber Factory received critical acclaim. It was the first of their albums to chart on the US billboard 200 (at a respectable 143). Stand-out songs include the two singles, 10 A.M. Automatic and Till I get my way/Girl is on my Mind, the latter of which being a double A-side. The duo rolled across the globe on a world tour, spawning a live album fittingly called Live in 2005.
The boys were doing pretty damn well. Enjoying the success of their previous album, they went on to finish up their deal with Fat Possum. The 6 track album Chulahoma: The Songs of Junior Kimbrough acts as a tribute to Bluesman Junior Kimbrough, who had previously signed on with the Chunky Marsupial label. Recorded in an Akron Basement, it’s a classy tribute to a good musician.
But the most important part of Chulahoma was that it set the boys free from the… pouch, I guess? Marsupials are weird. The point is, the boys could now sign on with a different label. And after Rubber Factory, they certainly had options.
The Fat Possum contract satisfied, the band signed with Nonesuch Records in 2006. Later that year, the band released a second live album, Live in Austin, which was recorded in 2003. The band also landed a few major advertising gigs, including Sony, Nissan, and Victoria’s Secret.
You’d think with all this new popularity, the band would go for a real, serious studio for their fourth album.
Magic Potion (2006) was recorded in Carney’s Basement.
I guess some habits are hard to shake. Auerbach was quoted as saying, “We like the sound of odd rooms. It's got concrete floors and walls. The upstairs floor is the ceiling. The mixing desk and computer are on top of the tool desk built by the old guy who used to live there.”
The band took the finished tapes, and had them remastered for $350.
When they were returned, the duo discovered that their master tapes had zero bass. In a move that Carney still regrets, the band went “Oh, Ok” and mailed them off to the record label anyway.
The album was their first to contain all-original songs, and included three singles: Just Got to Be, a pretty started Bluesy-Rock song. Your Touch which could also be a Victoria's Secret deal is a pretty straightforward Rock song. You’re The One is a bit more reserved, but not a ballad by any stretch of the mind.
It’s 42 minutes of their standard, Bluesy Rock and it’s worth a listen. It also spawned the band’s largest tour thus far, filling theaters and 1,000-seat venues.
In 2007, producer Danger Mouse began working on a record for one Ike Turner. Turner was an early Rock and Roll legend, and when Danger Mouse asked if The Black Keys would like to record a few songs for the project, they jumped at the chance.
Unfortunately, the deal did not go through. Later, in 2007, Turner passed away. The band was left with a scattering of material that they decided to use to build a new album.
Attack & Release, their fifth studio album, was born of this and produced by Danger Mouse. The band noticeably moved away from their “homemade” ethos by recording in a professional studio. They also hired an outside producer. Danger Mouse helped the band out with buttery-smooth production values and instrumental flourishes.
The net result was an album that debuted at #14 on the Billboard 200. This thing is a real Beaut’. It brings a whole new sheen to the Black Keys’ signature brand of garage minimalism. The band stepped out of their established comfort zone, and came through better than ever. I’m talking backing vocals, guest guitarists, flute players. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria. Hell, why not throw in a jaw harp and a bass clarinet? We’re getting creative here.
Front to back, this album is thoroughly enjoyable and remarkably clean, especially if you’re used to their more rugged early work. Check out the banjo-inspired riffage of Psychotic Girl, and you’ll understand. Fun fact: that song is certifiably catchier than syphilis. I Got Mine and Strange Times are fast, thumping, and should probably come with a speeding warning. Yet the Keys showed a softer side here too - Remember When is a beautiful two part slow burn, and the album’s final track Things Ain't Like They Used To Be is a silky, freshly-mowed Bluegrass duet.
The production quality on Attack & Release became a staple of all of their future albums.
Have you ever wondered about those crazy stupid instructions you sometimes see on everyday items? Like, Q-Tip instructions where they say not to put them in your ears? (Which is exactly what I do, because they scratch that itch so good.) Well, if you look at the cover of the 2010 album Brothers, you totally get the same vibe. It was a success, with two songs off of it - Tighten Up and Howlin’ For You - generating tons of buzz for the band. Both had significant airplay.
If I am completely honest here, Howlin’ For You was my introduction to the duo. I remember hearing it on the radio one day and thinking how different the sound was, and how fresh it sounded compared to the hillbilly-hey-ho kinda stuff that was then all over the airwaves.
In reality, the success of this album probably saved the band. Auerbach had been dabbling in solo projects and had let everyone know - except Carney. Carney had been going through a particularly shitty time, as his wife had cheated on him, stolen money, and lied to him repeatedly. He had just gone through a bad divorce (is there such a thing as a good divorce?) and his last important relationship was with his bandmate - who now wanted to do music without him.
Fuck.
Fortunately, the duo got their proverbial shit together and decided to keep making music. The title of the album reflects this re-commitment to the band. Brothers is darker, because Carney was in a dark place when it was made. The vibe of the record resonated with many. It won Grammy awards and gave the band some significant airplay and critical momentum. The boys went from being Indie darlings to mainstream music icons with this release. It has just been re-mastered and re-released for its 10th anniversary.
The slow burn of success finally peaked for the band with El Camino in 2011. Seriously, you have already heard songs from this record, as they had massive airplay. If you somehow have lived under a Rock, this is a great place to start for the band. If Brothers was their Rated R, then El Camino is their Songs for the Deaf. Tracks like Lonely Boy and Gold on the Ceiling and Little Black Submarines were everywhere. The album received absolutely universal acclaim, and anyone who doesn’t like it is a flat-earth QAnon supporter. Well, probably.
Perhaps one of the best things about the album is that instead of the classic title vehicle, the cover has a Plymouth Voyager. A van. With woodwalls, ffs. Anyone that knows any history of the band knows that the van there was a picture of the first vehicle that they toured in, making it the ultimate kind of in-joke. Carney, never one to be shy, compared the appearance of his home town to the cover of the album, saying that Akron was, “A busted up parking lot with a busted up car.”
But at least we know that van had good tires. It was from Akron, after all.
El Camino propelled The Black Keys from an opener to a headliner. They were soon selling out venues all over the world. To new listeners in 2011, they seemingly came out of nowhere. But to the eight early fans that had seen them (perhaps when they toured in that fugly van) this was the culmination of years of steady effort.
Now they had to prove to the world that this record was not a fluke.
Turn Blue, their eighth effort, came out in May of 2014. El Camino had been such a massive hit that the boys felt the heavy weight of expectations.
They did not disappoint.
Clearly inspired by Auerbach’s love of the Blues, this effort made numerous global top ten lists. Critics LOVED it. Tunes like Fever and Bullet in the Brain made you think you were listening to an album from the 60’s that was also somehow brand new. Their unique brand of Bluesy Garage Rock mixed with Psychedelia was unlike anything else out there. The cover art was supposed to be reminiscent of hippie mind control, and helped portray them as modern throwbacks.
The boys had truly found fame. They were now headlining world tours, selling out stadiums, and finding their way into mainstream culture. They performed for the third time on SNL. Carney was having twitter fights with Justin Bieber fans (I mean, not the worst thing you could do) and, somewhat to his surprise, this kinda shit now made the entertainment news. Even the album was announced in a tweet by retired Heavyweight ear muncher boxing champion Mike Tyson.
The Black Keys had a massive global tour in support of the record. They were on top of the world.
And they were very soon burnt out.
The constant grind of touring got to them. They got into music to make music, and felt that they were just too drained to do so.
So they took a break. A long one.
After a five-year hiatus where fans feared that they may never return, The Black Keys finally dropped Let’s Rock in June of 2019. The lead single from this album, Lo/Hi, was a gritty guitar-themed track that showed that this duo still had all the right moves, despite the long time between recording projects. The album itself is a scorcher. All of the songs were written by Auerbach and Carney in the studio, with neither of them bringing in anything pre-worked. They’d mess around with a lick or a theme for about an hour and if something in it clicked, they’d continue. If nothing did, they’d ditch it and move on.
This approach may sound similar to many QotSA fans, as it mimics pretty closely what Josh does with his parade of artists out at Rancho de la Luna when coming up with material for The Desert Sessions.
The title of the album was inspired by the execution of convicted murderer Edmund Zagorski. As he was strapped to the electric chair and asked if he had any last words, Zagorski said, “Let’s Rock”.
So now you know how the album got its title, and also why it has an electric chair on the cover.
I have no fucking idea why it is a pink electric chair, but the cartoon lover in me wants to think that it is because of the clearly pink zaps of electricity that the chair delivers.
Pink zaps or no, the band had a hit record. It was an international stand out, and remains one of their best recordings.
And I, like some of you, was going to see this goddam tour before COVID. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
I miss live music, and I for-fucking-sure am going to catch them the next time they tour. I encourage you to do so too.
Links to QOTSA
The Black Keys have shared a stage with QotSA a number of times at concerts and festivals. These guys are true contemporaries in the music world.
However, things have not always been super-duper between them. Patrick Carney has lit into Josh Homme and Lady Gaga in the same sentence. Commenting on Gaga’s song ‘Perfect Illusion’ (that our boy Josh plays guitar on) Carney has been quoted as saying: “I’m lost because the guitar at the top of it sounds so shitty...It’s like ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, but not even nearly as good as that. It sounds like Hulk Hogan is playing the fucking guitar.” Gaga was not shy about replying, saying about Carney that, “...he’s not as snarky as I would be, watching him in a guitar death-match w Kevin Parker and Josh Fucking Homme”.
Here’s the video for Gaga’s Perfect Illusion - judge for yourself. All I have to say is that I may have been high when writing this, but I’ve never been quite as high as her shorts are in this video. Somehow this song that involves intense crotch chafing in the desert has over 150 million views.
It is also notable that Mark Ronson and Josh Homme worked on this song together, and that Ronson went on to produce the latest QotSA album Villains.
Their Music
Next Girl - Godzilla looks way fucking bigger in the movies. But man can he sing.
Tighten Up - The most unbelievable thing about this video is that two grown men would be at a children’s playground without Karen calling the cops.
Howlin’ For You - Alexa Wolf: A Sexy Assassin With A Troubled Past. Also, I am pretty fucking sure she is a Cylon. Someone better tell Las Teclas de Negro.
Lonely Boy - Say what you will, but buddy here has some moves.
Gold On The Ceiling - You know the van at 0:08 is an Easter Egg. Blink and you miss it.
Dead and Gone - Just in case you missed it.
Fever - Auerbach looks more strung out here than a busted guitar. The cuts from actual TV Evangelist audience members make this video a bit creepier than it needs to be.
Turn Blue - Watch out for Hypnotoad. Oh SHI~ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
Just Got to Be - The boys appear to have snuck into a rural elementary school gym to record this video. The song still kicks all kinds of ass.
Lo/Hi - I gotta say, the pink lightning bolt is a nice touch.
Strange Times - Lazer Tag: the game that is never quite as fun as you think it will be.
Your Touch - This video starts with the boys getting shot. Fuck, the mean streets of Akron are WAY tougher than I ever gave them credit for.
Show Them Some Love
/TheBlackKeys - just short of 7,500 members. Maybe if they had made that Mayo ad, more people would be in this subreddit. See, I told you to pay attention! That was totally worth it.
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<sup>Fire and knives are for food, if there’s food.
- Sjocelym saying.</sup>

The elevator slid to a halt at the bottom of its shaft, and the doors hissed open to reveal the inky blackness of the tunnel beyond. Jackie stalked out with the conjured mote of light trailing a few paces behind her in midair to limn the walls with a white glow. The antechamber to the tunnel itself had been dusted with a fresh coat of debris from the walls and ceiling, and as she walked close enough for the mote’s light to illuminate the arched peak of the passageway she could see a few worrying cracks in the stone.
“From the lens?” she wondered aloud, letting her fingers trail over the stone - then pulling them back as a whisper of power rippled out from where she had touched. The stone overhead flowed into liquid smoothness, a vaulted pond that stilled into a smooth, unmarred curve overhead.
She glared at her hand. “We have got to set some boundaries,” she hissed. A sense of profound absurdity washed over her as she thought of what she must look like - face burnt, hair crisped and wild, standing in the dark scolding her own upraised hand. She let it drop to her side and stalked forward, and even the silent companionship of the light felt like smug silence.
A waver crept into her step, and she stumbled on a chunk of rock that had fallen to the floor. The darkness beyond the light’s reach was total, but in its featureless black her eyes kept finding the worn edges of Arjun’s face, smiling gleefully at some minor detail they had learned or with his brow furrowed in quiet contemplation. It felt like a hole punched through her, and she was going to bathe in Vumo’s blood-
She tripped again, grasping dizzily for the rock wall of the tunnel to steady herself. The burst of sudden rage had sent her reeling, crisp-clear edges of the world snapping into focus around her with a burning, straight line leading straight to Vumo - and his inevitable death. The simplicity was appealing, seductive. She sagged to the ground, feeling the cold stone of the wall against her back - then with her left hand reached to her belt.
Vumo’s gifts had been nothing if not complete, and the light armor she had been given held a small, sturdy knife clipped at her hip. She drew it and held it against her right wrist, breathing hard - and, abruptly, felt her head clear. The world faded back into its usual blend of color and form, her thoughts stilling into something approaching normalcy.
“Listen,” she said, tightening her grip on the knife. “The only way this is going to work is if you keep yourself under control. You’re angry, I’m angry, we’re all angry, but I have to walk in a straight fucking line for a while before we can do anything about it - so pipe down, or they’ll all be telling stories about the lady who beat Vumo to death with her stump.”
She listened to her heart pound for a few beats, then felt a sullen acknowledgement. Her mind sharpened further, a slight fog lifting that she had barely noticed. She shivered. Could she tell, if it decided not to hold to its word?
Jackie pushed to her feet and shook her head sharply, resuming her trek down the passage. She could worry about that later. Dealing with Tija’s remnant had to come after dealing with Vumo if she wanted any chance at stopping the deranged scriptsmith. Her mind was less inclined to wander now, at least, and she made good time down the corridor - only to stop short as she saw a looming wall of rough stone blocking the passage.
The ceiling had caved in, and though her light only reached a short way into the tangle of debris it looked as though the blockage stretched quite far. She cursed and put her hand on the nearest chunk of stone.
Nothing happened.
She pulled her hand back, scowling. “So you’re what, sulking now?” she muttered. She felt a complex series of impressions that she couldn’t interpret. Sighing, Jackie pulled off her pack and took out her notebook and pen. She gripped her pen in her right hand, which still felt awkward - but then it began to scrawl roughly on the page.
too much
“You don’t have to make it pretty,” Jackie retorted.
more crystals
She shook her head, sticking her free hand in her now-empty crystal pouch. “Sorry, all out,” she said, turning the pouch out to demonstrate. “Unless you want to use the one in the tablet.”
save for vumo and sister
“Yeah,” she said, puffing out her cheeks and looking around. “Probably smart. I don’t suppose you have any other bright ideas? Not much we can do while we’re stuck-”
“-here,” she finished, her eyes widening. “Christ, warn me before you do that.” She was standing on one of Ce Raedhil’s broad streets, though it was currently choked with carts and milling crowds. Screams and anguished cries filtered through the noise of the crowd, and there was a pervasive feel of dread hanging in the air. The building closest to her was being methodically boarded up while a pair of unfriendly looking men stood nearby with their hands on their blades, glowering at anyone who strayed too close.
She smelled a fire - several, actually, judging from the general amount of smoke over the normally smoke-free inner city. Now it hung in thick clouds against the purpling sky, rising from at least four locations she could see. At the street corner the crowd charged a cart laden with supplies, sending it skittering sideways before it eventually tipped over. Grain spilled onto the cobbles in heaps while its owner stared, too terrified to speak. Jackie looked away from the mob as they swarmed the food, her eyes falling instead on the towering spire in front of her - the Archives.
“This should be fun,” Jackie grumbled. She pushed forward, doing her best to steer clear of the carts and wagons rumbling their way through the crowd - although she found herself relatively isolated as people shied away from the tall, armored foreigner in their midst.
A shout drew her eye to the side, the owner of the overturned cart had been cornered by the mob. They pressed in around him, forcing him back up against a stone facade until he could retreat no further. One man stepped forward to swing at him with a heavy length of wood, catching him across the jaw. The man staggered to the side with blood dripping from his lips.
Jackie tensed. Her eyes darted from the injured man to the mob around him, taking in the chaos in the streets - and then she turned and walked on towards the Archives, leaving the mob behind her. Before she had made it ten paces the shouts and muffled screams intensified, but she resisted the urge to pause and look back. “Not my problem,” she muttered, only halfway speaking to her taciturn companion.
“Zhaqi Ra!”, a man’s voice shouted, ringing with unnatural volume through the square. Jackie froze and looked behind her. The mob had dispersed, replaced by a tight semicircle of blue-on-silver Raedhilym guards with the weeping, bloodied merchant at the center. Standing in front of them with his finger pointing directly at her was Sigu, the guard captain.
“...shit, guess it is,” Jackie muttered, turning to face him completely. Even at this distance she could see the strain in his face, the dirt and sweat showing beneath his armor. He beckoned a handful of his men forward, and they stood to either side of him in a cautious pose.
“Kinda busy!” she yelled back. “Can we talk later?”
Sigu glowered at her by way of an answer, reaching down to tap the side of his armor - and suddenly blurring towards her with startling speed, crossing the distance between them in less than a second. Jackie yelped despite herself, her right hand coming up instinctively. She felt the malevolent intent build and hurriedly quashed it, forcing her hand back to her side as Sigu stutter-stepped to a halt a short distance in front of her.
“We talk now,” he said gruffly. “You’re in the city without my knowledge, at the same time this chaos strikes. You’re involved somehow.” He clenched his teeth, jaw grinding as he glared up at her, taking in her blistered features. “You will explain the Lighthouse, the Sanctum, the-” He broke off, his words failing him, and past the clenched teeth and furrowed brow Jackie saw the terror in his eyes.
“Explain!” he demanded, hammering the butt of his pike on the ground.
She held up a hand - her left hand - placatingly as she tried to find the right words to respond. “Vumo did this,” she said. “He fired the device on top of the Lighthouse, it was his plan to kill Maja. I’m trying to go after him now, but I have to move fast or he’ll escape.”
“Kill…” Sigu croaked. “No. Vumo Ra would not.” His eyes narrowed. “You’re still lying to me.”
Jackie looked at him, exasperated, waving her charred sleeve in his face. “I didn’t get like this from standing too close to the fireplace, you idiot. If I was going to lie, why would I choose that story?” Sigu’s gauntlet tightened on his pike, and Jackie felt her right hand tense. She forced it to relax with an effort, racking her brain for a way out that didn’t involve painting the square with the man across from her. A memory of Ce Raedhil in the morning fog surfaced, of an incredulous Sigu stopping them at the gate-
“Ask your brother,” she said abruptly, startling the captain from his intent focus. “Sjogydhu was there, on top of the Lighthouse. He saw the whole thing. He’s probably somewhere between here and there right now.”
Sigu barked a short, unamused laugh. “You expect me to believe that Sjogydhu Qa would tell me Vumo Ra did this thing? That the sun does not shine from Vumo Ra’s glorious footsteps, and the stars twinkle out of his ass?” He shook his head. “You’re still lying to me.”
Jackie took a step closer, straining to keep her fist at her side. “When we parted, your brother told me where to look for Vumo Vae,” she said, stressing the title. Sigu’s eyes widened, and his face went slack. Jackie took another step forward. “He told me so that I could kill him.”
“He would - would not,” Sigu said, looking profoundly ill-at-ease. “He would… Vae.”
“I know,” Jackie said gently. “A name for traitors. Blasphemers.” She gestured towards the horizon , the dim glow still visible where fires danced on Maja’s mountain. “What else do you call the man who killed God?”
Sigu opened his mouth to object, but Jackie spoke first. “Find your brother,” she advised him. “Ask him what happened, hear it from him. He can help you try and prepare the city.”
“Prepare?” Sigu asked, more desolate than angry now.
“For the attack. I don’t have time to explain everything to you,” she said, skipping back a few steps over his shouted objection. “Find Sjogydhu, ask him! Tell him it’s his penance.” She lifted her hand, palm towards the Archive, hoping desperately that the remnant would read her intent-
-and stumbled as she found herself standing on the uneven stones of an alleyway, far removed from the quiet of the street she had left. After a moment wrestling with the contents of her stomach, she poked her head around the nearest corner to peer down a nearly-deserted side street. Clear of the wall she could see the Archives, closer than they had been but still far distant.
“Don’t suppose you’ve got a few more of those tucked away?” she muttered, wiping groggily at her mouth.
no
She spat on the pavement, then broke into a jog down the street. “You weren’t worth it,” she muttered.
same
She laughed, despite herself, then winced as the motion pulled at the raw, burnt skin on her face. “Little shit,” she coughed. “As soon as this is over I’m going to replace you with a hook.”
Tasja slumped against the nearest flat piece of fallen debris, his arms numb and nearly immobile from fatigue. He had come a long way from the spindly scribe that had left Sjan Saal, but he had a long way to go before he could match the endurance of Jyte’s trained soldiers - or the few Cereinem women that had been caught out of the valley. They worked tirelessly, faces grim and soot-stained as they methodically cleared rubble to reach supply caches, passageways and the bodies of the fallen.
There had not been many people in the Sanctum when the attack came, and those who had been in the control room had been immolated completely - but they had not restricted movement throughout the adjacent corridors. Finding refugees crushed by rubble or suffocated in airless pockets became part of their routine as they worked towards their ultimate goal of clearing the way towards the lower stair, and from there to the valley beyond.
Dimly, he remembered Mark chiding him for lying still after too much exertion and hauled himself to his feet, stumbling forward in an attempt to keep his muscles from locking up. He wandered aimlessly for a minute before deciding to seek out one of Jyte’s surviving quartermasters. In the growing darkness, if he could not lift he could at least bear a strand of qim to help the others work.
Try as he might, however, he could not locate the man who had been assigned to his area. Tasja frowned. The quartermaster should be easy to locate, with the qim among his supplies. He worked his way outward bit by bit, eventually finding himself poking his head down long, black corridors in the hopes of finding the telltale glow.
Finally, he peered around a debris-obstructed corner and spotted the ember-glow of coinlight. He grinned triumphantly, only to pause as he drew closer and saw the qim lying haphazardly across the floor, half-buried in a pile of fine ash. He approached cautiously, peering into the darkness beyond the puddle of light.
“Hello?” he asked. The dust-covered walls stifled the echo, and he heard no response. His fingers brushed the ash away, and he frowned to see that the qim weren’t tied into strings - they were simply scattered among the ash. He bent down to collect them, piling them in his robes. As he sifted through the fine ash he found other things as well - buckles and rivets, fasteners.
“A bag of coins, burned by the blast?” he wondered aloud. “They’re charged, though…”
The darkness had nothing to say in response to his musings. He trailed his fingers through the ash, looking for more coins, but the cool metal that he pulled out next did not glow. He frowned and looked at it - and froze. It was the rough iron badge of a quartermaster. Tasja was suddenly, painfully aware of how loud his breathing was, how holding the glowing coins made him stand out like a beacon in the dark passage.
He straightened up slowly, carefully, making no sudden movements - and then bolted, running as fast as he could back towards the others without spilling the coins wrapped in his shirt.
The slap of his sandals against the stone seemed horribly loud against the silence that had held the corridor just seconds ago, and in his mind Tasja envisioned some raw, skeletal thing slithering forward from the darkness, mere steps behind him-
He emerged from the corridor into the arched vault that the attack had cored out of the mountainside, filled with the dim shapes of Aesvain hunched under burdens or straining at ropes. Tasja kept running until he felt securely among them, then spun to see - nothing. He stood there, transfixed, chest heaving with exertion. The corridor yawned wide and dark, but no more so than any other.
“Here, now,” a voice said from behind him, sending Tasja’s heart thudding against his ribs as he stumbled away. When he turned to look at the speaker he saw Jyte frowning at him, bemusement plain on his face. “What’ve you got, are those qim? Been looking for more.”
“Quartermaster,” Tasja gasped, trying to control his breathing. “Dead, in the corridor. Burnt to ash.”
Jyte’s face went grim. “Another,” he grumbled. “He must have been-”
“No,” Tasja said, stumbling forward to grab at Jyte’s armor. “Not dead in the attack. Some sort of scriptwork, but nothing I’ve ever seen.”
“Show me,” Jyte rumbled, waving his hand. Men appeared around him as if he had bellowed the command, alert and wary. Tasja began to lead them towards the corridor, trying to walk as if the unlit abyss of the passage did not scare him nearly to the point of catatonia.
His facade shattered when a growling rumble shuddered through the stone, causing dust to spring up from the walls and sending the more precarious remnants of the Sanctum crashing down. Men yelled and scrambled to get away from the tumbling chunks of rock as a ledge shattered loose and slammed through two floors below it.
Tasja recovered himself enough to keep his head up, alert for any debris that might bounce in their direction. The rumbling grew louder still. Jyte looked around, eyes narrowed, before he paused - and looked up. Realization dawned on his face, and he thrust his pike into the air with a shout.
“The gateway!” he cried, whipping the halberd in a tight circle and leveling it at the half-exposed transit hall partway up the slope. “The Sjocelym attack! Defend the gateway!”
Tasja’s group, already armed, charged up the loose ramp that had been left mercifully intact by the gate’s disturbances just as the shaking reached its peak. The gateway let out a blinding flash, then shuddered still. It was dark at the end of the hallway, but within its arch the blackness shimmered faintly.
“Ready!” a Sjocelym-accented voice called out from the portal - a scriptsmith, since Tasja could make out the faint outline of robes. Behind the arch faint silhouettes were swarming towards the opening.
Jyte charged forward, halberd raised to attack, only to pull up short as a towering figure strode through the portal and looked around.
“Good job, you get to live,” Mark said, clapping the scriptsmith on the shoulder and stepping through the portal with his other hand bound in a crude sling. He straightened up, then looked over at the dumbstruck gold-cloaks. “Jyte, that you?”
The Aesvain captain flung his pike to the ground and hugged Mark around the middle with such force that Tasja could see his face pale even in the dim light.
“Injured!” Mark gasped, tapping Jyte frantically on the shoulder. “Ribs! Fuck, ow.” He sucked in a breath as Jyte loosened his grip, then blinked as he noticed the room’s missing wall.
“So, uh,” he said, staring into the missing heart of the Sanctum. The stars had come out beyond the gaping void, and in the distance the flicker of lightning was visible - the stormfront, pressing towards Ce Raedhil from the north.
Mark sucked in a breath. “Yeah. That explains a lot.” Behind him a few stragglers were limping forward - two Cereinem, leaning on each other, the scriptsmith who had opened the door and a lone Sjocelym pikeman. After the last walked through, the scriptsmith toggled the gateway closed and half-collapsed against the arch, looking dazed.
“Cajet,” Jyte said, pulling back with a broad smile. “We did not expect to see you back here so soon. Where are the others?”
“Dead,” Mark said, grim-faced. “When Maja died we were overrun. They cornered us, whittled us down. There was an - explosion-”
A flicker of pain crossed his face, and his stance wavered. Jyte guided him to a nearby chunk of rock so he could sit, which he did with shaky gratitude. “When I woke up they had gone,” Mark continued. He nodded his head towards the Cereinem. “Went searching, found those two still breathing. Never bet against an asolan.” He held up his wrist to show a braided cord holding a coin tight against his skin.
“It’s Tesvaji’s,” he said hoarsely. “He was beside me when I woke up, dead, and this was on my wrist. There was blood where he had dragged himself over-” He stopped, then shook his head. “I think he knew he was too far gone for it to help.”
Tasja’s smile had long ago faded. “And Jesse?” he asked, his voice barely audible. “Jackie? Arjun?” He took a step forward. “Gusje?”
Mark shook his head. “Jackie and Arjun should be fine,” he said. “They went to Ce Raedhil ahead of the attack. Jesse and Gusje…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t find their bodies. I want to go back and look when it’s light, if we can reactivate the gateway...”
“We may not have time,” Jyte said, slipping back into the grim face he had worn all day. He walked over and pulled the keystone from beneath the gateway, laying it carefully on its side. “It was the Sjocelym that attacked us. They could come to finish the job at any moment. We’ve been working to clear the stair so that we can make our stand in the valley, if it comes to that.”
His words jolted Tasja back to the present, and he rushed forward to catch the captain’s attention. “The quartermaster,” he said urgently. “We still need-”
“Yes,” Jyte said, motioning to his men. “Now that we all have our arms, we may as well use them.” He gave Mark a rough pat on the shoulder, then grabbed his own halberd. “I’ll have water and food sent up. Recover your strength. My men and I have a few things yet to do before we take our rest.”
It was clear that Cosvamo would have preferred to continue grilling Jesse and Gusje for information right up until they arrived, but at the sight of the city he had relented and let them watch through the windows as they drew near.
It was not a promising sight. The city was ablaze in several quarters, with the wooden-framed outer districts smoldering in a broad ring while the inner walls were dotted with fewer yet more intense blazes. The mane of waving cloth that gave Stonesails its name was alight, and the pillar was wreathed in dancing flame on two sides. The Lighthouse, normally an ever-present glow in the Raedhilym nightscape, had fallen dark.
“Typical,” Cosvamo muttered, although his face was pale. “We’ll make for the scriptsmiths’ tower, that’s likely where we’ll find our target.” He barked out some terse commands to the pilot and the airship began to veer towards the darkened plaza surrounding the Archives, which seemed mostly untouched.
Jesse looked down and saw Gusje staring wide-eyed at the mayhem below. Even from this height they could see the tiny dots of people as they swarmed in insectile fury up and down the streets, mobbing carts and storefronts or surging against barricades that walled off access to the more affluent neighborhoods. At least one of the gates to the inner city had been breached, and that was a surging river of people pouring inward, spreading among the slender towers and spreading chaos as they went.
“What are they doing?” Gusje breathed. “They’re burning everything, fighting - killing each other.” She blinked rapidly, horrified but unwilling to pull away from the window. “There were so many people there, and now...”
“They’re panicking,” Jesse said. “They must have felt Maja’s death just as we did, so now they’re afraid. Afraid that they won’t be able to eat, that they won’t be safe in their homes.”
“How does this help?” she asked. “What safety do they get by burning the town? They’re all part of the same village, big as it is. They could be working together, counting food, weighing seed grain-”
Jesse shook his head, lowering himself down beside her. “You can’t judge people by your village,” he said. “When order breaks down, the people fill in what they know from daily life. These people took from each other, feared each other even before today. You saw how it was, coming in. That wall was never there to keep anyone out but other Sjocelym.”
“It’s not right,” Gusje said, staring down at the conflagration below.
“It’s not our concern,” Cosvamo said breezily, striding past them to grab a vest from a nearby rack on the wall. He and a few others were suiting up, strapping on belts and vests - Jesse felt more than a slight familiarity, watching the Setelym soldiers don their full battle kit.
“You two stay here,” Cosvamo said, grabbing what was unmistakably a rifle from a locker. “We’ll be in and out, and back in the air before you know it.”
“Arjun and Jackie-” Jesse began.
Cosvamo cut him off with a dismissive wave. “Yes, yes, we’ll find them - odds are they’re in the same place we’ve got to go anyway. We’re well equipped for this, just sit back and let us work - please?” He quirked an eyebrow at them, then slid a translucent visor over his eyes. His men did the same, and seconds after they felt the soft vibration of the airship’s landing a hatch hissed open in the side of the main compartment, dropping a ramp to the grassy plaza below.
Jesse immediately smelled smoke, heard the distant screams and yells of the riot as it raged in streets still far away from their location. Cosvamo and his men walked carefully down the ramp - then, seeing nobody, began to move across the field. They had not made it even a quarter of the way to the entrance before one of Sjogydhu’s armored guards went running up the stairs in the distance, shouting something loud and indistinct.
“They’ve been spotted,” Jesse said, feeling the strange urge to whisper. He pointed to the team as they veered towards cover, a small stone fountain near the midway point of their route. “Be interesting to see how they approach the entrance now.” He could make out more of the armored guards near the entrance now, and one was readying a long, thin device of some sort. He raised it to his shoulder, and a fireball shot out - but it struck nowhere near Cosvamo’s team.
Jesse frowned and leaned forward, and Cosvamo’s men peered around the fountain in bemusement as the guards shot another burst of flame towards a wide avenue on the edge of the plaza, then another. Both blasts dissipated as they hit to set the grass afire while an armored figure stalked through the flames. The flickering light glinted off the scales of a metal chestpiece, unmoved by the assault and slowly advancing.
Cosvamo’s men began to creep forward once again as the guards intensified their assault, taking advantage of their distraction. The figure was beginning to slow, the blasts of fire dissipating later and later until one left guttering flames on the intruder’s cloak. With quick motions that radiated fury even at Jesse’s distant vantage, they reached up with one arm and grabbed a small, square object from a backpack.
A screen on the device lit up. “Holy shit,” Jesse muttered, springing to his feet and grabbing his sword. The remaining Setelym on the ship stared, but before they could do more than gape he was halfway out the hatch. Gusje followed on his heels, staring fixedly at the bright, cold light that shone out from Jackie’s tablet.
The next fireball never came. The man holding the weapon was yanked forward so fast that Jesse heard bones snap, flying over Jackie’s head to bounce and slide along the turf. She raised her arm towards the entryway and crooked her fingers - two more guards flew off the staircase as if fired from a cannon to crunch wetly against the side of the building.
A final guard clutched a smoking, red-hot medallion protectively in one gauntlet, breathing heavily as he raised another inscribed rod to point at Jackie. She dropped her hand to the tablet, then flicked a bright star of light that left a dripping, white-hot hole in the man’s armor. He dropped to the ground, the rod rolling from nerveless fingers.
Jesse slowed to a dazed walk, wide-eyed, as Jackie tucked the tablet against her side and began to climb the stairs.
“That’s new,” Cosvamo said, sauntering up beside Jesse with his eyes fixed on the staircase. The tension in his jaw belied his casual tone. “Isn’t that one of the two we’re supposed to be picking up?”
Jesse nodded, his hand curling around the grip of his sword. “Yeah,” he said. “I really hope so.”
---
Jackie - Page 1
Next
This was a fun chapter. Come on, y’all, let’s get the gang back together! Cosvamo can drive but he doesn’t get to sit at the cool kids’ table. He’s like the story’s soccer mom with his flying magical minivan.

• Supplements, Characters and Glossary for your reference.
  
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• Patreon for the next chapter.
  

Open Letter to Steve Huffman and the Board of Directors of Reddit, Inc – If you believe in standing up to hate and supporting black lives, you need to act
Dear Steve,
On June 1, you shared a letter on Reddit’s blog “Remember the Human – Black Lives Matter”. In this letter, you claim “as Snoos, we do not tolerate hate, racism, and violence, and while we have work to do to fight these on our platform, our values are clear.”
As of today, neither you nor any other Reddit admins have shared this letter anywhere on reddit.com. However, the response to this message was swift on Twitter, where you were rightfully labeled as hypocritical based on your long and well-recorded history of defending racism and white supremacy on this site.
Among the many responses was this message from former CEO of Reddit, Ellen Pao.

I am obligated to call you out: You should have shut down the_donald instead of amplifying it and its hate, racism, and violence. So much of what is happening now lies at your feet. You don't get to say BLM when reddit nurtures and monetizes white supremacy and hate all day long

Many others shared links and screenshots of your past statements saying “Open racism and slurs are fine to post on Reddit”.
The problem of Reddit’s leadership supporting and providing a platform for racist users and hateful communities has long been an issue. Nearly six years ago, dozens of subreddits signed the original open letter to the Reddit admins calling for action. While the Reddit admins acknowledged the letter and said it was a high priority to address this issue, extremely little has been done in the intervening years.
On June 5, you shared this update on /Announcements, Upcoming changes to our content policy, our board, and where we’re going from here. In the post, you stated that there is a need for continued adjustments of Reddit’s content policy to address racism and that this remains a priority. These continued statements that you hear us, that this is a priority, or that you are working on it are not enough. It has been five years since your return as CEO and this still remains Reddit’s most glaring problem.
Steve, if you and Reddit genuinely care about the values of standing up to racism and hate, then you need to back it up with real action. As moderators on this website who have dedicated countless hours to keeping this site running, we call on Reddit to take the following steps:

• Enact a sitewide policy against racism, slurs, and hatespeech targeted at protected groups. For too many years, Steve Huffman and the other Admins have stood by and allowed this site to fester with hate in the name of “free speech.” It is time to enact a specific and detailed policy that protects the disadvantaged members of our communities from hate based on their sexuality, gender identity, ethnicity, country of origin, religion, or disability.
  
• Be proactive in banning hate-based communities In the past Reddit has only taken action on hate subreddits when they were featured in the news and risked Reddit’s reputation or when they were documented and featured on /AgainstHateSubreddits and other forums. AHS should not have to be responsible for raising awareness of hate subreddits and reporting them to the admins. This site should take responsibility for keeping its users safe by banning any remaining subreddits devoted to hate and racism and preventing the creation of hateful subreddits in the future.
  
• Be proactive in banning hate users Reddit needs to not only ban hate subreddits, but must be proactive in banning the moderators of these subreddits and their most active users. Too often these users have been allowed to stay on this website after numerous sitewide violations, letting them move on to participate in new hate communities and spread their vitriol further across this site.
  
• Reddit needs to hire more minorities / women, especially in leadership roles Reddit needs to hire more women and people of color — particularly in leadership roles in the company — to help shift the corporate culture and policies to be more equitable for all. In addition, Reddit needs to take adequate steps to protect these employees from harassment.
  
• Reddit needs to hire more community managers According to Reddit's job listings there are dozens of open positions that the company is hiring for, and yet not a single one for Community. Reddit has enacted numerous policies over the years that have been detrimental to the ability of Reddit’s moderators or the broader Reddit community. Reddit needs more community managers to build positive relations and engagement with the site’s volunteer moderators.
  
• Honor Alexis Ohanian's wishes to have his Reddit Board seat filled with a black candidate - On June 5, Reddit Co-Founder and Executive Chairman announced that he would be stepping down from his role on Reddit's Board of Directors. Alexis requested that his position be filled with a black candidate and we ask Reddit to honor that request. While you have stated your intent to honor that request, we are asking for an announcement to be made on this decision in the next 3 months. We believe this is not an issue that should be put off for action years down the road.
  

At /AgainstHateSubreddits, we have laid out the many failures of Steve time and again to stand up to white supremacy on this site time and time and time again.
With a website with the impact of Reddit on the broader conversations being held in communities around the world, this website needs real leadership and real action.
We hope that Reddit will not just share empty platitudes — but will take a meaningful stand against hate, and take these recommendations to heart.
This letter is co-signed by more than 200 300 350 430 550 650 800 communities representing well over 200 hundreds of millions of subscribers:
If your subreddit is not listed and would like to sign on, please leave a comment below
/AgainstHateSubreddits
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In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.